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Author Topic: Looking for some advice please.  (Read 2317 times)

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Offline UK-anon

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  • Posts: 6
Looking for some advice please.
« on: May 25, 2009, 08:10:38 AM »
Hi, I've just registered here today and was hoping to get some advice (and clarity) regarding risk that may attached to receptive unprotected Oral sex.

Some background; I've been in an exclusive relationship for the past 15 years and in that time we have both been faithful. Also I have never engaged in activities, sexual or otherwise that might have put me at risk for HIV infection. However, I am Bi-sexual and have always been curious about MSM.

I recently, after a night out (and having way too much to drink) I ended up performing oral sex on another man. The "blow-job" itself lasted only a second or two, literally. And there was, as far as I can remember no pre or actual ejaculate. I am aware that I have put myself at risk of contracting the more common STI's and have been tested for them and have the results; they are all negative.

What I am asking is; have I put myself at risk or contracting HIV from this single incident? I've been told by my local GUM clinic (NHS UK) that if this was my only potential exposure then testing would not be warranted. Is this correct?

My one further question, leading on from this is if oral sex CAN be a documented transmission risk, why have I been given advice that testing is not warranted. Again if oral sex is a transmission risk, why can I not find any case studies where this has been proven?

I think that it's the overall confusion that is giving me more concern than any risk I may or may not have had, but I would be very grateful for advice from someone who can cut through all the "noise" and tell me straight, just where I stand.

Thank you.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2009, 08:46:26 AM »
I agree with advice you were given that testing is not necessary. Your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmission of viable HIV, if in fact it's even present.

Although we hear from time to time of someone insisting they became infected through giving oral, they never seem to hold up under careful scrutiny. By contrast, longterm studies of both gay and straight sero-discordant couples who had lots of mutual oral sex and only protected vaginal/anal intercourse have resulted in not one sero-negative partner having become infected. So you do the math on that.

Common sense dictates that should you have a gaping fresh wound in your mouth that's not the moment to give oral sex. Or if you have very poor oral care. Otherwise I don't consider it to be a risk other than theoretically.

Since you are new to sex with men that might be why you are having more anxious feelings about your experience. I don't see any need for testing over this incident.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline UK-anon

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2009, 09:07:54 AM »
Hi Andy,

Thank you for replying to my post so quickly. And thank you for replying in language that was easy to digest and take on board.

I can say with some degree of certainty that my general oral health is good, so i guess I have no worries about that.

TBH, I think that although I'm Bi the problem is that I was unfaithful - something that I didn't expect myself to be. Being honest and faithful is a big thing for me and I guess i'm just trying to punish myself over this incident.

For teh record; I have confessed to my partner about what I did as it's the right thing to do. And will hopefully help me move on from this.

Thanks again for your help!

Online Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,955
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2009, 09:13:34 AM »
You're welcome. Glad you found the exchange to be helpful.

Actually the biggest red flag to me in your situation was that it happened when you were drunk. Mixing excessive drinking with casual sex is definitely to be avoided as it impairs your ability to keep safer sex up front. You're apparently of a mindset that nothing like this will happen again. That's cool. Avoiding excessive alcohol is a good idea in general.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

Offline UK-anon

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2009, 09:34:49 AM »
Good luck to you too!

I'm going to spend some time on this site - primarily to educate myself. as there is no excuse for ignorance about HIV/AIDS in the 21st century.

As for my drinking, well since this episode, I have almost cut it our completely. As you point out being drunk and having casual sex isn't a good idea. And I will not allow myself to get into a position where I might be unfaithful in the future.

Online Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,955
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2009, 10:48:55 AM »
Read some of the lessons on the site. You'll get basics there.

Good plan about avoiding excessive drinking.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline UK-anon

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2009, 02:35:36 PM »
I really hate to ask (again), but I can't seem to shake this fear, irrational or otherwise over my possible exposure.

I think I know deep down that the I'm okay. In fact I know I am - I know oral either way unprotected isn't a risk, so I'm thinking that I'm just guilt-ing out over this as some form of punishment for my actions.

A test might be the answer, but given everything I have posted, could someone tell me what my odds are for a positive test please?

Thanks.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2009, 02:49:21 PM »
OK. If you are just not going to let go of this unwarranted fear then go ahead, get tested and collect the inevitable negative result. Maybe you won't be able to get past this concern without doing that.

And yes, I do expect you will test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline UK-anon

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2009, 05:05:52 AM »
Hi Andy,
Cc; Ann, RapidRod, others,

I just wanted to give you an update on my situation; I've now accepted the inevitable that my "exposure" wasn't an exposure at all. And that there was no risk. so I'm letting all this HIV anxiety go, which was always about guilt about being unfaithful, rather than anything else.

I've levelled with my wife and she still want us to have sex (we are trying to start a family). I've learnt a very valuable lesson; that infidelity doesn't suit me and it's something I will never do again. I also understand my sexuality better now, but have decided what kind of lifestyle I want; a quiet and boring one if possible, with one partner and one partner only.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you, Andy for answering my questions with straight easy to understand language. I'd also like to extend my thanks to Ann and RapidRod (even though they haven't commented on my thread) as I've read similar threads from others, in which they have answered.

I'm not going to post again, either to ask further questions or to attempt to provide answers to other posters (I don't know enough about the subject matter and want to put as much distance between myself and HIV!). I have a life waiting for me.

But I would just like to wish you and all the other mods, posters, forum experts all the very best for the future.

Uk-anon

Offline UK-anon

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2009, 10:10:31 AM »
Well, what do you know.............been offered a job abroad and had to have an HIV test amongst others for insurance, etc, etc.

anyway, just got all my results back. No surprises that the HIV test result was negative.

Thank you and goodnight!

all the best for teh future! ;D

Online Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,955
Re: Looking for some advice please.
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2009, 01:37:53 PM »
There ya go! Congrats on that happy if not unexpected test result.

Keep using condoms for vaginal & anal intercourse without exception if you have sex outside of your relationship again.

And good luck in your new job.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

 


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