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Author Topic: single again  (Read 12022 times)

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Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
single again
« on: June 06, 2009, 06:17:13 PM »
so he said it. the words ive been dreading. we had the conversation today. yup, he doesn't see things the way i do. what's even weirder is we have movie plans for later tonight still.

i dunno, he kinda broke it off 3 weeks ago then made the trip up here (i live 90 minutes away from him) 2 weeks ago. we finally consummated our whatevership and i was kinda confused about our whatevership standing. we have a term, i think we are friends with benefits. im still good for the sex damnit!

kinda sucks cause i like dude. in 9 days it would have been 5 months. saddest part - it would have been my longest relationship ever. this is pretty much the only romantic relationship i've had as an adult. and, like most things, it did not last. instead it morphed into yet another thing that will fuck with my head & heart.

im happy i understand where we are. ive had some other dudes approach me recently and i had to put them on the back burner. im not ready to fully jump back out there but i do have some light dates set up for next week. no romance, no expectations. just getting out of the house type of stuff. i just wished this would have worked, i poured a lot of effort and energy into this.  im not sure why it didnt work out and i dont think i want to know why either.

damnit, it would have been so good...
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: single again
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2009, 06:29:05 PM »
Aw, no wonder the post about the fuzzie. :(      I'm really sorry.  The first "romantic relationship" breakup is always the hardest (listen to Rod Stewart's "The First Cut is the Deepest").  But, with time, things do get better, trust me.  It's true.  My first break-up, I cried for a long time.  And I didn't think I was ever going to feel better.  But, after awhile, I did.  Of course, I was a big ho back then, so I had outlets for my grief. ;)

You'll be alright, truly.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Oceanbeach

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  • Posts: 3,565
Re: single again
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2009, 08:16:10 PM »
I like Karla Bonoff at times like these singing, "Only a Fool"  As the lyrics go...

"Don't think its love we lack
Paid the price now we are paying the tax,
Gave it all and got nothing back
Only a Fool gives a heart like that"

There was a piano bar in Waikiki called The Godmothers   The piano man knew all the torch songs and was good company everytime a plane left for the mainland with the flavor of the month aboard.  It is important to remember... "men are like street cars, if you miss one, the next will be along in 20 minutes"   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2009, 09:25:04 PM »
thanks for the comforting words. i will think about them in my moments of doubt. yeah, the weekend was great. we had sex...again. and saw some movies. and got food. and talked.

i realized today that maintaining a friendship with him is gonna be kinda difficult. i like him. i still do. and the sex just convolutes the logic. i have other dates set up with other guys and i hope things work out best for everyone. i wish we could still date. but he doesnt want to. and i really don't want to date anyone but him. having him in my life and still having sex makes this shit all hard to walk away from. and the fact that we had a good time and know each other is making it difficult to not feel guilty when talking to other guys.

it seems like the logical thing would be to stop talking to him. and it will be difficult to maintain or explain this whatevership if i do start dating another person.

eggh. dunno.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: single again
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2009, 11:20:47 PM »
Love, Life or whateverships were never meant to be easy..we just learn over time how to deal with them..the good and the bad, something tells me you will be fine, just give yourself a little time..and give your fuzzy an extra hug tonight.

big hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2009, 01:16:00 AM »
will do. thnx for the comforting response. i kinda feel like free milk, lol.

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Oceanbeach

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  • Posts: 3,565
Re: single again
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2009, 08:12:15 PM »
You can go downtown to the flower mart after the bars close and get a big bouquet of daisys to mutilate.  You know, "he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not" and probably get the wrong answer because... isn't he still going out with you and just not calling it a date?

Doesn't really sound like "single again" you sound like "the couple most likely to couple"... and those other guys?  The Pointer Sisters did a song in the 70's with a chorus that went...
"Bet you got a chick on the side, don't you know it baby, bet you got a chick on the side" change to:
"Bet you got some dick on the side, don't you know it baby, bet you got some dick on the side"  Now, this once popular tune is sexually correct, it can go gold again.

Someday when you two are not going on a date but are going for a movie, some food and maybe some sex... he may be arriving at your door and say something like "honey", "dear" or "sweetheart" you will realize you have his heart but relationships are never easy.   He is driving 90 miles of L.A. freeways to see you, that comes from the heart   ;D  Have the best day
Michael
« Last Edit: June 08, 2009, 08:16:41 PM by Sonomabeach »

Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2009, 11:21:03 PM »
i so hear you michael. but unfortunately i can't think like that. and no, i don't think he's doing anyone else and neither am i. it's stupid, aggravating and totally consumming. i want him in my life. but if he doesn't want to be in my life in the same capacity in the same time frame then it's a choice i will respect. i think its a STUPID choice, but one i will still respect.

im blinded my emotions supported by logic bolstered by unsubstantiated hope. if he called and asked me out, i would say yes. i am also weaning myself off of him and allowing myself time for closure. u can lead a horse to water...

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: single again
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2009, 12:43:48 PM »
Sorry to hear that you are heartbroken, D. I think you deserve an explanation to why it is over. And am wondering why you don't want to know. Having the feelings that you do for dude and continuing to have sex with him is only going to make things more complicated. Friends with benefits suck when you have feelings for the other person.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again -- with a bonus**
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2009, 04:55:13 PM »
thats right. not only have i been dumped, but i've been left with yet another sti. woke up this morning...feeling like shit. took a look at my dick and lo and behold discharge! i wasn't sure. took a piss, i'd look at it again in a couple hours.

and i did. and the confirmation was there yet again. called my dr. have an appt tomorrow at 3. get to tell him why im in again for this shit. yes dr, i had hoped i was in a monogamous relationship with someone who recently broke it off. thanks for diagnosing me with hiv, hcv and gonorrhea. of course i won't come to your neighborhood.

so, in my moment of closure i get to discover that not only do i have another sti, but i got it from the guy i've dated the longest in my life who apparently was getting some on the side (which infuriates me and makes me feel less worthy as a mate). i haven't had sex with another individual since january and this is pretty much shitty. shitty mc shitty.

why do i even try? and i still have to see my boss at work in 90 minutes. and i have 2 bday parties to go this weekend. i feel like shit. i have a sore threat, im tired, on and off headaches coupled with a leaky dick that will soon have that burning feeling.

i want to hurt something. i am angry. i am hurt. and i am alone ... again.

lastly, i will be okay, but i will need some time.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: single again
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2009, 08:48:49 PM »
D, him giving you an STI has nothing to do with your worth.  I know you know that, and it's just an initial feeling.  I'm so sorry this has happened.  Good luck at the doctor. :-*
  Hug,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2009, 10:41:07 PM »
oh my god!!!

i just told him. and he wants to know who im sleeping with. i told him nobody! and then i asked who he was sleeping with. he told me nobody as well. what the fuck is this? the immaculate infection? uggh...

now im all happy that he wasnt sleeping with other people. but when i get tested tomorrow i guess ill know what's going on down below. what the fuck? the time frame is correct. we fucked saturday. i discharged today. i haven't had sex with another person since january.

if it weren't for this sti i'd believe him. i DO believe him. shit, now i feel like an infected whore. why does this happen? isn't life supposed to be easier? why is he fucking asymptomatic? what the fuck is wrong with my life. god, oh god. i haven't eaten well in days. i've been losing weight and can't sleep through the night. why can't he just be fucking around and break my heart already so i can move on with it.

instead, a mystery sti pops up and makes me feel even more unattractive and unworthy. do they make prophylactics for vengeful specters?
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: single again
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2009, 11:24:21 PM »
Dude, do take care of that "discharge" whatever it may be and I am sure your doc has seen it all before. There's no need to punish yourself more mentally..

Big hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2009, 11:33:09 PM »
trust, it will be taken care of. and dude is calling me back tonight.

weirdness. there has to be a logical answer. i dont want to believe he is lying to me and i do want to believe he is not having sex with other people.

but, somethings up. we did do different things this time, but im not sure how much that matters. we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago. no symptoms. then we had sex again saturday that was more diverse. symptoms.

all of his recent sti tests were blood tests. im rationalizing this and thinking he hasn't had a test for gonorrhea or chlamydia in a while and he could be an asymptomatic carrier. when i entered him i could have, you know, picked it up. but that doesnt make a whole lot of medical sense. but neither does this (unless one of us in lying).

fuck. the worst part. in my emotionally crippled brain im now thinking he'll never want to touch me again. why the hell would i think that? i need to pay my therapist more.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: single again
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2009, 01:51:04 AM »
my dude and i just started having sex. i havent had sex with anyone since january and did not have it at that time. we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago and then again this past weekend.

i woke up today feeling under the weather. i have a sore throat, intermittent headaches, and a white discharge from my penis. i told him about it and he claims he has not had sex with anyone else. in fact he went on to interrogate me about my sexual activities.

is it possible ive had latent gonorrhea or chlamydia since january? could he have had it? or do you think he cheated recently and then passed it on to me?


based on the above information do you think he was having sex with someone else or that either him or i have latent gonorrhea or chlamydia? i know ill have to wait until after getting my test results to confirm it's an sti, but shit, my brain is going crazy.

or could it be a male yeast infection????
« Last Edit: June 11, 2009, 02:16:19 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: single again
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2009, 06:47:02 AM »
If a yeast infection causes any type of discharge, it will be a cottage-cheese type substance, not a drippy one. You'd likely be itchy with it.

He could very well be asymptomatic for chlamydia or gonorrhea. It's fairly common. Up to 60% of men never have symptoms of chlamydia, and a smalller percentage for gonorrhea.

You said you also have a sore throat - it's possible to get chlamydia and gonorrhea in your throat, so make sure they swab your throat as well. In fact, you could have gotten it from his mouth, if he's orally infected. Lots of men don't seem to consider oral sex as cheating or whatever, so maybe you need to ask him about blowjobs with other people.

Sorry to hear about this latest development. Hope you get it cleared up quickly.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: single again
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2009, 04:24:22 PM »
WOW and DAMN, D. I don't know much at all about men's health and all that. Just going by what you have said and drawing my own opinion. But it would seem like he passed a sti/std to you. Since you know who you have been with etc. It kind of trips me out that he wants to blame you. I think he knew he had whatever and now is flipping the script. But hey, I'm not a doctor and you know dude better than I do. It would truly make me think twice about laying with him. I hope you get to the bottom of it all and stop blaming yourself. Get better soon.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2009, 08:22:46 PM »
thank you ann, thank you queen.

i just came back from the hospital. the dr treated me for gonorrhea and chlymadia. we took a sample and will have the results in a week. my lil fantasy bubble of a yeast infection is pretty much bust. i don't know what's gonna happen with dude if this is an sti.

id buy the dormant bit but i did kiss him the first time we had sex. he did not go down on me the first time but he did last weekend. i dunno. but thanks again for your support.

this is becoming rather pointless.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2009, 08:51:21 PM »
So, I am assuming that if it's the clap or chlymadia, you are still going to stick with him? Question, is he doing anything as in being treated or is he in denial? You are a helluva man and so good looking, if I was a dude, I would do you...(trying to make you smile) I think you deserve better than sexual encounters and hope you will find someone who will truly appreciate you for the great person you are. :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2009, 07:30:35 AM »
d,

You're not necessarily going to get oral chlamydia or gonorrhea from kissing him. Unless you have a bit of lizard in you, your tongue is not going to reach as far into his mouth as your dick would. These infections, when in the oral cavity, tend to be focused at the back of the throat.

Also, these infections won't be "dormant". Dormant is not the same thing as asymptomatic. The infection would be active, but if it's asymptomatic, it just means it's not causing the carrier any discomfort or symptoms like a dripping dick or sore throat.

I hope the drip stops quickly now that you're on antibiotics. Good luck and feel better soon.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2009, 09:03:25 AM »
thank you queen and ann,

yeah, the last few days have been rough. i didn't talk to dude yesterday and those antibiotics fucked my stomach up. i've had very long workdays, been dealing with this shit with him and my body been leaking strange substances.

i feel better today. i want to stay in bed but unfortunately i have to go to work. the symptoms are lessening so im thinking the antibiotics are kicking in. this morning there was less discharge and my sore throat and headache have gone away. i also feel more rested. my spirits are down and i'm really not motivated to do anything.

ill let him know to get a culture done from his throat and anus. he has only had blood tests and i've been told these cannot detect gonorrhea or chlamydia. if he is one of the few who are asymptomatic this would make this much easier to resolve. i am sooo tired, i think i don't want to try anymore. i will see how everything goes down over the next few weeks.

thank you again for your support and the objective information. have a good one.

best,
d

ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #21 on: June 12, 2009, 09:36:56 AM »
so, how does this (these?) stis move through the body. if im going down on dude (annilingus or fellatio), will i still discharge from my and/or get a throat infection? can the bacteria travel through the body in 3-4 days?

if im penetrating dude (top/insertive penetrative anal sex) can the bacteria still find its way to my throat if no additional contact is made?

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #22 on: June 12, 2009, 10:20:54 AM »
d,

No, these bacterial STIs don't travel through the body. They infect and are active at the point of contact with someone else's infection. In other words, if you only blew a guy who had a bacterial infection in his penis, you'd only get a throat infection. (although it's more difficult to get infected in your mouth than in your anus - saliva has properties that help us fight off all sorts of different bacteria, that's why we're not constantly sick with bacterial infections. But, oral gonorrhea IS fairly common.) If you only got blown by a guy with a bacterial STI in his throat, you'd only get the infection in your dick. If you only topped a guy with a bacterial STI in his bottom, you'd only get the infection in your dick. If you only bottomed for someone with a bacterial STI in his dick, you'd only get the infection in your bottom.

It's also possible to get chlamydia in your eyes if you rub your eyes when you've got infected cum on your fingers.

Aren't STIs fun? :-\

Hang in there mate, glad to hear the antibiotics are already working their magic.

Ann

PS - don't forget, your sore throat could have been just an ordinary sore throat. It isn't necessarily connected to what's going on further south. It could totally be just a coincidence that you had both at the same time.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2009, 10:28:05 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #23 on: June 12, 2009, 11:19:02 AM »
"ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him."

Ok, sweetie, that should tell you something right there. Obviously, he is a selfish S.O.B., excuse my bluntness but I think you like this guy so much that you seem willing to settle for his B.S...Honey, you can do better, kick his ass to the curb. I mean is the dick that good that you're willing to be miserable?

I only say these things because I care about you and have been where you are to a degree. As far as settling for a piece of crap because at the moment there was no one else.You need to focus on getting yourself better. Dick is a dime a dozen and I am sure you can find one better than dude. I hate to see you doing this to yourself...... :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #24 on: June 15, 2009, 09:03:59 PM »
thanks queen,
thanks ann,

so, i got the results today. i tested positive. no chlamydia. only gonorrhea. then i called him. and we talked. he's gonna get tested. we will talk about this more later. im relieved and taken a back at the same time.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline decayingsinner

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Re: single again
« Reply #25 on: June 15, 2009, 10:47:16 PM »
i wish you much luck. I am so sorry to hear about your situations. I've been riding on such a high of falling into a new relationship and to hear of the falling apart of another is awful. Thinking of your well being, physically and emotionally.

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #26 on: June 16, 2009, 12:27:53 AM »
thank you for the support ds.

funny. my dr called me back and told me. then he was all "i have to report you to the county"...like i did something wrong. the tone in his voice was so criminal. ohhh...i've been a bad bad boy. the last dr didnt tell me, im assuming he just did.

lil fuckers. thank god he filled my xanax prescription.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: single again
« Reply #27 on: June 16, 2009, 09:33:34 AM »
thank you queen and ann,

yeah, the last few days have been rough. i didn't talk to dude yesterday and those antibiotics fucked my stomach up. i've had very long workdays, been dealing with this shit with him and my body been leaking strange substances.
ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him.

Make sure to eat some Yogurt, it helps re-establish the "order of the universe" inside.  :)

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding this guy to be bad news.  If I remember right he was going to the baths with you and fucking everyone but you.  That would make him a B*tch.  Baths + lots of wild sex = STI.

On the bright side, and yes there is one, what you are describing sounds like it can be cured with a shot in the ass and a few doses of antibiotics.  Sounds like they gave you Z-Max which does a number on your digestive system, but cleans house so to speak.  If you must catch another STI, be it one that you know about quickly and can be cured.  There are worse options.

A few quotes for your trouble:

That which does not destroy you only makes you stronger.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

Men are like cats.  If you pick them up and cuddle them they will scratch you and run off.  If you set them on the floor and tell them to get out they will jump in your lap and demand that you pet them.  Go figure.

Nobody cherishes a doormat.  Everyone respects the stick.  Which do you want to be?

Men are like buses.  If the one you are riding isn't going where you want, hop off, wait 20 minutes for the next one.  Or as my Mom says, sometimes it's better to walk.  :)

Each relationship teaches something if you are willing to learn it's lesson.


Hope these grains of wisdom make you laugh and live.  Love is the high, pain is the low, life is the space.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #28 on: June 16, 2009, 10:57:32 PM »
thanks for the kind words hotpuppy.

nah, this is an entirely different dude. i REaLLy know how to pick them huh? i was talking to my therapist about this the other day. i mean, if i keep picking or attracting these kind of people what the hell i am doing wrong? like, should i start dating the people im NOT attracted too, lol. my therapist kinda giggled and had no opinion on the matter.

well, that's a wrap. i guess it just didn't work out...again.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: single again
« Reply #29 on: June 16, 2009, 11:18:48 PM »
In my experience I've only located long-term partners when I wasn't looking for them.  When you fixate on the issue others can smell it on you, and then you attract the wrong sorts.  So, in summary, you should become jaded and cynical, and then the offers will roll in.  Oh, and always appear unobtainable.  Everyone always wants something that they think they can't have.

And, of course, shoe choice helps.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2009, 11:27:53 PM »
thanks miss p,

yeah, this shit definitely sucks. i've been dreaming about him lately and wake up feeling all nostalgic. then i remember he called it off and is probably thinking about himself or something other than me. this whole getting over him thing bites and i kinda don't want to go through this again anytime soon.

it's kinda weird cause one of my reflexes is to just call some other dude (lord knows there are plenty around). but i just don't go through with it. i don't want to use someone to help me through this nor do i want to find myself in a similar situation again.

i will take your advice as well as ann's, queen's, hotpuppy and the others. this is over for now. i'll focus on myself as i get over him. and hopefully i will find something that makes me happier again. fuck wearing my heart on my sleeve. u know what else is kinda weird, the last few times ive been hit on (while all this shit has been unfolding) i kinda cringed.

thanks again,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline fearless

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Re: single again
« Reply #31 on: June 16, 2009, 11:55:35 PM »
hey d,

this is just my guess - but from what you've posted i bet his results will come back +ve for G up his butt. a lot of guys have no idea what is going on up there so he could have had it up there for a while without noticing or suspecting anything.
Did it turn out to be G in your throat too?

from my own experience you can seem to get these things in bursts. there was one 12 month period about 4 or 5 years ago when i seemed to end up with G every time I had sex with another guy. it drove me insane at the time. i've not had it since (touch wood)
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #32 on: June 17, 2009, 12:19:36 AM »
hey fearless,

yeah, it was either up his butt or down his throat. im sure i won't be in either again. sad, but true. knowing him  he wont let anyone swab his ass cause that means he took it up the ass and he's kinda on the "im a man" side of things. weird.

yeah, he needs to get his throat & culo swabbed. if it comes back negative (which it may if he only gets his urethra swabbed) then it's def an immaculate infection. im not even sure if he will tell me at this point or if we will still be communicating. things are weird and im tired of being all funky over this. i can't help it, it fucking sucks, and the process is making me bitter and apathetic.

this would definitely be a burst. im just tired of guys and me having things. this is like becoming a trend. and i know, i know -- use condoms, lube and protection. but, like a dumbass, i was all enamored and hoping you know, that i wouldn't be hooking up with anyone else. he changed his mind someone down the line. and i got the clap as a farewell gift. much like my hiv, i only have myself to blame.

but thanks, sorry for moping. im working on it. have a good one! and yes, i hope that i don't have anymore outbreaks. i guess when the next guy comes along we could use condoms until we are both tested. unfortunately, in my head this plays out as rather futile. condoms were to prevent hiv. everything else could be dealt with.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline komnaes

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Re: single again
« Reply #33 on: June 17, 2009, 12:46:13 AM »

And, of course, shoe choice helps.

And new computers.. I think I will propose to my new iMac tonight.. :D
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #34 on: June 17, 2009, 01:00:30 AM »
my ipod will never leave me. and the straight guy who just can't get enough. interesting. the more i say no, the more he calls.

i guess i can go sympathy shopping at ross this weekend and spend a whole $30 bucks. get some fattening food after that. i hear ice cream and chocolate helps.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline edfu

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Re: single again
« Reply #35 on: June 17, 2009, 03:31:34 AM »
I'm sorry for your troubles, but--and forgive me if I'm missing something here--but is dude known or presumed to be HIV-positive or -negative?  Why would you you penetrate dude anally without a condom?  If he's negative, aren't you concerned about infecting him?  It's not like your viral load is "undetectable," either.   
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #36 on: June 26, 2009, 07:17:57 AM »
shit,

we get the results back today. i'm assuming he will not have a positive test for gonorrhea or chlamydia. i dunno, in my head his dr would have called by now if something was amiss. and he told me they had him piss in a cup.

even though i was in no position to demand a more extensive test this definitely leaves us in an awkward situation. awkward cause we've been talking for hours about stuff again. awkward cause there is still a strong sexual tension. awkward cause i don't want to do him without a condom cause he hasn't been treated (if the test comes back non reactive).

so, just to recap. ive been good. my last sexual partner was sometime around feb and that was me giving some dude oral. before that my last anal sex partner was in jan and i had to get treated then for gonorrhea. recently, me and dude did it like 3 weeks ago and we covered all bases sexually, both giving in receiving.

my question. will a piss test reveal gonorrhea if he has it up the wazoo? i have not had my penis in another person's anus or mouth since january (the beginning of january, mind u). if my penis is oozing goo 3 days after sex it is pretty definitive in my mind where the goo came from (barring bedsheets). am i missing something?

im not upset with dude...he's asymptomatic and hasn't been tested for bacterial sti's. he's had a number of blood tests that screen for other stis.

i hate that this fucking shit happened. it would be easier if we both tested positive for gonorrhea and both had symptoms. but without a conclusive test for him what the fuck am i supposed to do moving forward? pretend like it didnt happen and ask to use condoms when engaging in sexual activities if there are more? trust, that would be the easiest solution in an ideal situation. unfortunately, those actions could rouse sleeping beasts and exacerbate an already uneasy situation.  

i mean seriously, there is a HUGE fucking elephant in the room. and i don't even know his thoughts on the whole situation. frankly, it would be easier to walk away from this if there weren't so many fucking emotions involved. and i wouldn't walk away from something like this without a clear sign of dubious sexual activity. (he told me i was the only person he was with sexually since feb as well). 

did i mention i dreamed about him for 7 days straight last week? did i also mention that we have resumed talking everyday? fuck.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2009, 07:35:10 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #37 on: June 26, 2009, 10:28:08 AM »
No offense darling, but did you see any test result yourself or are you just going by what he's told you verbally, and if the latter why is your default position to assume this fine gentleman isn't an habitual serial liar?

Otherwise, so you had the Big G just back 6 months ago?  I could swear that going by your over-reaction to it all in this thread that this was your first experience with a non-HIV STD.

But on a medical level, I don't think you can get treatment for gonorrhea and then have it return six months later.  I suppose you could get it from giving a blow job and then have it float around your body for months before ending up on your dick, but I would assume the chances of this happening would be along the line of 1%, so I'd probably rule it out myself.

I'll wait for someone else to weight in on this from the medical angle but the man sounds psychotic.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #38 on: June 26, 2009, 12:25:36 PM »
thanks miss p,

yeah, ive totally become a teenager over this situation. once it hit me that he'd probably test negative i just got in a funk. i haven't even talked to him. unfortunately this is my second round of the clap (had it in jan) and im just about over it.

there are a shitload of unresolved emotions circling this situation and i find myself not being able to sleep and super unmotivated. i feel tainted and dirty all over again. i don't want to have to explain myself or have some dr explain how this works (the test, cultures, infection sites, etc...)

i hate this situation. thanks for your input. ann said that gonorrhea does not travel around the body. it is a site infection and kinda stays put unless physical activities - additional sexual activities - move it around. and i have not seen his test. and i am sure he will produce it upon request. i willl take your former advice and just wait before the next thing happens. lord knows i dont want to be touched by anyone now.

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #39 on: June 26, 2009, 07:38:24 PM »
so, we got his test results...

and had a strange awkward conversation.

yeah, as suspected, he tested negative. what the fuck?

any takers? oh, and for your non believers he offered to show me the test results.

ann - your input is requested! and yes, we are still whatever. friends in limbo i guess. the elephant in the room is a little cuter and encased in a giant prophylactic. i have scheduled more tests. he has not.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: single again
« Reply #40 on: June 26, 2009, 07:49:15 PM »
"offered"?  So that means you didn't actually see them.  amirite
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: single again
« Reply #41 on: June 26, 2009, 09:44:52 PM »
"offered"?  So that means you didn't actually see them.  amirite

That's what I was wondering too. And I am waiting on Ann too. Um, if this was the only guy you was boning then how you end up with the clap and he didn't? I'm not buying the immaculate infection defense. You my homie, dawg, boy, and all that but baby something in the milk ain't clean. Isn't that how the saying goes? This damn near reminds me of a Maury episode.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #42 on: June 26, 2009, 10:41:44 PM »
you two are way awesome. im going on the line to say i do trust him. and i dunno. the immaculate infection line is crap (and a poor rip off of a madonna greatest hits collection). there has to be a reason. we will see. and if there is sex again we will use condoms.

i have to admit, i kinda like the fact that we have handled this like adults. and he believes me too. i have already scheduled more labs.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #43 on: June 27, 2009, 06:12:30 AM »

I suppose you could get it from giving a blow job and then have it float around your body for months before ending up on your dick, but I would assume the chances of this happening would be along the line of 1%, so I'd probably rule it out myself.


No, gonorrhea doesn't "float" around the body. I explained that in one of my posts above.

A piss test will ONLY test positive if he has the infection in his dick. You're going to have to tell him that he needs to have BOTH his ass and his throat swabbed as that is the only way to find out where his infection is. He might not like it, but hey, tough. He needs treatment.

If your previous gonorrhea infection wasn't cleared (and sometimes that does happen - it's always a good idea to re-test after treatment as there are antibiotic resistant strains out there), you would have shown symptoms earlier than when you did. The fact that you started dripping three days after sex with this guy points to the fact that he is the source of your infection. The timing is spot on.

You're going to have to be firm with this guy and make sure he gets his ass and throat swabbed. Good luck!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline next2u

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Re: single again
« Reply #44 on: June 27, 2009, 03:10:19 PM »
thank you ann. i am on my way to get a more comprehensive test as well. might as well since my current dr is behaving like a tard. ill get the FULL panel and will only engage in safe sex with him (or the next him) until they do so as well.

your advice, as always, is appreciated.

i have sent him a text letting him know of my plans. he can join my for the test, i believe it will cost under 200 for everything but the funds are available. 

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #45 on: June 27, 2009, 05:41:13 PM »
You're welcome, D. Glad to help.

I have to admit that I'm a bit shocked at how much it will cost you to have the tests done. Bloody hell, you'd think they'd make it a easy as possible for people to test for this stuff. I can't tell you how grateful I am for the NHS. When my bf and I first got back together and our doctor found out, he made both of us get a full STI check-up before he gave us his blessings for barebacking. It cost us nothing. And barebacking is priceless. ;)

Make sure he gets his mangina swabbed as well - manly man or not - it has to be done.

Hugs - cuz I think you need tons of hugs right now...
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Luke

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Re: single again
« Reply #46 on: June 27, 2009, 05:41:41 PM »
Just as an aside, gonorrhoea can actually go blood-borne and spread through the body; but Ann's advice that localised infections can only be diagnosed by sampling the site of infection still stands.

Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #47 on: June 27, 2009, 05:59:22 PM »
Just as an aside, gonorrhoea can actually go blood-borne and spread through the body; but Ann's advice that localised infections can only be diagnosed by sampling the site of infection still stands.


Luke, do you have a reference for gono going blood-borne (links)? I've looked previous to this, but haven't found anything. Your help with this would be gratefully received.

And by the way, welcome to the forums.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Luke

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Re: single again
« Reply #48 on: June 27, 2009, 06:10:52 PM »
Ann,

Any decent gonorrhea resource should stress the fact that, if left untreated - or if treatment fails - it can spread through the blood to affect the joints and cause potentially fatal disease of the heart valves. This is why it is important to retest several weeks after completion of treatment.

The CDC fact-sheet on gonorrhea sums it up nicely:

Quote
Gonorrhea can spread to the blood or joints. This condition can be life threatening. In addition, people with gonorrhea can more easily contract HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. HIV-infected people with gonorrhea can transmit HIV more easily to someone else than if they did not have gonorrhea.
   
http://www.cdc.gov/std/Gonorrhea/STDFact-gonorrhea.htm#complications


Offline Ann

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Re: single again
« Reply #49 on: June 27, 2009, 06:30:43 PM »
Luke, thanks.

I knew about the issues with joints and the heart - but I thought you meant it could travel through the blood and cause symptoms and/or infection (like a genital discharge, sore throat or itchy/drippy/otherwise weird ass) at a point other than the place of initial infection. It can't do that.

Thanks again for the clarification.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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