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Author Topic: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(  (Read 4464 times)

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Offline prettyfighting1

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  • Posts: 30
May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« on: June 18, 2009, 07:26:17 AM »
 :(This is the story of my life before being and now being poz:(

Im 22 pretty transexual here in the Philippines living with my family right now, I have 3 siblings and being the 3rd one I am the bread winner of my family since 19 and up to now. My family loves and proud of me so much for being a good son, brother, and transgender.. I love my family so much too especially my mother...
I remember before when I was 19 I started to lived independent and work out of town little bit far from my province, I work there as an entertainer and I got a lot of sex contact to many man especially to foreigner, when I turn 22 last November 2008 I decided to come back province and live happy with my family, Last month of May 2009 I got an opportunity to work abroad and it requires me a medical examination, After 3days of examination my doctor told me to retake my blood test and he gave me a piece of paper where i read that " I allowed them to test my blood for HIV test " and I panic, I am so nervous, my body is shaking, and I ask my doctor "why? Am I infected?" my doctor told me to comeback after 2days for result, that 2days of waiting is the most worst thing that happen to my life, cant eat, cant sleep, and i keep thinking that much, when I came back after 2days to my doctor, my doctor told me that base on his test I am positive, but he told me that he is not that sure, he need to bring my blood to department of health for western blot test for 100% result, he told me to that he will call me after 2weeks for the result, but Im thinking that I am really positive because of some symptoms happening to me like allergies and lots of unprotected sex contact,, I am so sad:(

Last May 29 2009 my life change so much but my family dont know about it, I am really afraid and scare that if they will know the truth they will change the way they are, even if they dont say and act that way, I can really feel that they will:(
All my dreams and outlook in life for me and for my family disappered..
After May 29, I feel really strange and diffirent about my health, I always got a little bit fever, my body feels weak and fatigue and its so hard for my to breath sometimes:( no responce coming from my doctor yet, so i dont know the real condition of my health my cd4 and vl...

please all of you here who understand my situation please give me some usefull advice and incourage me that, even I am alone, i can face and fight this deadly virus and i will live a long life, I want to grow old,, and i cant help to see my mother will cry and be sad everyday for what i am right now:(

thanks God I found this forum that will serve as my 1st strength in life while living poz...

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,899
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2009, 11:17:21 PM »
Hey there Pretty,

I can't really tell from your post that whether you have received the result of Western Blot test. You need this to confirm your status as it seems like you don't really know what sort of primarily test the doctor was using to give you the first positive result.

But no matter what we have all gone through the initial stage, which is the hard. We're here to listen. There are a few forum members that are also from the Philippines so there's some information on resources and support groups.

Wish you the best, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline positivmat

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  • Posts: 222
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2009, 07:35:06 AM »
Hey I hope that your Western Blot comes out negative. If it is positive, then it will be a very hard time but there is hope. First of all, you may not need meds for a while. Let the love you obviously feel for your family keep you strong while you get used to your diagnosis. You will learn to get used to it day by day and you will find that this loss of your health can turn into a great gain in your spirit over time. Do not be afraid, and reach out to those you trust who will support you. Keep us up to date with what happens and what you are going through. Whatever you think or feel, someone has done the same and you can get some good advice and support here. Its been almost 5 months for me now and my entire perception has changed. Its a process and it can be scary. You can still do a lot for your family.  You will still be a valuable person. You will still have a lot to offer the world. And you need to start the process knowing that. Reach out for help (to those you trust) and you will make it.

Offline Langie

  • Member
  • Posts: 19
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2009, 05:44:49 PM »
Hello Pretty!
Am so sorry for this difficult time you are facing right now. i pray the western blot comes out negative and if not you try your best to see through the darkest times of this diagnosis.
 It's 5 years since i was diagnosed but i have days when the wound feels fresh.
My advice to you  is to stay calm, eat well, keep in company to avoid the lonelness as you wait for the results. And if the test is poz then greater care about your health is very important plus avoiding unprotected sex with different people to reduce catching other STDS/ and re-infection.
 I hope your coping at this difficult time.
all my love and prayers.

Offline Rev. Moon

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,788
  • Smart ass faggot
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2009, 09:01:48 PM »
Hello Pretty, here keeping my fingers cross hoping that your WB test comes back negative.  As everyone else has said though, stay strong even if there is a positive result.  It seems to me (even from your screen name) that you are a fighter, so keep your head up :) 

It is clear from your post that your family means a lot to you and that they will be there for you regardless of the outcome.  The love that we get from the important people in our life is a key factor in staying healthy both mentally/spiritually and physically. 

You have us here to support you from a distance when you need it.

My best wishes and a hug.

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline prettyfighting1

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2009, 06:23:01 PM »
thanks " livebythemoon"

I just got my wb test last July 15 2009, and sad to say i am positive:(  really very sad and depress ...
For myself I already accepted the truth but for now and maybe for a long time, i will just keep it a secret and i will fight and face this virus by my self only, im not ready to tell to anyone about my condition..

The big fear in my mind and maybe i dont know what im going to do if someone in our village find that i have this kind of virus, Im afraid because someone knows that i have HIV and that person is my recruiter who bring me to medical test for the requirements going abroad, I really dont know what im going to do if she tell to anyone who knows me and my condition will be exploded to our community:(((

For me and I can feel that its so easy to survive if no discrimination and judgement coming from other people, who is not educated about HIV, Im afraid that friends, relatives, and neighborhood will go away from me and even from my family, thats the big thing i cannot accept and i would rather die if that happen.. cross my finger and praying to God that it will not happen even in my dreams...

Offline Langie

  • Member
  • Posts: 19
Re: May 29, 2009 saddess truth:(
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2009, 01:26:49 PM »
am sorry that the test came out positive!
Being positive and living positive are two crucial thinsg you need to understand.
Now that you know your situation, try to stay firm and move yourself into a postive direction ( looking after your health and accepting the situation)
try to speak to your recruiter about confidentiality and privacy.
starting thinking of how to form a new life with HIV and keep strong
with all my love


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