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Author Topic: This how I feel even on Medication!  (Read 5060 times)

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Offline Dwayn20

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This how I feel even on Medication!
« on: April 02, 2009, 09:00:11 PM »
Enough Said.

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2009, 01:31:24 AM »
How are we to live when you feel this? :'(


Enough Said.

Online mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2009, 04:44:44 AM »
You have fought HIV for over two decades.  I read some of your posts and see that life isn't often giving you a smooth ride. Seems natural to run out of gas sometimes. I am sitting here thinking about the picture you posted - empty.  Well, you are running, so running on empty.  Already that is a bit of a miracle so really congratulations you are very strong, can't you see.  So about being empty.... Need a recharge.  You know I'm feeling this has nothing to do with HIV itself but rather the stresses of life and the toll of medication.  There are so many different ways to recharge - to refresh, to get energy.  What has worked in the bast 20 years for you - it was surely not 20 years of running on empty - what forces came together at some time so that you felt energised, great. Where did the energy come from?  Love? Food? Happiness? Social? Interestng Work? Fascinating Projects? Helping Others? A challenge?

I think you need to call out - an honest chat with your partner, your friends, family (?), work(?), nurse that is helping your mind, doctor, and show them that graphic - EMPTY - and ask people to help you brainstorm how to recharge.  It seems urgent  - do it now.  And best wishes.  I'm going to send you some energy tonight, as well.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2009, 07:25:51 AM »
I used to go to New Orleans by myself an that would help.The last time we spent apart was five years ago.Even if it was for 24 hours I would feel better when I got back.I think that is why I am trying so hard to go to Boston in August.I believe we need this time apart so he can do as he pleases an so can I.Now that he is driving again he leaves at 4;30am an back by 10;00am an it,s sad when we are together for to long we get on each others bad sides so most of the time I go outside an sit on the steps an then my mind goes into superdrive an then I cry.I am sorry you can only take so much.I used to call it my run away time.I really need it now but I no longer can scrape up the cash like most people so will keep fingers crossed about the trip.
Scooter



You have fought HIV for over two decades.  I read some of your posts and see that life isn't often giving you a smooth ride. Seems natural to run out of gas sometimes. I am sitting here thinking about the picture you posted - empty.  Well, you are running, so running on empty.  Already that is a bit of a miracle so really congratulations you are very strong, can't you see.  So about being empty.... Need a recharge.  You know I'm feeling this has nothing to do with HIV itself but rather the stresses of life and the toll of medication.  There are so many different ways to recharge - to refresh, to get energy.  What has worked in the bast 20 years for you - it was surely not 20 years of running on empty - what forces came together at some time so that you felt energised, great. Where did the energy come from?  Love? Food? Happiness? Social? Interestng Work? Fascinating Projects? Helping Others? A challenge?

I think you need to call out - an honest chat with your partner, your friends, family (?), work(?), nurse that is helping your mind, doctor, and show them that graphic - EMPTY - and ask people to help you brainstorm how to recharge.  It seems urgent  - do it now.  And best wishes.  I'm going to send you some energy tonight, as well.



Offline positivmat

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  • Posts: 222
Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2009, 11:08:46 AM »
Hey Dwayne,
Your posts and messages have really helped me when i was down.  I can only say that your kindness will be returned to you in some form.  What you put out will return to you (hopefully in time to bring you relief and fill you up again).  I will join mecch and think of you and try to send you some positive thoughts to fill you up again.  But I agree with mecch, that you should try to do something for yourself that buoys you up again.  Consider yourself entitled to some enjoyment. 
Thinking of you,
Matt

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2009, 01:36:33 PM »
Thanks Guys Appreciate It.I am trying to work things out what I think the problem is the same thing I told Matt not to do is give some one the power over you.It,s sad when you can,t take your own advice.But you know what I know things are going to change.I have learned to walk away.There is mental abuse which some times is worst than physical.My significant other don,t realise that his words hurt some time.Next morning it,s like nothing happened.He is what we Cajuns like to call Hard Headed an some time so am I.
Scooter
P.S.Matt any time you need to talk my email address is in my profile.
Hey Dwayne,
Your posts and messages have really helped me when i was down.  I can only say that your kindness will be returned to you in some form.  What you put out will return to you (hopefully in time to bring you relief and fill you up again).  I will join mecch and think of you and try to send you some positive thoughts to fill you up again.  But I agree with mecch, that you should try to do something for yourself that buoys you up again.  Consider yourself entitled to some enjoyment. 
Thinking of you,
Matt
« Last Edit: April 04, 2009, 01:39:12 PM by Dwayn20 »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2009, 01:29:47 AM »
I had wrote a long post some how it got erased.I Quit.This the straw that broke the camels back.Scooter
« Last Edit: April 09, 2009, 02:13:10 AM by Dwayn20 »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #7 on: April 27, 2009, 10:52:26 PM »
I love my dog and Mark but that is not bring up me out this gloom and doom the medication seems not to be helping.Cymbata 120mg+ Alprazolam and the Cymbalta is at the max dose.I also take lunesta to help me sleep which I am not.I wonder what it feels to be normal all this that is happening has happened before when I was in the Army things were fine for the first five months then every thing turn to crap.I am in the process of getting my records so my Psychologist can maybe make more since of my life.
Scooter



I used to go to New Orleans by myself an that would help.The last time we spent apart was five years ago.Even if it was for 24 hours I would feel better when I got back.I think that is why I am trying so hard to go to Boston in August.I believe we need this time apart so he can do as he pleases an so can I.Now that he is driving again he leaves at 4;30am an back by 10;00am an it,s sad when we are together for to long we get on each others bad sides so most of the time I go outside an sit on the steps an then my mind goes into superdrive an then I cry.I am sorry you can only take so much.I used to call it my run away time.I really need it now but I no longer can scrape up the cash like most people so will keep fingers crossed about the trip.
Scooter




Offline Joe K

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2009, 01:21:54 PM »
There is mental abuse which some times is worst than physical.My significant other don,t realise that his words hurt some time.Next morning it,s like nothing happened.He is what we Cajuns like to call Hard Headed an some time so am I.
Scooter

Hey Scooter,

As a survivor of domestic violence, I was saddened to read the above and urge you to talk with someone, about the effect this abuse is having on you, Mark and your relationship.  How I remember that feeling of "walking on eggshells" and when your only option for escape, becomes sitting on the porch crying, surely you know something is terribly wrong.  Yes relationships are hard, damn hard, but if you want something of substance, you both need to work at it.  However, when abuse is involved, there can be no balance, because there remains both a batterer and a victim, hardly equal partners in developing a relationship.

When Stephen says something that is hurtful to me and I comment on it, he listens to me, to understand my thoughts, so we can formulate a plan to deal with any issue identified.  He would never degrade or abuse me, mainly because he knows I would be out the door in a heartbeat.  Most important though, is that he loves me, unconditionally and he demonstrates that love daily.  We are both survivors of abuse and we are fortunate that we found each other.  Actually, we are so attuned to abusive treatment, that we have never had a fight in our ten years together.  We know that only through mutual love and respect, can we grow, both individually and as a couple.

Maybe it is time for you to consider some major changes in your life, say couples counseling, where you can explore those issues that are important to you.  You need to address this problem now and not wait for the abuse to escalate, because I assure you it will.  I cannot get past your comments on how Mark can say hurtful things to you and then, the next day, act like nothing ever happened.  Seriously, does that sound like the actions of someone who cares for you?

I do not know all the facts and if I have offended you, I am sorry.  But when I read comments like yours, my fear grows that you will remain in an abusive relationship, that could turn deadly.  I know, mine almost did and my ex went to jail.

All I know is, that when I finally found the power to confront and leave him, my whole life crumbled, but what I have built from the rubble, is something I will cherish to the end of my days.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2009, 01:45:57 PM by killfoile »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2009, 04:07:00 PM »
No offence taking.
Growing up we all learned this.
Sticks an Stones May Break My Bones
But Words Will Never Hurt Me

What a load of Crap. I am thankful it has never been Physical but some things once spoken can never be taking back or forgoten.Then the next day its like nothing had happen the night before.
Scooter


Hey Scooter,

As a survivor of domestic violence, I was saddened to read the above and urge you to talk with someone, about the effect this abuse is having on you, Mark and your relationship.  How I remember that feeling of "walking on eggshells" and when your only option for escape, becomes sitting on the porch crying, surely you know something is terribly wrong.  Yes relationships are hard, damn hard, but if you want something of substance, you both need to work at it.  However, when abuse is involved, there can be no balance, because there remains both a batterer and a victim, hardly equal partners in developing a relationship.

When Stephen says something that is hurtful to me and I comment on it, he listens to me, to understand my thoughts, so we can formulate a plan to deal with any issue identified.  He would never degrade or abuse me, mainly because he knows I would be out the door in a heartbeat.  Most important though, is that he loves me, unconditionally and he demonstrates that love daily.  We are both survivors of abuse and we are fortunate that we found each other.  Actually, we are so attuned to abusive treatment, that we have never had a fight in our ten years together.  We know that only through mutual love and respect, can we grow, both individually and as a couple.

Maybe it is time for you to consider some major changes in your life, say couples counseling, where you can explore those issues that are important to you.  You need to address this problem now and not wait for the abuse to escalate, because I assure you it will.  I cannot get past your comments on how Mark can say hurtful things to you and then, the next day, act like nothing ever happened.  Seriously, does that sound like the actions of someone who cares for you?

I do not know all the facts and if I have offended you, I am sorry.  But when I read comments like yours, my fear grows that you will remain in an abusive relationship, that could turn deadly.  I know, mine almost did and my ex went to jail.

All I know is, that when I finally found the power to confront and leave him, my whole life crumbled, but what I have built from the rubble, is something I will cherish to the end of my days.

Offline denb45

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2009, 04:43:10 PM »
No offence taking.
Growing up we all learned this.
Sticks an Stones May Break My Bones
But Words Will Never Hurt Me

What a load of Crap. I am thankful it has never been Physical but some things once spoken can never be taking back or forgoten.Then the next day its like nothing had happen the night before.
Scooter



To your partner, maybe it's nothing at all, but, if things are said, that do effect you, then, perhaps, you need to sit him down and have a very long talk with him, about the way you feel, believe me, it will continue to be nothing to him, unless you confront him on this, and he doesn't have to like any of it, but, at least you made an effort to discuss, how all of this makes you feel  :)  try it, it might FREE you of all of that bull-shit, and, AGAIN he doesn't have to like it, but, tell him that you don't like it as well?
if he doesn't want to listen to how you feel, than maybe you need to make a BIG change in your life,
your life and happiness is important, and much too short to put up with that kinda crap.......
« Last Edit: April 28, 2009, 04:48:16 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: This how I feel even on Medication!
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2009, 05:31:37 PM »
Lord knows I have tryed what you suggest.The next thing is that's all you do bitch and then another fight happens.He just got home and informs me that the Electric Bills check bounced. To make matters worst my dog sounds like she has something wrong with her.I know I am not Atlas holding the world up but when things like this happen I think I take things to Heart.I am mentally tired.
Scooter


To your partner, maybe it's nothing at all, but, if things are said, that do effect you, then, perhaps, you need to sit him down and have a very long talk with him, about the way you feel, believe me, it will continue to be nothing to him, unless you confront him on this, and he doesn't have to like any of it, but, at least you made an effort to discuss, how all of this makes you feel  :)  try it, it might FREE you of all of that bull-shit, and, AGAIN he doesn't have to like it, but, tell him that you don't like it as well?
if he doesn't want to listen to how you feel, than maybe you need to make a BIG change in your life,
your life and happiness is important, and much too short to put up with that kinda crap.......

 


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