Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 21, 2014, 08:58:07 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23515
  • Latest: Sevans
Stats
  • Total Posts: 639717
  • Total Topics: 48559
  • Online Today: 210
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend  (Read 3606 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« on: August 06, 2006, 03:04:36 AM »
Hey All,

My last month has been a full of worry, and I'm not sure whether I have good reason or not. I'll try to keep it brief--

I am a hetero female. My boyfriend and I broke up for a time, during which time he slept with a man he met in a bar, his first time w/ a man. He was the insertive partner and the condom broke. He realized and changed condoms before finishing. After this, he and I got back together and had sex one more time. It was protected and the condom did not show signs of breaking or slipping. Afterwards, he told me about his risky encounter. I ended our relationship then and there because I feel he has a lot to figure out about his sexuality. I told him I would love to stay friends but I'd like to keep it platonic. I was immediately worried about HIV (I had just been tested for all STD's during our breakup and was clean, but this new encounter scared me.) He was tested at five weeks after his encounter and was negative (we still talk so he told me the results.) Then, a week later, he was diagnosed with mono after falling quite ill and getting a blood test. However, doesn't ARS often resemble mono? Could he test positive for mono but really be experiencing ARS?

Four weeks after my protected encounter with him I had sore throat, swollen glands and a mild stomach ache, plus canker sored on my tongue and cheek-- I had been stressed and around a friend with a cold, but it still seemed like too much of a coincidence. I started to wonder whether the condom had leaked semen and I didn't see.

Are these fears all unfounded?

This forum is great. What a service! Thanks much. Sorry if my questions are silly in any way.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2006, 03:33:05 AM »
You are having unfounded fears. You and your Ex had protected sex. There is no reason to worry. Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,706
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2006, 12:53:16 PM »
You did just what you are supposed to do when you have intercourse: the guy was wearing a condom. They provide very effective protection no matter the HIV status of your partner. Just keep following that custom anytime you have intercourse.

By the way, if the condom had broken you would have known about it. It's not a subtle event when that happens.

If any of your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor to find out what's up. This is  not an HIV situation.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2006, 03:27:10 PM »
Thanks so very much you guys. I really appreciate it. I wasn't totally comfortable sharing all this drama with my gyno, so you guys are lifesavers (literally, in some cases, i'm sure...)

My last HIV test was a month ago at my yearly checkup with my gyno... Is my ex's risky encounter a reason to test again before my next yearly? I'm dating someone new now who just tested negative. We're monogomous, although we still use condoms. Can I consider that last test a reliable indicator of my HIV status if I've only had protected sex since? If, in the future, by new bf and I decide to rely on birth control pills should I be tested again (the would be my first time having unprotected sex w/ anyone... After my ex's escapades that he kept from me I feel vindicated in my position about condoms even in "monogomous" relations and it will certainly take me some time to be ready for sex without condoms, even though my bf is a very upstanding guy.)

Again, thank you! All opinions welcome.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,706
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2006, 05:02:51 PM »
This is no reflection on your new boyfriend. But you should not give up using condoms everytime you have intercourse for the timebeing.

If you two decide you want to be in a securely monogamous relationship together then you should get tested together and establish without a doubt that you're both HIV negative. Then you can decide if you feel comfortable enough together to give up using condoms. Until then a condom everytime is a must.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2006, 08:36:21 PM »
Thanks so much Andy. You're a great help-- very wise!

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2006, 03:34:35 PM »
Hey All,

I've felt much better since I got advice from you experts. Thanks so much! My ex, who I'm still friends with but no longer sleep with, wasl quite scared due to his incident in June where he topped a man and the condom broke. They replaced the condom to finish, but my ex worried that the exposure was enough to have contracted HIV. However, he was tested at five weeks after the incident and was negative and he feels that test was conclusive enough for his taste and he doesn't need another. I told him this was not true and he should be tested again, but he refuses. He says that he'll trust my results when I'm tested next, but I said that makes so sense because he and I had protected sex and if I have a negative result it will have nothing to do with his eventual result. Am I right, or should I give up this fight? I still care about him and his health, even if I don't want to be with him.

Thanks so much for any advice!


Offline Morgan

  • Member
  • Posts: 382
  • You did WHAT??
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2006, 03:50:48 PM »
Nuttygal,

You're right.  His risk was low, and his five week test is a good indication of his status, but is not conclusive. 

And he should absolutely NOT rely on ANYONE ELSES test to determine his status, except his own test at the appropriate time.

He should test again at the 3 month mark.

Morgan
Morgan Landers

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2006, 04:02:02 PM »
thanks much, morgan...

i tested two weeks after having protected intercourse w/ him after his encounter... is it necessary that i test at three months also, or can i rely on my test if it had been at least three months since i had unprotected intercourse with anyone?

thanks for explaining the intricacies of testing times!


Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2006, 04:57:41 PM »
nutty,

As long as you tested 12-13 weeks or more past your last unprotected intercourse, your result is conclusive. Please protect that negative status!

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can make sure your fella is using them properly. While you're on either of those pages, have a look through the bottom three links in the left-hand column. They discuss ways that you, as a woman, can protect yourself. I recommend the female condom as they are also excellent barriers against hiv infection, and importantly, they give YOU the control over condom use. They can even be put in place in advance so you're not fumbling around at the crucial moment. They're fiddly to use at first, but if you can put a tampon in, you can use these. It gets easier with practice. Give them a try.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms and avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2006, 03:00:47 AM »
thanks so much ann! you're the best (and oh so knowledgeable)

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2006, 03:17:08 AM »
by the way, the signature links are great, very educational... i was interested in the facts about n-9 and had two quick questions...

-do all spermicidally lubricated condoms contain n-9?
-i've certainly used a spermicidally lubricated condom once or twice... does this mean i have these lesions that increase HIV risk, or does it vary from person to person? and this would only increase risk if the condom broke or no condom was used, correct?

thanks for this great prevention tool: knowledge

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2006, 07:08:59 AM »
nutty,

N-9 is mainly a problem when a person has a reaction to it and develops irritated membranes as a result. This mainly happens when N-9 is used a lot, for example, several times a day as someone who is a sex worker might do.

The resulting irritation may facilitate hiv transmission if a condom break occurs. As long as the condom stays intact, there should be no problem.

Condoms that have N-9 used as a spermicide have to be labeled as such. They are becoming hard to find because of the associated hiv transmission problem.

And seriously - check out the female condom. Having control over condom use is a great help for women wanting to protect themselves. If you cannot find female condoms in your local shops, either ask the pharmacist to consider stocking them or buy some online. (or both!)

And by the way, the best thanks you can give us is to make sure your friends and family are clued up on hiv prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure - especially where there is no cure.

Cheers,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline nuttygal

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Re: worried due to bi ex-boyfriend
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2006, 10:51:23 AM »
Thank you Ann. I will certainly spread the word!

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.