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Author Topic: hello again  (Read 990 times)

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Offline macv

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
hello again
« on: May 25, 2009, 08:09:43 AM »
Hello again forum users,
 hope all is well with everybody. I just wanted to ask if anyone has can give me any advice on how to deal with this, Me and my boyf found out last November that we are both poz, I just told my brother and sister in law last week and have had to leave the UK and come on a business trip to LAX. These are the only people I have told, with the consent of my partner- the thing is he really freaked out, after I had left and told him we were gonna be ok, explained all the terminology to him cd4 vl etc he got onto the internet and has totally freaked himself out....I explained my partner is on meds and I am not as yet, I told him that my partner was diagnosed first with quite a low cd4 but his treatment is working and he is un detectable, My brother thinks I am lying to him and tring to "soften the blow" he has read that someone with a cd4 <200 has got full blown aids, and thinks my partner is going to die. I told him before I left to look at this site, thebody.com or HIV I base, my sister in law called and said it is like my brother is grieving, she made me feel ,in all honesty guilty for telling them, I know that they would have been outraged if I would have kept it secret, they have both said it changes nothing and they will always be there etc etc......We regullarly holiday together etc.
 Also my partner has now took a few steps back, we were just sort of getting back to normal, but he is so so down at the minute, he has been crying and is devastated, thinking I am going to leave him and all kinds of strange thoughts, this has only happened since I told my brother.
 I think I am the only one who has gleaned anything positive from this disclosure, and for that I feel selfish and guilty, I feel like a weight has gone from my shoulders, but now my partner and my brother and sis in law are suffering because of me!!! please help and advise if you can.
with many thanks

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,175
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: hello again
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2009, 08:48:10 AM »
Well ... it is a shock and you've had 6 months now to get used to the idea but it sounds like your brother is probably having one of those moments of facing up to the fact that we are all mortal.  They'll likely get over it in time.

In the meantime,  perhaps send your brother some more up to date internet reading here http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/hiv_life_exectancy_survival_1667_14989.shtml ?

Be well
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%
2014 VL UD - 48
2015 VL 130 Moved to Triumeq

Offline AndyArrow

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,196
Re: hello again
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2009, 04:05:52 AM »

It sounds like you did the right thing.

Just like it took you (and everyone else) time to adjust to the idea of being HIV+ it will take your brother time too.  When you get back and have time sit him down to let him know that you are not "softening" the blow to yours or your bf's impending doom and also how much he means to you in that they are the only ones who know.  Just imagine if he told you he had cancer, you'd immediately think the worst.  Give him time to see you living your life normally.

It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne


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