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now i will need some real advise about my life

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funny enough after 8 years of up and down relationships,
some got not even further then a first argument. >:(
then at some point i found out i got hiv and as it happens i meet someone,
wel, to be honest, the most sweetest gorgeous, guy i've ever met.
great to talk to, be with, listen to,etc..
wel you get the picture,
only thing is that i havent told him yet.
we havent had sex yet, to mention that aswell,
i just dont know how to tell him.

any advise??


Hi Angel

This is one of the most hard things of having HIV. It must have been 4/5 weeks ago when Matt from Australia posted about a similar dilemma.

You know, if he can't handle HIV he is not the man for you. You have HIV for life and if you find a guy he needs to deal with it. It hurts if he gets frightened but it also shows you if he is as great as you think. I really feel that being open about this is the best thing.

Some suggestions about what works for me: Go out for diner in a good restaurant. Maybe don't say "I have got something to tell you" as if it is a big thing but mention it related to something else. For example you discuss something about work, and you mention your HIV. That makes it less heavy. When you show you can deal with it, it often gets easier for people who listen to you when you disclose.

I hope this helps.



hey Coen

good to see you around again,
I do think he wouldn't have a problem with it, so far we have been able to talk about a million different things.
might be a good idea to go for dinner somewere, mayby take a weekend away or something.

Hi Angel

Coen gives very good advise!  What he said about the man not being for you if he cannot accept your HIV, is paramount to making a relationship a success instead of a disaster.

I would also suggest that food is a good thing to offer a chance at injecting your HIV as a casual part of your life.  Accentuating it in "THE BIG TALK" only serves to petrify the other party. 

I would not suggest that you "go away" as this gives him no opportunity to reject you, and can make a nightmare for you if things go terribly wrong.  I just wrote a thread about "Great Expectations" and when dealing with a relationship that is serodiscordant, things can be emotionally terrifying.  When I met my HIV- sweetie, a full 17 years ago, I was already HIV+ for five years, and he was and is still, HIV-.  I didn't mention my HIV status until the second day.  He was already well versed in HIV and had been a caregiver for his neighbor until he had passed.  He was also a tester in the bars in northern California Wine Country, so his knowledge of HIV was exceptional.  His response; "So?"

I hope and pray that this man has the same response to you when you break the news, so that you two can get on with it and make something of the "meeting", of this fine man.

In Love and Support.

hi Moffie65,

i see your point in not going away,
bringing this up during a nice meal is not that of a bad idea, will have to tke him out though, cos he cant cook at all, lol
am just glad he is more mature then most 20 year olds


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