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Author Topic: Same old question.  (Read 1751 times)

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Offline The_Usual

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Same old question.
« on: June 09, 2009, 06:13:55 PM »
Hi folks. I'm new here and I've read all the introductory material but I still feel the need to ask my question, no different than the many other people anxious after a "risk".

I did something I regret, I am a man and I performed brief oral sex on a man of unknown status. The total time of the episode lasted maybe a minute and there was no ejaculation, I pretty sure pre-cum was present. Since I met him at an adult arcade I can assume he is a high risk individual. I gave in to my heightened arousal but stopped as soon as I realized I really didn't want to do it and we finished by watching each other masterbate. I was thinking of testing but from what I see on this site and med help it appears that this type of exposure typically doesn't warrant HIV testing. Am I clear on that or am I seeing what I want to see.

« Last Edit: June 09, 2009, 06:38:04 PM by The_Usual »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2009, 09:49:15 PM »
You didn't have a risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2009, 09:57:52 PM »
Given what you have reported I agree that getting tested is not warranted in relation to this incident. Your saliva contains over a dozen elements and proteins which are very effective at preventing the transfer of HIV, if it's actually present.

Longterm studies confirm that giving (and receiving) oral are not a risk. I will add that common sense dictates that giving oral is not a good idea if  you have extremely poor oral care or if you have a fresh, gaping wound in your mouth. Otherwise the risk it presents is strictly theoretical, which means yes it could happen, but in the real world of HIV science it doesn't.

Andy Velez

Offline The_Usual

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2009, 10:29:36 PM »
Thanks Andy and Rod. Yeah my oral health is great, never even had a cavity and I'm 41 now. The only thing that made me even question it is how and where I met this person, adult arcade etc. Since he is obviously someone who frequents a venue for men to hook up anonymously I figured there may be some increased risk.

Sorry for tossing this out but I meant to ask this in my original question. Would the presense of STD's on his part increase the risk, herpes, gon, uti etc. Obviously I don't know. I'm simply curious if oral sex is always considered low\no risk across the board or if there is a spectrum of risk if other factors come into it.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2009, 10:49:58 PM by The_Usual »

Offline Ann

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2009, 04:55:45 AM »

PEOPLE are not high or low risk, ACTIVITIES are. Sexually speaking, the ONLY true risk group is that group of individuals who have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with persons of unknown or positive hiv status. You cannot go by how someone looks or where you meet them or what you THINK you know about their sexual habits. You need to assume that ANYONE you have sexual relations with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly.

There's no way you're going to end up hiv positive over this very brief oral encounter without ejaculation. It's just not going to happen. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. The mouth is a very inhospitable environment for the very fragile hiv virus.

What IS risky is unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS ORAL ENCOUNTER, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

And by the way, it seems to me that this is more about your mixed feelings over having sexual contact with another man. We see it here all the time. There's nothing wrong in what you did, so stop beating yourself up.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline The_Usual

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  • Posts: 5
Re: Same old question.
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2009, 06:29:55 PM »
I realize activities are the risk. However I have read that certain demographic groups have higher incidences of HIV due the prevalence of the disease within that community. No doubt men that have sex with men have higher HIV rates than the rest of the population in the US.

I don't have any issues over having sex with men, I am gay and have been having sex with men for over 20 years. Any guilt I had is long gone. I am however fresh out of a long term relationship and having brief oral sex with a man of unknown status definitely brought up some anxiety.

I am glad all are in agreement that my risk was low and I will not be testing. It's good to know because being single I'm sure this will come up again. Unless I have read more into this than I should it sounds like unprotected oral with good oral health, lack of either partner having current STI's and no ejaculation is never a risk for HIV. Am I clear on this? I want to be sure. BTW I last tested neg for all STD's in March of this year.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2009, 08:27:30 PM by The_Usual »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2009, 07:16:02 PM »
It wasn't low it was NO risk.

Offline The_Usual

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2009, 08:16:03 PM »
Can you expound on that please. I realize my one time episode was no risk and I've moved on. Like I said I am newly single and I'm sure I will be in that position again so I would like as much information from people in the know so I know how to best protect myself and my potential partners.

My question is, and this is to clarify it for me, it ever a risk. If a person did that 8000 times would it ever be a risk or is receptive oral sex a no risk situation period regardless of any cofactors.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2009, 08:17:52 PM »
No it is NEVER a risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Same old question.
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2009, 10:40:48 PM »
Your question was already answered early on such as EXTREMELY POOR ORAL CARE or a gaping, new wound in your mouth. Which are hardly the circumstances under which you would be giving oral. And even those are only THEORETICALLY risky.

You're newly out the world again. I suspect that is accounting for a great deal of your anxiety. And that's what you should be discussing with a professional if you need some support around that. You have no cause for concern about HIV risk at this point from what you have reported.
Andy Velez

Offline The_Usual

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  • Posts: 5
Re: Same old question.
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2009, 10:53:11 PM »
I'm really not anxious about my episode, I was but I am not now. The rephrasing of my question has everything to do with gathering info for the sake of having 100% clarity on that particular sex act because I intend to engage in it and want to be sure I am safe. I am fresh out of a ten year monogamous relationship where there was no need to stay abreast of current HIV science. As we know a lot has changed in the last ten years and much of what is on the net is confusing at best. I appreciate what you guys do here but trust me when I say I am not obsessing about my experience a few weeks ago. With that I intend to enjoy oral sex.

Thanks for the advice.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2009, 10:54:44 PM by The_Usual »


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