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Author Topic: Very anxious  (Read 18078 times)

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Offline nh2006

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Very anxious
« on: August 14, 2006, 04:35:07 PM »
Before I start, I'll say that I have read the intro information and previous posts regarding my subject but would feel better if people could answer my personal question.  The other night I met another guy and we did mutual masterbation.  In the middle of it he asked if he could try giving me oral.  I said ok and he put his mouth on it a few times for a few seconds.  Not all the way down my penis but just the top.  He didn't like it so he stopped after those few seconds.  We had discussed things before we did it and he had never done anything like this before just like myself.  Also, he said he had been tested a few months back and was clean.  He only had one female partner in the meantime which was his girlfriend.  I haven't been able to stop freaking out about the fact that I got infected from that oral.  Should I get tested?  I don't want to blow this out of proportion.  Just very nervous.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2006, 04:39:13 PM »
nh,

Neither mutual masturbation nor getting a blowjob are risks for hiv infection. You have not had a risk for hiv infection. None at all.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms and avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2006, 05:55:10 PM »
Thanks for responding.  So you don't think I need to be tested then?

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2006, 06:07:36 PM »
If you've never been tested and previously had unprotected anal sex or vaginal sex then yes test. If you are talking about the above you don't need to test. You didn't put yourself at risk.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2006, 07:15:01 PM »
Thanks for the response.  I'm just freaking out because my girlfreind and I are trying to get pregnant and this thing I did was really stupid.  It wasn't even enjoyable and I completely regret it.  I'm just afraid of catching it and infecting my girlfriend.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2006, 08:38:05 PM »
nh,

Why do I get the feeling you think that you will only "catch it" from another man?

You need to be using condoms - yes, even with your girlfriend - unless you have both tested TOGETHER and received negative results TOGETHER. Don't assume your partner is negative, no matter how healthy you think they are or what you think you know about their history. I made that mistake and now I'm hiv positive.

You need to be using condoms until you and your girlfriend have tested together. Any unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse carries with it the possibility of hiv transmission - it doesn't matter who you're with, it matters what you do.

If you've never tested and you've been having unprotected intercourse with your girlfriend - you BOTH need to test. No kidding.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2006, 06:50:19 AM »
We've actually been together for awhile and have both tested nd been fine.  I had only done things with her prioi to this incident so that's why I'm flipping out.  I'm still worried about it.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2006, 08:16:22 AM »
There is no need to worry, you didn't have a risk.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2006, 08:37:21 AM »
So it would be safe then to continue to try getting pregnant with my girlfreind?  Sorry for all the questions.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2006, 08:45:24 AM »
Well yeah, you didn't have a risk. The only reason not to try is that you don't want a child.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2006, 09:15:14 AM »
nh,

If this is the only sexual experience you've had since you tested together with your girlfriend, then go for it. You didn't have a risk of infection and your status will not have changed.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2006, 10:45:37 AM »
Thank you for your answers.  I was just having a hard time because I called the cdc and they said that it was possible but after reading around that doesn't seem to be the case.  I feel alot better now about trying to conceive with my girlfriend. 

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2006, 02:16:09 PM »
I thought I was feeling better about this but I'm starting to obsess again.  Are you absolutely sure I couldn't have been infected this way and give it to my partner?  Our window for getting pregnant is tomorrow and thats why Im on edge.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2006, 02:20:13 PM »
nh,

Neither getting sucked nor mutual masturbation are risks for hiv infection.

You have not had a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2006, 02:23:36 PM »
nh2006, maybe it's not time for you to have a child. If you can't understand sex and what is or is not an exposure, then you might want to wait a while. Seek out a mental health professional that is knowledgeable about HIV before going forward.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2006, 03:36:08 PM »
I actually have a child with her but I don't understand what my HIV fears have anything to do with that.  I guess I'm being ridiculous.  Sorry for bother you all.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2006, 04:27:52 PM »
I just called the cdc hotline and they said it was possible to get hiv from receiving oral sex and recommended testing.  Why would they say that?

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2006, 04:35:37 PM »
I really don't care if you called the CDC and talked to those people that read out of a book. If you want to test over a non risk situation go ahead. Collect your negative result and move on.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2006, 06:05:19 PM »
Can anyone else explain this?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2006, 07:05:13 PM »
nh,

Rodney is correct - the people who man the phones at the CDC hotline read from old scripts - they do not have a good working knowledge of hiv transmission. You also need to remember that the CDC is funded by the current US government (Bush) administration, which happens to be anti-science and pro-abstinence. They don't want you to have sex outside heterosexual marriage - and they'd probably legislate the missionary position if they could too.

Here on AIDSmeds.com you only get the scientific facts, not scare-mongering myth. Getting a blowjob and mutual masturbation are NOT risks for hiv infection. It's up to you who to believe - people who live with this disease and have a vested interest in knowing what is risky and what isn't and have read all the scientific literature, or someone who works for a pro-abstinence government. You decide.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2006, 04:29:22 PM »
Thanks for the responses.  I'm still very worried about this.  We are supposed to try getting pregnant tonight and I'm driving myself nuts over this.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2006, 04:40:33 PM »
Keep on worrying about it and you won't have a high enough sperm count to get her pregnant. Have you thought about that?

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2006, 05:01:25 PM »
Actually that's true.  I hadn't even thought of that.  I know you guys wouldn't send me the wrong way or put me and my girlfreind at risk if you thought there was really a chance.  I'm just trying to focus on that.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2006, 05:18:21 PM »
nh,

So why are you still hanging around here? Shouldn't you be in the shower or buying some wine and roses or something? At the rate you're going, you won't be able to get it up, much less produce sperm.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2006, 05:24:17 PM »
Like Ann said, go have fun and make a baby or two or three tonight.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2006, 07:10:03 PM »
Well I took your advice and we did the deed.  Let's hope it worked this time.  Sorry for being a pain in the ass guys and thanks for all the help.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #26 on: August 18, 2006, 06:48:59 AM »
I thought I was feelinh better and as I stated, I tried to conceive with my wife the other night.  Now I'm starting to feel that I was at risk again and that I have infected here and possibly my unborn child.  Like I said it was mutual masterbation and receiving oral for under 10 seconds.  It wasn't exactly a blow job really.  He just put his mouth on it for a few seconds.  I was doing good now I'm starting to doubt everything again.

I've looked at other sides and they've said basically the same thing.  I actually asked the doctor on medhelp and he said I did not need to test.  He seem like a reputable doctor?  Also, the guy from Johns Hopkins seems like he knows his stuff and says there's no risk from receiving oral.  I just hate when people use terms like very low risk because that still leaves room for risk.  Please help guys.  Please tell me I haven't infected my family.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #27 on: August 18, 2006, 06:55:58 AM »
nh,

Neither getting sucked nor mutual masturbation are risks for hiv infection.

You have not had a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #28 on: August 18, 2006, 09:21:51 AM »
Why do people say very low risk on some sites then?  Or near zero risk? I would never forgive myself if I infected anyone else.  This was such a stupid mistake on my part and I wish I could take it back.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2006, 10:09:40 AM »
nh,

I wish I knew. Some sites have an agenda - they don't want you to be having any sort of sexual contact with someone you are not married to. Other sites don't keep up on the latest research finding like we do here at AIDSmeds.com. Here you only get the real deal, not scare-mongering myth or religious moralism.

If you cannot accept that you didn't have a risk, go ahead and test and receive your negative results. Any sexually active adult should test as a matter of routine anyway.

Please re-read your entire thread - because the answers are not going to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #30 on: August 18, 2006, 10:13:27 AM »
And based on my risk factors, you would be 100% sure that I'd be begative if I tested?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #31 on: August 18, 2006, 10:22:59 AM »
nh,

Based on what you have told us here, yes, I am absolutely confident of your negative test results.

HOWEVER... if you've been having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with ANYONE, then you have had a risk you haven't mentioned, unless of course if you are in a mutually monogamous relationship with them and you have both tested NEGATIVE TOGETHER before you had intercourse without condoms.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #32 on: August 18, 2006, 10:26:05 AM »
Yes I have intercourse with my girlfreind but we have both been tested and are negative.  The only other thing I have ever done was what I described to you.  Thats it.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #33 on: August 18, 2006, 10:36:35 AM »
nh,

Then you can be sure of your negative results - should you decide to test over this no-risk incident.

Seriously, hiv isn't a punishment for having a spot of man on man sex. What you did is just normal curiosity and experimentation. Don't get your knickers in a twist about it. OK? You didn't do anything wrong and you're not going to be punished for it. (well, your girlfriend might have a slightly different view on that ;) - but only because you had sex with someone who isn't her... we women don't often take too kindly to that whether your partner is male, female or martian)

You didn't have a risk and I'm confident of a negative result. You should be too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #34 on: August 18, 2006, 10:54:46 AM »
Thanks Ann.  The guy at medhelp told me there was no reason for testing as well.  I'm going to focus on that.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #35 on: August 20, 2006, 10:35:34 AM »
I got this as a reply from the doctor at medhelp...

You describe a very low risk event. No STD can be transmitted by hand-genital contact, and the oral exposure was too brief to be considered a risk for HIV or any other STD. From a medical/risk perspective you do not need testing. But if your anxiety makes you need a negative HIV test for reassurance, feel free. But in the meantime, there is no reason to avoid sex with your wife, regardless of your attempts to conceive.

Do you think that's a reasonable response?  Why did he say very low risk instead of no risk.  I'm asking because I found out today that my girlfreind is pregnant.  She didn't take the pregnancy test the right way at the beginning of the month but this second one confirmed it.  I just don't to put her or my unborn child at risk.  I really want to put this behind me.  Please help.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #36 on: August 20, 2006, 10:53:31 AM »
nh,

I would imagine he said low instead of no because technically, nothing in this world is without some theoretical risk. Every time you step outside your front door you run all sorts of theoretical risks. Do you never leave your home? Even the home is not without theoretical risks. In theory, you could slip in the shower, bang your head and die.

People just DON'T get infected from the activities you engaged in. If they did, we'd tell you. We want people to remain hiv negative and if there were the chance of hiv transmission in the activities you've reported, we'd tell you.

You are apprehensive because you don't want to potentially infect a mother and her unborn child. That's understandable - I don't want you to infect them either and if there was a chance you could, I'd be all over you insisting you use condoms with her. You didn't have a risk. You would not have become infected. You cannot pass on what you do not have.

No risk, no worries! Test? Only if you need to prove it to yourself.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ScienceGuy25

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #37 on: August 20, 2006, 11:28:41 AM »
I got this as a reply from the doctor at medhelp...

You describe a very low risk event. No STD can be transmitted by hand-genital contact, and the oral exposure was too brief to be considered a risk for HIV or any other STD. From a medical/risk perspective you do not need testing. But if your anxiety makes you need a negative HIV test for reassurance, feel free. But in the meantime, there is no reason to avoid sex with your wife, regardless of your attempts to conceive.

Do you think that's a reasonable response?  Why did he say very low risk instead of no risk.  I'm asking because I found out today that my girlfreind is pregnant.  She didn't take the pregnancy test the right way at the beginning of the month but this second one confirmed it.  I just don't to put her or my unborn child at risk.  I really want to put this behind me.  Please help.

NH

You've got some great, compassionate information here, especially all of Ann's post. It's time for you to realize these fears are psychological and not based on any real risk of infection.  If you need to prove to yourself you're HIV negative go ahead and take a test (you didn't get infected from your brief encounter). Hopefully that will put your mind at ease so you can move on. 

IF testing will subside this unnecessary anxiety than you should test.  I can tell you though, you should definitly stop searching the net for information, stop calling hotlines. Ann has given you the most scientifically correct, up to date information - if you can't accept, than find a counselor who can help you deal with your fear - face to face (you'd be amazed at how much more therapeutic a face to face conversation with an expert can be)

Stay well and stay safe

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #38 on: August 20, 2006, 12:35:24 PM »
Thank you for your responses.  I'm really trying to just put this behind me without taking a test.  I have OCD though which makes things more difficult at times.  I know logically someone putting their mouth on you for a few seconds will not giv you HIv.  I just cant seem to shake the fear for obvious reasons.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #39 on: August 20, 2006, 12:56:10 PM »
I have no idea why you can't shake it, you are playing this forum over and over again and doing it also on medhelp. We can't help you with your OCD problems, you'll have to work with your doctor.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #40 on: August 20, 2006, 07:36:47 PM »
You're right.  I'm obsessing over these boards and over my problem.  The biggest driving force is my girlfreind and unborn child.  If it weren't for them I don't think I would be as upset.  Does that make sense?

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #41 on: August 20, 2006, 07:45:14 PM »
You won't get the help from coming to HIV forums. Seek the help that you need. You won't find it on the internet.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2006, 09:08:16 PM »
What if it isn't though?  I just feel like I had a risk? 

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #43 on: August 20, 2006, 09:12:06 PM »
Feeling and having a risk is two totally different things. In your case, you didn't have a risk. You can stop with the "what ifs" at anytime. You didn't have a risk. PERIOD....

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #44 on: August 20, 2006, 09:12:50 PM »
What if it isn't though?  I just feel like I had a risk? 

Feelings aren't facts doll. Just because you feel something, doesn't make it so.

MtD
(Who sometimes feels like he's chanelling Dorothy Parker, but knows he isn't)

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #45 on: August 20, 2006, 09:17:23 PM »
If you really thought you had a risk, then you wouldn't have had unprotected sex the other day now would you? So don't be coming back here saying "I feel I had a risk."

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #46 on: August 20, 2006, 09:20:47 PM »
I did that because all the information I got said it was fine.  Now I'm second guessing myself.  It seems like ever since this happens, everywhere I turn I see something about HIv on TV etc.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #47 on: August 20, 2006, 09:24:16 PM »
We can no longer be of any help to you. See a mental health professional to get over you unwarranted worries.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #48 on: August 21, 2006, 07:37:41 AM »
Thanks for all the replies guys.  I'm going to contact my OCD therapist today about this issue.  You've guys have given me good advice and I've gotten good advice from people like the doctor on medhelp and Dr. Gallant.  I'm just going to focus on that, go to my therapist and work on putting this behind me.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #49 on: August 21, 2006, 08:14:14 AM »
nh,

I urge you to discuss this with your therapist. You engaged in sexual experimentation and that is a normal part of being human. Hiv is NOT a punishment for man on man sexual activities, no matter what some segments of society want you to believe. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. It's normal and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. OK? It's normal. Really, it is.

And one more time, you didn't have a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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