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Author Topic: Do I need PEP  (Read 4604 times)

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Offline happy_dude

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Do I need PEP
« on: March 23, 2009, 08:58:24 AM »
four hours before the window runs out.

Married. Sex with 3 CSW. Condoms definitely used. Was drunk but recall condoms were used. Went back next day and asked them. All three confirmed condoms were used and completely matched my recollection.

Had lots of unprotected oral too during the session.

a) Do I need pep (seems no based on previous answers)
b) Do I need to test (seems no based on previous answers)

Been faithful for 10 years. First slip. Last test before marriage all -ve.

Can I move on from this experience or do I need to go and get PEP and testing?

Thanks
Happy Dude


Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2009, 09:11:04 AM »
The quick and short answer is there's no need for PEP over these incidents nor even any need for HIV testing. You used condoms for intercourse which is exactly what you're supposed to do. They provide very effective protection.

 I will add one further note. Often straying partners after the fact get caught up in a mix of guilt and watching for "symptoms" with paranoid intensity that has no basis in HIV science.

You had safer sex. Condoms do the job. Take a breath and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2009, 09:16:10 AM »
Hi Andy,

Wow, that was a quick reply. Thanks. I went through the forum and read quite a lot today and expected your answer. I am pretty sure there were no breaks in the condoms and no "slipping off" incidents and the girls confirmed the same the next day. Was just concerned and just wanted some expert confirmation.

I hear you about the guilt. Its already hit me but I also hear what you say about getting on with my life. Will do my best.

Thanks again for the quick reply. I will put this to rest and get back to working on my relationship and trying to live better

Have a great day,
Happy Dude.
 








Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2009, 09:20:14 AM »
That's a good plan, Dude.  The  straying experience can be very exciting for sure but it's no solution in a longterm way for whatever needs to be addressed in a longterm relationship.

Relationships with an R absolutely include being a pain in the butt sometimes along with the great rewards.  Generally I encourage people to avoid doing things which they are unlikely to feel good about afterwards.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2009, 10:04:02 AM »
Once again Andy, thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.

Actually, an additional comment, I really appreciated finding your site. I bounced around a couple of others during the day and it was great to finally find a forum with consistent replies. When I started reading this morning I was kind of concerned, by the time I posted much of my  concerns faded, I just wanted my own answer, selfish I know but thank you for that.

Also you said: "You used condoms for intercourse which is exactly what you're supposed to do." I think it would be correct to say the girls used them. Not me. In the morning I was thankful to them for that (as paradoxical as it sounds). Anne in another place said CSW's use condoms for their own protection, not ours. It really makes sense and that is why I believed them.

Once again, thanks for your help here. You have no idea how much your comments to me and elsewhere have eased my concerns. Just have to deal with the cause of the behaviour, but that is for a different place, not here.

Good luck to you too.
Happy Dude....(who will do everything he can to put this behind him).







Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2009, 10:13:41 AM »
Too often people lose sight of the fact that sex workers are interested in staying alive and healthy too. But because of the low esteem in which sex is held in our country and therefore sex workers as well, it is assumed they are all infected and careless about safer sex. In my experience neither of the latter are true. Generally it's their customers who are sloppy about using condoms. And in some cases are willing to pay more to have intercourse without them. Talk about dumb and irresponsible.

Your experience was a happier one. I'm glad you found the site and our exchanges to be helpful. Thanks for your appreciative words. We're here to serve.

Good luck to you. 
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2009, 11:03:52 AM »
For the record I don't live in or have never been to the US. I live in Asia where this experience happened BUT I have no reason to assume CSW here don't have an interest in staying alive and healthy. To think they wouldn't want to stay healthy I think is silly. (And I was clearly the idiot in this situation, not them). Although I must add I have not had a lot of experience with CSW here or elsewhere, I have no reason to assume otherwise.

Please forward my thanks to Anne and Rapid Rod, their exchanges elsewhere were also soothing and insightful. And a special thanks to you too.

As for a "happy" experience, perhaps in some sense it was (in that condoms were used). For the rest it was just stupid.

Thanks again for your encouragement and kindness, its deeply appreciated.
Happy Dude

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2009, 11:06:14 AM »
You're welcome. Glad you got what you needed.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Negative at Six Weeks
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2009, 06:58:26 AM »
Hi There,

Its six weeks to the day. Rapid Test for HIV and Syphillis both negative.

I was actually doing pretty well then on Monday I had a massive anxiety attack. I have had every symptom you can imagine: cough, sore throat, folliculitis, fever etc. but did what Andy suggested and remained productively busy. Anxiety attack was pretty bad so I decided to do a test at the six week mark to put myself at ease.

I explained to the social worker (not doctor) the scenario and he said my problem was guilt, not HIV. He said the test at six weeks (while not conclusive) would give me some peace of mind. He suggested I go back at 8 weeks or 12 weeks for conclusive test.

I am thinking of seeing a counseller to help me with my issues. Essentially I snapped almost two years to the day my twins died. When they died I never cried. I stayed strong for my wife. Then we had a massive argument, she went away with friends and I landed up getting smashed and landed up in a brothel. Such is life. I will try to find help and maybe one day come clean with my wife. The last six weeks I have spent time working at my relationship with my wife. Thank God work has kept me busy.
 
If anyone in Taiwan needs a test, recommend they go here (http://www.lofaa.org.tw ). Its 15 minutes rapid test. Very very discrete and anonymous. The social workers say exactly what you say on this site: oral = no risk, sex with condom = no risk, if at risk conclusive test at 12 weeks.

Anyway, thanks a lot for your help. I guess I can continue normal relations with my wife. I haven't touched her since this incident.

Thanks Andy for your kind words. Much Appreciated.
Dude

 
 


Offline Ann

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2009, 07:40:54 AM »
Dude,

You seem quite self-aware, and that's a very good thing. I'm very sorry to hear about your twins, and you need to know that your reaction is a very normal one, so quit beating yourself up.

As for telling your wife about your indiscretion, why? If I were her, I certainly wouldn't want to know. It's not like you're doing it every weekend - it was simply a one-off reaction to repressed grief. I can't see anything good coming out of you telling her, but of course you'll ultimately have to decide for yourself what is the best course of action.

The person you talked to was spot-on - guilt (and grief) is your problem, not hiv. You didn't have a risk. You don't need further testing, unless you need to for peace of mind. Your result will not change.

I would strongly recommend you seek counseling. Losing not one, but two children is a heavy burden to bear and you will definitely benefit from having a neutral person to talk to about it. You might also think about couples counseling - not because of your indiscretion, but because of your shared grief over losing your twins.

Good luck, and please do put hiv out of your mind. You don't have hiv - you ARE hiv negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2009, 09:58:58 AM »
Hi Ann,

Thank you for your kind and compassionate response and also for your advice on confession. I will certainly take it into consideration.

I now do believe I am HIV -ve. I tested for peace of mind as the (irrational) anxiety was affecting my work too much. I could never live with myself if I infected my wife. Andy's advice and response was much appreciated and gave me a lot of peace until this past Monday. I might test later but knowing the truth for certain gave me a wonderful sense of peace.

The social worker said I need to find counselling as this type of behaviour might repeat itself if the root is not properly dealt with. I am already looking for some English counsellors here as (dont take this the wrong way) I do not want to be a regular on this forum.

Thank you for all the good work you do. Good luck to you too. I do appreciate all the help and support this forum gave me.

Thanks and have a wonderful weekend.
Dude.

P.S I thought I would post the above about "symptoms" as it may give others peace of mind to know that "symptoms" mean squat. A test at the right time means everything.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2009, 11:05:07 AM »
You've got it exactly right about symptoms  meaning squat and about testing at the right time.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Same sad story
« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2009, 08:35:36 AM »
Hi,

I am sad to post here again. I never thought I would.

Anyway, same story (was drunk again) with one CSW. Condom was used. Condom did not break. When we were finished I noticed there were abrasions on my testicles lower penis from the oral sex. She tried to have unprotected sex with me but I pushed her off me. There was no penetration though.

a) Risk or no risk?
b) Do I need to test over this incident?

My decision today is to stop drinking. It seems I am not handling life well. Severe anxiety attacks almost daily. And my friend committed suicide three weeks ago. I know this is not the forum to address these issues. There is just no one to speak to and I have seemed to push the self-destruct button.

Thanks
Happy Dude (who is sad again)
 
P.S. Its 14 weeks to the day since the last incident. Why did I do this to myself and my wife?

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2009, 08:37:00 AM »
Hi,

Sorry, forgot to add this time was oral, vaginal and anal. Vaginal and anal protected the whole time. Condom did not break. I am dead certain of that.

Thanks
Dude

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2009, 09:50:45 AM »
There's no need for HIV testing. You used a condom which is exactly what you are supposed to do. They provide very effective protection.

But you do seem to be on to something with your drinking. There are good programs you can look into for help with that and I urge you to follow up. Excessive drinking is enough in itself. When it gets mixed with casual sex it becomes a potentially dangerous problem.

Get some help.

There's no cause for concern about HIV and this recent incident.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #15 on: June 26, 2009, 07:57:17 PM »
Thank you. I will now have to deal with the anxiety of this over the next while. But thanks for your advice. I guess any "symptoms" between now and when I test then will not be HIV "symptoms" and I should just put the worry and concern out of my mind.

I honestly need to get some help. I have no idea where or how but will try. The anxiety of this incident is too much for me.

Thanks for your assessment. Its appreciated. I understand there is nothing more you can do.

Dude

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2009, 08:15:06 AM »
Well, as far as drinking is concerned AA  (Alcoholics Anonymous) has proven to be helpful to many. Look it up on the web and depending on where you live there are likely to be many meetings from which to choose. That would be a start...

Good luck.
Andy Velez

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #17 on: June 27, 2009, 12:10:44 PM »
Thank you for your help. I went to see a councillor this morning. He was a doctor. He said the same as you that this was a no risk situation and that I should only be concerned about Chlamidia and Gonorhea from the oral sex. He gave me antibiotics for that and said once the course is complete I can continue to have unprotected sex with my wife. He said this was not a concern for HIV but advised I get a P24 test at two weeks for peace of mind.

He also identified a lot of what is going on in my mind and now I will work with him or another councillor to deal with these issues.

Just to confirm. When I test again I should test negative since this was a no risk situation right?

Thank you for your help and support
Dude
« Last Edit: June 27, 2009, 12:12:45 PM by happy_dude »

Offline Ann

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #18 on: June 27, 2009, 05:31:38 PM »
Dude,

Of course your negative result is NOT going to change. You had NO RISK. You only need to test again if that's what you need for peace of mind and to get on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #19 on: June 28, 2009, 09:42:43 PM »
Thanks for the reassurance Ann, it helps to be able to come back here and read this thread. It provides reassurance and calms me when I am anxious.

Thanks a lot for your tremendous support, understanding and encouragement. Its much appreciated.
Dude

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2009, 02:54:32 AM »
So I had put this behind me and then at my annual physical they said I might have hep C. After reading a few posts here it seems hep C is contracted from fingering/fisting.

a) Am I still "no risk" or is there now a risk. I know there was fingering/fisting in all sessions.
b) Is fisting a risk for HIV transmission?
c) Do I need to go for a test?
d) If I test for HIV will hep c antibodies throw up a false positive HIV antibody test ?

I had honestly put this behind me and out of my mind. Now I am panicking again. Good news though is that I have completely stopped drinking.

Your advice and help is appreciated.
Thanks
Dude
« Last Edit: August 25, 2009, 04:38:27 AM by happy_dude »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2009, 04:59:25 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2009, 08:25:34 AM »
Dude, Hep C and HIV are two totally different issues. Nothing has changed in relation to HIV and your incident, which was a non-risk for HIV. Neither fisting nor fingering are risks for HIV transmission.

Let's not get back on the HIV fears treadmill. You have no basis for that in HIV science. If you keep coming back with more of the same you're very quickly at this point going to get a 28 day Time Out.

Good luck with getting your Hep C issue squared away.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #23 on: August 25, 2009, 10:32:16 AM »
Dude,

Do you even know what fisting IS? Unless you've been fisted - meaning someone has put their fist - their whole hand - into your anus - there's no way you would have been infected with ANYTHING through fisting. You putting your fist into someone else's body is not a risk for hiv or hep C, and you putting your finger inside someone else's body isn't a risk for hiv or hep C either. Fisting isn't a risk for hiv infection no matter if your are fisting or are being fisted. Fingering isn't a risk for hiv infection no matter if your are fingering or are being fingered.

Hep C will not cause you to have a false negative for hiv.

It is very RARE for hep C to be transmitted sexually. If you do have hep C, you most likely got it some other way. This website is about hiv, not hep C. If you have further questions about hep C, talk to your doctor.

I agree with Andy that if you keep coming back with this stuff that is NO RISK for hiv, you'll quickly be given a time out.

Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline happy_dude

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #24 on: September 21, 2009, 06:20:33 AM »
Hi Andy, Anne and Rod.

Did a second test today, more than 12 weeks past the latest incident. Came back negative. Also, hep c test turned out to be false positive.

Thank you for your help and support and many apologies if you felt I had abused the forum in anyway. It was not my intention.

Take care and good luck.
Dude.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need PEP
« Reply #25 on: September 21, 2009, 08:35:08 AM »
Congrats on your happy news. It's always good to get a negative result.

Get on with your llife, apply the information you have received to your future experiences and while you're doing that make sure you are always using condoms for intercourse. No exceptions.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

 


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