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Author Topic: multiple partners and what risks that entails?  (Read 3459 times)

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Offline iamboku

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  • Posts: 8
multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« on: September 04, 2009, 04:25:45 PM »
I am dating an HIV+ person who still has sex with multiple partners (why is another topic:)).  Can anyone tell me the facts about what kind of risk this poses to HIM.  I think he is seriously putting his health at risk even though he always uses a condom for anal sex.  Is the danger from Herpes, other std's, other strains of HIV, etc greater to him because he is positive?   What is the medical truth about this?
Thank You

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2009, 05:48:22 PM »
Is this the same partner who feels revoluted when starting sex. ?
I am confused. He's revolted with all his partners (the many suggested here in this new thread), or just with you?

You ask a long list of questions about
1) what he can get from having multiple partners
2) is having these STDS more dangerous if you have HIV
3) the myth and reality of reinfection with HIV when HIV+, resistant strains, etc.

1) he can get anything and everything or nothing, depending on what his partners have and what the sex consists of and the proteciton used.  hiv+ people dont have a higher rick for getting infected than hiv-.  People with STDs like syphillus, warts, etc. have a higher risk of getting another STD, however.

2) maybe more dangerous, more severe. maybe not. it all depends on his health and how often he is checked for such STD, how long they linger around. If hes got a struggling immune sysem, its no picnic to get any STDs

3) that is a can of worms and I suggest you post a thread qustion just about that.

Also, will you be able to explain the details of any of this to him?

You think he is risking his health. What does he think?  If he is having safe sex there is no risk. 

And why is he revolted by sex but having so much. Maybe he should settle down with you for awhile and get over his hangups. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline iamboku

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Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2009, 07:22:26 PM »
Thanks Mecch for the reply.
It is the same partner.  I am confused too:).  Not sure how long this is gonna last but i am trying to give him time to be more honest about what he is doing and figure out what he wants.  In fact we are having much more sex lately.   Back to my questions:   If i understand you correctly, you said if he is having safe sex there  is no greater risk than a neg person would face.   But my idea is that the greater risk is that if a pos person gets any kind of infection, it is more dangerous to his health than to a neg person.  Since he has oral sex without condoms, and kisses, doest that put him at higher risk because his immune system, while still healthy, is weaker than a neg person?  And if he gets an std doesnt that put further strain on the immune system?

Offline sdguyloveslife

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Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2009, 04:13:14 AM »
iamboku,

From reading your posts I can't tell if YOU are HIV+ also, or just your boyfriend? 

I find it curious that you're worried about the risks to him, but make no mention of the risks you place before yourself. 

--R
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

Offline iamboku

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  • Posts: 8
Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2009, 01:41:55 AM »
I am HIV neg.  I agree there are risks to me.  My feeling is the guy I am trying to date is in denial and does not realize the risks, for me or him.    How long I will accept those risks is an open question.  I have not given up yet on reaching him.  Romantic fool or just fool:)

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2009, 04:54:10 AM »
You are "trying to date him"?  You are "trying to reach him"?
My dear, if he isn't your long time lover or partner or anything serious, he seems to be playing you.

My two cents, not that this answers your technical questions, which are all over the map, is....
If you are not HIV+, I think you are overly interested in HIV generally to be posting in this FORUM about someone who is having safe sex with you, and happens to be HIV+ .
It's possible he's just not that into you, as they say, hard to accept as this my be.

About your technical questions - can't be answered to lesson your fears for him, if you don't know his immune status. Is he on HAART?  Does he have good numbers, etc?

If he's having safe sex with everyone, I guess he risks (an therefor you risk) picking up the STDs that generally accepted "safe sex" don't prevent.  A lot of people have oral contact with mouths, penises and butts and consider this "safe sex" and some STDS not to mention everyday sicknesses can certainly be spread.  Hepatitus, for example.

If he's playing the field but having safe sex, it doesn't sound like he's necessarily in denial about anything.

Sounds like it is possible the issues hear are emotional, not necessarily health.  Maybe you want a committed boyfriend who's not such a tart, and you are using HIV as some way to argue for that... In my experience, this is displaced effort and argument and will NOT be persuasive, generally.  He's a tart until he decides not to be.

« Last Edit: September 06, 2009, 04:55:50 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline sdguyloveslife

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Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2009, 02:36:07 PM »
I started to type a post last night, but it looks like Mecch beat me to the punch - I was planning to say basically the same thing.  (Mecch, you said it much better than I could have!) 

I was also wondering if you (OP) think that people who become HIV positive should not have casual sex or only have strictly monogamous sex for the sake of "reducing harm to ourselves?"  What's your true motive here?  Your bf is using condoms and practicing safer sex, so my guess is that your emotions are all tied up in the fact that he's out having sex, but not with you.  (By the way, if he's using condoms for anal sex, other strains of HIV will not be an issue for him at all.) 

Isn't there a book that was recently really popular - something like He's Just Not That Into You?  Anyway, you should check that out...really. 
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

Offline iamboku

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  • Posts: 8
Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2009, 05:25:15 PM »
SDGuy and MEech,
Thank you for your honest replies.  I totally get that my emotions are tied up in this guy and i cannot deny what you say.  I am posting here and asking these questions because i want to find the answers.  I have talked with local people who deal with HIV and i was just seeking more points of view.  My own background has been to not really care so much about monogamy (Almost all my relationships to date have been open).  This guy is the first pos person i have had a relationship with and maybe i am just overly worried out of ignorance.   As to using his HIV status to pressure him into monogamy, I am not and would not do that.   I think the odds are we will not be together very long (what my brain tells me).  But my heart (being a hopeless romantic) says it is always worth a try.  That is a separate issure from my thinking that he needs to take responsibiilty for his health.  I KNOW that is not my place to force.  but as someone who cares, i think it is my place to tell him.  Just as a real friend tells someone they have a drinking problem, etc.   I know many will think i should just shut up and let him live as he wishes:).  Ultimately he will do that anyway. 

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: multiple partners and what risks that entails?
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2009, 06:36:49 PM »
If you are not expecting something or wanting something from him, if you are open to whatever.
Why not just tell him how you feel about him, and also how you feel about his promiscuity. 
It sounds like you won't choose him unless he changes and thats a crappy way to begin a relationship.
If hes got something that floats your boat, why not just be his friend and dump the romance.  Maybe in time that could happen when you know each other better.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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