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Author Topic: My Big Brother has HIV  (Read 5958 times)

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Offline BabySis

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
My Big Brother has HIV
« on: January 24, 2009, 08:46:18 AM »
 I found out last night that my big brother has HIV, after the shock settled in, I knew that it was going to be my duty (by choice of course) to be my brother's biggest supporter. The pain I felt last night was incomprehensible, but I was hurting not for myself but for him. He had been silently suffering for almost a year and just thinking that he had not been able to tell anyone killed me. I love my brother with all my heart and I want him to stop blaming himself for what happened, it is not his fault and living with HIV/AIDS is no longer a death sentence!! Since learning the news, I have been educating myself on HIV/AIDS so that I can help him in any way I can!! We agreed to sign up for the "Walk for life" in our town and I am going to begin attending support groups for family and friends of people with HIV...

My brother's new health status will not change how I feel for him, he will always be my big brother, my best friend and my hero!! I am committed to holding his hand through his new journey in life and be by his side every single step of the way!!  :)

Offline veritas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,408
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2009, 09:03:39 AM »


Babysis,

Your compassion, love and support for your brother shines through in your post. He's very lucky to have a sister like you.

Use these forums if you ever have any questions or need some advice. There's a lot of experience here.

veritas

Offline megasept

  • Member
  • Posts: 478
  • Steven here...
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2009, 12:48:35 PM »
I feel for him, he will always be my big brother, my best friend and my hero!! I am committed to holding his hand through his new journey in life and be by his side every single step of the way!!  :)

Sounds simple, but act and relate to one another as you always have. Take a moment to laugh at things too, including health-related. I wish I had a supportive sibling like you.

 8)  -megasept (poz 1991)


Offline BabySis

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2009, 03:10:52 PM »
Thank you so much for the responses and for those who have taken the time to read my post. Last night in my daze I came across this amazing site which has been heaven sent for me. I have been able to read other peoples experiences and have also been able to get a little bit of a better understanding of what it is that my brother might be going through. The main message I am taking with me is one of love and compassion and I am going to encourage my brother to get on here and hopefully meet someone people and hear their stories so that he may begin his healing process.

Like I mentioned earlier my brother is my world and he will continue to be that. He recently gave me away at my wedding which was the most important day of my life we appropriately danced to Mariah Carey's hero which applies to what I think of him now more than ever!!!

Again thanks for the love and the support!!!

Online Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,393
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2009, 07:17:53 PM »
Hi Babysis,

Along with appreciating that he is a hero it's also really important as Megasept mentioned to remember that your brother is just a guy with HIV. It's undoubtedly an important new element in his life and yours too for that matter.

Even while you are understandably concerned about his health just continue to enjoy each other as you have in the past.

You're always welcome here to ask questions and to discuss any concerns you may have.

Your loving support is the greatest thing you can give him and that includes always staying real with him.

Welcome.
Andy Velez

Offline ga1964

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2009, 01:38:44 AM »
Hi Babysis,

Welcome to the forums.  Your brother is very lucky to have you in his life.  Your love and support will go so much further in helping your brother in this new chapter of his life than you will ever know.  I agree with the others, continue sharing life with him the way you always have.

I have was diagnosed a little over 2yrs. now and haven't been able to face my brothers and sisters.  I told my parents when I found out, but told them not to tell my siblings.  They have encouraged me to tell them, but have respected my wishes for now.  I am not so much afraid of them turning on me as I am having to deal with my feelings of shame for getting HIV. 

I know how sensitive I am when I see my nieces and nephews.  I panic and quickly scan my skin to make sure that I'm not bleeding.  I hesitate when I kiss them.  I know I shouldn't panic so bad, but I do.  I'm getting better, but if I do it, I worry how they will be unconsciously.  I know they would not do or say anything on purpose to make me feel alienated, but if I react the way I do, I know it will be just as hard for them not to react in some way.

God bless you for being there for your brother.  Having your support will mean the world to him.  Do encourage him to join this site.   The people here are what have gotten me through this so far.  I have good days and bad days and the people here are so supportive.  I hope that I can be help someday for someone just being diagnosed and give back the love and support that I have gotten here.

Keep us informed how things go and come here anytime you have a question or concern that you want to talk about or get advice.

Hugs.

Offline BabySis

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2009, 10:02:54 PM »
GA1964

Thanks for writing, my brother is luckily doing a lot better emotionally, he is attending support groups and is beginning the process of forgiving himself. As for our relationship nothing has changed, we love each other unconditionally and are there for one another as we always have been. Some days we laugh some days we cry its an emotional rollercoaster but I am glad that he is not alone for the ride.

I hope that when you decide to tell your siblings that they are there for you and support you every step of the way- which I am sure they will. I have a baby girl and it took my brother a while to hold her and play with her because he was petrified of anything happening to her, little by little he has eased up as i encourage him to hold her as much as he wants and remind him that niece will also love him unconditionally.

Hope you are well and thanks for writing!


Offline tishia3

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2009, 01:04:20 PM »
   My brother in law was recently diagnosed with HIV. I have worked HIV/AIDS pts in the past in a hospital setting. And had suspected that he was HIV+ for over a year. He was sick 1 year ago Christmas, and had "rash" on his face. And has been sick on and of for a year. Last 6-7 weeks lost a bunch of wt. I kept telling his family that he needed to get to a hospital to get treated. Told his brothers he can get treatment and get some help. He didn't have health Ins. and was afraid he would lose his house. UNfortunately, his family has been in denial and very private about him being GAY in the first place.  His mom feels like it is her fault. A minister told her it was her fault . I can't believe how ignorant people can be! She is feeling so badly and wants to help her son and understand the illness. But, can't get past her shame of it all.  I would like to find a book or something that would deal with other parents of HIV sons/daughters. His brothers are having a difficult time with all of this too.
The amazing thing is his conservative father has really stepped up and has been an amazing caregiver.( Just is unable to talk about it. )Even convinced him to let him call the emergency squad. But he had already lost so much wt. He was in ICU with bilateral Ppeumonia for a week. and now is able to feed himself. I just hurt for the whole family and their inability to open up and talk some of this out. And then be able to help him in get better.
This is so hard for me to understand, my family would be so different. I went to visit him and let him know that he could talk to me and that I wasn't afraid of his illness. He opened up some, but he feels so alone. I am hoping when he finally gets out of the hospital he could see this wonderful blog and not feel so alone.
Sorry to go on and on. Any sugestions?

Offline positivmat

  • Member
  • Posts: 222
Re: My Big Brother has HIV
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2009, 05:21:58 AM »
Wow. He is really lucky to have you. It sounds like the process of his family becoming reconciled to the gay thing has already begun. Let that take its course and more open conversations hopefully will follow. Meanwhile it will be good for him to have someone like you that he can open up to. My conservative southern family was difficult for me to come out to. And I get the occasional cousin up here in NY "visiting" to save me. But all is good with my immediate family and we slowly broke into the topic. His sickness and the severity will force the conversations and reality to go as fast as they can. Thank you for being there for one of us. God bless you and pm me if you have any questions or just want to chat.
Matt

 


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