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Author Topic: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight  (Read 12012 times)

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Offline aaron1020aw

  • member
  • Posts: 1
I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« on: February 20, 2009, 05:24:33 PM »
I dont if I can live with this one more min. I just turned 20  found this out, my life is over

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2009, 06:05:33 PM »
Aaron

It's a huge shock to get an HIV positive result.  But it doesn't mean the end of everything. 

Recent studies show people can live a long life with HIV if they work with their doctors. 

But there is a lot to learn about how to take care of yourself.  There's lessons on this site you may find helpful. http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Introduction_4702.shtml

Hope to hear more from you over the coming days

And -- if you think you might harm youself tonight, go to your local emergency room and talk with the people there.  Or call one of the hotline numbers.

Here is a national hotline number 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

A
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 23,860
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2009, 08:08:58 AM »
Hello, Aaron.

We really do understand what a shock it is when you test positive. It can feel like the end of the world. But the many here, including some who are younger than you, can tell you that life does go on. And that it continues to be about much more than just HIV.

You'll find a lot of support and information here. Come here as often as you need to. Talk to us. And as A said, if you're thinking of hurting yourself, go to the nearest emergency room and let them know. No matter how terrible things feel now, keep breathing, take some time and they will begin to get better.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline LTSurviver

  • Member
  • Posts: 117
  • LTS since 1987. LTNP until 2008.
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2009, 08:50:54 AM »
Aaron,

I tested poz when I was 19.

I'm 41 now and have a hell of a good life.  I'm still healthy and looking forward to many more good years.  My only regret is waiting to die for so many years instead of living to live.




Offline lonewolf

  • Member
  • Posts: 96
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2009, 05:39:54 PM »
Aaron,   We really feel for you and understand your feelings.   It always is a shock, and we all have had to go through that.   Please call a help line and talk, talk, talk,   please keep in touch with us here.
You are young, talented, and have a great life and future ahead of you.   I am so glad you stopped by to talk.  Please keep in touch.

Sending lots of hugs,
Bruce
"To all within the sound of my voice, I appeal: Learn with me the lessons of history and of grace, so my children will not be afraid to say the word “AIDS” when I am gone. Then, their children and yours may not need to whisper it at all."  Mary Fisher

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,022
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2009, 07:42:15 PM »
Aaron We love you...

Please realize that with HIV at age 20 you WILL have a normal lifespan if you take care of yourself and listen to your doctors. Your quality of life will not suffer, mine has not. There is ALOT of life to live ahead of you!

Will

POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%
8/9/12, CD4 not taken, UD.
2/13/12, CD4- 904, UD 42%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline onelove79

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2009, 10:36:24 AM »
Hey Aaaron,

You are at the right place, poz.com where there are find and loving people.I find out my positive status at age 28 and I had the thought that my life has come to an end. Well, it isn't and I am now living life as best as I can, eating healthy, exercising and getting some muscles and furthering my education. Its not the end of the road, just continuing doing what you are doing and build that relationship with your doctor.

Please keep in touch.

Offline Nick Herman

  • Member
  • Posts: 26
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2009, 11:12:48 AM »
Hi aaron,

I know exactly how you feel.  I test poz half a year ago.  I started looking around and realizing that I had nothing to live for.  The great people of this forum got me through the hardest point, finding out the truth.  I find that it's the worlds stigmatism that leads us to become so afraid, also because at this point you realize that life will be totally different.  BUT ITS NOT!  :)  Life has been the same, the only thing that changes is that you have to become more health conscious, which is a good thing.  The mental struggle may be the hardest part of hiv.  But after that, it gets better, don't consider suicide.  You'll look back one day and say, it wasn't the end of the world.  I hope you turn to the great folks on the forum, talking helps alot.  Take care.

Nick
5/1/08 Random HIV test, ...  HIV +
5/23/08 CD4 is 569 and 31.6%, vl? no meds
8/14/08 Cd4 629 (33%) vl 3280 no meds
12/1/08 (world aids day) cd4 620 vl no meds
12/24/08 620 (33%) vl 3280 no meds
3/31/09  544 (25%) vl 1790 no meds
8/17/09  519 ( ) vl 10000 no meds
10/27/09  hospitiliazed for meningitis
11/15/09  released from hospital
2/4/10  494 (27%) vl 2300 no meds
6/2/10  460 (25%) vl 18000 no meds
7/29/10  515 (30%) vl 4000  no meds
10/1/10  400(25%)    vl 9000 no meds
12/1/10  506(20%)    vl 9000 no meds
12/17/10 started 3 sustiva & 1 truveda a day
1/3/11 507 (32%) vl 76
1/14/11 started atripla
3/30/11 265 (?%) vl < 20
6/8/11 367 (29%) vl undetec
11/8/11 704 (30%) vl < 20
04/20/12 671 (33%) vl < 20
08/06/12 524 (34%) vl undetc

Offline tag_man08

  • Member
  • Posts: 118
  • Keep Dreaming!!!
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2009, 03:37:06 AM »
This guy has never returned to the site since this post.  This scares me.  Is there anyway we can find out where he is from this site?   
08/30/07:  The HIV diagnosis...
09/07/07:  CD4 299 (21%)  VL 160K
01/07/08:  CD4 396 (26%)  VL 125K
04/21/08:  CD4 478 (25%)  VL 92K
09/03/08:  CD4 313 (23%)  VL 10K
11/03/08:  CD4 338 (23%)  VL 30K
11/21/08:  Isentress & Truvada
12/05/08:  CD4 485 (29%)  VL  undetectable in two weeks
03/13/09:  CD4 575 (30%)  VL  undetectable

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2009, 08:23:34 AM »
Tag, no, unfortunately all we can tell is that he's posting from somewhere in the States.

I'm hoping that maybe this was just a hoax - it happens. It's also possible that he got help and is in a mental health unit for the time-being. And of course it's also possible that the worst has happened.

I wish we could do more - it's certainly scary, saddening and frustrating.

Aaron - if you're reading but not logging in, PLEASE log in and let us know how you're doing. We do understand that you might have posted this in a dark moment and are now embarrassed to post again, but sod that. Don't be embarrassed and don't hesitate to post. We do care, really, we do.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline decayingsinner

  • Member
  • Posts: 274
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2009, 08:20:03 PM »
I hope this person responds and is okay.  I had found out last year when I was 28 and still enjoy each day as if it were my last. There is not one day that is guaranteed.  It's amazing what meds had done for me (undetectable now). If they've come this far in 25 years, I can't wait to see where science is in another 25 years.

Offline jampdx

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2009, 04:41:39 AM »
Well, I really pray he is ok and got help else where.  The skeptic in me makes me wonder if it was even true.  Seems sort of random.  The feelings are real, but one blurp like that and then nothing.  Perhaps, I don't know.  I may seem cold, but kind of a shi#$y position to put others in.  lol.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-Infected 1/6/2009
Positive 2/9/2009
3/8/2009:  CD4 603  VL f\'d up by lab and having to redraw
4/7/2009 CD4 650 VL 348
6/24/2009 cd4 964 VL 850
9/26/2009 CD4 546 VL 822
7/22/13 CD4 1080 VL 2,220

Offline odyssey

  • Member
  • Posts: 763
  • One Crazy Mofo!
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2009, 05:24:43 PM »
aaron-

If you read this, please know that your life isn't over. I'm 22 and I was just diagnosed poz a few months ago. I've also struggled with feelings of wanting to kill myself, so I can understand how you feel. But as I've learned, and you will too, medicine has come a long way since the 80's, and if we take good care of ourselves, we can live just as long as if we were HIV negative. I truly hope you choose to keep living! If you want to talk, feel free to send me a private message, I'm here for you!

odyssey
01/09/09- diagnosed HIV+
01/16/09   CD4-425    22%     VL- 32415
11/09- started Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
03/10- stopped Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
10/18/11   CD4- 328   20%     VL- 84,000
10/25/11   CD4- 386   22%
10/28/11- start Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
3/8/12      CD4- 503   31%     VL 57

Offline Tar Heel

  • Member
  • Posts: 92
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2009, 04:11:14 AM »
I seriously hope this guy comes back on to let us know that he is ok.  At 20yo, it's hard to comprehend the fact that life is a big test.  And each of us are given a different road to travel and burdens to carry. 
"So much has been given to me that I have no time to ponder on that which has been denied." ~ Helen Keller

Offline HALOO

  • Member
  • Posts: 60
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #14 on: March 28, 2009, 08:21:22 PM »
Hey Aaron-
               I hope you read this post.I am around the same age as you.Honestly, I do have same thinking like you.BUT WHY NOW?? Why Suicide Now?? Why not next month, next year or maybe next couple of years.
              Just take a minute off and stop thinking about HIV.Start thinking about what you wish to do in this life before you die.You are just 20 like me so I am sure that there is still many things in life you still want to do.You are just infected and your body is still very strong now.
              Why Hurry to die?? You can die anytime you want but why now??? Why dont you wait for sometime and do what you alway wish to do not never did before.Take 2-3 years more and  maybe you might find a good news that you are Elite Controller(a person who can control virus for 10-20 year without med and living healthy like negative person). Maybe a extremely potential cure might come in news by next month.Who know???
           Remeber HIV only on the day you need to visit doctor and other days just forget them.YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
          PS:- Today I saw a beggar who lost his legs but he still singing(on the road size) for money.The guy have no home, sleep on the road side and have no legs and no one around him but he STILL FIGHTING.But when I look at myself, I do have HIV but I still have 25 ARV to help me, I have home, I have girlfriend, I can do work.My life is a lot better than the guy.IF I choose to commit suicide today, I will be ashamed of him.
 Think about it.

Offline PRMike

  • Member
  • Posts: 175
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2009, 10:02:42 AM »
Hi Arron, I understand how you feel because i was there too a very long time ago,,, in fact it will be 29 years come this Oct..
but as you can see I'm still here and thank GOD and my Doctors I am doing just great..now it will also depend on you and by that I mean that you will have to keep going to see your Doctor and taking your Meds and not doing anything that will hurt you..for example NO DRUGS they will really hurt your health...
I hope that you realize that there are a lot of good people here that really care about you and can offer you a shoulder or an ear ...
ok I pray that you will be alright and please let us know that your still here with us...
Please do not lose faith YOU CAN DO THIS...
ok so long for now your New Friend PRMike
PRMike

Offline princes718

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #16 on: May 01, 2009, 05:39:35 PM »
Hi sweetie, I know you are scared. I tested positive when I was 26 years old. Seventeen years later I am still very healthy. It is important for you to not allow HIV to rule your life. Right now you tested positive at a time were there are so many ways to keep you healthy. So don't give up and don't give in to negativity. You are not alone, we are here to give you support, so please keep on breathing the pain and fear will pass, I promise you that.

Offline midland moe

  • Member
  • Posts: 39
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #17 on: May 08, 2009, 07:19:21 AM »
i remember when i first found out...i was sick in the hospital..checked in for pneumonia and diagnosed with AIDS...i wanted to die. i figured i was gonna die right there in the hospital. when that didnt happen i came here, and the people here gave me the first little glimmer of insight as to how much of a life I really had left if I took care of this virus in me. that was a year ago. I hope you stivck around and read enough to get that glimmer aaron. life can go on. i found out i had full blown aids a year ago and i feelhealthier than i have in years today, and i plan on living a LONG time...I was where you are now aaron a year ago..read this forum it made me feel a whole lot better.
Diagnosed + 4/15/08               VL 570,000  cd4  85
started ATRIPLA 7/20/08         VL 301,757  cd4  45
8/22/08                                 VL       171  cd4  185
11/25/08    undetectable                           cd4  371

03/30/09    undetectable                           cd4  464
07/07/09    undetectable                           cd4  419
12/04/09    undetectable                           cd4  534
        cd4 % 20
04/09/10 undetectable                                cd4  667
         cd4%  22.1
07/16/10   undetectable                              cd4  573
         cd4%  23.8
03/25/11   undetectable                              cd4  655
         cd4%  29.4

Offline tag_man08

  • Member
  • Posts: 118
  • Keep Dreaming!!!
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #18 on: May 24, 2009, 02:22:27 AM »
i hate seeing this post....he never came back to the site....i wish someone would just delete this....it makes me sad everytime i see it on the discussion board pop up....i can only hope this was a joke...
08/30/07:  The HIV diagnosis...
09/07/07:  CD4 299 (21%)  VL 160K
01/07/08:  CD4 396 (26%)  VL 125K
04/21/08:  CD4 478 (25%)  VL 92K
09/03/08:  CD4 313 (23%)  VL 10K
11/03/08:  CD4 338 (23%)  VL 30K
11/21/08:  Isentress & Truvada
12/05/08:  CD4 485 (29%)  VL  undetectable in two weeks
03/13/09:  CD4 575 (30%)  VL  undetectable

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 27,947
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I just tested + for HIV im thinking about killing myself tonight
« Reply #19 on: May 24, 2009, 05:37:37 AM »
i hate seeing this post....he never came back to the site....i wish someone would just delete this....it makes me sad everytime i see it on the discussion board pop up....i can only hope this was a joke...

If people would stop posting to this thread, it would stop "popping up". It must have been near the bottom of the page when you posted to it, Tag. If the thread is left alone, it will eventually get buried in the archives. We don't generally delete threads unless the first post is spam or contains offensive material. This thread doesn't really qualify.

And yes, it bothers me too and I also hope that it was a joke. If it wasn't and Aaron is still around, he may come back one day and look for his thread - a good reason to leave it online.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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