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Author Topic: suport group banter from a long time ago  (Read 2388 times)

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Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
suport group banter from a long time ago
« on: September 02, 2009, 05:08:01 PM »
I was part of a support group and the group was small and very caring

the question everyone cept asking of the guys was are you gay ?

my thought was what difference does that make if you close your heart to other peoples feelings does that not make you're life all that much smaller and yes or no binary is not the way of the world just the way we make it
binary on or off up or down is that the way of the living world or just the way we force are views on the social structure making our view of the world and society . in this way of thinking in one dimensional thought we contemplate the world as being flat ?

I would say no cause I had always wanted to have family and children just wanted to have enough money first to make sure there lives were safe ?

I would say no just to keep them as they say off my back about such questions

ok back to the support group I had asked a woman there were she had thought she had gotten the virus
she had said from her husband I had asked is he gay ?

she said I had never asked him ?

we went out for pizza after the support group and the movies another night and each time I would drop her off at  the house she was living in and simply say good night with out even giving her a kiss cause she was so focused on the appending doom of the end of her life being near



then one night she said please come in /

I walked in and she said have seat

then her husband came out and he looked very ill and not long for this world

she said he told me he is gay and wants me to leave him and go with you

I had said nothing just looked at him and thought no one should die alone

so I left > and thought well if there is going to be an odd man out who is going to die alone

then that should be me

I had thought for years that was going to be my end

a short story in auto biographic form sorry I would write more but I am constantly being told I write to much

so off to have beer and think about how great it is to still be alive even after seeing so many deer friends die from viruses and cancer and just bad luck like a quote from hamming way a nice quite spot

I will be the guy siting in the farthest corner that no one will notice and everyone will ignore .

some times a whole bunch of bad things occur just at the right moment and there is no ones fault no one to blame just the world and life crowding in to have something no one wants or expects to occur just does what it wants to do . wrong place wrong time and for no good reason

and other times someone service such actions just so there spirits can live on and be remembered

sorry for taking up your time with my long winded stories
sorry again for not keeping my word and only witting a short story

em

« Last Edit: September 02, 2009, 07:41:01 PM by em »

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,686
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2009, 06:19:09 AM »
Well I can relate  :o

   I hope you are doing well .

   This  IS  a good place to release   your thoughts !

     I LOVE to hear how others  cope  :-*

                 Write  on ,  I'll  read every word !

                                                             Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2009, 04:47:41 PM »
HI Carl I am writting to you live between a stay in a sych word after being in jail for wanting too ?

well having a life; life  is for other people not those of us touched by a virus just weight till all those who pass away from swine fluw some how that is goin to be our fault too ????

the other people who are around me they would think that old guy looks verry healthy and what is his problem  but if they passed me on the street they would not look twice  

sorry have been labled a sych case after serving inthe military then stayed in homeless shelter full of people dying from HIV after doing a pass in revue of thousands of service men being discharged for being HIV + in th eighties > wops just gave away how old I am and that I have been HIV + for longer then most of the people on this webpage have been alive . I say most cause I am sure someone out there has lived longer with the virus then I > not like it is a contest just a measure of will power to see who can servive the most with the least and still not get noticed for there acomplishments while they are alive ? and maybe after they pass away they can get the atention they deserved and needed while they were alive > more circle speak < how about that for confusion  


I am using someone elses computer they let me borrow while i am hear ? so please pardon me for being upset prison then sych word for making to much niose about were my life wa sheading being told posting online was something my family did not want me to do ??

all this punishment for wanting to be heard ? does that sound like a life or somone else forcing there will on the second party >

I guess jail again for me for wanting to be heard > the public defender told me my defense did not make any sense ?

when I tried to defend my self he just nitted his brow and told me I was not right in the head ?

what a great country we live in < NOT >


EM
« Last Edit: September 19, 2009, 04:53:50 PM by em »

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,942
  • AM member since 2003
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2009, 06:57:16 PM »
Quote
sorry for taking up your time with my long winded stories
sorry again for not keeping my word and only witting a short story

Em...never apologise for your stories..and don't pay any heed to the public defender...you keep talking, not everyone here will reply to them, but I know many of us read your stories, and enjoy them..me included.

Take care of you.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2009, 04:19:56 PM »
I am in a sych ward were there are lots of nice people do not get me wrong there is always a bright side
< I am so angry that no one will help me they alll just line up to through me to the wolves and tell me I make no sense legally

I am so at my wits end < I keep thinking ten years with out sych meds and ultra sensative undetectable viral load I could have fathered hundreds if not thousands of loving free spiritied children willing to help and care for those fogoten by society like myself

to much info about myself > my personal life is just that personal and a mess ! I wish I had a life other then the secret one the other people in my life want me to have !

just wanted to say thankyou to annie bc for responding to my post

EM


I wish I had some thing to say that would make this mess better but do not htink words are the right way to fix this >you the others of whom share this virus

I am in such a legal mess the wisdomn of soloman would be boggled by this conundrum

my prayers and blessings go with you 

in nome du pare et du fie

et saint  espirit

in other words

in the name of the father and the sun

and the holly ghosts

( all the blesings I have learened if I do no servive this latest strugle I give you all my blessings to fight the good fight ) like martin luther king Jr I have dream and I may not make it there with you >


while in jail they did not give me my anti viral meds

the police beat me in front of the people most dear to me

( my children I have been raising )

if they are or are not my blood I do not care they are the ones I have been whipping there nosses and keeping them safe >

my reel children I do not know what happened to them I hope some day they forgive me

I have tried to find them on face book or people that are close to what I had thought they would have growen to be

how is that for vague but truth full

let me know if this rings true or if this is just more smoke


now I am taking anti viral meds plus sych meds casue they say it best and I feel like my gut is gowing ot expload

if it does well at least I fought  the good fight and tried wtih my entire body and soul to give new life to a world filled with something so bad it is undefinable

please god give me the strength to over come this and be a better person

EM



 
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 04:17:08 PM by em »

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,686
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2009, 08:45:06 PM »
Hey EM ,
           I hope all is going OK !

   Like Anniebc  said MANY   WILL READ your stories !

   It is GOOD for ALL of us to hear how YOU   &  EVERYONE else   handles  our HIV & AIDS  issues !

    Like I said  , " you write I listen & will respond , Sometime with more  , sometimes with

  just a little    " Hi how are you doing "

  Keep well  .

                                      Carl 
" Live and let Live "

Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2009, 03:29:45 PM »
thank you Carl for responding

I was going to write all kinds of stuff here to explaine myself and my life but must waite for the lawywers to stainten out the mess

EM


Offline rioz

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2009, 08:07:50 PM »
Hey em,

For what it's worth, I read your posts.

Hang in there.

Richard
Living with HIV since 1985
Living with AIDS since 2007

Truvada, Lexiva, Norvir, Levothyroxine, Testim, Sertraline, Crestor

Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2009, 12:45:43 PM »
I hope to be with my children soon I hope and keep my fingers crossed
other then that I really do not care the public defendant says I need ot take care of my self first and I think taking care of the children is the most important thing to me

with out them I am and have nothing ( just saying that is how I feel )

all my best

EM

Offline rioz

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: suport group banter from a long time ago
« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2009, 02:48:19 PM »
Em,
Being a father myself, I completly feel your words regarding your children. I hope you are able to use that love for them as a motive to work yourself out of your current situation. Be strong  for them.

I wish you strength and send you my love,

richard
Living with HIV since 1985
Living with AIDS since 2007

Truvada, Lexiva, Norvir, Levothyroxine, Testim, Sertraline, Crestor

 


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