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Author Topic: I think I have hiv turning to aids...  (Read 2997 times)

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Offline ophelia

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I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« on: May 04, 2009, 06:45:44 AM »
I can't believe I am even going through this. I feel like this is an out of body experience. I am a 28 year old female. I am newly married, but have been with my husband for the past 5 years. We have sex just about every other day, never used a condom (he has had a vasectomy).
okay. The reason I am here is the symptoms I just started having. The very first thing that happened was that I started having very bad stomach bloating/ diarrhea/loose BM's almost daily, and abdominal pain. I've had an abdominal/ transvaginal ultrasound, a cat scan of the abdomen and pelvis, and a colonoscopy all come out fine. I also had a CBC and a stool test for parasites, etc. Both of those came back normal as well. So I've had all these GI symptoms for no reason. Then, about a month later, I started having a constant feverish feeling and night sweats every single night for the past two weeks. I've also felt an aching in the lymph nodes under my armpits, but I have not noticed any swelling. I also have almost constant fatigue and just a general "sick" feeling. Totally unlike me. I was not even thinking about HIV until the night sweats/tiredness/lymph node feeling. Truthfully, I have not thought much about hiv at all over the past years of my life.
okay- here's the problem. This is going back many years. I am really wracking my brain here to remember these things as it has been so long and I have not thought about these things for many many years because until now I deemed them insignificant.
I have not had many partners. The first partner I had- I was his first as well I am completely sure of this. We used condoms every time, and there weren't that many times. Never had one break. I was 15. This is the problem- My second partner I did not know too well. This second partner I had when I was 15 also. probably around 1996. A girl I went to high school with introduced me to her cousin. I was angry at my first boyfriend for dumping me, so I had sex with this guy. We did use a condom, the thing is, it slipped off inside me and we did not know it (at least I did not know it) until we were finished and it was all jammed up inside me and I had to pull it out. I'm sure he knew but of course like most young guys did not want to say anything about it. Of course he came in me, while the condom was off, technically, and all jammed up there. We fooled around a few more times, mostly oral sex going both ways. My main fear at the time of course, was pregnancy not HIV. I should mention that this guy was quite a bit older than me (he was 18). Other then that I don't remember much about him, just his first name and that he was a troublemaker and his mom kicked him out, that's why he stayed with his cousin. I do remember that when the girl who introduced us found out we had sex, she was pretty mad. We got in a big fight and I remember her saying something about aids, like "what if you have aids now" or something like that, but of course I brushed it off at the time. I just thought she was a lunatic. Okay, so after that I did not have another partner for many many years, maybe age 22. This was also protected with a condom and it was three times. After that, I was in a relationship with a woman for a year which only consisted of oral sex going both ways. Then I met my husband and have been with only him since age 24, unprotected vaginal sex and all forms of oral sex, never anal.
I sadly never gave hiv a second thought until now. I am thinking back though, and I realize some things that now make sense and point in the direction of me being infected and probably having full blown aids now. I don't remember having "seroconversion" symptoms after that possible exposure, but I do remember having a pretty bad illness when I was in high school, a few months after being with that guy. I had a very high fever, musle aches and was bringing up massive amounts of green phlegm. It resolved just like any other illness. My senior year in high school I developed pink eye in both eyes. No big deal I just got the meds and that fixed it. the year after that I had a very bad yeast infection. I remember being away on vacation in NYC at the time and I went to the nearest ER because it was so bad. It hurt to walk. They treated me with a shot of something and it went away. Another strange thing that happened around that time was, I woke up one morning and had 20 or more of those tiny little sores in my mouth. I don't know if they are called "canker" sores or what but one day, suddenly, there were lots of them. I just went to my doctor and he gave me some gel to put in my mouth and they went away. Over the years I've had a few more yeast infections but not what I would consider "excessive" or "frequent" ones. also, I have been on and off the birth control pill several times and the infections seemed to coinside with starting/stopping the pill, which I was told by my gyn was normal due to hormonal shifts. All my yearly pap tests for the past 13 years have come back normal, as have my CBC's over the years. I've also had one UTI. Basically, I've been in good health for the past 13 or so years since the possible exposure, besides the little health "episodes" I've mentioned. The more I think about them though, the more they seem like things that would indeed happen in someone with a suppressed immune system. And, over the past year, I've developed a facial rash type thing that sort of looks like rosacea but after doing research I have myself conivinced it's mollescum contagiosum. I'm also convinced my tongue looks white and that I have leukoplakia, but the biggest concern is the debilitating fatigue and night sweats/daily diarrhea and change in bowel habits. I have of course talked with my husband about this but he things I am nuts and need to go to therapy. Basically he is not concerned in the least bit that I or he has HIV but it all makes too much sense. He's telling me that I would have been MUCH sicker with SOMETHING by now 13 years post exposure, but I know that sometimes it does take that long. And it fits right in with converting from HIV to AIDS. I've read that when you start getting into later HIV you get the night sweats/fatigue/Diarrhea. I guess I've just been lucky that I've gone 13 years as I've read the norm is more like 8-10. I don't know what I am looking for, maybe just a place to vent. I am wracked with guilt and sadness that I may have possibly infected the man I love with all my heart and soul. He has three young children from a previous marriage and It just kills me to think that I have ruined his life and infected him. I can't begin to explain the feelings that I am having because up until a month or so ago I was happy, healthy, full of life and honestly have not thought about hiv or aids at all, ever. I was living the life of my dreams until these mystery symptoms appeared which made me look back at my whole life and every little sickness or thing that has ever happened. I am also incredibly angry that I TRIED to protect myself by making that guy wear a condom and it CAME OFF and I got exposed to the virus when I was trying to do the right thing and be safe. I wish I had been tested back then, as then I would have known and would not have put the life of my husband at risk. I have spoken to him, cried my fears, and he just things I am being silly. So now I am getting an hiv test and am going to find out that I have hiv after living 13 "normal" wonderful years. Do these symptoms seem to indicate late hiv or would something like that only show up during seroconversion?
 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2009, 07:12:53 AM »
No.....

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2009, 08:49:52 AM »
Symptoms are never the way to know anything accurately about HIV status. And there is absolutely nothing in what you are reporting which is in any way HIV specific.

You've been living with this uncertainty for far too long. Get yourself and HIV test and collect what I expect will be a negative result so that the issue is resolved. If your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor and find out what the real cause is.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline ophelia

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  • Posts: 4
Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2009, 07:58:32 AM »
Well, I picked up a home access express hiv 1 test and it came back negative.
I don't want to sound like a creep or be one of those people with psychosis who don't believe a negative result, but here's the thing. Before today, I sort of thought HIV was HIV. I just found out now that there is also HIV-2 and the test I took is for HIV 1 only. I have read that HIV 2 is rare in the US. The chances of a girl who grew up in New England having HIV 2 are probably too slim to mention, right? (The person whom I thought exposed me was also white, from the US. I didn't know him very well, but I would doubt that he's ever been to those parts of Africa)
I was also reading about all the different subtypes of HIV. Basically, was Home Access a sufficient enough test to take? The "subtypes" are all a part of HIV 1? I never realized there was so much that goes into this, I thought it was more basic. I would rather ask you guys then get any more caught up in the internet, as reading things online and looking up symptoms does me no good, as you can see. I know that you, too are just strangers from the 'net but sometimes you can get yourself in quite a black hole looking at random websites.

Offline Ann

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Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2009, 08:11:59 AM »
Ophelia,

The reason hiv2 isn't much tested for in the US is because there's not much point. Yes, your chances of having this is indeed slim to none. There are only around 100 confirmed cases of hiv2 in the States, and that's not many in over 25 years.

As long as you did the test three months or more after your last incident of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, you ARE hiv negative.

Make sure your partner is using condoms from here on out and you'll remain hiv negative. Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ophelia

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Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2009, 08:28:49 AM »
That's what I figured, Ann, thank you. I feel better asking you guys as opposed to just reading things online because you never know what you are looking at. Sometimes it can lead to trouble, which is exactly what was happening.
I will be okay from here on out as the exposure I was worried about happened 13 years ago.

Offline ophelia

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  • Posts: 4
Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2009, 12:51:00 PM »
I'm still worried about having hiv 2. My doctors cannot find the cause of my symptoms (low grade fever all the time, chills, night sweats, aching lymph nodes, diarrhea). Home Access was negative 13 years past the exposure in question. When I did the home access, I figured that was "it". Only after I did it did I find out that there are other types of hiv that that test does not catch. If I'd known that, I would have done another type of test because that day waiting for the results was probably the worst day of my life and I do not want to re live it, but I think I have to bite the bullet and find some way to get tested for HIV 2. I've read some stuff online in which the cases of hiv 2 that were identified, some were in Massachusetts, which is where I grew up and had the exposure in question! The person I was with was white, but who knows if he had been with anyone from those parts africa or anyone in massachusetts that was with someone from there!
I've heard that home access uses the "oldest" type of elisa test. Not sure what that means but it does not sound promising. Also, I've read that sometimes those tests can detect hiv 2 sometimes not. I called home access and they basically said that they are only fda approved for hiv1. But some things I have read say that hiv 2 can sometimes trigger an elisa for hiv 1 or cause it to be indeterminate. Not sure what to do. How does one go about testing for hiv 2? I really really want to move on and put this behind me but I also don't want to go running around thinking I am hiv- when I might have hiv 2. I really hope that doing the home access was not a waste of time and money because it was the hardest thing I have EVER had to do and that is an understatement. It must be an alright test to do, or they would not be able to sell it? or is it just like the "bare minimum" test? Is is better to go to a clinic? I thought it was the exact same test, which is why I opted to do the test at home because I don't think I could have done it any other way. The places I called about hiv tests all make you wait at least a week to get results. ( I am not in MA anymore) The home access seemed like the right answer.
I've called the EAP at work and I set up a counseling session, because somewhere in my brain I think I have a lot of guilt about what happened all those years ago that is making me doubt my status so much. Basically, I don't WANT to be acting the way I am. I have never been this way until I got "sick" with something no one can diagnose.

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2009, 03:22:09 PM »
Seek professional mental help. Your problems are not related to HIV.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2009, 04:30:40 PM »
As Rod has told you, this is not an HIV situation. You are HIV negative.

When you start using terms like "guilt" and "a part of my brain," you're talking emotional and not factual. The fact is that you have reliably tested negative. The emotional part? That's something for you to work out with a professional and we cannot help you with that here.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I think I have hiv turning to aids...
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2009, 07:07:18 AM »
Ophelia,

Ok, normally I wouldn't bother to add my two cents after Andy and Rodney have put it so succinctly, but... get a grip woman! You don't have hiv. Really, you don't. Just because your doctor hasn't yet figured out what's going on with you doesn't automatically mean it's got to be hiv. If you're not happy with your doctor's diagnostic skills, go find another one. Whatever may or may not be going on with you has NOTHING to do with hiv. You ARE hiv negative.

Don't think you will be allowed to use this forum to wring your hands over this. You don't have hiv. You've tested conclusively hiv negative and now it's up to you to investigate your symptoms with a doctor and deal with your feelings of guilt with a counselor. We cannot help you further.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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