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Author Topic: Wife just Diagonised  (Read 7541 times)

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Offline Simba

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  • Posts: 11
Wife just Diagonised
« on: February 05, 2009, 07:21:24 PM »
Hi people

My wife was diagnosed on 9/12/08 after having lost weight, had thrush for ages, developed a hairy tongue (luekoplakia sp) and generally feeling run down. I was tested on 15/12/08 and tested -ve. We met in June 1990 and got married in 1995. We have two sons (13 and 8 ), both tested -ve. Her first numbers were CD4 37 (6%) VL 181 013.

I came to NZ from Zimbabwe in 2004 and family followed 7  months later. That's when the serious thrush started and we have basically used condoms all the times except for maybe 10 times. She has started meds with emtrivia, nevirapen, tenofovir + fluconazole, risperdal,clonazepam and citalopram.

We are still trying to get our heads around the whole issue. Besides anxiety and suicidal thoughts in the first week, she looks to be getting more stable. This site has been a real life saver and she has got more from here than the crisis centre counselors.
« Last Edit: February 06, 2009, 12:34:19 AM by Simba »

Offline Peter Staley

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  • Founder & Advisory Editor, AIDSmeds.com
    • AIDSmeds.com
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2009, 08:25:34 PM »
Welcome to our forums, Simba.  I'm glad you found us.

I hope your wife will find the courage to join our forums as well.  We have a wonderful forum called "Positive Women" where she will find a very loving community.

How is she feeling with the new meds?

Peter Staley
Founder
AIDSmeds.com

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2009, 08:57:44 PM »
She's doing ok, thanks. Certainly mentally she's much better. She will join soon. She's reading threads here every hour she's free.

Offline komnaes

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  • Posts: 1,893
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2009, 09:20:54 PM »
Your wife is fortunate to have you and the family by her side. Most of us can tell you that it's very important to have a good support network, in particularly when it consists of loved ones from the family. As a caregiver you will be dealing with a lot of issues too (I have been one for over 12 years now, beside being positive myself), so please also make sure that you have an outlet and folks you can talk to.

Does the clinic your wife go to also offer help to caregivers like yourself? In ours they're also rather good in offering counseling to spouses and other family members.

Wish you the best, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2009, 12:33:17 AM »
We are seeing a counsellor Wed morning to discuss the way forward. I will probably need some individual sessions besides the joint ones. Unfortunately being away from home you only get to speak to family and friends by phone. I am on leave from work for a month but I have to get back to work as bills keep on coming.

We will have to manage somehow.

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2009, 04:49:03 PM »
Hi Simba

My name is Jan I also live in NZ, I have sent you a PM..if you are not sure how to read these just look under your user name and it will have "New 1" in bold letters, click on that and it will take you into your Private Message box.

Hugs
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2009, 05:34:32 PM »
Thanks Jan

I am going through so many emotions and mood changes per hour but we have to get through this for the kids.

Offline swp356

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2009, 05:29:32 AM »
Hello Simba

Your wife is lucky to have a supporting husband ,she will pull through.I am also from Africa , new to the forum ,discovered the forum last year and have been in and out though not participarting.I am in a similar situation to your wife and Zimbabwen.Diagonised last year after my husband got sick and his numbers were bad.Both of us are now on treatement , I started mine in December last year and did not have any side effects.I am also undergoing fertility treatement

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2009, 12:46:09 PM »
Hi swp356

Thanks for the thoughts. Our main problem at the moment is she is more worried about what people are saying / have said about her weight loss etc. I try telling her to try and forget about that and concentrate on recovery. Every day she's getting into shouting matches on the phone with people about who did what or who said what. It's starting to affect our relationship as l can see the older boy is beginning to sense something is very wrong. We have not said anything to the boys as yet.

To be honest, I am also starting to lose patience. She has refused to go for couple counselling, she saw two different counsellors once but she refused the suggestion for at least a weekly contact. It's becoming more difficult for me to stand by her due to her irrational behaviour. I am starting to have some resentment as ultimately she cheated on me with someone.

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2009, 05:03:21 AM »
simba i applaud you for standing by your wife even though she cheated on you. not many men would do that. i'm thinking she's wrapped up in the guilt and shame of her diagnosis to be very rational right now.  give her a bit more time?  btw, im also zimbabwean (stuck here with bob and morgan). knowing how HIV is so prevalent here i hope she realises that it isnt as bad, terrible and shameful as it used to be. and besides u're in a different country, why should she care so  much what people back home are saying?

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,598
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2009, 09:40:57 PM »
Simba, this is obviously a very challenging situation on many levels. Since your wife is for now unwilling to seriously consider either joint or single therapy, you might consider getting professional help for yourself. Sadly much of her worrying about what others will think may very well be her a projection of how self-critical she's feeling right now, but that's just a guess on my part. Time will pass and things will  become clearer.

You're dealing with a lot -- adjusting to the news itself, her health, the infidelity, your relationship and of course the needs of your children, which never stop just because parents are having problems.
By getting some support for yourself you may also get some tools to help with your wife as well as sorting out your own feelings.

Meantime you're always welcome here to discuss anything that's on your mind as well as to ask questions. Hang in there the best you can. And sometimes the best action to take is no action, to just keep breathing and let things settle down a bit. You're doing very well under very difficult circumstances even if you can't see that.

Cheers.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2009, 09:49:03 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Simba

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2009, 04:25:27 PM »
tendai, she seems to be getting better emotionally. She has been talking to two of her former workmates in Zim. Both are +ve with one of them +ve for 20yrs. She was told that even though her numbers were bad she has never had any OI. We have gone through threads here where people have had CD4 counts as low as 2 and VL in the millions. We are taking it one week at a time.

We are also hoping things in Zim get better. As my 7yr old says, "All the people in Zimbabwe will go to heaven coz they have suffered enough"

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2009, 03:51:29 AM »
taura hako. someone was saying that zimabweans are the chosen people coz some other people woud have gone into total chaos.
i'm glad she's getting better now, it may take a while but u'll pull thru..

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2009, 11:59:20 PM »
Hi People, just to give an update about my wife. She had her second set of results on 22 April and had a great improvement.

13 Jan 09 CD4 37    VL  181 013
22 Apr 09  CD4 169  VL  Undetectable

The support from this place has been a great help. Sometimes just coming here to read does moer than people know.

Thank you all.

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2009, 03:35:11 AM »
That's good news Simba, I look forward to meeting your wife at the end of the month, I hope to hear all about it then.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline maialan2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2009, 09:59:26 PM »
hey i am proud of u for doing that man i am also from zim in the same situ pm me and maybe let me talk to wife  i didnt see where i can pm from

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2009, 04:01:07 AM »
maialan2, welcome to the forum.

You won't be able to access the PM function until you have posted a minimum of three times.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #17 on: May 19, 2009, 03:07:01 AM »
maialan2, where are you currently based? R U also in a +/- relationship?

Offline maialan2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2009, 10:20:55 AM »
i am i n the states but my husband is neg i am the one who has it been married 2 years been together 5 years  so far we are managing he is very supportive and maybe one day u may talk and share ur experiences i found out when i got preggie and i went thru everything ok cos i was in a long term relationship b4 i am wondering if someone knowing gave it to me but thats ok i am thru with regreting i live a very postive life keep in touch

Offline Simba

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2009, 04:07:31 PM »
This site certainly helps a lot. Time also probably makes things better. We are currently taking it one day at a time and her quick recovery has also helped coz when she was diagonised in Jan it was really tough for all of us. On the one hand you are trying to visit her in hospital, make sure the kids are ok, make sure jobs are done etc. At least back home the wider family takes care of the children and other issues. Out here it's really only me, my wife and the two kids and somehow you have to make things work. This site makes you see that maybe things are not so bad.

Offline maialan2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Wife just Diagonised
« Reply #20 on: May 20, 2009, 04:58:22 PM »
yeah thats very true its not a death sentence like it was years ago .With me iits a good thing that i am doing real good up to now hope things stay like that for a long time the support from the family i think is the best thing  that we need in times like these and i read a lots of posts here very helpful site .Coz here we get to talk about the real things without fear of victimisation but keep up the good work shaas .inini i was suprised when my husband said he wasnt going to leave me so that was a biggest relief

 


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