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Author Topic: Very anxious  (Read 18192 times)

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Offline nh2006

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Very anxious
« on: August 14, 2006, 04:35:07 PM »
Before I start, I'll say that I have read the intro information and previous posts regarding my subject but would feel better if people could answer my personal question.  The other night I met another guy and we did mutual masterbation.  In the middle of it he asked if he could try giving me oral.  I said ok and he put his mouth on it a few times for a few seconds.  Not all the way down my penis but just the top.  He didn't like it so he stopped after those few seconds.  We had discussed things before we did it and he had never done anything like this before just like myself.  Also, he said he had been tested a few months back and was clean.  He only had one female partner in the meantime which was his girlfriend.  I haven't been able to stop freaking out about the fact that I got infected from that oral.  Should I get tested?  I don't want to blow this out of proportion.  Just very nervous.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2006, 04:39:13 PM »
nh,

Neither mutual masturbation nor getting a blowjob are risks for hiv infection. You have not had a risk for hiv infection. None at all.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms and avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2006, 05:55:10 PM »
Thanks for responding.  So you don't think I need to be tested then?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2006, 06:07:36 PM »
If you've never been tested and previously had unprotected anal sex or vaginal sex then yes test. If you are talking about the above you don't need to test. You didn't put yourself at risk.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2006, 07:15:01 PM »
Thanks for the response.  I'm just freaking out because my girlfreind and I are trying to get pregnant and this thing I did was really stupid.  It wasn't even enjoyable and I completely regret it.  I'm just afraid of catching it and infecting my girlfriend.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #5 on: August 14, 2006, 08:38:05 PM »
nh,

Why do I get the feeling you think that you will only "catch it" from another man?

You need to be using condoms - yes, even with your girlfriend - unless you have both tested TOGETHER and received negative results TOGETHER. Don't assume your partner is negative, no matter how healthy you think they are or what you think you know about their history. I made that mistake and now I'm hiv positive.

You need to be using condoms until you and your girlfriend have tested together. Any unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse carries with it the possibility of hiv transmission - it doesn't matter who you're with, it matters what you do.

If you've never tested and you've been having unprotected intercourse with your girlfriend - you BOTH need to test. No kidding.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2006, 06:50:19 AM »
We've actually been together for awhile and have both tested nd been fine.  I had only done things with her prioi to this incident so that's why I'm flipping out.  I'm still worried about it.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2006, 08:16:22 AM »
There is no need to worry, you didn't have a risk.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2006, 08:37:21 AM »
So it would be safe then to continue to try getting pregnant with my girlfreind?  Sorry for all the questions.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2006, 08:45:24 AM »
Well yeah, you didn't have a risk. The only reason not to try is that you don't want a child.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Very anxious
« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2006, 09:15:14 AM »
nh,

If this is the only sexual experience you've had since you tested together with your girlfriend, then go for it. You didn't have a risk of infection and your status will not have changed.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2006, 10:45:37 AM »
Thank you for your answers.  I was just having a hard time because I called the cdc and they said that it was possible but after reading around that doesn't seem to be the case.  I feel alot better now about trying to conceive with my girlfriend. 

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2006, 02:16:09 PM »
I thought I was feeling better about this but I'm starting to obsess again.  Are you absolutely sure I couldn't have been infected this way and give it to my partner?  Our window for getting pregnant is tomorrow and thats why Im on edge.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2006, 02:20:13 PM »
nh,

Neither getting sucked nor mutual masturbation are risks for hiv infection.

You have not had a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2006, 02:23:36 PM »
nh2006, maybe it's not time for you to have a child. If you can't understand sex and what is or is not an exposure, then you might want to wait a while. Seek out a mental health professional that is knowledgeable about HIV before going forward.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2006, 03:36:08 PM »
I actually have a child with her but I don't understand what my HIV fears have anything to do with that.  I guess I'm being ridiculous.  Sorry for bother you all.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2006, 04:27:52 PM »
I just called the cdc hotline and they said it was possible to get hiv from receiving oral sex and recommended testing.  Why would they say that?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2006, 04:35:37 PM »
I really don't care if you called the CDC and talked to those people that read out of a book. If you want to test over a non risk situation go ahead. Collect your negative result and move on.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2006, 06:05:19 PM »
Can anyone else explain this?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2006, 07:05:13 PM »
nh,

Rodney is correct - the people who man the phones at the CDC hotline read from old scripts - they do not have a good working knowledge of hiv transmission. You also need to remember that the CDC is funded by the current US government (Bush) administration, which happens to be anti-science and pro-abstinence. They don't want you to have sex outside heterosexual marriage - and they'd probably legislate the missionary position if they could too.

Here on AIDSmeds.com you only get the scientific facts, not scare-mongering myth. Getting a blowjob and mutual masturbation are NOT risks for hiv infection. It's up to you who to believe - people who live with this disease and have a vested interest in knowing what is risky and what isn't and have read all the scientific literature, or someone who works for a pro-abstinence government. You decide.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2006, 04:29:22 PM »
Thanks for the responses.  I'm still very worried about this.  We are supposed to try getting pregnant tonight and I'm driving myself nuts over this.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2006, 04:40:33 PM »
Keep on worrying about it and you won't have a high enough sperm count to get her pregnant. Have you thought about that?

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #22 on: August 16, 2006, 05:01:25 PM »
Actually that's true.  I hadn't even thought of that.  I know you guys wouldn't send me the wrong way or put me and my girlfreind at risk if you thought there was really a chance.  I'm just trying to focus on that.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #23 on: August 16, 2006, 05:18:21 PM »
nh,

So why are you still hanging around here? Shouldn't you be in the shower or buying some wine and roses or something? At the rate you're going, you won't be able to get it up, much less produce sperm.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #24 on: August 16, 2006, 05:24:17 PM »
Like Ann said, go have fun and make a baby or two or three tonight.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #25 on: August 16, 2006, 07:10:03 PM »
Well I took your advice and we did the deed.  Let's hope it worked this time.  Sorry for being a pain in the ass guys and thanks for all the help.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #26 on: August 18, 2006, 06:48:59 AM »
I thought I was feelinh better and as I stated, I tried to conceive with my wife the other night.  Now I'm starting to feel that I was at risk again and that I have infected here and possibly my unborn child.  Like I said it was mutual masterbation and receiving oral for under 10 seconds.  It wasn't exactly a blow job really.  He just put his mouth on it for a few seconds.  I was doing good now I'm starting to doubt everything again.

I've looked at other sides and they've said basically the same thing.  I actually asked the doctor on medhelp and he said I did not need to test.  He seem like a reputable doctor?  Also, the guy from Johns Hopkins seems like he knows his stuff and says there's no risk from receiving oral.  I just hate when people use terms like very low risk because that still leaves room for risk.  Please help guys.  Please tell me I haven't infected my family.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #27 on: August 18, 2006, 06:55:58 AM »
nh,

Neither getting sucked nor mutual masturbation are risks for hiv infection.

You have not had a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #28 on: August 18, 2006, 09:21:51 AM »
Why do people say very low risk on some sites then?  Or near zero risk? I would never forgive myself if I infected anyone else.  This was such a stupid mistake on my part and I wish I could take it back.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2006, 10:09:40 AM »
nh,

I wish I knew. Some sites have an agenda - they don't want you to be having any sort of sexual contact with someone you are not married to. Other sites don't keep up on the latest research finding like we do here at AIDSmeds.com. Here you only get the real deal, not scare-mongering myth or religious moralism.

If you cannot accept that you didn't have a risk, go ahead and test and receive your negative results. Any sexually active adult should test as a matter of routine anyway.

Please re-read your entire thread - because the answers are not going to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #30 on: August 18, 2006, 10:13:27 AM »
And based on my risk factors, you would be 100% sure that I'd be begative if I tested?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #31 on: August 18, 2006, 10:22:59 AM »
nh,

Based on what you have told us here, yes, I am absolutely confident of your negative test results.

HOWEVER... if you've been having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with ANYONE, then you have had a risk you haven't mentioned, unless of course if you are in a mutually monogamous relationship with them and you have both tested NEGATIVE TOGETHER before you had intercourse without condoms.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #32 on: August 18, 2006, 10:26:05 AM »
Yes I have intercourse with my girlfreind but we have both been tested and are negative.  The only other thing I have ever done was what I described to you.  Thats it.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #33 on: August 18, 2006, 10:36:35 AM »
nh,

Then you can be sure of your negative results - should you decide to test over this no-risk incident.

Seriously, hiv isn't a punishment for having a spot of man on man sex. What you did is just normal curiosity and experimentation. Don't get your knickers in a twist about it. OK? You didn't do anything wrong and you're not going to be punished for it. (well, your girlfriend might have a slightly different view on that ;) - but only because you had sex with someone who isn't her... we women don't often take too kindly to that whether your partner is male, female or martian)

You didn't have a risk and I'm confident of a negative result. You should be too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #34 on: August 18, 2006, 10:54:46 AM »
Thanks Ann.  The guy at medhelp told me there was no reason for testing as well.  I'm going to focus on that.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #35 on: August 20, 2006, 10:35:34 AM »
I got this as a reply from the doctor at medhelp...

You describe a very low risk event. No STD can be transmitted by hand-genital contact, and the oral exposure was too brief to be considered a risk for HIV or any other STD. From a medical/risk perspective you do not need testing. But if your anxiety makes you need a negative HIV test for reassurance, feel free. But in the meantime, there is no reason to avoid sex with your wife, regardless of your attempts to conceive.

Do you think that's a reasonable response?  Why did he say very low risk instead of no risk.  I'm asking because I found out today that my girlfreind is pregnant.  She didn't take the pregnancy test the right way at the beginning of the month but this second one confirmed it.  I just don't to put her or my unborn child at risk.  I really want to put this behind me.  Please help.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #36 on: August 20, 2006, 10:53:31 AM »
nh,

I would imagine he said low instead of no because technically, nothing in this world is without some theoretical risk. Every time you step outside your front door you run all sorts of theoretical risks. Do you never leave your home? Even the home is not without theoretical risks. In theory, you could slip in the shower, bang your head and die.

People just DON'T get infected from the activities you engaged in. If they did, we'd tell you. We want people to remain hiv negative and if there were the chance of hiv transmission in the activities you've reported, we'd tell you.

You are apprehensive because you don't want to potentially infect a mother and her unborn child. That's understandable - I don't want you to infect them either and if there was a chance you could, I'd be all over you insisting you use condoms with her. You didn't have a risk. You would not have become infected. You cannot pass on what you do not have.

No risk, no worries! Test? Only if you need to prove it to yourself.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ScienceGuy25

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #37 on: August 20, 2006, 11:28:41 AM »
I got this as a reply from the doctor at medhelp...

You describe a very low risk event. No STD can be transmitted by hand-genital contact, and the oral exposure was too brief to be considered a risk for HIV or any other STD. From a medical/risk perspective you do not need testing. But if your anxiety makes you need a negative HIV test for reassurance, feel free. But in the meantime, there is no reason to avoid sex with your wife, regardless of your attempts to conceive.

Do you think that's a reasonable response?  Why did he say very low risk instead of no risk.  I'm asking because I found out today that my girlfreind is pregnant.  She didn't take the pregnancy test the right way at the beginning of the month but this second one confirmed it.  I just don't to put her or my unborn child at risk.  I really want to put this behind me.  Please help.

NH

You've got some great, compassionate information here, especially all of Ann's post. It's time for you to realize these fears are psychological and not based on any real risk of infection.  If you need to prove to yourself you're HIV negative go ahead and take a test (you didn't get infected from your brief encounter). Hopefully that will put your mind at ease so you can move on. 

IF testing will subside this unnecessary anxiety than you should test.  I can tell you though, you should definitly stop searching the net for information, stop calling hotlines. Ann has given you the most scientifically correct, up to date information - if you can't accept, than find a counselor who can help you deal with your fear - face to face (you'd be amazed at how much more therapeutic a face to face conversation with an expert can be)

Stay well and stay safe

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #38 on: August 20, 2006, 12:35:24 PM »
Thank you for your responses.  I'm really trying to just put this behind me without taking a test.  I have OCD though which makes things more difficult at times.  I know logically someone putting their mouth on you for a few seconds will not giv you HIv.  I just cant seem to shake the fear for obvious reasons.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #39 on: August 20, 2006, 12:56:10 PM »
I have no idea why you can't shake it, you are playing this forum over and over again and doing it also on medhelp. We can't help you with your OCD problems, you'll have to work with your doctor.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #40 on: August 20, 2006, 07:36:47 PM »
You're right.  I'm obsessing over these boards and over my problem.  The biggest driving force is my girlfreind and unborn child.  If it weren't for them I don't think I would be as upset.  Does that make sense?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #41 on: August 20, 2006, 07:45:14 PM »
You won't get the help from coming to HIV forums. Seek the help that you need. You won't find it on the internet.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2006, 09:08:16 PM »
What if it isn't though?  I just feel like I had a risk? 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #43 on: August 20, 2006, 09:12:06 PM »
Feeling and having a risk is two totally different things. In your case, you didn't have a risk. You can stop with the "what ifs" at anytime. You didn't have a risk. PERIOD....

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #44 on: August 20, 2006, 09:12:50 PM »
What if it isn't though?  I just feel like I had a risk? 

Feelings aren't facts doll. Just because you feel something, doesn't make it so.

MtD
(Who sometimes feels like he's chanelling Dorothy Parker, but knows he isn't)

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #45 on: August 20, 2006, 09:17:23 PM »
If you really thought you had a risk, then you wouldn't have had unprotected sex the other day now would you? So don't be coming back here saying "I feel I had a risk."

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #46 on: August 20, 2006, 09:20:47 PM »
I did that because all the information I got said it was fine.  Now I'm second guessing myself.  It seems like ever since this happens, everywhere I turn I see something about HIv on TV etc.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #47 on: August 20, 2006, 09:24:16 PM »
We can no longer be of any help to you. See a mental health professional to get over you unwarranted worries.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #48 on: August 21, 2006, 07:37:41 AM »
Thanks for all the replies guys.  I'm going to contact my OCD therapist today about this issue.  You've guys have given me good advice and I've gotten good advice from people like the doctor on medhelp and Dr. Gallant.  I'm just going to focus on that, go to my therapist and work on putting this behind me.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #49 on: August 21, 2006, 08:14:14 AM »
nh,

I urge you to discuss this with your therapist. You engaged in sexual experimentation and that is a normal part of being human. Hiv is NOT a punishment for man on man sexual activities, no matter what some segments of society want you to believe. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. It's normal and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. OK? It's normal. Really, it is.

And one more time, you didn't have a risk.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #50 on: August 21, 2006, 09:39:02 PM »
I was reading thebody.com and it seems like the doctor their tells everyone to test at 3 months for any kind of oral situation.  Why would he say that if there were no risk?  I don't understand.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #51 on: August 21, 2006, 09:56:38 PM »
Please anyone?  Why do they say there's risk if there's no risk?  Is there any way I could be infected this way? Any way?

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #52 on: August 21, 2006, 09:57:19 PM »
Then ask them why they say that. We can't read their minds.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #53 on: August 22, 2006, 09:57:06 AM »
What are the incidences of false positives on the rapid hiv test if I decided to take one?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #54 on: August 22, 2006, 10:36:54 AM »
NH,

Listen to me carefully, doll. It's time for you to seek the assistance of a mental health worker. We can't provide the sort of support you need. I think this goes a lot deeper than just an unfounded fear of HIV. There are complex issues regarding your sexuality tied up in this and you owe it yourself to get them addressed in a proper clinical setting.

And don't visit thebody -- when it comes to talking about HIV, thebody is at best second rate.

MtD

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2006, 11:55:34 AM »
Well I do have OCD and it does center around things like that.  I took an orasure rapid test yesterday and it came out negative.  I know this doesn't cover my incident but it shows that I am in fact negative before it.  Is everyone sure I couldn't have caught it from what happened?  I just don't want to infect my girlfriend and child.  I'm really trying to let this go.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2006, 02:43:04 PM »
Anyone?

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #57 on: August 23, 2006, 03:09:51 PM »
See about your OCD, because you haven't been put in an HIV concern.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #58 on: August 23, 2006, 03:10:08 PM »
nh,

This is not an OCD website. It is an hiv website. You are hiv negative - conclusively hiv negative.

If you're having trouble with your OCD, you need to go back to your therapist. We cannot help you with your OCD here - in fact this website is toxic to people who have OCD.

If you need the help of a time out to break your habit of coming here, that can be arranged. Please consider  yourself warned.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #59 on: August 23, 2006, 05:59:35 PM »
I understand Ann.  Sorry for causing so much trouble.  I'm working on my OCD believe me.  It's a real struggle sometimes though.  Believe me if I didn't have to deal with my OCd I wouldn't because its horrid.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #60 on: August 24, 2006, 11:06:37 AM »
Fortunately feelings aren't facts. So you can be worried and your mind can come up with all kinds of new bursts of anxiety.

None of that changes the fact that there is no basis whatsoever in HIV science for you to be concerned about HIV in relation to what you have reported.

Get on with your life and with a confident mind about your health in relation to safely conceiving a baby with your partner.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #61 on: August 25, 2006, 10:08:05 AM »
Thank for all your replies.  I've been trying to stay off the computer and these sites.  Sometimes I wonder if it happens this way but just hasn't been documented.  I guess that's just carzy thinking on my part though.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #62 on: August 25, 2006, 10:33:43 AM »
nh,

Don't try to stay off the internet and these sites, just do it. And book an appointment with your OCD therapist ASAP.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #63 on: August 26, 2006, 11:27:37 AM »
Hi sorry for replying again.  I've been staying off the computer and doing ok until I had unprotected sex with my girlfreind again and the thoughts came rolling back of infecting her and my unborn child.  I truly have nothing to worry about?  I just see so much information on this and the theoretical issue with blood being present etc.  Would you guys bet me all that you own that I couldn't get infected this way?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #64 on: August 26, 2006, 12:11:50 PM »
You have real issues that need to looked into by a mental health professional. The sooner the better. We are not in the habit of giving out false information. It may be the time for you to take a break from this forum.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #65 on: August 29, 2006, 09:07:41 AM »
Sorry for posting again.  I was just wondering if receiving oral is no risk in the absence of blood or even if there were blood in the mouth?  I read on some sites that there may be blood in the mouth even if you can't see it.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #66 on: August 29, 2006, 09:24:19 AM »
nh,

There would have to be some much blood present in the mouth that you'd see it before there was even the faintest chance of being infected through getting a blowjob. And lets face it, what you got was hardly even a proper blowjob. There has never, EVER been one single documented case of someone being infected through getting a blowjob. It just doesn't happen and it's not going to happen to you.

I don't understand why you insist on surfing the internet to find things to scare yourself with. You had no risk and that is final. No ands, iffs or butts about it. Neither getting a blowjob nor mutual masturbation are hiv risks. Simple as that.

It seems to me the real issue here is your feelings about your experimentation with another man. If you need to work through these feelings to come to terms with them, this isn't the place to be doing that. You need to see a qualified counselor face-to-face, and we cannot provide that for you.

If you need a time out to encourage you to find the appropriate help for yourself, that can be arranged.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #67 on: August 29, 2006, 01:28:43 PM »
I'm sorry.  I start to feel good and then look at my pregnant girlfreind and start worrying again.  I could never live with myself if I infected her and my child.  That's where this enormous fear is coming from.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #68 on: August 30, 2006, 07:27:58 AM »
Just a note to Ann and others.  I've contacted my OCD therapist and have an appointment with him today.  I'm really trying to keep everything in perspective and I'm telling myself that I won't be the first person infceted by receiving a bj or as you said Ann, what didn't even qualify as a bj.  I've gotten the same info on hotlines and other websites even if some people tended to waffle on the information and said low instead of no.  I'm doing my best.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #69 on: August 30, 2006, 11:39:55 AM »
Well my OCD therapist knows nothing about OCD and now I don't know what to do.  I'm convinced that I'm going to infect my girlfreind and baby.  All over this stupid oral incident.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #70 on: August 30, 2006, 11:49:34 AM »
nh,

Find another therapist.

You have not had an hiv risk. You cannot pass on that which you do not have yourself.

You are still under an time out warning.


Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #71 on: September 02, 2006, 09:45:45 AM »
I found another therapist and will be seeing him this week.  I was doing ok until I had sex with my girlfriend again and began to freak out I infected her.  Are you absolutely sure I couldnt have been infected from this?  Why all the theoretical stuff on different sites.  What if I'm the first?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #72 on: September 02, 2006, 09:48:53 AM »
nh,

You won't be the first. You didn't have a risk and you cannot pass on what you do not have.

Good luck with the new therapist - hope this one is the right fit for you. If it isn't, keep trying. The right therapist will be out there for you so don't be discouraged if you have to shop around a little.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #73 on: September 02, 2006, 10:28:25 AM »
Thanks Ann.  It's just that overwhelming fear of doing something awful to my girlfreind and baby that is fueling all of this. 

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #74 on: September 05, 2006, 08:09:24 AM »
I was actually doing really good until I read this stuff about Lovelife.  Now I'm really upset again.  How could someone test at 9 weeks negative and then test postive considering his "risks".

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #75 on: September 05, 2006, 08:47:31 AM »
I could ask you why you troll the other forums? Don't worry about what LoveLife has said, deal with your own problems.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #76 on: September 05, 2006, 08:48:54 AM »
I understand what you are saying but I thought my problems were just OCD until I read another post on Am I infceted which made me look over there.  I wasn't trolling that group.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #77 on: September 05, 2006, 08:50:50 AM »
Your problems are OCD and can not be dealt with on this forum.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #78 on: September 07, 2006, 08:57:26 AM »
I'm a little anxious today and still worried about infecting my girlfreind and unborn child.  I've had unprotected sex with her since the incident and that's why I'm worried.  I would really like to get over this but I am finding it hard.  Any help would be appreciated.   Thanks.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #79 on: September 07, 2006, 09:19:22 AM »
nh,

How many times do you need to be told that the help you require is outside the scope of these forums? You need to get some face-to-face help and support for your anxieties and we cannot do that for you here.

I've warned you several times that you will be given a time out to help you on your way - and today's the day. You now have a four week time out. Do not create a new account to get around your time out - if you do, you will be permanently banned, no questions asked.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #80 on: October 16, 2006, 08:06:49 AM »
Well things worked out well with my girlfreind and I.  Hep C and B turned out not to be an issue.  The only issue left is the HIV issue which you guys have told me really isn't one.  I'm trying to feel confident in my close to 6 week test but the thoughts do bother me from time to time.  I know that what I had really couldn't even be considered a bj considering how short it was.  I'd just really like to let this all go and move on with my life with a clear mind and be able to devote all my energies to my girlfreind and unborn child.

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #81 on: October 26, 2006, 07:03:08 AM »
It's been awhile since I've been here and I have been working with my OCd therapist.  Like I said before I was tested at around 6 weeks and was negative (40 days to be exact).  I know you guys say that no testing is necessary but I've been terribly worried about her and the baby.  And with the craziness of those other tests a few weeks back kind of sent me over the edge.  Her initial Hep B test was found to be a false positive after repeat blood testing and my Hep C screening came out negative after further testing which means I had it at one time in the past and got rid of it or it was a false positive.  It really doesn't matter either way I don't have it.

The only thing left is this HIv worry.  I took a Home Access test 10 1/2 weeks after the incident and will be able to call for the results anytime now but I'm terribly scared.  I'm having a hard time picking up that phone.  I just want this all to be over with.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #82 on: October 26, 2006, 08:18:31 AM »
nh,

Make the call and get your negative results. You didn't have a risk and you aren't infected with anything other than guilt.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #83 on: October 26, 2006, 08:57:46 AM »
Has anyone here ever seen someone negative at 6 weekis turn positive after that?  This is my final hurdle and I want everything to turn out fine.  I've been through hell the past few months and I need to put this behind me.

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #84 on: October 26, 2006, 09:26:48 AM »
nh,

Nope, I've never seen a six week negative turn positive. I've never seen someone test positive from a handjob or getting a blowjob either.

You didn't have a risk of hiv infection, but you are risking another time out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #85 on: October 26, 2006, 02:24:49 PM »
I'm confused when people say it's no risk when theoretically it could happen if there were blood present etc.  I know there have been no documented cases but who says every case of infection is going to be documented?  What if they've done more than one act etc.?  I know it's confusing and I know that the under 10 seconds I had couldn't even be considered a bj but I'm just wondering.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #86 on: October 26, 2006, 04:25:56 PM »
nh,

Getting a blowjob isn't a risk no matter what sort of spin you want to put on it. Just go do your test (not that you need one), collect your negative result and move on with your life.

If you cannot put this behind you, get yourself to a counselor. There's not a lot more we can do for you here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #87 on: October 29, 2006, 03:27:43 PM »
Well you were right.  The reslts were negative and they were taken at 74 days, 10 days short  of 12 weeks.  If this wasn't a no risk issue as you say, would this be considered pretty much conclusive?  Hypothetically ofcourse.  Just wondering if 10 days would make a difference if I actually had a risk.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #88 on: October 29, 2006, 03:56:51 PM »
nh,

No surprise there. As you had no risk you are conclusively negative.

Had you actually had a risk, I would NOT expect your result to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #89 on: November 28, 2006, 11:17:47 AM »
Hi.  I've been gone for awhile and in therapy with mixed results.  As you know I tested negative at 74 days with Home Access.  I thought that would be the end of it but I find myself obsessing that it was 10 days short of 3 months and what if it changed.  I've resumed unprotected sex with my girlfreind and I can't stop worrying about her and my unborn child's safety.  What makes this difficult is all this talk about 3 months, 6 months, etc.  Everyone has a different answer.  It's been almost 4 months and I really want to let this go.  Is there any way I could possibly have it after all my tests?  I just hope I haven't infected my girlfreind and child.

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #90 on: November 28, 2006, 11:25:11 AM »
nh,

How on earth could you have infected your girlfriend? You were testing over a non-risk and you can rely on your negative result.

You're heading for a second time out. You never had a risk and you are hiv negative, period, end of story.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #91 on: November 30, 2006, 09:18:39 AM »
My doctor told me that it could in fact be a risk and I should test out to 6 months to be absolutely sure.  I have a girlfreind and innocent baby to worry about and this is getting a bit too much to handle.  What do you think of his advice?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #92 on: November 30, 2006, 11:33:46 AM »
nh,

Your doctor is wrong. Getting a blowjob is not a risk for hiv infection. Not all doctors bother to keep up to date on hiv matters and it sounds like your doctor is one of them.

It's up to you what you do. We've given you the facts and now the ball is in your court. You can stress over this all you like, but it doesn't change facts. You had no risk. Not one person has ever become infected by getting thier dick sucked and you will not be the first - no matter how guilty you feel.

Maybe some counseling is in order to help you move past your guilty feelings.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nh2006

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Some questions
« Reply #93 on: November 02, 2007, 03:52:30 PM »
Some of you may remember me from last year.  I finally got through that worry and my wife and I had a beautiful baby.  Unfortunately my OCd reared its ugly head again over an incident I had 2 months back.  Again I was questioning myself with OCd about the whole am I gay issue.  I met a guy and we agreed to meet but no touching.  Well he apparently didn't listen and in the middle of us showing off he tried to touch me a few times.  He managed to touch me 2 or 3 times with his hand.  I didn't notice and blood and I didnt notice any cuts on my penis.  He also grabbed my hand and touched it to the tip of his penis before I pulled away and left.  There may have been a little precum on the tip but Im not sure.  I had no cuts on my fingers from what I could tell.  Ever sonce though I have been worried about whether or not I had microscopic cuts on my finger or penis and whether or not any of his fluids got into them.  Like I said, I didn't see any cuts and I did check thoroughly but I was jerking off earlier and my penis may have been irritated.  It definately wasnt stinging or bleeding to the touch either.  I'm back to the old infecting my wife and baby scenario though because shes still breastfeeding.  Oh and I got a negative test at 8 weeks after this incident.  Do I have anything to worry over?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #94 on: November 02, 2007, 05:12:01 PM »
Before we even get to your question, I've merged your latest thread with your previous ones. Please keep all of your entries in this same thread. That's our rule here.

Now, as to your question, no you were absolutely not at risk for HIV transmission in this latest incident. Mutual masturbation and any variations of it which your mind can come up with do not present a risk. You were around here long enough to know that and I suspect your rational mind really does know it from what you wrote this time.

Once again this is all about feelings and not facts. There is no reason for any concern about HIV nor any need for testing.

You did a little dicking around with another guy. And now you're all anxious and upset about it. THat's the whole deal and it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with HIV.

Get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline nh2006

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Paranoia and Hiv testing
« Reply #95 on: June 05, 2008, 02:32:58 PM »
Being in this situation myself I understand where alot of people are coming from when the go to these sites to post questions.  You'll here people say that an antibody test is accurate and definitive at 3 months.  Then you'll here from someone else that it isn't aqccurate till 6 months,  And then there are the people (a very rare minority) who have a delayed antibody response and there are some who never produce an antibody response.  Than there is the fact that no test is 100% accurate and the most you'll get is 99.9%.  This doesn't even bring the fact of rare Hiv starins or Hiv 2 into the picture.  What am I trying to get at?  All this conflicting information creates the perfect storm for worriers (myself included).

I've had 15 antibody tests out to 7 1/2 months after the incident as well as 2 DNA Pcr tests.  Do I still worry about Hiv?  Yes I do.  I'm curious how the experts on this site handle all the conflicting information.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #96 on: June 05, 2008, 02:47:33 PM »
Actually you don't seem to "understand" at all. For starters we've asked you before not to start any new threads and we've merged your previous ones. I've done the same now with your latest.

You've been coming around here for long enough to have gotten the basics down by now both about risk or lack of same and about testing. Now you pop in to stir the worry pot with a bunch of bits and pieces, all to no good purpose.

You're HIV negative. Period. End of story. Consider yourself warned. If you come back with more of this same troublemaking you're either going to get timed out or banned.

Get yourself some professional help to deal with your HIV worries. We can't provide that here and we're not going to indulge you in churning up a lot of unnecessary worrying for others.
Andy Velez

Offline nh2006

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #97 on: June 05, 2008, 02:53:08 PM »
Sorry I wasn't trying to churn up anything.  Just trying to explain how some people who worry about this feel and why they feel that way.  And honestly this post you tagged my recent post to I think I made over a year ago.  I forgot about that post and I'm sorry if I offended the moderators.  Let's just try to all be realistis though ok.  Take care.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #98 on: June 05, 2008, 03:25:20 PM »
We are very much aware of how worriers feel about their HIV concerns.

As for being "realistic," our responses are solidly grounded in HIV science along with an understanding of emotional issues which often crop up here.

You need to get on with your life. As far as I am concerned your latest entry is only likely to stir more needless anxiety. So much for your understanding and being "realistic." Getting on with your own life is what I suggest rather than as some slef- authorized arbiter of how to address the needs of worriers.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2008, 05:31:02 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Very anxious
« Reply #99 on: June 05, 2008, 04:38:50 PM »
nh,

I'm curious how the experts on this site handle all the conflicting information.

What conflicting information? There isn't any when you know to only concern yourself with up-to-date information.

As Andy mentioned, you will not be allowed to use this forum to go on and on about your various test results etc. You are hiv negative and that's that. If you cannot accept your negative hiv status, then perhaps it's time you sought counseling to get to the bottom of your anxiety. We cannot help you with that here.

Make sure you read the posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread like you're been repeatedly asked to. Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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