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Author Topic: When it Rains it Pours  (Read 61772 times)

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Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #150 on: May 16, 2009, 10:05:03 PM »
There is no one who would like to work I no longer can do what I was doing the last ten summer.I am trying but with school being out it,s damn near impossible to find any thing.I know were there is a job at the place were Mark works but I could not work with him.
Scooter

P.S. You are all here by invited to join myspace and write your opinions.

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #151 on: May 17, 2009, 08:07:30 AM »
At this moment I am not sure if my Aids Organization will be helping me with the round trip to New Orleans in August much less The hotel.I might have to take a bus late the night before the Amtrak.After the problems that many of us are having getting any help.I think I might contact all the clients I know and they will contact others and find out whats going on with the Paper Pusher.I promise this much there would be a riot if there paychecks did not show up.I mean it takes a act of congress to get in touch are get any help.But when its time to fill out papers they will contact you and come to your home and some are nice enough to bring your pantry.They spend money on this and that and get grants.Then have the audacity to make my bracelets for a fund raiser which I have done many time before but you need help with one bill ah you need to fill out this.I understand that not all Aids organizations offer assist and they wonder why people quit volunteer I have talked with a quite a few that used to devote there time and got tired of the Horse Pukke.They is no original people that works there.I bet none of the people that work there could live on $674.00. I have learned life is not fair.But will we ever get break.
Scooter

He who reads this is here by invited to join myspace!!!

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #152 on: May 17, 2009, 05:54:45 PM »
I think I may have picked up virus . I am under the weather and no I don,t think its the swine flu . I think it,s allergys . And the neuropathy is acting up really bad and I hate taking pain medication .
Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

inviting any and all friend and any one who wants to be friends

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #153 on: May 18, 2009, 07:08:24 PM »
Life can change on a dime.I have been centering on the negative.I now have friends even though I have not meet them but I now know there are all there for me when I need.For that I count myself as blessed that is the one thing that you can,t buy or sell.I may not have biological family members but now I have a family from one end of the globe to the other.It just feels lonely to have a brother and mother less sixty miles away and can,t help that I am the outcast from the age of two after they were divorced.I,m sorry a child should not be blamed for the sins of the parents.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

The Name Of The Painting Is Gay Baby,s First Steps I painted myself.

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #154 on: May 19, 2009, 04:47:02 AM »
I am sure things will get better.You know that stimulus check last about 12 hour but I was able to catch up on bills unlike Andy it didn,t matter when it was going to show it was gone faster than they took to print that darn thing.Happy Thoughts- Happy Thought- Happy Thoughts who am I kiding I would not know if a Happy Thought if it came up from behind me and bite me in the ass. I had a light bulb go off above my head when it dawn on me why so many positive and even negative people do drugs. They do it to deal.
Scooter




Life can change on a dime.I have been centering on the negative.I now have friends even though I have not meet them but I now know there are all there for me when I need.For that I count myself as blessed that is the one thing that you can,t buy or sell.I may not have biological family members but now I have a family from one end of the globe to the other.It just feels lonely to have a brother and mother less sixty miles away and can,t help that I am the outcast from the age of two after they were divorced.I,m sorry a child should not be blamed for the sins of the parents.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

The Name Of The Painting Is Gay Baby,s First Steps I painted myself.

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #155 on: May 19, 2009, 06:24:27 PM »
I wanted to say that I am happy that it seems we are going to have a few more people than originally thought if I had a way too contact the people here in Lafayette LA . We will see because I am trying to contact one and maybe they can contact others. As for me I am not sure any more which way is up . To put it mildly I keep being told that ah thats not till August what am I talking about is the company that Mark works for.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
My painting (Gay Baby,s First Steps)

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #156 on: May 20, 2009, 03:53:07 AM »
And try keeping up those positive thoughts!
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #157 on: May 20, 2009, 07:40:17 PM »

This made my day hope you enjoy it as much as I did.






http://www.youtube.com/v/Rooyt3ptNco&hl=en&fs=1%22%3E%3C/param%3E%3Cparam

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #158 on: May 21, 2009, 12:09:53 PM »
I came to a realization this morning that I was so worried about being sick it was  far way too long live for today for there might not be a tomorrow . A lot of us Long Term Survivors did not think with are friends and family dropping one by one . Well I can,t speak for anyone else but who would have thought we would still be here.I guest you would call what I feel Survivors guilt . Was living in the moment not  realizing the moment would last this long . So like most of us don,t have a pot to piss in much less the window to throw out of . In my mind it,s a catch 22 Damned if you do Damned if you don,t . I am started seeing a change a few years back that all the benefits we heald the money was going to the people that needed . Now most AIDS Organisations or nothing more than a Corporate Business . I and a lot of people I know stop working for these places . For instance I have a Trailer in the same park were one of the employees lived with his boyfriend now I was told that lot rent was not consider rent but I be damned if they didn,t pay the boyfriend of the employees lot rent . At $215.00 a month plus the notes that Rent . The reason I know this is the Manager of the park had to fill out the paper to get rental assistance and I happen to be there when the check was dropped off . It no longer what you have it,s who you know.

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #159 on: May 21, 2009, 09:06:30 PM »
If you are really that frustrated with your case worker and this one in particular then I think it's time to contact the manager at your ASO.  Either you were given wrong information about lot rent not being covered or he's going around the system.  I would make sure you have all your facts checked before you make any accusations though.  Make sure the park manager is willing to confirm everything.  Most ASO are supported in part by our tax dollars so they are working for you not doing you a favor. 

Having said that, a smile and a kind word can go along way.  I always try to be extra friendly when dealing with an NGO or government employee.  ;)

Good Luck,
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #160 on: May 21, 2009, 09:43:45 PM »
Hey Andy as much as I would like to check with the park manager is impossible due to the fact she is no longer with the company.As for my present Case Manager he is help full but not up on the things in the cases . He means well but I think his hands are tied by papers . What I am about to do is contact the CAC and find out whats going on . No where in the State of Louisiana is Gay couples excepted but try to get food stamps and they count Marks income against me . I think that stinks I have my own room and thats why we are not a couple any more. It also may have a lot to do with no sex drive . So I have let him go to do anything he wanted but with all that has happened in the few months he still said we are a couple.
Scooter
P.S. What is the ASO?





Quote from: AndyArrow link=topic=26240.msg337120#msg 337120 date=1242954390
If you are really that frustrated with your case worker and this one in particular then I think it's time to contact the manager at your ASO.  Either you were given wrong information about lot rent not being covered or he's going around the system.  I would make sure you have all your facts checked before you make any accusations though.  Make sure the park manager is willing to confirm everything.  Most ASO are supported in part by our tax dollars so they are working for you not doing you a favor.  

Having said that, a smile and a kind word can go along way.  I always try to be extra friendly when dealing with an NGO or government employee.  ;)

Good Luck,
AA

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #161 on: May 21, 2009, 11:49:08 PM »
ASO = Aids Service Organization.

As far as getting further assistance from the state (food stamps or whatever) states tend to look at the incomes of people in the same residence assuming if you are living with someone then you are sharing the costs.  If you and Mark are no longer a couple or are at least going to tell that to the state, I would suggest printing up a generic lease agreement (you can find them for free online) between you and Mark.  Have the lease show how much you "pay" him for the room and your share of the utilities.  Then both of you can sign it, date it and then bring it in to the states welfare office.  This will show you aren't sharing expenses.

I hope it helps!
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #162 on: May 22, 2009, 12:00:06 AM »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #163 on: May 22, 2009, 07:24:07 PM »
Hey guys how every one doing . I hate holiday weekends there so long and normally I would stay in doors . I think the pool opens tomorrow and I would stay away from it this year I am try swimming I have a problem where there are kids . it,s not that don,t like kids it,s I have body  piercing I don,t care about the adults . But about ten or so years i went to the pool where we were living and a dad and child showed up at the pool . The first thing out the child's mouth was daddy why is that man have rings in his nipple since then I have been self conscious when there are kids but went to a water park and got over it fast.
Scooter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrS5FfD75HQ

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #164 on: May 25, 2009, 08:30:24 PM »
I sorry that I am human and my memory is not as great as it once was.I personally have a list when I go to the Doctors.Just once I forget my list is the one time I needed it.I wish I could go back to the last appointment but that will not happen.That's like wishing for a million dollars it not going to happen.I don,t need a guardian yet I still am able to cook,clean, and do what I need done.Why would I need a Guardian now I am 46 years old and had to care for my self since I was fourteen years old.
Scooter

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #165 on: May 26, 2009, 03:48:03 AM »
Scooter,

I think you meant this to go in your other thread as a response to BT who suggested you consider it because you were bringing Mark along to help you remember.  Don't be insulted, from what I read she was just showing concern because if someone CANT remember then they should have one.   We are all forgetful from time to time thats why I suggested you take notes next time.  If thats a problem with your hands then ask the DR (or better yet an MA or NP since DRs have bad handwriting) to write down his answers.

AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline sammolloy

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #166 on: May 26, 2009, 08:05:59 PM »
You got that right, there's not much out there. I think I'm fairly employable but I barely found something, for not much money, and it's based on what I did several years ago not what I was doing last year. I wish I could suggest something concrete (hmm.. I haven't worked with concrete yet..) but everybody's different. I know someone who cleans up apartments and weekly motel rooms for cash, but of course we need to be careful around some types of dirt. Truck shops usually need someone to grease trucks, etc. It's not rocket science and that kind of dirt won't hurt us. Truck washes too, and truck stops in general. They have some money to spend when they have to. Maybe some sort of informal commission deal. Hell, people work in India and Brazil and shit. Mainly keep your attitude healthy and don't give up.
Never Give Up

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #167 on: May 26, 2009, 10:30:20 PM »
Tomorrow I go to the doctor to find out my blood test results . We will see if they have improved . Today was Marks birthday I sent him a ecard and cooked him his favorite meal and as always he make me cry before he went to bed I am outside smoking a cigarette when I hear the bed room door slam for no reason I try and he makes me feel small and useless he came out the bed room and tells me I am getting up at five am dick.I did not do anything wrong.Now I am starting to realize why my depression medicines don,t work.He just gave me a ultimatum if you don,t care for me tell me now.Then we had words then slammed that damn door again.I have a group meeting tomorrow if I can get out the doctors in time.
Scooter

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #168 on: May 27, 2009, 07:52:48 PM »
Went to the Doctor appointment and she said would set a Neurologist Doctor to see whats causing the hand tremors and added one more medicine for cholesterol which is doing better.My Blood Pressure is very good but if they would have to taken it last night  it would have been high. My t-cells drop a little to 273 v-load is 112. Went to group we had a lot to talk about some said the same thing as some online have suggest to move into the Local Aids Houseing I would have to spend the night in a homeless shelter before I would be able to move there.Time will tell ?
Scooter

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #169 on: May 28, 2009, 01:18:39 PM »
Another doctor which usually means more medicine,s.The problem of being a Long Term Survivor is as time go,s by the newbie,s are taking just a few pills daily but in mine and I am shore others is more pills.On any given day I take between thirty to fifty pill I guest I am luckier than some swallowing pills is easy.But it dose get to be tiresome.Now they want to poke and prod me which when I was younger sounded like a date.I also informed Mark that the stress he causes me is bad for my health and well being.It will be nice for a few weeks and I know what going to happening.Although I did set him up with a guy and had his first video chat last night he was like a child.The only problem is the guy has no mic so everything had to be typed that's where I come in.Even though I have the hand tremors I am better at typing then Mark.I am such a nice person to do this for my roommate.
Scooter
P.S. The guy live about fifty miles from here I don,t mind typing for him but I draw the line at being a chaperon.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #170 on: May 30, 2009, 12:53:55 AM »
Yesterday I saw the doctor and she said she would send me to a neurologist and I thought that would be the end until I saw that doctor.Then last night got a reply to the tremor problem and me seeing the neurologist she told me about making shore that they do aT4 T3 TSH after years on meds,She developed Graves Disease,if it,s that they would send me to a endocrinologist.So being a inquiring as I tend to be looked up Graves Disease and found out what that 99% of my problems might be this.I am not going to jump to conclusion but every thing from my problem with sex to the hand tremors amoung a few other things.So just have to wait a see.Thank You Liz you have been a great help.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Looking for new Friend so please feel free to enjoy myspace and become a friend
« Last Edit: May 30, 2009, 12:58:40 AM by Dwayn20 »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #171 on: May 30, 2009, 09:57:21 PM »
What happened to us taking less medicine. Filled my pill box had to pull out the large box,s because the one that I was using was to small.If it turns out to be Graves Diseases that means more medicines because that would Hormone Replacement.I always knew that taking so much medicines was not good for a human body.What,s a person supposed to do.Now I have a computer I try to get as much information as possible.I know this may come off as sounding stupid.How many pills do you take on a daily regiment?
Scooter

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #172 on: June 01, 2009, 03:37:15 AM »
16
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #173 on: June 01, 2009, 07:04:53 AM »
I counted mine yesterday 32 not including when I take any pain meds?

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #174 on: June 02, 2009, 10:37:39 PM »
Today started very good and then went down the drain in a matter of hour.Tomorrow I am have to get in touch with my psychologist because I know the Cymbalta has stop working because I am don,t know which way is up some thing is not right. I give far warning that the things that I wanted most is falling apart.No its not Mark this time.I did meets some interesting men on line and spoke face to face via video and audio not just emails.I should be very happy which I was then I think God decide to pour Drain on my life.
Scooter

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #175 on: June 04, 2009, 09:30:20 AM »
I think the medicines are working like they are supposed to on the HIV but why do you end up with a whole host of other issues.I am tired of fighting at every turn some thing new is wrong.Two months ago every thing was pretty much as it is today.I am don,t the path to do any thing right any more because it seems that ever thing that I do is screwed me up to the point that I am lost.I honestly just want to quit the fight and the meds are winning.I am not trying  to scare any one but there comes a time in ever one life they get overwhelmed and lets just give some more medicine that should work.Right at this present time I am taking close to forty different medicines for this and for that and they wonder why we are all ways not all ways be a lot of the time not in the bet of spirits.I am to the point of being giving in and giving out.I could use some positive energy sent my way.Another words Help the body is getting better but the Spirit is Broken am I the only LTS that feels this way?
Scooter

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #176 on: June 04, 2009, 10:18:58 AM »
Right at this present time I am taking close to forty different medicines for this and for that and they wonder why we are all ways not all ways be a lot of the time not in the bet of spirits.I am to the point of being giving in and giving out.I could use some positive energy sent my way.Scooter

Scooter,

Sorry to hear your having a rough time. I'm wondering, if maybe it's time for your Doctor to review and go over all the medications that you are taking. Just a suggestion.

Would you mind telling us what medications you are on.

Take care of yourself----Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #177 on: June 04, 2009, 12:25:26 PM »
Sorry Ray will try to post the medicine list later this afternoon.Having a breakdown right now had 80 % of the list put into the computer and puff it was gone have to walk away.Can,t  handle this right now.
Scooter
P.S. Little hard to type when your crrying. :'(
« Last Edit: June 04, 2009, 12:27:00 PM by Dwayn20 »

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #178 on: June 04, 2009, 05:34:04 PM »
Pravastatin 40mg 1 daily
Benazepril 10mg 1daily
Cymbalta Duloxetine HCL Delayed Release Capsules 60mg 2 daily
Emtriva 200mg 1 daily
Kaletra 200mg 50mg 4 daily
Reyataz 300 mg 1daily
Gabapentin 400mg 9 daily
Ventolin Inhalar 2 puffs 4X daily as needed
Albuterol Soln Nebulize 5X daily as needed for COPD
Alprazolam 0.05mg 3X daily as needed for Anxiety an Panic Disorder
Zolpidem 10mg 1 nightly to sleep
Loratadine 10mg 1 daily for Allergies
4000mg Fish oil a day
Diphenhydramine 50mg capsules for break out from Allergies 4X daily Plus
Tricor 145mg tablets 1 daily
Hydrocodone 7.5mg an 10mg as needed for pain which I rarely use
Aspirin low dose 1daily
 
This Is My Medicine List I Don,t Think I Forgot Anything
Scooter 06/04/2009

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #179 on: June 06, 2009, 04:42:20 PM »
Hey guys have not written in a few days.It,s up and down and to matters worst out of Ambien so the what little sleep I call the sleep of the zombie my mind won,t rest gone a mile a second i think when I try to sleep the anxiety is worst than when I am Awake.A little bit of news I think Bostons on.I can,t wait for the new doctor because I told a friend that it reminded me of the onset of MS or Parkinson's disease just have to wait for the Neuro appointment.Hope it soon because I am starting to get Scared and I feel that I am alone.Started my life,s blog of entire life leading to the infection and my disfuntional family that help create how I am.
Scooter

http://www.positivesingles.com/blog?6801dab
« Last Edit: June 07, 2009, 12:38:22 AM by Dwayn20 »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #180 on: June 06, 2009, 08:36:18 PM »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #181 on: June 07, 2009, 08:02:07 PM »
Not sure of what Ms P posted .No big thing .Today has been one of the better day I not sure which of the meds are causing the problem.But last night got a email from this guy that was also hiv + .He said that he read my blog was interested till he got to the part about my money issues and me living in Singapore what he did not get to was the part that my dad took me to Singapore when I was 14 years old and my dads company paid everything.Then he said that I sounded like a spammer I was in tears but I gathered myself together and wrote three emails and let him have it.Later last night he wrote a email to say he was sorry.Then he exspained that he thought my profile was great untill he got to the part that I smoked I exspained that I guess I have not had a good reason to quit.So after he all most made me want to cry he is now trying to get a date.
Scooter

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #182 on: June 07, 2009, 09:53:44 PM »
It was the numbers of pills I take each day -- seemed obvious since it's what you mentioned, and Andy replied to, and then I replied to Andy.  That's how a message board works, as opposed to a blog which is a conversation with yourself, a bit like masturbation.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #183 on: June 07, 2009, 10:28:17 PM »
Thank You Miss Philicia I can be a little dense some times.As for the end of your message I do that by myself anyway.No big deal.
Scooter

s
It was the numbers of pills I take each day -- seemed obvious since it's what you mentioned, and Andy replied to, and then I replied to Andy.  That's how a message board works, as opposed to a blog which is a conversation with yourself, a bit like masturbation.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #184 on: June 09, 2009, 10:55:02 AM »
Another day in paradise oh I,m sorry if this is paradise Hell most be a vacation.I am tired I hurt in places that I never new were there.I have not hurt this much in a while.It.s the cholesterol medicine the new one that is making me feel like this.I am happy to say it,,s been at least 30 hours since my last crying episode.Now I just have to wait it out I am having a little difficulty writing this.It will get better with time.
Scooter

Offline BT65

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #185 on: June 09, 2009, 10:58:26 AM »
Considering that state of your mental health, and all the meds you take, I think you should consider going to a mental health facility and getting an assessment and maybe some inpatient treatment.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #186 on: June 10, 2009, 11:01:29 PM »
This is for BT65 Before I stared seeing my psychologist I tried to get help from the mental health hospital here in Lafayette La for three months call went by left messages nothing the charity hospital that is with it tried to get me in baring doing some thing criminally insane forget it.I may be mentally weak and fragile I think there is nothing that can be done other than what we are doing and other than moving on which at the rate things are progressing might not be a bad thing.I took a piece of paper the other day before it woke up and draw a simple circle on it and I am shore you remember where Waldo I wrote these simple words on it.Can you find Dwayne and he woke up and replied what,s this I told him it,s the hole I am in that is so deep that light no longer reaches me.His reply was humph you worry to much.Today started wonderfully start my new facebook page have a few friends around the world I was so very happy then it came home was fine for a while then things turned sour.We could be looking at something that is let say white I say it white and i will be dammed he will despite me say it,s Black and till some one else tell him different it will continue to egg it on then ah I was just joking.My Grandmother raise me to believe if you don,t have any thing nice to say bite your toung but when you taste blood let them have it.I was pushed to far and just could not walk away I let him have it four time,s this afternoon.I have giving my all to this I just could notstay silent any more.He got mad at the grocery store he said were in public I said so I could care less what any body near us thought trust me I say I have heard worst.But I let him get the better of me tonight.I am the one who all ways ends up in tears.
Scooter

Offline BT65

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #187 on: June 12, 2009, 09:20:35 PM »
Maybe you should check out another mental health facility in another area.  In almost all of your postings, you seem very unstable.  And when one's not at all stable, one never knows when one's going to crash and burn.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #188 on: June 12, 2009, 10:02:41 PM »
If it were that easy it would have been done along time ago if you think I am unstable wait till you get to read the whole blog.As for crash and burn been there done that.When I was in the Army at Seventeen the first 5 months were great the last 19 days of active duty was the I think the second time I crashed and burned that one was one of my worst episode have had others but what I could remember of this one all most lost my life and don,t remember much of the 19 days but that could also cause the life of other me was one thing but putting other at risk was not acceptable.I am trying to put those 19 days to rest by finding out what happened.As for the Army discharged honorable but had no help avalable because was short 11 days so now you know some of my demons.Please don,t judge me harshly it will all be written down for the world to see.
Scooter



Quote from: BT65 link=topic=26240.msg340089#msg 340089 date=1244856035
Maybe you should check out another mental health facility in another area.  In almost all of your postings, you seem very unstable.  And when one's not at all stable, one never knows when one's going to crash and burn.

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #189 on: June 13, 2009, 03:59:49 AM »
Scooter,

I don't think anyone is trying to judge you ... I think people (at least myself) are a little worried for you. 

You mention in a lot of your posts that you were crying, and while some crying is good as it's a natural release too much of it isn't healthy.  I'm not judging because you know your body better than I do, I just know for me if I was crying that often then there were some serious problems.

As for seeking long-term help in a mental health facility ... well, I have no idea how you'd go about it.  I do know however that if you feel you need some emergency short-term help.  (I'm not saying you do ... just making a suggestion if you do).  Then you can either go to a local hospital emergency room or tell you therapist when you see them next that you are going to harm yourself.  Yes, this isn't the best route but they can't just "let you leave" if they think this will happen.  It would be considered an ethics violation.

Now, having said all that maybe that getting worked up and crying a lot is completely normal for you.  In which case, please disreguard the following.  It's just there are times when people come to these forums who are in such a horrible state and we all just want to make sure they get the emotional help and support they need.

Hugs & Stuff,
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #190 on: June 15, 2009, 05:49:19 AM »
Hey Guys this is for BT65 and Andy Arrow you were right about crash and burn lost it Saturday was hard and finally started to go outside and things that morning every thing was going wrong and the night before I had restarted My Blog and maybe that was not as good as my  doctor suggested had to relive all that past events and then you add the meds just like BT65 said.I lost it broke down and cryed until I cound not any more.You would think that after that the afternoon every thing that I touched went bad.But was fine till brother called Friday I think that may have been the catalyst for the breakdown.Have a few places to address the issues.
Scooter

P.S.I am talking about the HIV doctor,Will contacted Psychogist also.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #191 on: June 18, 2009, 01:55:54 AM »
I went to group today just two of us showed up.Told my Psychologist what has been going on and he said that I should be seeing the RN soon.I thought that it was in not shore now that I think about it.He said next month I don,t think he realized how bad things had got until we had today's meeting and I tryed to contact him but he of course he did not return my call.I had really needed to talk he could have called and told me to make a appointment ASAP but the call fell on deaf ears.I know should seek help elsewhere but when you have limited options.Can,t afford to go to New Orleans any more.And at the rate things been going with no money it seems available to me and a few other long term survivors it seems that we have outlived our Experation Date.Maybe if I look under my foot to see if I have a bar code and date.
Scooter

Offline WillyWump

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #192 on: June 18, 2009, 09:54:51 PM »
Hello Scooter,

Im concerned because in most of your posts you mention having a breakdown, and the general tone each and every of your posts is really not good, you mention crying all the time, you mention being past your expiration date, etc... Im not a doctor but these are things you should not be doing or feeling each and every day. Pretty much all of your posts concern me...

I think maybe it's time to do something about it. I know you say you tried to get an assesment from the mental health hospital in Lafayette and they never called you back. If I'm not mistaken a person can commit theirselves for a 72 hour observation (at least in Texas), maybe its the same in La.  Either way I think the next time you have a breakdown, etc.. you need to just call EMS and let them transport you under a "mental health evaluation" to the nearest facility. This is something that they are required to do by law. Stop waiting by the phone waiting for a doctor to call you back, you need to tke action on this asap. There is no need to be feeling like you do on a constant basis.

It also sounds like you need to get away from this mark guy ( I cannot tell from your posts whether he lives with you or not, its confusing to me)

have you checked out all of the services offered at www.acadianacares.org

They offer emergency rental assistance, food assistance, etc.. i know you mentioned having to stay in a homeless shelter for a night before you can get services with Hope House, but you know what maybe that is something you might consider, surely it cant be as bad as your current living arrangements.

But bottom line is if you cannot currently get adequate mental health assistance I really think you need to call EMS and force the issue with them, they cannot and will not just leave you, they will have to transport you to a facility that is able to assess you.

Good luck
Will


POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #193 on: June 18, 2009, 11:08:14 PM »
Hey Willy i am sorry for the things are disturbing.Mark i live with him the reason i put it that way is it,s his house even though we have been living together almost 21 years I have nothing.I am trying to move on with my life i still say were a couple but not so much anymore.
As for Acadiana Cares that's a sore subject i ask for financial help it one excuse after another i told the Grant Committee that i had the trip to New Orleans for the AM Gathering then found out they did not feel comfortable about paying round trip greyhound ticket and the hotel room since the train was living at 7am have to be there at 6 am so now I will be paying the round trip ticket out of my pocket and leaving at 11pm the night before and stay at New Orleans bus station for about 3 hour.My case worker made this suggestion wait till my electric bill had a disconnect notice my neighbor across the street work,s for FEMA and toll me that was not legal.So I am checking it out.
Scooter

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #194 on: June 21, 2009, 05:47:24 AM »
I know I know I should have been on the phone calling the ambulance to transport me to have me evaluated but in my low moment I decided to get a bottle although it was one in a four pack and drank it down not a good thing.1. I don,t drink that often  2.HIV meds and drinking don,t mix  3.My fragile state  4.Going to pay for that drink  5. All the drink did is make me feel worst 6.  Thank God that I have enough since and Brains to know the hard alcohol in the bottom of the ice box would have really made me sick. Woke just now with slight headache so I guest that means there are at least so  brains in this noggin.Ha Ha Ha
Scooter

Offline BT65

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #195 on: June 21, 2009, 01:25:52 PM »
OK, so you chose booze instead of mental health help.  It sounds like you learned your lesson.  Hopefully next time you'll make the choice that is going to help you with your life.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #196 on: June 24, 2009, 10:38:24 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D  I guess I can say a ray of sunshine came out today in my life.I have my best friend and confidant back in my life for which I am very very happy have not been able to talk with him in 5 years we had a fight over stupid stuff he was allways there when me and mark had a dispute I could tell him anything and him like wise he was there for me before mark was in the picture he knew the both of us and gave us a month that's funny now that I think back on ancient history.He was the one that would help me through some trying times.I know you can never recover time lost but no matter we move forward never back.
Dwayn20 ;D ;D ;D

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #197 on: July 02, 2009, 06:08:43 PM »
hello guys have had a disturbing couple of weeks not going to bore you with details lets just say this Monday they may be changing meds are adding to what I already take.we will see bought my round trip bus ticket to New Orleans will be there at station for about 12 hour. To put things in perspective if meds don,t work well enough I feel sorry for the one that fools with me?
Dwayne

Offline AndyArrow

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #198 on: July 02, 2009, 06:13:09 PM »
Scooter,

I hope they find the right med combination for you this time.

Good luck,
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dwayn20

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Re: When it Rains it Pours
« Reply #199 on: July 02, 2009, 08:30:39 PM »
Thank You Andy there is a ? that I need answered. Call me dense if you will to gain the a friend is to have the whole world and to loss one is devastating.As per my previous post my friend is that my friend again and I have made many new friends in the UK and some have grow very attached and I think one can,t deal with my situation has distance himself from me it might be that I went to far on my facebook page used my scanner to show how many pills I consume a day. I must have been out of my mind! One voice his concern about the state of my health the two have never met anyone that was HIV+ OR HAD AIDS.I found that stunning and maybe sometimes I tend to be over the top in my life have always been that way and won,t change.Is it wrong are should I have worn kid gloves even though it broke my heart to be no longer hearing from both???
Dwayne
« Last Edit: July 02, 2009, 08:36:50 PM by Dwayn20 »

 


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