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Author Topic: Any advice, like tips maybe?  (Read 2601 times)

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Offline Tappestry

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Any advice, like tips maybe?
« on: March 14, 2009, 04:34:49 PM »
I know this is prolly pathetic,
but I am feeling completely miserable after my boyfriend broke up with me out of the middle of nowhere.  He had HIV and knew about it months before telling me, and now Im alone, well with friends and I have to get tested to find out for myself...tuesday actually.

I just feel completely empty because I committed to him knowing that he had it, and I thought for sure it was going to be a LTR because of that reason....I always thought that because I was going to be there for him that it was enough for him to stay with me.  I would think that what if I was in his shoes, how hard it would be to date and tell people that you have HIV.  I figured that he loved me and I loved him and that I shouldnt run away scared like most people would have and that I should give it a chance.

I gave it a chance and I was the one that got thrown out, I was the perfect guy, loving, caring, trusting.  I just don't know and my mind is such a mess right now.  Anything, any help, advice, anything would be appreciated....Ill check back later..

Offline dgr20002

  • Member
  • Posts: 288
Re: Any advice, like tips maybe?
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2009, 11:46:05 PM »
There are lots of reasons people leave relationships. I am only guessing here but maybe it's just that he knew he lied to you, put you at risk and is now running from whatever he perceives are the consequences of his actions.

You are probably better off to be honest. Get your test on Tuesday and hope you are negative. And even if you are negetive this time you still need a confirming test at 13 weeks post exposure.

I hope you are not positive but if you are, you will have caught it early and we will answer any questions or concerns you have going forward. 

David

Offline Gary85741

  • Member
  • Posts: 197
  • Native Virginian living in Tucson AZ
    • Good guy, good heart
Re: Any advice, like tips maybe?
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2009, 10:51:25 AM »

It sounds like you don't know the reason(s) your boyfriend pulled the plug.  Not knowing the reasons makes it much more difficult I think (I speak from experience.)  I don't think, however, that you were wise to believe that the relationship would endure (as in LTR) because you committed to him knowing he was HIV+.  There are just so many other factors that determine the success of a relationship.  We all learn as we go along though don't we?  It's also difficult to get past something when you feel you gave 100% (loving, caring, trusting, as you said.)  It just wasn't meant to be...apparently.  It's not your fault!

I kept trying with a boyfriend I had last year...really wanted it to work out.  Looking back...I tried way too hard and way too long.  Though he was the king of mixed messages...I think I knew deep down he had tired of me.  And in a way I disrespected myself by going along with that scenario and trying on and on anyway.

Time is a salve.  I guarantee it.  But it does take time to work through something like this.  So give yourself "permission" to feel that your mind "is in a mess" for awhile.  We're just human.  You will feel better and  move on...on your emotional timetable and schedule.  Take Care.

Gary   
Poz since '89. 
Current regimen: Rescriptor, Emtriva, Kaletra, Invirase, Acyclovir, Lisinopril, Lipitor, Prilosec, Valium, Testim, Nandrolone, Loperamidr, Marinol.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10,719
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Any advice, like tips maybe?
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2009, 06:04:58 PM »
I just feel completely empty because I committed to him knowing that he had it, and I thought for sure it was going to be a LTR because of that reason....I always thought that because I was going to be there for him that it was enough for him to stay with me.  I would think that what if I was in his shoes, how hard it would be to date and tell people that you have HIV.  I figured that he loved me and I loved him and that I shouldnt run away scared like most people would have and that I should give it a chance.

Certainly hurts to get dumped. Sorry for that.
Are you HIV+?

If you are not, I think you are a bit insulting to HIV+ people, thinking that we can't find fulfilling relationships because we are HIV+.  Sure there are challenges and lots of prejudice, but doesn't mean we have to "settle" and be grateful to anyone "willing to commit to us." And we may not even be looking for someone to "be there" for us - it seems like you have a pretty pessimisitic view of things.

Maybe he was "just not into you" and moved on to find the one who will float his boat. Maybe his HIV+ status is not the governing identity in his life, and certainly not the way you have formulated it for him.

I hope you meet someone who will appreciate what you have to give, soon! Good luck.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline dearestgrandson

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: Any advice, like tips maybe?
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2009, 11:01:44 AM »
Maybe he was afraid that he was going to infect you and decided eventually that it was a risk he did not want to take.

You were smart to get tested, though, but if you used condoms consistently you have little to worry about.

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
Re: Any advice, like tips maybe?
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2009, 03:14:26 PM »
Maybe  you guys weren't a match. It happens. Hopefully you'll get on with your life and date someone else.

 


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