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Author Topic: single again  (Read 10886 times)

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Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #50 on: June 29, 2009, 01:06:25 AM »
yeah, my understanding is the same. gonorrhea is a site infection. if left untreated it can affect other parts of the body but those are more complications than the transmittable stuff.

anyhow, saw dude yesterday. after i went in for my consultation. my sti dr stressed that i not have unprotected sex with him again because of the chance of reinfection. the dr gave me a gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis test. plus he gave my body the once over just to be sure there wasn't anything missed. btw, that shit is expensive out of pocket. if i werent so stressed over the situation i would have just waited a month to see my id dr. btw, tcells are around 400 and vl is around 13,000.

so the sti dr also gave me meds for dude. dr told me there are many variations of the gonorrhea test and they do not consistently produce accurate results. he also confirmed it was highly unlikely my first treatment failed and that i spontaneously became symptomatic after my last sexual stint. he said the source was most likely dude (cause i aint fucking no one else and the bed sheets weren't THAT dirty).

so i told dude this over the phone. he's gonna get a more comprehensive exam this week. he will also open up to his dr about his sexual proclivities. i also told him i had the meds if he wanted them. ill def keep them for back up (this year has been a complete sti bitch).

so i hung out with dude as well. he came over and hung out with some of my friends and i yesterday. we had a couple drinks and whatnot. it was kinda awkward. not the whole unresolved sti thing, but the lack of flirting between him and i. like, i kinda didn't really talk to him much and he kinda chatted with my close friends most of the evening. im not exactly sure why it went down that way. when he tried to initiate conversation with me i was in the middle of something or when i tried to with him it was the same. there was no animosity but i will admit i was bit jealous. when i woke up this morning i was all bummed that he had hung out with me and my friends for hours and i only spoke with him for moments in person. yeah, i know. trust, i know...

anyhow, we spoke again this morning. i almost ended up crying again. im kinda at the point where i know i should let this go. most of my friends and fellow message board users agree. i don't like being here and i don't know where else to go. im not ready to start over but i guess i have no choice but to learn to be my own best friend.

and i want to be happier. he makes me happy but he also drives me insane at times. unfortunately, the balance is swinging closer to 50/50 and i do not like those odds. plus my straight & gay friends think he is very handsome. which i kinda find disconcerting. i know he is handsome but it was not my primary reason for maintaining our whatevership until it was changed. now i kinda don't feel on par with dude in the looks department and i guess phantom inadequacies are starting to surface. btw, he did check in on me periodically and we did still talk throughout the night...just nothing substantial  :-\

plus these long conversations we are having coupled with the unresolved sexual tension is fucking my head. yes, we could have used condoms and had sex last night. no, we did not (i also ended up worshipping the porcelain god).

another day.

best,
d

ps. no more pretty/handsome ones. i think im developing an aversion for something i would have overlooked or marked up as a perk.
« Last Edit: June 29, 2009, 01:18:21 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #51 on: June 29, 2009, 02:57:22 AM »
Doesn't really sound like "single again" you sound like "the couple most likely to couple".

Someday when you two are not going on a date but are going for a movie, some food and maybe some sex... he may be arriving at your door and say something like "honey", "dear" or "sweetheart" you will realize you have his heart but relationships are never easy.   He is driving 90 miles of L.A. freeways to see you, that comes from the heart   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

D Schweetheart,

Far be it for me to quote myself, I once had a history of quoting National Lampoon or Rolling Stone but, I said it then and I say it now... You guys seem more like the couple most likely to couple than single again.  So, you gave each other an STI and you are working together to take care of it, he is still driving 90 miles of L.A. freeway to see you and meeting your friends. 

There is a monument in San Pedro called The Korean Friendship Bell, on a clear day you can see Catalina.  It has never been done before but it would be a nice place for a wedding!   Next door, there is an abandoned armory which would be an excellent place for a reception and if you had your brides maids in camo and your band sporting the Robert Palmer Girls, backed by the Tower of Power Horn Section, you would have the social event of the year.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Robert

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Re: single again
« Reply #52 on: June 29, 2009, 03:11:00 AM »
i don't know where else to go. im not ready to start over but i guess i have no choice but to learn to be my own best friend.

hi d.


michael stepped on my toes.  As I was typing, he was posting.  He's the lead but I'll follow cus we're both sayng the same thing.

i'v e been keeping up with all that's happened.

Just my 2 bits worth. First of all, it's nice to be your own best friend, i suppose, but it doesn't mean shit it you can't share it with someone.  \

now it seems to me this guy is worth sharing it with.  it sounds like you're open and honest with him. you told him all about your Dr and his advice and the pills. YOu guys are still talking.  Maybe this incident will make him see you in the right light and he'll come clean, gonorrhea wise and relationship wise.  And it sounds like he's sayng the right and doing the right things.

I'd persue it, that's for sure.

robt
..........

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #53 on: June 29, 2009, 03:50:42 AM »
See, Robert agrees and he is the reason I am in my man's life for almost a year and a half.  I was going to let him drop me after the first date and Robert said no, his man was such a pest when they first met and they have been together for 21 years.  I became a real pest...

Just last week, I wanted a hug and a kiss so I drove to San Francisco and valet parked.  My phone rang, it was him wondering where I was.  I'm at your door and it is locked for lunch.  I think we should make Robert the Fairy Godmother of Relationships here on the Forums   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #54 on: June 29, 2009, 11:51:45 AM »
Drop him like a hot potato. 
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #55 on: June 29, 2009, 07:06:00 PM »
Drop him like a hot potato. 

Now, D...

I love Phylatio but, I am a romantic at heart.  You should start planning your wedding.  My little sister started planning hers at age 5 and it is a good thing because she has already had 3 of them.  I should admit, I am planning my wedding.  I recently told my man bride that I was going to someday ask him to be my wife.  We are going to go to sea in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 pound note.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #56 on: June 29, 2009, 07:11:27 PM »
Drop him like a hot potato. 

Girl, we are on the same page...let me mark this on the calendar because it will prolly never happen again...ever...... ;) Now if only I could channel your fashion sense... :D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline bocker3

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Re: single again
« Reply #57 on: June 29, 2009, 07:29:06 PM »
and i want to be happier. he makes me happy but he also drives me insane at times. unfortunately, the balance is swinging closer to 50/50 and i do not like those odds.

OK, so I haven't been single since 1990, so I may not be the best one to be giving advice, but I couldn't let this comment lay there........

Another person isn't going to make your life happy -- you have to be able to do that for yourself.  Now, another person can definitely make your life HAPPIER.  I may be reading more into this comment (and your previous posts) than I should, but it sounds like your happiness is very dependent on having a man in your life.  That is simply expecting WAY TOO MUCH of another human being -- he's bound to fail you at some point.  Again, my apologies if I'm overreading here -- but.........

Second -- who says that Mr (or Mrs) Right isn't supposed to drive you crazy??  Relationships are not all "Hollywood fantasy" and perfect.  My partner makes my life much more complete and a happier place -- but he also has the most uncanny ability to drive me nuts -- and I'm sure that the reverse is true for him.  However, we love each other -- we have interests together and interests apart (no, I"m not talking about other men -- there was a time, but that didn't work out to well for us -- we are now a magnetic couple -- and have decided against it going forward).  In almost 19 yrs, I can promise that there were times that I was mentally cataloguing our house as to what I was taking and what he was taking.  These things pass -- we talk about, move on and live our lives.  Remembering why we fell in love and what we find special about each other.  I will say that there is more and more good times and fewer "drive me nuts" times as the years go by, but I doubt that we will ever stop driving each other nuts at times.

Anyway -- I'm rattling on here -- bottom line is to make sure that YOU can make yourself happy first and that relationships are definitely up and down, so don't throw it away because you experience some downs.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #58 on: June 30, 2009, 03:42:14 AM »

We are going to go to sea in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 pound note.


Michael, let me know when you need that five pound (£5.00) note. I'll post one off to you.  ;)  ;D

Ann

PS - do you want a Manx fiver, or an English one?
« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 03:44:18 AM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #59 on: June 30, 2009, 06:22:38 AM »
wow...

you all are great. regardless of what side of the fence you are on, thank you for your support. it means a lot as i process this. once again, i am not sleeping well. im sleeping in 3 - 4 hour stints and it fucking sucks working a full stressful day after getting a crap night of sleep.

so, i didnt sleep well last night either. went to work this morning and was humiliated in front of my team (think 50+ individuals) on a conference call (in my room there were 20 of us) for not being alert. they expect us to follow diligently during those wonderful powerpoint presentations on the latest modification to our company's strategy. unfortunately, 4 hours of sleep and a powerpoint presentation at 830 in the morning sans a cup of jo isn't my best friend. i dont like stimulants and caffenine make me all jittery and weird.

as i was struggling to stay awake i was asked a question on a former slide. my mind went blank and i had no response. needless to say i felt like an utter moron and now will have to undertake months of relationship and reputation rebuilding because of this gaffe. i love corporate america. and once again i am up and have only had 3 and a half hours of sleep.

so, dude calls me while im at work. he updates me on his situation and hears the distress in my voice. in my moment of doubt i vent to him about what happened and that i was stressed and going out of my head over things i dont have complete control over.

when i got off work we talked about it at length and he offered me advice. even though he had not been in my situation i felt better knowing that he cared and tried to make things better for me. we subsequently made plans to go to at least 2 events and had another sexually charged conversation as well.

i am a romantic at heart. i want to believe this will work. i do have my doubts but i have not strayed. and neither has he. and yes, we are talking every day again. no, we are not all butterflies and sunshine but those elements are still present.  

« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 06:30:28 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #60 on: June 30, 2009, 06:49:33 AM »
michael - thank you for the kind words. i hope we are a couple more likely to couple again. i still like dude. and at the end of the day i'd rather have him around then not. he's a big kid at heart and likes to play. i like playing also. when things get tense there is always something trivial and amusing for us to talk about.

robt - ive been on my own for over 10 years. it is great to have someone to share these things with. and michael says u've ushered him in the right direction for his current relationship -- hehehe, i will take that as a good sign and continue forward (albeit, not full speed ahead). ;D

miss p - if the potato gets any hotter im coming to you for my bitching session. queen, u r so gonna be in there as well!!! lets give dude and my heart some more time. but thank you, i want to protect myself as well and will definitely move ahead at a slower pace.

mike - haha, no one said he wasn't supposed to drive me crazy. thanks for factoring that in. i know he doesn't get me all the time. i know i don't get him all the time. i do know he returns my phone calls and listens intently. i also know that i stop what im doing to give him my undivided attention as well (when humanly possible  ;D). u r right, another person will not make my life happy, but he can help make it more fulfilling. as stated earlier, ive been single damn near over 10 years without a true relationship (agreed boyfriends and whatnot). mind you, im 31 and thats been the majority of my romantic adult life. yeah, there are some ups & downs. after the downs dude is still on my mind. and as i work through this bullshit at work and in life it's comforting to know that there will be someone there for me (hopefully) after the crap cycles out. and no, you are not reading too much into things...you are dead on. my peeps often tell me i am reading into things too much...i just think it's a sign of an analytical brain substantiating a position or theory.

ann - you're just wonderful. michael - you heard the lady, she's got your back and i want pics from your adventures at sea  ;).

best,
d
« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 06:54:20 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #61 on: June 30, 2009, 11:04:59 AM »

ann - you're just wonderful.


Aw, you made me blush! (and that's not an easy feat to accomplish, I can tell you!)

Good luck with Dude. I have plenty of ups and downs with my man too, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. Take an occasional break, sure, but never for long. I couldn't imagine him not being in my life again. We were apart for ten years at one point, back together for just over a year and a half now. We won't be spending that much time apart again if we can help it.

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #62 on: June 30, 2009, 02:50:52 PM »
wow...

you all are great. regardless of what side of the fence you are on


D Honey,

Don't listen to the others.  They are not California girls (like us) and are not aware of the Lydia Pense Syndrome.  I suppose I should explain what Lydia Pense Syndrome is...

BACKGROUND:

Lydia Pense was a singer in San Francisco during the late 60's.  She fronted a band called Cold Blood which had a horn section rivaling Tower of Power and identical twins on baritone and alto sax.  She had the best producers and lighted the stages of the Fillmore and Winterland in black sequined little dresses, while her soundman was breaking down her voice in a digital audio processor and pumping it through a wall of Marshall amps.  The up and coming computer design guys Steve Jobs and Bill Gates melted on the floor and as she sang, "I just want to make love to you", there was not a dry seat in the house.  She gave it all up for a man in Menlo Park, lived in a big house and never sang again.

The woman who once scared the hell out of the producers and managers of Janis Joplin and Grace Slick, Annie Sampson and Jo Baker (Stoneground) gave up her stage to become a trophy wife.  Like all trophy wives, there is always a little breeze on the back of our necks... it is the breath of the next girl trying to take our man.

Lydia Pense tried to do a comeback tour but at 70 and sagging, she failed to fill the stage of the Mendocino County Fair and no one wanted to hear a great grandmother sing, "I just want to make love to you".  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

« Last Edit: June 30, 2009, 02:54:31 PM by Sonomabeach »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #63 on: July 02, 2009, 02:10:38 AM »

i am a romantic at heart. i want to believe this will work. i do have my doubts but i have not strayed. and neither has he. and yes, we are talking every day again.

Uh, no dear -- someone strayed.  And it's not the straying that is so bad, it's the lying.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #64 on: July 02, 2009, 07:23:25 PM »
Uh, no dear -- someone strayed.  And it's not the straying that is so bad, it's the lying.

Phylatio Dear,

This is California and I'm not sure the rules of moral behavior apply.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #65 on: July 02, 2009, 09:18:12 PM »
but i have not strayed. and neither has he.

so what then -- did you both catch it off of a toilet seat?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #66 on: July 02, 2009, 10:31:31 PM »
yeah, that was never really resolved. kinda the whole elephant in the room thing. im sure it will rear its ugly head when the opportunity presents itself.

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #67 on: July 04, 2009, 03:46:55 AM »
Michael, let me know when you need that five pound (£5.00) note. I'll post one off to you.  ;)  ;D

Ann

PS - do you want a Manx fiver, or an English one?

I heard part the story first on the movie The Avengers and searched forever for the rest of it, only to be disapointed.  Now Ann, if you will kindly shatter the rest of my illusions by telling me how much a 5 lb note is worth in USD...  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #68 on: July 04, 2009, 06:58:32 AM »

Now Ann, if you will kindly shatter the rest of my illusions by telling me how much a 5 lb note is worth in USD...


Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann


[attachment deleted by admin]
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #69 on: July 04, 2009, 07:23:11 AM »
Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann


LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty.  Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #70 on: July 04, 2009, 07:41:00 AM »
LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty.  Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.

Yeah, well tell that to all the bankers and shopkeepers in the UK who refuse to take Manx currency. It's considered and treated as a foreign currency and you have to have it changed before you go "across", as we refer to trips to the UK. We're not fooled - it is what it is.

Ann
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #71 on: July 04, 2009, 11:11:00 AM »
Yeah, well tell that to all the bankers and shopkeepers in the UK who refuse to take Manx currency. It's considered and treated as a foreign currency and you have to have it changed before you go "across", as we refer to trips to the UK. We're not fooled - it is what it is.

Ann


You really shouldn't take things so personally.  It's not attractive!
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Offline BT65

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Re: single again
« Reply #72 on: July 04, 2009, 01:40:43 PM »
Anyway, yeah, D, even though you two are still communicating, you know someone strayed, else the case of the clap wouldn't have happened.  I agree with Miss P., it's not so much the straying, it's the lying about it.  That would make me think before I let it happen again.  I mean, I believe in the power of forgiveness, but someone has to admit fault.  Otherwise, how many other things are being lied about?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #73 on: July 04, 2009, 03:03:54 PM »
Anyway, yeah, D, even though you two are still communicating, you know someone strayed, else the case of the clap wouldn't have happened.  I agree with Miss P., it's not so much the straying, it's the lying about it.  That would make me think before I let it happen again.  I mean, I believe in the power of forgiveness, but someone has to admit fault.  Otherwise, how many other things are being lied about?

Plus the guy knows he's a liar or why else would he have acted so strange at that dinner/cocktail party function?  It's clear as day to me, but I'm concerned that next2u is allowing this guy to use him as a doormat and that's just not good for one's soul, and certainly NOT the basis of a relationship.  Sorry to sound harsh with this, but that's what he's doing -- playing you.

I'm rather aghast at the love sick queens on this board that are rallying on the sidelines with their big pom poms thinking "love will save the day" (ref. Whitney) -- no, love doesn't save the day when someone is a habitual liar and manipulator.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #74 on: July 04, 2009, 03:10:54 PM »
Plus the guy knows he's a liar or why else would he have acted so strange at that dinner/cocktail party function?  It's clear as day to me, but I'm concerned that next2u is allowing this guy to use him as a doormat and that's just not good for one's soul, and certainly NOT the basis of a relationship.  Sorry to sound harsh with this, but that's what he's doing -- playing you.

I'm rather aghast at the love sick queens on this board that are rallying on the sidelines with their big pom poms thinking "love will save the day" (ref. Whitney) -- no, love doesn't save the day when someone is a habitual liar and manipulator.

All I can say is TESTIFY!!!!! You know the saying tho, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...wonder how it goes if you go for the trifecta. All we can do now is let D do D.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
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2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
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6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
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Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #75 on: July 04, 2009, 03:51:24 PM »
Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann


Must be a BIG rock to have it's own currency.  I had it pictured in my mind as a village with an old castle ruins, a pub and some fishing fleet.

Now, for everyone else... This is California where lying and cheating are daily events.  Look at our Goverator, Arnold Schwartzenegger.  He was elected to office by lying and cheating and look at what a mess he has made.  The State Department of Health, Office of AIDS has been cut $55.5 million in funding which will possible be the ADAP monies.  Medi-Cal which many (if not most) people on disability depend upon for healthcare insurance has lost dental, vision care and in-home services.  Two hundred, twenty state parks have been threatened with closure and six of them may be taken over by the feds.  What does he say... "Hasta La Vista, Baby"

Now, back in our little cyber world, it appears either D or Dude may have given each other the clap while June Cleaver is baking cookies.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #76 on: July 04, 2009, 05:12:39 PM »
wow. i really don't know what to say. i have to admit, i do believe him and have kinda stuffed this all into the unknown section of my brain.

we do have another date coming up rather soon and still are talking on a daily basis. im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

if i don't catch it, should i be upset? should i abolish this memory away?

i dunno, this is some fucked up shit. we both are moving forward on this runaway train and hopefully it docks somewhere soon.

the other fucked up shit -- all of my friends think he is hot and i am developing major issues over this. im starting to feel like the ugly duckling in our thing. before i felt like an equal, now im also concerned about having every bitch within 50 feet of us breathing down his neck. im also equally paranoid about him jumping ship as soon as the grass becomes greener.

dude, this shit totally sucks at times and i doubt ill do anything romantically serious or sexually adventurous anytime soon.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #77 on: July 04, 2009, 05:14:39 PM »
oh, and i think manx has currency ego issues. can you say prideful, lol?
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #78 on: July 04, 2009, 06:17:35 PM »
When I was really young, I lived in Madrid with an older man who was 25.  I can laugh at this as I can't imagine what he is like today, it has been almost 40 years.  For 1,000 pesetas you could get a good looking woman and another 200 pesetas for clean sheets.  It was a class act, Calle Ballestra.  There was a woman named Sandy who was not only a sex worker but a Witch, we all became friends.

One day as I was starting to piss, I noticed a crusty white blockage had formed.  Some antibiotics took care of it that time and many other times as well.  We both were getting it and the doctors were calling it non-specific meaning it may or may not have been caused by sex.  We joked at home about me giving him the clap.  I'm going to be 60 years in a few and must admit, I have seen and done a lot, except love.  Now, that is happening and I know in advance he will never cheat or lie to me (because he loves me so?) No, fear of witchcraft...   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Luke

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Re: single again
« Reply #79 on: July 04, 2009, 06:54:28 PM »
LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty.  Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.

That'll be because the Isle of Man isn't really independent. It isn't a part of either the United Kingdom (which is really the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) or the European Union (which Northern Ireland is a member of, even though it isn't part of Great Britain - which is really only England, Scotland and Wales); but it is a Crown dependency and a member state of what is officially stated in British Law as the 'British Islands' (which the United Nations quite incorrectly labels the United Kingdom - but that is because all responsibility for the foreign relations of all member states of the British Islands is vested in the United Kingdom)  .. and because of all that, the Isle of Man is legally a part of the de facto British Pound Sterling currency union.

With the exception of England & Wales, each of the states within the British Islands can print their own money; but the only universal legal tender in the British Islands is the British Pound Sterling issued by the Bank of England (which, just to confuse matters, is really the Bank of the British Islands .. because England doesn't actually have a national bank).

All 'legal tender' really means is that a court of law in that state has by law to accept that currency in settlement of a debt, so there isn't actually any legal impediment on you spending any Pound issued by any state in the British Islands in any shop anywhere in the British Islands; but nor is there any legal obligation on anyone to accept anything which isn't legal tender in the state in which the transaction takes place.

Bank of England pounds (i.e. British Pounds) are legal tender everywhere within the states of British Islands, along with the non-states of the British Antarctic Territory, Gibraltar, Saint Helena, South Georgia, the South Sandwich Islands and the British Indian Ocean Territory (where the US dollar is also legal tender .. but that's another story)

Manx (Isle of Man) Pounds (along with Bailiwicks of Jersey & Guernsey Pounds) are legal tender in the state of issue.

Scottish and Northern Irish Pounds aren't technically speaking legal tender anywhere - not even in the state of issue - which really pisses the Scots off when they realise (but luckily most don't).

Wales doesn't get a mention, because a) it is Wales and b) it is regarded as part of England for most important things (but don't tell the Welsh that because they get really upset and burn your holiday home down).

All clear now?

Factual as the foregoing is, it is simply a civil servant's attempt at a humorous representation of just how bloody complicated it is to live in the British Islands and their dependent territories.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2009, 07:33:15 PM by Luke »

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #80 on: July 04, 2009, 07:14:49 PM »

All clear now?

Factual as the foregoing is, it is simply a civil servant's attempt at a humorous representation of just how bloody complicated it is to live in the British Islands and their dependent territories.

Mostly and thank you Luke.  The illness I had written about earlier in this thread called, "Lydia Pense Syndrome" was completely fabricated and some of my best work but, in another post within D's tread, I spoke of my BF and made reference to The Owl and the Pussycat.  Being an American, I never heard the story as a child but they set sail in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 lb note.

How large would a 5 lb note be?  Wouldn't it be part of the "plenty of money?"  Then, last but not least, we have a white boat and I was thinking about having it painted green.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

 

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Offline edfu

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Re: single again
« Reply #81 on: July 04, 2009, 07:42:35 PM »
im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

Whoa...

Has he or has he not (according to him) had his butt checked already or not???  You previously said he had a problem with doing that.  Does he now claim that he has had his throat checked as well? 

Is this guy HIV+ or not?  Is this a serosort relationship?  If not, why are you anally fucking him without a condom anyway?  You have a detectable viral load.   
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline joemutt

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Re: single again
« Reply #82 on: July 08, 2009, 03:01:31 AM »
wow. i really don't know what to say. i have to admiti do believe him and have kinda stuffed this all into the unknown section of my brain. we do have another date coming up rather soon and still are talking on a daily basis. im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

if i don't catch it, should i be upset? should i abolish this memory away?

i dunno, this is some fucked up shit. we both are moving forward on this runaway train and hopefully it docks somewhere soon.

the other fucked up shit -- all of my friends think he is hot and i am developing major issues over this. im starting to feel like the ugly duckling in our thing. before i felt like an equal, now im also concerned about having every bitch within 50 feet of us breathing down his neck. im also equally paranoid about him jumping ship as soon as the grass becomes greener.

dude, this shit totally sucks at times and i doubt ill do anything romantically serious or sexually adventurous anytime soon.

I don't want to be unpleasant but I think you're in denial.
« Last Edit: July 08, 2009, 03:03:20 AM by joemutt »

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #83 on: July 08, 2009, 05:41:30 AM »
denial aint a river in egypt, lol.

yeah, if i am this too will pass. lets see how things play out. we may be off our separate way more sooner than later. i guess all things are on the table.

denial is a horrible state to be in  :-\
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #84 on: July 09, 2009, 02:21:29 AM »
Damn, damn, double damn, triple damrn, hell...  D, this requires some special work.  I would (well actually have) gone to a piano bar every time another man done gone.  I would get myself one of those Hurricane glasses filled with J&B rocks w/ a water back and tell the piano man to play it for me.  Birds of Paradise on Broadway and Hermosa in Long Beach is perfect.

This song is slow and sultry.  It has simply got to be in the top 10 of torch songs and done by Julie London.  CRY ME A RIVER...

"Now you say you're lonely
You cry the whole night through
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry
For bein' so untrue
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me nearly out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I rememberall that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you

I cried a river over you."

Then you get up in the morning, blow the cobwebs out of your hear and begin the search for a new man  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #85 on: July 09, 2009, 02:32:27 AM »
I decided to not tell this story after all.  ;D  Have the best day
Michael
« Last Edit: July 09, 2009, 03:40:39 AM by Sonomabeach »

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #86 on: July 09, 2009, 03:23:11 AM »
Once again I say this thread has turned into a Maury moment. I think you need to go lie on your therapist's couch and talk to him. I have been following this thread from the start and everything you have been saying about him giving you the, clap, not talking, then talking, still wanting to bone him etc. I would be running in the opposite direction. I think me and Miss P has all but drawn you a picture. Maybe if your therapist says the same things we are, you will listen. Or perhaps you are the type of person that doesn't shit stinks until you step in it. But then you kinda already stepped in it with the clap thing.

And why are you feeling insecure about yourself because your friends think your "boy toy" is hot? Shouldn't that be a compliment of some sort? Or is it because you and dude are still going out as friends only? Something about this dude really has your nose wide open and definitely caught up in a mini-drama. What I can't understand is why? And knowing that he gave you the clap, yet you still choose to lay with him, why would you NOT wear a condom? If it was me, I wouldn't sex him without one. But then if it was me, I would've kicked dude to the curb a long time ago. What's the point in settling for this dude when you have so many issues/doubts in your mind.

Come here and let me lay hands on you.....I think you're possessed.... :D *throws holy water@D*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: single again
« Reply #87 on: July 09, 2009, 03:52:25 PM »
Come here and let me lay hands on you.....I think you're possessed.... :D *throws holy water@D*

Hey D,

Lana Turner once told her personal assistant, "Los Angeles is full of Queens and you are the only true Queen".  In the Spirit of Miss Turner, I am compelled to point out... those Queens in Los Angeles are all IMPOSTOR Queens.  The only true Queen is our own, Queen Tokelove (the royal trumpets go, Da, ta,da,da).

You might be under a Spell and it is clear you are not happy.  As a person who has been seeing someone for 5 months, you should be Ginger Rodgers dancing on air, instead of wondering when you may get the clap again or when and if your friends start getting the clap too.  Remember, Ginger Rodgers did everything Fred Astaire did only she was wearing high heels and stepping backward.

Love Spells can be manipulative and can be broken but it requires an expert.  You will need to take the 405 to the 710, get off the freeway at the the Broadway exit...  Follow Broadway to Hamburger Mary's (there may or may not be Witches in any of these places but they are bars (gay bars) and there are men!  Many of them desireable... If you fail to locate a good man at Hamburger Mary's, follow the street another block to Broadway Bar, all my old friends are there in the morning.  Probably no witches there either.

By now, you have had a couple of drinks and can walk the rest of the way.  The Sweetwater Saloon is across the street and down a block.  Further down the way there is the Falcon Bar, the Brit and the Birds of Paradise...  At the Birds of Paradise you can have the piano man play (from South Pacific, 'I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way') and sing that song.  By now, you have hit 6 bars in 6 blocks and met a number of men, possibly no witches there as well, Dude should be history by now...  If not, continue walking toward Redondo Ave.  on the right is a little herb shop called The Eye of the Cat, you can get expert help there.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

« Last Edit: July 09, 2009, 03:59:13 PM by Sonomabeach »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #88 on: July 09, 2009, 06:44:07 PM »
I think me and Miss P has all but drawn you a picture.

Testify and preach, Sister Fire!
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #89 on: July 09, 2009, 08:15:57 PM »
Lana Turner once told her personal assistant, "Los Angeles is full of Queens and you are the only true Queen".  In the Spirit of Miss Turner, I am compelled to point out... those Queens in Los Angeles are all IMPOSTOR Queens.  The only true Queen is our own, Queen Tokelove (the royal trumpets go, Da, ta,da,da).

Love Spells can be manipulative and can be broken but it requires an expert.

By now, you have had a couple of drinks and can walk the rest of the way.

Actually, I consider all women or those gay men who consider themselves to be Queens, Queens as well. It took me a long time to consider myself a Queen after being some man's personal doormat for years. And this was even before I became infected. After becoming infected, I felt worthless and everything became about sex. Or I would just settle just because, ya know? I guess that is why I am drawn to this thread. Trying to save a friend from a whole lot of heartache. A friend who in my opinion need to learn how to love himself before he can love someone else. Right now, he is just trying to fill a void....*sighs*

I learned my lesson about love spells. I did one when I lived in Harrisburg. The guy ended up stalking me and I had to go to someone to break it. And just like that, guy was gone. I wouldn't suggest anyone try one in regards to a specific person. Maybe a more generalized one but even then you have to be careful what you ask for. And can someone read him if he is drunk as hell?

Testify and preach, Sister Fire!

Hey, I like that....Sister Fire....Gonna have to make that one of my aliases, tyvm.. ;) What I say to D, I say as a friend and someone who has been where he is, um, er, well kinda. Let's just say I can relate to some things.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #90 on: July 10, 2009, 08:09:08 AM »
ok, ill reply to the above comments a lil later.

here's an update, im sure some of you will see this as a good thing.

we haven't talked in almost a week (longest period without convo since we've met). he hasn't returned my phone call/texts. im def disgruntled, just want to know what's going on even if we can't work it out.

dunno what's going on. second time ive been given the silent treatment. kinda had a feeling something was gonna go down. have no idea why this is happening, but im sure all things happen for a reason. i like communicating, even if it's not pleasant.

haven't slept well in days. looking forward to a restful weekend.

and, qt, my therapist gets a weekly update : ). he's quite the man. he's believed things haven't been going well for awhile now. he believes im a romantic at heart and just wants the best for me. he also understands why i haven't given up and wants me to keep a realistic perspective on things (even when i won't take off the rosy colored lenses).

did someone say something about denial, lol? i guess i just feel like ive been kicked to the curb but dont want to give up.

at this time i cant negate, condone or support shit. lets see what happens. btw, regardless of what side of the fence you are on (and im starting to think you are all on the same side,  8)) thank you again for your support, it means the world to me. 
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,558
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: single again
« Reply #91 on: July 10, 2009, 11:44:03 AM »
Look honey, the guy is not only a clap dispensing liar but he's also a flake.  Wake up and smell the coffee.  And don't sit there saying: "just want to know what's going on even if we can't work it out."

WHO CARES WHAT HIS REASONS ARE?  HE'LL JUST LIE ABOUT THE REASON ANYWAY.

Seriously girl, it's like you need Faggotry 101 lessons or something.  It's really simple: cut him off, cut off thinking about him, delete all references to him, all email, phone numbers, everything.

Then go out and get a manicure or something... buy some shoes.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: single again
« Reply #92 on: July 10, 2009, 04:29:10 PM »
After reading D's reply, the song by The Eurythmics, "Would I lie to you?" popped in my head.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #93 on: July 10, 2009, 09:41:10 PM »
wow, so, umm, yeah....

we finally talked today. i was rather reserved, braced for the worst and whatnot. then we kept talking. made some deals. made some plans. im rather happy about the entire situation despite myself.

and i chose to believe him. and he also believes me. if i am wrong i will find out another day. ill eek what enjoyment i can out of this for now. besides, he could accuse me of all things he is unsure of and he doesn't. we made a deal not to lie to each other when we first meet. ive kept up my end of it, i believe he has as well.

it's the other fucked up shit that makes it hard. but i do have expectations. fortunately, he has less for me. honestly, if he did cheat, i dont know what id do, i might even take him back. ive been alone a long time now and i just don't believe humans are truly monogamous beings. i know we can be. i know i can be - but only cause ive been single for so long. i also know he does not have to talk to me. he's a good  looking guy and he has a lot of other options. so do i. it's a choice we've both made.

yeah, the path is twisted and shit. and no, im not always happy, but thats life. and i kinda want him in it. he will have to fuck up royally or leave of his own accord.

(we were both hit on asked out in the last week while not speaking. we both declined and let the people know we were dating someone else)

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #94 on: July 10, 2009, 09:43:56 PM »
ya know, i hope this thread doesn't come back to haunt me, lol  ;D

there's a lot of current personal information in here.

qt -- is that your ass in your avatar? wow.... papi must be VERY happy 8)
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,620
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: single again
« Reply #95 on: July 10, 2009, 09:52:03 PM »
You believe he has kept up his end of the deal and not lied to you???????   Are you serious?  Where did the gono come from?  The sky? 

I guess you're going to have to live with a liar and cheat and just be happy (aye).  I just hope a lot of hurt doesn't result, but that's what I see in the future.  Sorry, D.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,558
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: single again
« Reply #96 on: July 10, 2009, 10:13:10 PM »
ya know, i hope this thread doesn't come back to haunt me, lol  ;D

there's a lot of current personal information in here.

Actually I'd print the entire thing out and discuss my self-esteem issues with my therapist.

"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #97 on: July 10, 2009, 10:19:25 PM »
i DO think he gave me the clap.

we weren't extensively sexual before this. we engaged in more activities this night than the times before.

the first time i got the clap the other guys test came back negative as well. he didnt do the full series of exams (a piss test not a throat swab).

dude needs to be tested and he said he would be. until then, we will do other things. i believe he is asymptomatic, a lot of of people who are carriers are. and he was sexually active before we met. so was i.

he hasn't denied that he is asymptomatic and he hasn't accused me of cheating even though i am the one with symptoms. from this stance i kinda have to give him a break. besides, we were not dating when we had sex. he did not have to lie to me. i dont really know what he has to gain by lying, he's already getting the milk for free, lol.

AND - just for the record, if he is lying you all are completely right. at this time im giving him the benefit of the doubt. i'd really like to give him a strong course of antibiotics...lol
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: single again
« Reply #98 on: July 10, 2009, 10:23:59 PM »
funny you should say that miss p,

my therapist and i did discuss my self esteem issues in direct relationship to this. my therapist wants me to be cautious but understands my motives. he also understands there is a lot of gray and believes that both scenarios are possible. overall he wants to make sure i do not get hurt in the process and he wants me to pull out before it becomes bad, err, worse.

he also thinks i am putting more into this than he is. i know this. ive explained my reasons multiple times. then we've talked about the last people ive dated and we've both agreed that at least im heading in the right direction regardless of whether im there or not.

thank you miss p, i like the head on your shoulders  :)
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: single again
« Reply #99 on: July 11, 2009, 12:58:01 AM »
wow, so, umm, yeah....

we finally talked today. i was rather reserved, braced for the worst and whatnot. then we kept talking. made some deals. made some plans. im rather happy about the entire situation despite myself.

and i chose to believe him. and he also believes me. if i am wrong i will find out another day. ill eek what enjoyment i can out of this for now. besides, he could accuse me of all things he is unsure of and he doesn't. we made a deal not to lie to each other when we first meet. ive kept up my end of it, i believe he has as well.

it's the other fucked up shit that makes it hard. but i do have expectations. fortunately, he has less for me. honestly, if he did cheat, i dont know what id do, i might even take him back. ive been alone a long time now and i just don't believe humans are truly monogamous beings. i know we can be.

yeah, the path is twisted and shit. and no, im not always happy, but thats life. and i kinda want him in it. he will have to fuck up royally or leave of his own accord.

I keep trying to follow this thread from the sidelines but you just say little things that suck me right back in.Your conversation with dude sounded more like some type of merger. Or maybe he stated terms and you just went along just so you can be with him. No matter what excuses you make for this man, he is a predator, preying on your low self-esteem.

You choose to believe him and if you're wrong, you'll find out another day? WTF? And what does he have to accuse you of? If I am correct, you haven't been seeing anyone but him, right? I guess he has already figured out what buttons to push just by your responses. How can you make a deal not to lie when he already has? Clap, hello? Major lie if you ask me. And you don't think that is fucking up royally? What does he have to do, screw someone in your bed? But then he has his own place probably.

And what expectations do you have of this man? Obviously, he does not want to be committed so the only thing you must be expecting is a good shag every now and then. And the occassional date amongst your friends so you can be seen with someone on your arm.

D, trust I am not in any way trying to be a bitch. If my bff was going thru what you are, I would tell her the same thing. And though I may sound harsh with you, it would be 100 time worse for her. Obviously, you've made up your mind. And I agree, this thread is going to come back and bite you in the ass in about 6 months time

And yeah, that's my ass in the avatar....Baby got back! Junk in my trunk! And an apple bottom... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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