HIV Prevention and Testing > Am I Infected?

worried due to bi ex-boyfriend

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Hey All,

My last month has been a full of worry, and I'm not sure whether I have good reason or not. I'll try to keep it brief--

I am a hetero female. My boyfriend and I broke up for a time, during which time he slept with a man he met in a bar, his first time w/ a man. He was the insertive partner and the condom broke. He realized and changed condoms before finishing. After this, he and I got back together and had sex one more time. It was protected and the condom did not show signs of breaking or slipping. Afterwards, he told me about his risky encounter. I ended our relationship then and there because I feel he has a lot to figure out about his sexuality. I told him I would love to stay friends but I'd like to keep it platonic. I was immediately worried about HIV (I had just been tested for all STD's during our breakup and was clean, but this new encounter scared me.) He was tested at five weeks after his encounter and was negative (we still talk so he told me the results.) Then, a week later, he was diagnosed with mono after falling quite ill and getting a blood test. However, doesn't ARS often resemble mono? Could he test positive for mono but really be experiencing ARS?

Four weeks after my protected encounter with him I had sore throat, swollen glands and a mild stomach ache, plus canker sored on my tongue and cheek-- I had been stressed and around a friend with a cold, but it still seemed like too much of a coincidence. I started to wonder whether the condom had leaked semen and I didn't see.

Are these fears all unfounded?

This forum is great. What a service! Thanks much. Sorry if my questions are silly in any way.

You are having unfounded fears. You and your Ex had protected sex. There is no reason to worry. Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing.

Andy Velez:
You did just what you are supposed to do when you have intercourse: the guy was wearing a condom. They provide very effective protection no matter the HIV status of your partner. Just keep following that custom anytime you have intercourse.

By the way, if the condom had broken you would have known about it. It's not a subtle event when that happens.

If any of your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor to find out what's up. This is  not an HIV situation.


Thanks so very much you guys. I really appreciate it. I wasn't totally comfortable sharing all this drama with my gyno, so you guys are lifesavers (literally, in some cases, i'm sure...)

My last HIV test was a month ago at my yearly checkup with my gyno... Is my ex's risky encounter a reason to test again before my next yearly? I'm dating someone new now who just tested negative. We're monogomous, although we still use condoms. Can I consider that last test a reliable indicator of my HIV status if I've only had protected sex since? If, in the future, by new bf and I decide to rely on birth control pills should I be tested again (the would be my first time having unprotected sex w/ anyone... After my ex's escapades that he kept from me I feel vindicated in my position about condoms even in "monogomous" relations and it will certainly take me some time to be ready for sex without condoms, even though my bf is a very upstanding guy.)

Again, thank you! All opinions welcome.

Andy Velez:
This is no reflection on your new boyfriend. But you should not give up using condoms everytime you have intercourse for the timebeing.

If you two decide you want to be in a securely monogamous relationship together then you should get tested together and establish without a doubt that you're both HIV negative. Then you can decide if you feel comfortable enough together to give up using condoms. Until then a condom everytime is a must.



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