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Author Topic: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner  (Read 3160 times)

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Offline mlykee

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« on: September 09, 2009, 12:25:29 AM »
I met an incredible guy about 5 months ago. He was very honest and told me on our first date he was HIV+ (I am HIV-). Since then we have been dating and have fallen in love. He is very forthcoming about his numbers when he has gone to the doctor and I appreciate that very much, yet despite how much research I have tried to do, I still feel like there is so much I don't know. I realize many couples go to the doctor together and I think I would like to go with him, just so I can feel like I understand more about HIV and what all the numbers mean. How do I go about asking him if that is okay without making him feel like I am invading his privacy? Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated.

Offline physicsguy

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  • Posts: 59
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2009, 01:50:25 AM »
"Do you mind if I come along?"

I would not be offended or upset if someone I cared about asked to come with me.

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,423
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2009, 09:37:11 AM »
I dunno what you can expect to learn in such a short time.  Most ID docs see several patients in an hour, for the routine visits. They have a protocol to run through and your friend and his doc have to communicate as succinctly as possible in this short time.  I guess it would be moral support or to show solidarity, or to see the routine of it all.  The doc has already explained the general meaning of the "numbers" to your friend. I doubt it would be appropriate for you to be asking questions to the doctor about what you don't understand.  If I'm wrong, well bravo, a doc with some time on his/her hands is rare.

You can ask and see what your friend says.  You can also make a list of what you don't understand and see if you can get answers from him, or here, or on the net, or talking to people.

If you went I think you should count on being present, and observing, but only participatory if your friend or the ID calls upon you to be.

If there is something we don't know, for instance if your friend has complications and will rely on you for health care of some sort, then my scenario would not apply.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2009, 09:39:51 AM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline markaj

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  • Posts: 80
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2009, 10:53:08 AM »
Just ask!   :)

My ex (HIV-) partner used to come with me to my appointments.  Although my ID doctor has a tiny room and I barely get 10 minutes with him as it is so my ex used to wait outside.  It was nice to just have the support. 
Infected Jan 08 / diagnosed Feb 08
Feb 08 - CD4 230 (9%) VL 3.5 million
Mar 08 - CD4 440 (6%) VL 660.000
Apr 08 - CD4 420 (11%) VL 3 million
Jun 08 - CD4 200 (7%) VL 3 million
Started Kaletra/Truvada Jul 08
Jul 08  - CD4 250 (14%) VL 23.893
Aug 08 - CD4 410 (15%)  VL 4.313
Switched to Sustiva/Truvada Aug 08
Switched to Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada Sep 08
Diagnosed with Hep C, HIV meds stopped for a bit
Nov 08 - CD4 414 (12%) VL 500.000+
Started Isentress/Truvada Nov 2008
Dec 08 - CD4 381 (17%) VL 1.116
Jan 09 - CD4 534 (20%) VL <50
Started Interferon/Ribavirin Jan 09
Feb 09 - CD4 407 (24%) VL <50
Mar 09 - CD4 360 (28%) VL <50
Apr 09 - CD4 279 (30%) VL <50
Jun 09 - CD4 298 (36%) VL <50
Aug 09 - CD4 303 (35%) VL <50

Offline confidentIwillbeOK

  • Member
  • Posts: 131
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2009, 05:57:25 PM »
mlykee, perhaps you can also get additional information from a local HIV/AIDS support group?  They may be able to give you just as much information that would be more meaningful to you as your boyfriend's doctor would.  When was the last time you had an HIV test? Some testing centers (Like Fenway Health in Boston) have counselors you talk to in advance and when you get the results so just bouncing questions off of them could be useful.  If I were the BF I would not be offended at all if you asked but I would be ecstatic that you wanted to become educated and learn about HIV.  There are also HIV/AIDS hotlines you could call if you wanted to be anonymous.  As he has been so forthcoming I don't think you have to be worry about him being offended by asking....

Good luck!  :)

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2009, 12:50:24 PM »
mlykee, perhaps you can also get additional information from a local HIV/AIDS support group? 

Great idea.. except in some cases support groups are very sensitive about bringing in HIV- folks (neggies?) even when they're partners/lovers/husbands-and-wives. Come to think of it it would be good to organize one of our future meetings as a "Bring your partner gathering" (well, though, it'd be sad if none of us can bring any).

You really do need to think it through what do you actually want - to get more educated about the virus/disease or to give him moral supports; and in my experiences even when a new date/partner is more forthcoming, there may come a point that he feels that you're being too "pushy". If he's OK with it I think going to a doctor appointment can give you more of a perspective of the anxiety that it may cause - the waiting, the getting to know his numbers, etc - than the "science" of this virus and treatments.

He sounds like a catch and you're too.. best of luck to you guys.

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline confidentIwillbeOK

  • Member
  • Posts: 131
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2009, 01:17:33 PM »
Great idea.. except in some cases support groups are very sensitive about bringing in HIV- folks (neggies?) even when they're partners/lovers/husbands-and-wives.

...I was thinking more of talking to someone at an HIV/AIDS service organization rather than attending a meeting....totally agree with your point.  I have actually gone to one meeting already and it was a little weird even having other people there that are poz. 

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,984
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2009, 02:13:03 PM »
Most real life support groups don't support bringing HIV-negative partners to the group.  I've seen this subject come up from time to time in groups, and it disturbs most other members as to the dynamics of the meeting so it never occurs.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline paquitocancun

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Going to doctor with HIV+ partner
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2009, 12:46:38 PM »
Going back to the original question, be upfront. Tell him you would like to go with him, and that you completely understand if he does not want you there.

My partner just got diagnosed, and I went with him to a couple of consultations, while he went alone to another couple. Actually, I have gone on a consultation on his behalf since he was at work and had some questions about treatment and asked me to go in his place... so I went.

Hasta la vista,

Paco

 


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