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Author Topic: Do me a favor please  (Read 1612 times)

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Offline hello12there

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Do me a favor please
« on: July 31, 2009, 05:25:06 PM »
Hi,

I have just started a relation with a young girl and in a very short time we have also started to think about getting married. I am aware of the risks that a sexual relation can have, without knowing each other's status.

To begin with, we have been indulging in the following activities while making love:

1. Kissing each other. She loves to kiss real hard.
2. Rubbing each other's body, licking each other, sometimes putting chocolate on her body and licking it up. (I apologise for being so descriptive)
3. She often gives me handjobs.
4. Vaginal sex sometimes using condoms.


It is known to me that she has been through a few sexual relationships and i am not aware of her status at the moment, neither could i gather enough courage to ask her straightforward. I am not sure, but the rumors have it that she traded sex for money a few years ealier because she was in urgent need of money.

Now, should i stop having any sort of physical relationships with her until we both get tested together?
Given her unknown status, do the activities listed above pose any threat of getting infected if she, by any chance, turns out to be infected?

I am feeling a bit worried (in fact lot).
Going thorugh the archives of the forum, what i have come to understand is:

1. Foreplays are no risk. Am i right?
2. Condom protected sex is virtually 100% safe against HIV. Am i being right here?

My nightmare is what if she turns out positive. To be honest now, i have stopped having sex with her (even though i was using condoms). Just foreplays are on.

I have really started to doubt condoms. SHOULD I? The reason being many stories doing the rounds on the internet that some people got infected even after using condoms. I may feel psyscho, but i am not able to trust condoms fully? SHOULD I?
And can hiv be passed during foreplays?


Sorry for the lengthy post. Please advise (assuming that she could turn out to be positive). Thats because i want to know where do i stand in the worst case scenario.

P.S. I was tested 8 months after my latest earlier exposure and since then i have been celibate.
      I had also posted it on Medhelp where an expert volunteer says that i havent done anything risky.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2009, 05:28:14 PM by hello12there »

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 25,206
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2009, 07:02:17 PM »
Hi,

Good to read that you have been using condoms everytime you have vaginal and anal intercourse. That's exactly what you need to always do with anyone until you are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative at a reliable point. Such a point is at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected intercourse.

There's no shame in wanting to have a partner get tested. The point is for BOTH partners to get tested. It's just a simple ground rule to follow.

Yes, condoms provide very effective protection against HIV transmission. None of the other sexual activities you have mentioned would put either of you at risk for HIV.

Keep your relationship honest including about sexual matters. Discuss the subject with her and ask her to get tested WITH you getting tested as well. It's not something that is casting any aspersions on someone's history. It's all about behaving responsibly with each other now.

Good luck with this important issue. And keep using those condoms.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2009, 07:42:56 PM »
hello12there, does frstrm2 sound familiar? Don't try it in this forum you got busted on MedHelp and the moderators here are a lot better and wiser.

Offline hello12there

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2009, 08:24:02 AM »
Hi RapidRod, Yes, they both were my screen names on MedHelp. And i am sorry for that. It was just that i got panicked and had twisted the story line just to get a better aseessment. I know i didn't do a right thing.And please be rest assured i wont try it anymore. Was just that i was under panic mode after i heard rumors that she traded sex for money in the past.

Thanks Andy for the reply and i sincerely hope you wont screw me up here for my mistake at Medhelp.I am very sorry about that.

My Only concern is:

Let us assume she is hiv positive. Are the sexual activities that i have been doing with her, vaginal with condoms and foreplays, are of any risk for hiv transmission?
Would it be safe to assume that i am okay?
What should my reaction be if she really turns out to be positive? Do i need to worry then?
« Last Edit: August 01, 2009, 08:31:25 AM by hello12there »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2009, 08:39:21 AM »
I am not interesed in what you do or may have done on other sites.

Apparently your anxiety is such that you are not reading what I have already told you, namely that nothing you did put you at risk. Even if she is HIV+, when you use condoms consistently they provide very effective protection against transmission. That's the whole point of using them.

As to establishing HIV status for each of you on a going forward basis, you would both have to get tested together to establish that. Assuming you both test negative then you can decide if you want to be in a securely monogamous relationship and dispense with condoms. Until if and when that happens, you ought to use a condom everytime you have intercourse.

Andy Velez

Offline hello12there

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2009, 08:44:22 AM »
Got it Andy. Thank you so much. I think i may be having some mental problems. Will look our for how to control my anxiety and irrational hiv fears. Thank you for the help and support.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 25,206
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2009, 08:50:20 AM »
You're welcome. Getting professional help when you realize you need it is the smart and strong thing to do.

Life is too short to be spent worrying, especially needlessly.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

Offline hello12there

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2009, 03:03:40 AM »
Hi guys, i am a lot calmer now.
I am here again just to ask a very simple question.

If i keep using condoms everytime (without any exception) with everyone, whether she is a gf or a sex worker, whether she is hiv positive or negative, the condoms never break or leak of slip-off, and i decide to take a test anytime, can i be 100% sure that the test results will come out negative? Is there even a slim chance that something could go wrong? Any need for worry given this scenario?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the selfless service that you are doing here.

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Do me a favor please
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2009, 07:23:41 AM »
hello,

When condoms are used correctly and consistently, no matter who you're with, will protect you against hiv infection. Condoms have been PROVEN to prevent hiv infection. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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