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Author Topic: Quick Question  (Read 2783 times)

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Offline blackhawk

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Quick Question
« on: August 06, 2006, 02:01:11 PM »
A quick question for the experts..

I am a self-admitted HIV/STD worry wart and that is part of why I'm here.. although this time i feel I had a rearl risk and need some advice

Last night I had sex with this girl for the first time.. making it even more worrysome as I don't know her that well. I use condoms religiously and did last night as always. After I came, I screwed around too long (no pun intended) and when I pulled out the condom was completely off. When she pulled it out, it was obvious it was still on when I came, although I'm worried that it fell off while I was still inside her rather than when I pulled out. The whole encounter was pretty brief, and I'm extremely embarrased and worried over the whole thing. Any advice would be appreciated.. basically wondering if I should worry about this enough to get tested.

Thanks in advance

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2006, 02:04:44 PM »
If the condom came off during withdraw then you have no worry. Please read the lesson on condoms at the bottom of any of Ann's posts.

Offline blackhawk

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2006, 02:06:50 PM »
Yeah I wish I knew for sure that it did.. when I went to pull out as I always do I went to grab the end of the condom to keep it on during withdrawl and it wasn't there.. I pulled out the rest of the way and it was totally off, so there's just no way for me to know for sure. In the case of it falling off during sex after ejaculation, it would have been about 30 seconds worth of unprotected contact.. thats what Im worried mostly about

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2006, 02:09:33 PM »
I doubt that 30 seconds is going to make a difference. If you continue to worry, test at thirteen weeks past your last possible exposure.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2006, 05:06:24 PM »
From what you have described it appears to me the condom came off when you were withdrawing. Which means you were protected during this incident.

I don't think testing is necessary but I don't live in your shoes. So if you are going to continue to worry about this issue then get tested at 13 weeks after this incident and collect what I certainly expect will be a negative result.

And keep using those condoms everytime you have intercourse. That way you can have as much sex as you like, protect your health and not have to worry unnecessarily.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline blackhawk

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2006, 12:28:26 AM »
Hi All.

I don't want to sound like I'm not listening to what has been told to me- nor do I want to sound like someone who can't grasp the basics- and I'm trying not to symptom hunt (believe it or not in 2 1/2 years of worry well worrying I've never been a symptom hunter until now) but I can't get over the chance there may have been unprotected activity. It takes two to tango and I'm not judging her but I don't know her that well, and I'm not exactly Brad Pitt (i.e. women don't just fall over for me) so the possibility had been bothering me. Last Saturday I came down with a sinus infection/cold, something I get quite often, and I know those symptoms are not typical of ARS. However a couple of days later, which would have made it about 10 days past 'exposure' , I came down with severe fatigue, vomiting, other stomach problems, sweats, etc. It has always been rare for me to be sick twice in a row with two different ailments, and the timing seems to be odd for that of possible ARS. Being sick for a week, I lost my job from calling in sick for three straight days.. (I had just started the job) so between it all I'm about ready to go nuts.

I've decided to test at six weeks, which is about a month away, and my local clinic takes two weeks to deliver results so it will be six weeks before I can put this behind me If it's a negative. I will probably leave my testing at that as I have a yearly STD panel done every May and I am fairly confident in the window period being six weeks for healthy persons anyhow.

Anyway, just wondering, the condom may or may not have come off as I was withdrawing.. I honestly don't know.. if there was unprotected activity it was short, but I want to try to keep this under wraps for the next six weeks until I can test and get results while I secure new employment (always stressful) and start a new job so I don't end up having my mind all over the place.. also worried about the recent bout with the mystery illness. Any advice/help/just a shoulder right now is appreciated.

Thanks :)

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2006, 03:34:26 AM »
Hawk,

I agree with the others and would suggest to you that you had protected sex and have nothing to worry about. I would invite you to read our Welcome Thread.

People who are sexually active should have a full STD screen at least twice a year. A full screen includes an HIV antibody test. As I'm sure you know other STD's such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea are far more prevalent and contagious than HIV. If it's been a while since your last full STD screen or if you've never had one before, you might wish to make an appointment with your doctor or local clinic.

Regards,

MtD
(Who thinks Brad Pitt is vastly overrated)

Offline blackhawk

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2006, 08:24:21 PM »
Thats Matty and everyone else as well.

I will try to get through the next few weeks as best I can. I do think I have a better chance than not of being OK so that's a start I 'spoze. It's just a lot to tackle at once right now.

Thanks and take care

Offline blackhawk

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  • Posts: 11
Different Advice This Time
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2007, 01:40:55 AM »
Hi All,

Forgive me in advance for the long post. I'm quite long-winded sometimes and just in general I prefer to get the whole story out at once to save posts later on.

Anyway, you may all remember me from the past. I was here the first time in the Spring of '04 at the old boards, then again in '05 and '06, each time with a different worry that seemed to not warrant worry or testing. I managed to get through the last two times ('05 and '06) without testing as I was reassured I had non "real world" risks.

Anyway, that brings me to today, my '07 stop here at the forums.  A couple of years ago I worked with a girl who I ended up hitting on- nothing ever came of it as she had a boyfriend. A few weeks ago we met up again and started dating. Things moved pretty fast, which I shouldn't have let happen since my mentality and worries regarding sex, even safer sex which I always practice, seems to be unhealthy as I always worry about HIV. But, on our second date ,we did it.  I protected myself for intercourse as I always do with latex, go unprotected with pretty much everything else (fingering, oral,  etc.) as I generally always do as well.. the worries have crept up a little, but that's not why I'm here.. so no reassurance is needed on that front and by now I would deserve a good tongue lashing if that is why I was here.

Anyway, a few nights ago the worries hit full force, not for anything that's really happened yet as Ive protected myself the best I know how, but for what could happen. She told me she has slept with over 30 guys in her life... and although I try not to be judgmental that is a large number and something I just couldn't handle hearing.  I discussed my fears of HIV with her and although I never demanded or even asked that she get tested, she told me she planned on it to ease my mind. She was already tested due to a health problem about six weeks ago which ruled out all but one guy as she tested negative. She went unprotected with the last guy before me and needless to say I encouraged her to get tested once she brought it up.  It has been four weeks.  I am refraining from having further protected sex out of fear of condom breakage which will send me into worry hell again.  I'm also going to avoid most other contact other than kissing just to keep things in balance.  I'm here to ask some advice on when I can realistically feel comfortable returning to protected sex with her. I'm not planning on having unprotected sex with anybody until I'm very secure that our relationship is totally monogamous.

She asked me when she should get tested since I had done a lot of research on the subject and I suggested going in a couple of weeks, at which time it will have been about six weeks since she slept with guy #1.  If she tests negative at six weeks, in your expert opinions- (I know you are not me and you can't tell me what to feel comfortable with, but I do trust your opinions and it will help me make up my mind and return to somesort of normal relationship with this girl)  can I feel confident at six weeks that due to overwhelming odds that guy #1 was not HIV positive in the first place, and the odds-in-her-favor at a one time encounter that she wasn't infected if he was, plus the odds of having a false negative at six weeks- to go back to having protected sex with her, with the chance of condom breakage?  I remember the "Massachusetts Myth" thread on the old forum that basically said six weeks was gold.

I'm not asking to take up too much time. I feel like I've come a long way not freaking out over blowjobs, fingering with cuts on my hands, and that kinda thing. I appreciate any responses, advice and support.

Thanks~

Offline blackhawk

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Different Advice This Time
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2007, 01:47:13 AM »
I'll simplify as I re-read that and it was rambling even for my taste :D

 
 Let's say that for sure the condom will break, as if I had a crystal ball to tell me that.  Would any worry be warranted at all in this situation if that happened after she had a six week negative test, with all the info Ive given?

Thanks.

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Different Advice This Time
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2007, 01:48:52 AM »
Post all your questions and thoughts in your ORGINAL THREAD. Do not start new threads.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Quick Question
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2007, 06:10:32 AM »
Black,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

You cannot go by what others say about their testing history. However, in this case you don't need to worry as you used a condom and condoms are effective against hiv transmission.

Don't plan on having condoms break, read through the condom and lube links in my signature line. A correctly used condom rarely breaks - especially during vaginal intercourse. There are thousands of serodiscordant couples around the world who protect the negative partner's status through condom use. If they can do it, so can you. Condom work.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline blackhawk

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2007, 03:11:56 AM »
Ann,

Thanks for joining my threads. I pretty much only posted at these new forums just once or twice- was used to the old forums where the threads were deleted after a certain period of time and thought mine from a year ago or so was surely gone. Will stick to this one thread from now on.

Thanks for your advice... I have been a condom user for nearly 7 years, and despite using them correctly I've had them break, both when using lube and when not using it. Luckily those times it was during secure relationships where we were pretty secure and for whatever reason I knew their status (for instance my one ex gave blood on a regular basis)

Anyway, I definately don't plan on them breaking but I've had tires blow out and they're certainly made of much thicker rubber than a trojan is, so I just want to be prepared.  She has agreed to go test and Im going to go with her to also show her my negative status (According to guidelines used on this board I wouldn't be at risk for anything except bacterial STIs but I want us both to share our results)

She is going to test in a couple weeks and it's been a month as of right about now since she was with anybody else so that will make the test at six weeks past her last risky encounter. I am continuing to have protected sex with her but on a much limited basis and am not enjoying it, and Im sure she's not either because I'm so concerned and cautious right now.  I feel the condom move and I have to check on it.  It's just not a healthy state of mind.... and if one does break and I haven't given some prior thought to it than I will certainly wind up back here worried out of my mind, which I don't want to happen.

I know nobody can tell me what Im comfortable with but honestly if I hear the opinions of you guys who have been studying this for a long time I will feel better about the whole thing, either way, of either making a decision to abstain totally from sex for now or to go protected and not worry.

If she's negative at six weeks, due to the astronomical odds of that being an incorrect diagnosis due to the window period, do you think It would be reasonable for a worry well like me not to worry if a condom did break?

Thanks again, and sorry again for starting that new thread.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Quick Question
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2007, 06:10:00 AM »
Black,

I've been using condoms for years as well and I've never had one break. Make sure the ones you use are in date - latex degrades over time. Also make sure you aren't storing them where they are exposed to heat - and that includes carrying them around in a wallet kept next to your body. It's ok to put one in your wallet for a night, but not weeks.

One step that is often neglected in putting on a condom is making sure there is no air bubble left in the tip. This is probably the biggest cause of condom breakage, after not having enough lubrication.

If you are well-endowed, you might need to find bigger condoms. You'll find a wide variety available over the internet. You really shouldn't be having so many break on you, so a closer look at your use is warranted.

If your girlfriend is negative at six weeks, and you two are securely monogamous, then I don't see a need to worry if you do have a condom break. But seriously, a careful review of your condom usage is in order - you're having far too many break on you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline blackhawk

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Quick Question
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2007, 07:41:15 PM »
Thanks again Ann.

In speaking with friends I agree that I"ve had more break than the norm.  I've cut back on the sex a little to ease my mind for right now, and hopefully the test will take care of the rest.  I have also started using jelly on occasion to help lubrication as I have a feeling that was the main reason for the original breakages.

Thanks for your advice on the six week test as well... If that is OK of course I will continue to have protected sex (I wonder sometimes if I will ever have unprotected sex, even after marraige I will probably find reasons to worry, LOL) but I just needed some sort of safety net to catch my brain from going into automatic panic mode should it happen. It hasn't happened with her so far, so so far so good.

Thanks again, Take Care~

Offline Ann

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Re: Quick Question
« Reply #15 on: April 25, 2007, 04:55:14 AM »
I have also started using jelly on occasion

Black,

I hope you mean KY and not Smuckers. ;)

I have a new addition to the condom and lube links in my signature line, so check it out. There's all sorts of condom info to be found there, including sizing information and a demonstration video.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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