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Author Topic: Risk Assessment, Please!  (Read 1868 times)

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Offline unwiseacts

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Risk Assessment, Please!
« on: October 05, 2009, 11:22:50 AM »
Hello all! I posted this on another board. Thought I'd get someone else's take on it while I wait for responses at the other board... Thanks for bearing with me.

On to my story:

I am a 30 year old hetero male. I have 2 children, live with my long time girlfriend, both of us tested negative about 2 months ago. I've had one STI in the past (Chlamydia, about 7 years ago).

Five days ago I had vaginal sex with a prostitute, using a condom. The prostitute was far from high-class (streetwalker, high probability of drug use), so I believe her to be high-risk. Of course, you can never tell by looking. Anyway, I put the condom on myself, unrolling it as far back as I could, entered her from behind, had intercourse for a few minutes (5 minutes at the most - probably less), and proceeded to ejaculate while inside of her. I pulled out while still erect.

When I pulled out, I looked at the condom, and noticed that part of the condom was hanging off of the head of my penis. I am uncircumicized, and condoms tend to slip some, but I've never had one come completely off. Anyway, about 1/3 of my penis (including the head, of course) was still covered by the condom when I pulled out of her.

After this event, I walked for 5 minutes, found a restroom, and washed my penis with soap and water.

My questions:

1.) Although the head of my penis was covered, there was some condom slippage. I do know that when a condom slips OFF, this introduces some level of risk. But how about when a condom slips but doesn't come off completely? Is there any risk? The phrase "correctly and consistently" worries me, because if the condom rides up, I'm not entirely sure I'm using it "correctly".

2.) I'm not aware that the condom broke. When I pulled out of her, the tip of the condom seemed to have my semen inside of it, but it was dark. Every time I've had a breakage, it was noticeable (front of condom burst completely). Is it possible (however unlikely) that the condom broke and I couldn't tell by looking? Like I said, I've had breakages, but I've always noticed after it occured.

3.) I had a small (very small, actually) cut on the shaft of my penis. This cut was scabbed over before the incident. I noticed it when I was washing my penis, but it still seemed to be scabbed over. I'm not sure that the condom was covering cut, especially after the condom rode up. What are my risks here?

I am feeling nausea, headaches, and some itchiness in my urethra since this incident. I'm pretty certain it's all due to anxiety about what I did.

Can anyone read the above and give me a risk assessment based on their own knowledge and experience with HIV infection? Thank you kindly.

Offline Ann

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Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2009, 11:45:13 AM »
Unwise,

As the head of your penis was covered, you did NOT have a risk for hiv infection. It sounds like it probably slipped down when you withdrew. This is very common. You're supposed to hang on to it when you withdraw.

You would have noticed if the condom broke.

You haven't had a risk and you do not need to test over this incident.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline unwiseacts

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Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2009, 11:51:31 AM »
Ann:

Thanks kindly for your quick response!

I hate to push the issue (I know we ALL do it when we post here), but what of the scabbed cut? Is there a risk there?

Thanks again. Not for your answer to my questions only, but for putting in the time to help many others like me. Kudos!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2009, 12:04:22 PM »
Unwise,

No, the scabbed cut did not put you at risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline unwiseacts

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  • Posts: 4
Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2009, 03:22:21 AM »
You would have noticed if the condom broke.

I tend to agree... however, I've been reading about so may men that didn't notice breakage...

Is there a chance that a condom could break without the usual "grass skirt" effect where the front bursts open and only the ring remains around the shaft? I couldn't find any information on the 'net.

And my apologies, as I know this is not a forum about condoms, but I thought I'd ask you since you seem to be sure I'd realize if my condom broke.

Still, I think you are correct in your conclusion that the condom did not break. Thanks again for your time, Ann! Keep doing what you do. :)
« Last Edit: October 06, 2009, 03:33:03 AM by unwiseacts »

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2009, 07:32:08 AM »
Unwise,

You've noticed in the past when your condom broke and you would have noticed this time too. When condoms break, it's always very obvious.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline unwiseacts

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2009, 07:47:32 PM »
@Ann:

Not that I think you would purposely lie to me... I don't believe that at all. It's also not that I seek some sort of guarantee that I'll be OK... I know there ARE none.

But how certain are you of my chances? Do you REALLY believe testing is not warranted in this situation? I could surely use the reassurance. I will not reiterate my story. I know you're aware of the circumstances, and I also know I am not unique. It's just that the guilt is killing me, and in the meantime, I am wary of having sex with my "wife". If I were to put her at any risk, I would simply die. To that effect, I of course intend to get tested regardless (at the 4-week, 6-week, and 12-week marks), if only for peace of mind. Also, what type of testing should I be asking for at each of these intervals?

Thank you in advance, and my aplogies if my questioning your assessment upsets you to any degree. I know you guys are only human, and hearing the same questions over and over can have a tendency to make even the quietest of people lose their composure.

-UW
« Last Edit: October 07, 2009, 07:49:25 PM by unwiseacts »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Risk Assessment, Please!
« Reply #7 on: October 07, 2009, 08:01:29 PM »
This is all about guilt and remorse because you're a dog like a lot of us here and you went straying. You were absolutely not at risk for HIV as Ann has told you. Repeatedly.

There's no need for testing. If you test it's only for your own peace of mind but it's a waste of money and resources otherwise.

You can't undo this particular bit of your personal history. Accept that, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. Happily, HIV is not a problem for you. Getting on wtih your life is the best thing you can do for all concerned. There's nothing good in beating yourself or anyone else up with your guilt.

And you can't pass a virus to your wife that you don't have.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

 


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