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Author Topic: Help. Please  (Read 3443 times)

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Offline standard

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Help. Please
« on: April 13, 2009, 11:28:07 PM »
Ann or Andy:

About a year ago- I ended a long term relationship ( I am a guy hooking up with guys).  Because I didn’t have that person in my life I started to hook up a lot.  Some of the hookups were guys that I knew and others were guys that I had only met once.  In none of the cases did I ever engage in anal sex.  I am always safe, and will continue to be.

The hookups consisted of me getting sucked (generally for a decent amount of time)- some pretty intense sucking.  Some pretty intense deep make out sessions- where once I cut my lip a bit.  I never sucked- only got sucked.

I tested in January and was negative.  Since then I have hooked up a few more times- same scenario.

After a hook up about two weeks ago where the dude sucked me off I started to get pretty concerned- just because of the number of guys (only got sucked off by four of them- the rest jo) and the fact that this dude seemed a little off when I asked his status.  It was just a bj.

After a week of a sore throat, no fever, body pains, and a cough- I started to freak out.  I usually get a test every January with a physical.  Should I go back?

1.)   is insertive oral totally and completely safe ( I have no piercings).  I mean 100 percent?  Cause the website “the body” seems to waver on this.  Even if the guy was hiv positive.
2.)   Would you ever get ARS after a few days or is it just my anxiety playing a game on me
3.)   Should I worry about really long make out sessions cause your lips get dry, or any of this?

Please let me know.  I just keep thinking that even if all of these things are 100 percent safe… am I playing the odds by having some fun?

Thanks a lot- you guys are great.


Offline RapidRod

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2009, 02:42:04 AM »
None of the situations you brought to the forum were a risk of contracting HIV.

Offline Ann

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2009, 06:42:37 AM »
Standard,

Getting a blowjob is not and never has been a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you certainly won't be the first. Mutual masturbation is also not a risk for hiv infection.

Along with reading the Transmission Lesson linked to in our Welcome Thread, here's what you need to know to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

And by the way, asking your hook-ups their hiv status is a bad way to protect your negative status. Some will lie, but more often, the person will only THINK they're hiv negative when they are actually hiv positive. You MUST assume everyone you hook-up with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly. But getting blown? You won't become infected with hiv that way. I promise you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2009, 07:18:14 AM »
And even the whole deep kissing thing is fine? even if you knock teeth and there is blood?  even with all of these crappy symptoms the week (now two) after?

So I don't even need to test for sure?  Absolutely no risk?

Offline Ann

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2009, 07:55:42 AM »
Stan,

No type of kissing is a risk for hiv infection. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

As for blood in the mouth, unless you're in the habit of repeatedly punching a person in the mouth then kissing them, there couldn't possibly be enough blood in the mouth to worry about. Not one person has ever been infected through a kiss of any sort and you aren't going to be the first.

As I already told you - and ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER GETTING BLOWN OR KISSING, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

The only proven sexual activities that allow hiv transmission are UNPROTECTED anal or vaginal INTERCOURSE.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2009, 08:13:27 AM »
Thanks for the answers.  So I assume the other websites (the body etc) are just extremely conservative in their advice- I know the CDC is, and I think they even categorize insertive as a theoretical risk...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2009, 08:26:19 AM »
Listen, if you continue browsing on the web I can promise you that you will find answers and misinformation that will feed all of your worst fears.

You've gotten the straight deal here based on science and experience. We're not really interested in what you find on other sites. As far as the CDC calling insertive oral a theoretical risk, anytime you have sex with anything other than your own hand there is a "theoretical risk." However, in the real world of HIV and AIDS we know the only proven risks sexually are via unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse.

Of course for instance, common sense dictates to not give oral if you have a fresh and gaping wound in your mouth or very poor oral care. As for receiving oral, Ann's already discussed that with you. Uncountable blowjobs later, no guy has ever been confirmed to have become infected in that manner. It can be said with some certainty, that no matter what special details you throw into the scenario, you won't make history by becoming the first. 

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2009, 08:27:04 AM »
Stan,

Yes, many websites are ultra-conservative - it's what we call a CYA (cover your ass) attitude. You have to remember that often times these things are written by hiv negative people who harbour the same irrational fears as other hiv negative people do.

On this website, not only do we base our risk assessments on the SCIENCE of hiv, but we also base it on what we know to be true in the real world of sexual activities. Many of us have been in serodiscordant relationships ourselves, with no transmission to the negative partner occuring. We know how to stop transmission from happening - which is the correct and consistent use of condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse.

Make sure a condom is being used and being used correctly for anal intercourse if and when you decide to expand your sexual experiences at a future date, and you'll be just fine where hiv is concerned. Yes, it's true. And also remember to always assume your hook-ups are hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly. DO NOT EVER go by what a guy tells you. He might not know he's hiv positive.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2009, 02:14:14 PM »
I am sure that you guys here this all the time.  But your information is really useful.  I like the tough love approach.  for what its worth. thanks.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2009, 02:32:13 PM »
Stan, you're welcome.

Just remember what you've learned here about how to protect your hiv status and you'll be fine.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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  • Posts: 15
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2009, 03:21:56 PM »
I'll remember - no worries on oral sex at all- 100 certified percent.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2009, 04:12:30 PM »
LOL. Glad to know you now have that subject handled.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline standard

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  • Posts: 15
Help.
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2009, 11:01:54 AM »
Anne/Andy,

I am freaking out here a little bit. 

The only risks I have ever had are oral, kissing, and frottage.  I have been having pain in my armpits now for several months and woke up this morning with a white toungue.

Can you just reassure me again that my oral exccapades could in no way cause HIV.

Would you get something like thrush so early after being infected?

I have hooked up a lot lately, always been safe- maybe I should stop this.  I last tested negative on January 1, 2009.  Would you say that I need to be tested more than once a year?

I have never had unsafe anal, only sucked once, been sucked a lot.

Please reassure/help.

Thanks a ton.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Help.
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2009, 11:03:54 AM »
Keep all your questions and concerns in your original thread.

Offline standard

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  • Posts: 15
Re: Help.
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2009, 11:12:58 AM »
Thanks Teak-

When I posted in the original thread, I got a meassage that said the original post was over six months old, and that I should consider a new posting.  sorry- didnt know.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2009, 11:21:22 AM »
Stan,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





Re-read your enitre thread. Our answers are not going to change. You had no risk for hiv infection.

How often you do routine hiv testing is up to you. Some people go every three months if they have a lot of sexual partners. Some go every six months. Some go once a year. It's up to you. Just make sure you test for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #16 on: August 20, 2009, 11:30:44 AM »
I did read through it.  thanks.

just one other question, and then I will stop asking stupid questions.

as long as I continue only oral(insertive), probably a once a year test is fine?

could you get oral thrush so early on if you were infected, or is that something that would usually happen later?

thanks- and sorry I didnt know to post in the original thread

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #17 on: August 20, 2009, 11:44:06 AM »
Stan,

Anyone can get thrush at any time. A person doesn't have to be hiv positive to get thrush.

Once a year testing is fine. It all depends on what makes YOU happy.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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Re: Help. Please
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2009, 11:58:38 AM »
Thanks,

Not sure why I would get it- but maybe I shouldnt be self diagnosing.

I would feel best if I could stop worrying about stupid things I guess.


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2009, 12:41:14 PM »
Stan,

NO, you should NOT be self-diagnosing. Just because your tongue is white does not mean you have thrush. Thrush is so much more than a white tongue and it's very painful. VERY painful. Try drinking a coke. If you have thrush on your tongue, it will hurt like hell. If you're worried about the colour of your tongue, see your doctor or dentist. It's unlikely to be thrush.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline standard

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  • Posts: 15
Re: Help. Please
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2009, 12:56:14 PM »
just another reason why I love you.

after drinking a diet coke and a hot coffee it doesnt "hurt like hell".

seriously- I hope something really good happens for you today.  like a banana split arrives at your house unexpectedly.

 


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