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Author Topic: Starting to struggle  (Read 1326 times)

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Offline midnightchatter

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Starting to struggle
« on: March 04, 2009, 09:04:28 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I'm here to let off steam.

I find living with this virus is getting harder day by day, I'm to the point now where life just seems to be passing me by.

I try and concentrate on the good things in my life like my partner, we've been together 7 years and he has been there for me throughout.

I really find that the atripla i am taking has made me a zombie. I wake up every morning felling like i want to cry and have to be honest i regularly do. i have no energy or drive and certainly no libido. I'm scared that in the end my partner who is negative will eventually move on.

Who would want to choose this life living with someone who loves them but can hardly ever show it physically?

I have tried talking to my doc about the lack of sex drive but he just passes it off.

Maybe this is my punishment i should endure for bringing this awful virus into my life.




Offline Nashvegas

  • Member
  • Posts: 196
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2009, 09:46:30 AM »
Sounds to me like you ought to consider changing your regimen.  I know I steered clear of Atripla because of a tendency toward depression, and I'm glad that I did.  If you're experiencing problems with depression, Atripla could obviously be a big part of it.  And if your doctor refuses to treat your concerns seriously, then perhaps you need a new doc.  Keep us posted.   
8/12/06 - sero-conversion
9/14/06 -- Positive Test results confirmed
9/21/06 -- CD4 - 586; viral load 8,000; 29%
12/25/06 -- CD4 - 373; VL 2,800; 23%
2/10/07 - CD4 - 228; VL 865; 25%
3/15/07 -  CD4 - 365 (no viral load test)
5/1/07 = CD4 - 341; VL 4,358; 27%
8/1/07 - CD4 - 315; VL - 2,300; 25%
9/20/07 - CD4 - 378
11/22/07 - CD4 - 257; VL 7,300;
2/27/08 - CD4 231 (16.5 %), VL 5,960
5/20/08 - CD4 229 (18.3%), VL 11,100
6/17/08 - CD4 166 (14.5%), VL 9,030
6/17/08 - STARTED VIRAMUNE + TRUVADA
7/2/08 - CD4 272 (20%), VL 113  :-)
7/16/08 - CD4 -217 (21.1 %), VL - Undetectable
7/30/08 - CD4 - 220 (20.4%). VL - 92
8/14/08 - CD4 - 280 (22%) VL-undetectable
1/04/09 - CD4 - 250 (28%) VL-UD
5/15/09 - CD4 -393 (28%) VL-UD
8/15/09 - CD4-346, (26%) VL-UD
11/15/09 - CD4-373 (28%)

Offline megasept

  • Member
  • Posts: 478
  • Steven here...
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2009, 10:28:10 AM »

I have tried talking to my doc about the lack of sex drive but he just passes it off.

Maybe this is my punishment i should endure for bringing this awful virus into my life.


I'd get a new doc and maybe add a couples therapist. Disease as moral punishment is hogwash. It's not the same as owning up to your own shortcomings. A doctor who cares not a whit for your sexual concerns probably has little empathy for you as a man. Sex life matters and rather than simply fear your fine partner leaving you down the line, why not try to treat the libido (i'm not implying you stick with Atripla)? There's a lot on your plate. But on the upside, if you make progress in the sex department, that has its own rewards. 

;) Wishing you greater health and happiness!

 8) -megasept




Offline rick21007

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2009, 11:53:56 AM »
Sounds like you need to have a come-to-Jesus talk with your MD and give HIM the choice of either listening and responding appropriately to your concerns or refer you to a collegue who will.  Atripla more than likely is not the med for you given the seriousness of the side-effects.  You definitely have a clinical depression going on and this needs to be treated---medication and therapy being your best shot.  Good Luck!!!

rick

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,948
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2009, 05:46:45 PM »
I'm scared that in the end my partner who is negative will eventually move on.
Who would want to choose this life living with someone who loves them but can hardly ever show it physically?
I have tried talking to my doc about the lack of sex drive but he just passes it off.
Maybe this is my punishment i should endure for bringing this awful virus into my life.
Oh my, serious issues
1) Please be sure to talk to your partner about your fears and if necessary go to some couples therapy. He needs to communicate to you what the absence of sex means to him, maybe it different than you expect.
2) So I am not sure you should have lost your libido because you are on HAART. It may be depression or something else.  If you doctor passes it off - sounds like you should call him (her) out on that, and say its a problem that must be addressed. Or, change doctors if you can.  Don't accept this as a permanent situation.
3) Your last statement makes me think you have some real talking and reflection to do - since it seems awfully hard on yourself, and self-judgemental. Why on earth should you punish yourself, or who exactly is punishing you - fate? god? the virus? It seems to need some working out.

Best of luck
« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 05:49:21 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2009, 06:02:08 PM »
You've received some excellent advise already. All I would like to say is that communication is key to any relationship. Be it friends or loved ones. Talk to your partner. Believe in him, most importantly believe in yourself.
You'll be fine.

Best wishes!
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline pozhealthy

  • Member
  • Posts: 116
Re: Starting to struggle
« Reply #6 on: March 04, 2009, 09:49:00 PM »
have you had your testosterone level checked?  or it could just be depression that can manifest itself in some  very real ways.
hope you are feeling better
HUGS

 


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