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Author Topic: 16 years  (Read 4564 times)

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Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
16 years
« on: March 01, 2009, 09:44:23 AM »
Holy Crap! This month, 16 years ago, I found out I was positive. Wow, time does fly by.  When I tested positive, I remember thinking I was going to die by the end of the year. Hmm, boy was I wrong. The first time I caught a cold I thought, this is it, I'm going to get pneumonia end up in the hospital and die...mmm, nope.  I remember feeling dirty, I felt like damaged goods and nobody would ever want to touch me again then when I first passionately kissed someone, it was the best feeling. I felt wanted. I felt alive..but then again it happened at a bar and everyone is pretty hot in a dimly lit place with alcohol involved. Beer goggles are the best!  ;)  :D 

I had a handful of friends but throughout the years, they found love, got into relationships and I stopped hearing from them. Well, all except for one. My curious-bi-sexual-lesbian friend, Claudia which I love to death.
You know, at first I thought it was me. I thought I wasn't a good friend to everyone and that was why they stopped talking to me which I admit I was hurt but then I realized, no, it wasn't me. They just went on with their lives. I was always there for my friends when they needed me and I will continue to be here when or if they need me again. I'm not going anywhere. No one needs to prove anything to me and I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I am who I am. (Popeye just popped into my head!)
In the last 16 years, I've only had two other relationships both of which lasted less than 8 months.
Yikes! I even thought, what the hell is wrong with me! Then I realized I had a lot of anger and resentment towards my ex for giving me HIV. After so many years, I'm finally letting go now and I feel soo much better. Some time ago I wondered, maybe some people are meant to be alone. I honestly believe I am one of those people meant to be alone. My grandmother was very independent and lived her life by herself. My mother is the same way..and now I feel I'm following the same pattern. Guess that's the way the cookie crumbles! Mmm, cookies.  :D

Well, that's me. 16 years. Holy Crap! You know it's true, life is what you make of it...so make it worth living!  :-*

Guess I just needed to ramble...

Thanks for reading!
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: 16 years
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2009, 10:41:03 AM »
Congratulations on your 16 years.  You have proven to yourself that you are stronger than you thought.

Best Wishes for many more
Joel
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,398
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: 16 years
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2009, 10:57:50 AM »
Hey Texan,

Congrats on the 16th anniversary. Amazing how time flies, isn't it?

I think you may be right. Some of us just do better on our own.

HUGS,

Mark

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Online BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,945
Re: 16 years
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2009, 11:22:49 AM »
Texan, congrats!  I do agree about making it alone, I know we're capable.

Best wishes to you,
  Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: 16 years
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2009, 12:23:26 PM »
Howdy Texan,

Congrats on 16 years. Today marks my 16th year.

Ron~
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,712
Re: 16 years
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2009, 01:16:19 PM »
"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Sept '09  6 blood clots in left arm
Coumadin 5mgs
                                     
Atenolol/50mg/2x
Hydrochlorth 25mg/1x
Gemfibrozil/300mgs/2X
Symbicort
Proventil Inhaler
Potassium
Rhinocort


*APR 08~Viramune/Truvada
March08  CD4 330 23% VL 452.000 
*Jan09 Med change~Epzicom/Viramune

Aug09   CD4 523 23%  VL<48
Diagnosed: COPD
Dec 2013: CD4 645 45% VL 49
Med Change: Viramune/Epivir/Ziagen/Isentress

Offline AndyArrow

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,196
Re: 16 years
« Reply #6 on: March 01, 2009, 08:01:27 PM »
Here's to 16yrs of just being who you are, Popeye!  ;)

Hugs & Stuff,
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
Re: 16 years
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2009, 08:53:56 PM »
Thank you guys. You all are greatly appreciated!

CHEERS!

Ron, love the scenery.  :)
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline subaruturbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: 16 years
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2009, 02:01:30 AM »
About 15 years here found out in '98 and already full blown. I know where my came from somebody not being honest and the twist my lover in high school knew they were poz and didn't say anything when he was at his house. Very big shocker. On my meds again and doing good looking forward to few more years to live have way too much to see and do to die. Hate to say it God has a plan for everyone and its not my time yet. I'd miss out on all the good cars to come out. Have a good one. Bill

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,959
Re: 16 years
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2009, 08:00:38 AM »
I've often wondered. Does God have a day planner or does he just randomly decide at birth that shitting one's pants for a decade or so would be a cool idea?  





typo
« Last Edit: August 07, 2009, 12:17:02 PM by Dachshund »

Online BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,945
Re: 16 years
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2009, 11:23:16 AM »
I've often wondered. Does God have a day planner or does he just randomly decide at birth that shitting one's pants for a decade or so would be cool idea? 

Hee :D
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline jules5055

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: 16 years
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2009, 12:46:39 PM »
Congrats on the 16! I haven't thought about it but my 15 was back on July 3. (Or at least that is when I was told after being tested).

Jules

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
Re: 16 years
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2009, 01:01:35 PM »
Congrats on the 16! I haven't thought about it but my 15 was back on July 3. (Or at least that is when I was told after being tested).

Jules

Welcome to the forum.   
 not to hijack the thread or anything but, what do you mean by the "at least that is when I was told after being tested?" 

Offline subaruturbo

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: 16 years
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2009, 02:33:26 PM »
I know what he's talking about. I should have said 16 they for some reason said when I was checked in '98 that I've had it since I was 18 and now I'm 34 because of my cd4 being 179 in 98 they guesstimate when they think you got it.

Offline RSG

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: 16 years
« Reply #14 on: August 09, 2009, 01:48:49 PM »
This month, 16 years ago, I found out I was positive. Wow, time does fly by.  When I tested positive, I remember thinking I was going to die by the end of the year. Hmm, boy was I wrong. The first time I caught a cold I thought, this is it, I'm going to get pneumonia end up in the hospital and die...mmm, nope.  I remember feeling dirty, I felt like damaged goods and nobody would ever want to touch me again then when I first passionately kissed someone, it was the best feeling. I felt wanted. I felt alive..but then again it happened at a bar and everyone is pretty hot in a dimly lit place with alcohol involved. Beer goggles are the best!  ;)  :D 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Keep it up. I was diagnosed in 1987 - 22 years now and still have 400 T Cells, last test viral load undetectable and never have had an OI.

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: 16 years
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2009, 06:42:33 PM »
Congratulations Texan,

It's always fabulous to share the passage of many years with an HIV bro or sis.  I sometimes feel like one of the dinosaurs, but for real, it is very encouraging to see so many of you living far beyond expectations.

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline RSG

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: 16 years
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2009, 11:33:03 AM »
Yep. BTW, the meds are so much better than I experienced at first - AZT  :(

Back then (1987-1991) that was all that was approved.

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
Re: 16 years
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2009, 11:19:23 PM »
 :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*   :-*  :-*   :-*

 :)

In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline shreveman

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: 16 years
« Reply #18 on: August 10, 2009, 11:35:55 PM »
Hey there - great about your 16th year. I wanted to say hi. Am new to the forum part of this site. Also, this month marks my 13th year. KOKO! Louisiana guy.

 


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