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Author Topic: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..  (Read 1489 times)

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Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« on: April 06, 2009, 12:07:13 AM »
A serious question folks..

The friend who's passed was not very close, but is a known figure in our industry and was very kind and nice to me. The news of his death arrived as a press release in my inbox this morning. It is a shock as I just saw him in an event less than 3 weeks ago - he was only in his early 40s and died of a sudden heart attack while traveling.

His profile is still in my friend list - what should one do in this circumstance?

Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Merlin

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  • As My WILL, So MOTE It Be !
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2009, 12:29:22 AM »
Sorry to hear about his passing. Rest his kind soul. :-\

Found a reply on Facebook that may be useful to your question.

When a Facebook profile is officially memorialized, just a few aspects are changed. Basic things -- such as contact information, status updates, etc. -- are removed. In addition, the individual's profile is closed except to those with whom he/she had friended. Their page cannot be found through search results and no new friend requests are accepted. However, their Wall remains available for friends and family to leave messages, or just share memories of earlier days.

On the other hand, a deactivated Facebook profile is totally removed from the site. Any aspect relating to the person is forgotten, and no one will see his/her page.

Personally, leaving the profile in a memorialized state is something many people consider. The only people who view it are just the friends he/she had in real life, and because they are still able to leave messages, the profile becomes a place of comfort for those left behind. Sometimes even writing out one's feelings can make a world of difference.

Link to form for Facebook memorialization:

http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased

And of course, somewhere out there, you know they're smiling every time they see their friends have left a notification for them to read.

I found a great blog post that explains why leaving a profile open is so beneficial. And while the author's friend didn't have their profile "memorialized", it shows just why keeping it available is such a great thing.

http://joelcorriveau.com/2008/04/what-happens-to-your-facebook-when-you-die/

Hope this helps. ;)

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                            +++

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Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2009, 06:24:31 AM »
Hi Shaun,

I would be inclined to keep a departed friend's profile in my friend list. Someone who was mainly just a work colleague, well, that would depend on how close I felt to them.

I've kept IMs, PMs, text messages and emails from friends who have died - to me it's kinda like keeping a snapshot of them, something to remember them by. I would treat an online social-networking profile the same way.

Ann


PS - thank you for that information, Merlin - very interesting.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,645
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2009, 12:59:17 PM »
Sorry for your loss , very sad .

  I would keep the profile , I know we have memories , But  to read things a departed
Friend wrote is priceless .

                       Hope you are well ,

                                                    Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline komnaes

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,893
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2009, 10:21:56 PM »
Thanks folks,

All his friends have started posting memorial massages on his Facebook profile since Monday.. very sad. I will as suggested keep his profile in my friend list; and thanks for the info Merlin, I will send the links to his business partner, ..

I was just looking through some old mails - the irony is that the last time we exchanged any massages on Facebook was like a month ago, when he asked me how to completely erase his profile.

Consider websites like Facebook have become such a important part of many people's daily communication with friends, etc, perhaps it would be wise to leave the password etc to a very close friend or relative just in case..

Hugs, Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,067
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2009, 11:12:54 PM »
perhaps it would be wise to leave the password etc to a very close friend or relative just in case..
it's just another one of the myraid of thousands upon thousands (I know I'm mixing some metaphors or something here; but I wanted to show some emphasis ;) ) small details that the ones left behind have to deal with. Not only does one have to sort through the clothes in the closet and throw away/donate those now-unneeded items; but now-a-days all sorts of online accounts need to be accessed and closed out too. It's another heinous and tedious chore, sure to wring more tears out of someone. :'(

When you're the one dealing with matters for the deceased, I found it was easiest just to leave these various accounts open for a while. People were able to leave their condolences and share their memories at the personal sites, while the business site accounts were brought to a final balance for the estate to handle.

Sadly in a way, after a while of just a few months, life and people move on, and these "left over" personal sites don't see as many visits. Death has a way of silencing one's effects on life and the future, you know. ;) :( Millions of people who have passed are not remembered on any quilt panels or by a blog that they have left behind; but are only remembered in the hearts and minds of those they left behind.

As to when to remove people from your own lists, I think it's all up to you. (In the past the question would have been to remove their business card from your rolodex. LOL ;D ) Some business assoc. who have passed, I quickly removed them as I had minimal or limited contact with those people in the first place. However, nearly a year later (coming up on may 1st) and all of my friends have yet to remove Jim from their yahoo buddy list. For myself, I haven't removed Jim from my email address book either. Though I was able to sprinkle most of Jim's ashes on Randy's grave, I just haven't been able to click yes when Outlook express askes if I want to  "delete this contact?" :'(
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,067
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: What to do with a friend on Facebook when he's passed ..
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2009, 12:19:00 PM »
just saw a news short about this site that just started up https://www.legacylocker.com/ ("Legacy Locker is a safe, secure repository for your digital property that lets you grant access to online assets for friends and loved ones in the event of death or disability")

seems more and more people are coming up against this issue now
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

 


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