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Author Topic: I can't fall in love with this guy, he doesn't know. Give me advice please!  (Read 1954 times)

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Offline lifer

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
hey guys

i met this guy 2 weeks ago we've been hanging out together for the last two weeks non stop we keep texting each other . he is older than me and has a public profession.

im on the edge of falling in love with him. he finds me sweet etc etc. butt

i cant fall in love, i cant tell him about my status. he will walk away and dump me immediately. we didnt have sex yet not even kissing.

im so confused. why cant i get rid of the virus and live my life? everytime i see him i get more attached to it. i have a couple of friends who know of my status, im afraid that soon or later they will tell them about my status. its for sure that i dont wanna tell him. i dont wanna have sex with him. i dont wanna see him. i have to quit playing this game right? whats the point of love if you cant be honest to each other. i know that if i tell him about my status and he will drop me immediately it will be a hell for me and ill be going through a huge emotional stuggle if not suicide.

should i just end it? come up with some lame excuse and continue my life the way it was before those two weeks. help me guys, im so lost. he wants to see me everyday now but it just doesnt feel good hanging around him and not telling him something so important.

Offline randym431

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,125
Well telling him will say a lot for what kind of a person he is under the surface.
If he should drop like a rock, I doubt there was much to go on in the first place.
If he's as good as he seems, he'll stick around.
A real catch would be someone that sticks around no matter what the issue.
It doesnt just have to be just hiv to scare someone off.

Offline mjmel

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  • Posts: 2,069
tell him.

Mike

Offline leatherman

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  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
im on the edge of falling in love with him. he finds me sweet etc etc. butt

i have to quit playing this game right? whats the point of love if you cant be honest to each other.
after 2 wks, I doubt it's really love, since you hardly know the dude ::); but just some good old lust and infatuation. Real relationships take a lot of time, patience, compromise, ....

.... and honesty. ;) So you're very right. ;D I doubt you can have very much of relationship, much less a good relationship (that's what real love is, rather than simply dating and/or doing it) by not telling him about this part of your life.

Consider this too - if he does leave after you tell him, then you've only lost 2 or 3 weeks in your search for the real "Mr. Right" in your life. ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 12,183
  • red pill? or blue pill?
My friend, please just tell him, kindly and matter of factly, and see what reaction you get. If he asks you why you told him, tell him because you have feelings for him.  Be honest. Dont get too mushy yet though.  If he walks away because you are positive, then he wasn't the guy for you, that's all. Will hurt but two weeks of a crush is hardly material for a suicide. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you are a cute and loveable catch. Someone else will bite.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Dwayn20

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  • dbscooter0@gmail.com
I agree what the other guys said sometimes you have to put your heart out there.Nothing ventured nothing gain.I tell any and all about my status.No person is worth suicide.
Scooter




Quote from: lifer link=topic=26679.msg331146#msg 331146 date=1239698822
hey guys

i met this guy 2 weeks ago we've been hanging out together for the last two weeks non stop we keep texting each other . he is older than me and has a public profession.

im on the edge of falling in love with him. he finds me sweet etc etc. butt

i cant fall in love, i cant tell him about my status. he will walk away and dump me immediately. we didn't have sex yet not even kissing.

im so confused. why cant i get rid of the virus and live my life? everytime i see him i get more attached to it. i have a couple of friends who know of my status, im afraid that soon or later they will tell them about my status. its for sure that i dont wanna tell him. i dont wanna have sex with him. i dont wanna see him. i have to quit playing this game right? whats the point of love if you cant be honest to each other. i know that if i tell him about my status and he will drop me immediately it will be a hell for me and ill be going through a huge emotional struggle if not suicide.

should i just end it? come up with some lame excuse and continue my life the way it was before those two weeks. help me guys, im so lost. he wants to see me everyday now but it just doesn't feel good hanging around him and not telling him something so important.

Offline Ann

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  • Member
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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?

i cant tell him about my status. he will walk away and dump me immediately.

i know that if i tell him about my status and he will drop me immediately it will be a hell for me and ill be going through a huge emotional stuggle if not suicide.


What makes you so certain he'd drop you? Could it be because that's what you would have done when you were hiv negative? Or is it because he's said nasty things about hiv and/or positive people in your presence?

If it's because that's what you would have done, give the guy a chance. He's not you and he just might be more open minded about hiv than you were before you became infected. For all you know, he might be hiv positive himself. You can't go around assuming the hiv status of anyone.

If it's because he's said nasty things in relation to hiv, then you're better off without him anyway.

And as for suicide, if you're serious, you need to talk to someone - a hotline, a doc in the ER, or best of all, a therapist. You're far too young to let one romantic disappointment ruin your life. It might not seem like it now, but you've got your whole life ahead of you. You're young, enjoy yourself!


im so confused. why cant i get rid of the virus and live my life?


Well, you can't get rid of the virus because there's no cure. However, the virus isn't stopping you from living your life, the only thing stopping you from living your life is YOU. It sounds as though you define you and your life by hiv - and that's not a healthy thing to do. Hiv is a virus you have, but it's not you, it doesn't define you and you shouldn't buy into that mindset.

Hiv is only a fraction of your life. I'm sure you have talents and interests - never let these take a backseat to your hiv. Hiv doesn't change the type of person you are, unless you let it and that change can be for better or for worse. You can look to the future and concentrate on the good things in your life, or you can let hiv turn you into a miserable, pessimistic individual. It's your choice. And yes, how you react to having and how you deal with having hiv are entirely your choice. You might think about counseling as a way to help you make choices that are good for you, mind and body.

And yes, you should tell this guy if you want any kind of relationship with him. And as I said above, for all you know he might be hiv positive himself - and wondering how to tell you.

Good luck and keep us posted as to how you deal and what happens.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Hey bud...
Tell him.  I'm sure he's heard of HIV before.   And, there is no guy in the history of anything who's worth killing yourself over after two weeks.  or ten.  or thirteen hundred.

And... well, sorry but it's a fact.  Some guys will not date guys who are poz.  It's best to get it out of the way and just eliminate them from contention from the beginning.  You cannot change the world.  You can, however, learn to live with the fact that life has dealt you a bad hand right now.

No one likes rejection.  I certainly don't.  But, let's face it... it happens to everyone, even the most beautiful people.  When someone decides he doesn't want to be with you, you might consider thinking of it as his issue, not yours.  Being poz is not the only reason for dropping someone.  Maybe he needs something else in life.  Besides, if he dumps you because you're poz... and that's the only reason... well that automatically makes him unworthy of you.

Best of luck.
Scott



Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline decayingsinner

  • Member
  • Posts: 274
Have you told him yet?

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
To me it seemed you already knew you had to be honest, you just needed a little encouragement. Afterall, how can any relationship begin - be it romantically or friendly - without honesty.
How are things going? Everything alright?
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

 


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