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Author Topic: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?  (Read 2562 times)

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Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« on: February 08, 2009, 09:24:16 PM »
I was diagnosed in December 08 with an Acute HIV infection, so I got infected recently before that time.  I am a 41 year old single white hetero male.  I don't think I can feel more lonely then I do now. 
I am desperately looking for support groups in the NY area for Hetero positive men.  No luck so far.  Any help would be so appreciated.

By the way, any hetero men out there that think it is not possible to get HIV from straight sex....ohhhh...do I have a surprise for you! 

Still struggling with my tests, at last check, CD 584 VL 300,000 24%.
Still struggling with my diagnoses.....but I see so many people here with HIV since 80s and 90s and doing well that it gives me hope. 
G-d bless you all....you are all so amazing.

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2009, 09:37:54 PM »
You can always start one. I have a gal pal who started a yahoo group for persons who live in Texas. In general we meet once a month at varied places. It is slow at times but even if just one person shows up at least you'll have company.
BTW she decided to make her group a social group rather than a support group.

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,761
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2009, 10:06:54 PM »
i second wendy's opinion. my aso has men's support groups, family support groups, women's support groups etc...

have you contacted your local aso (aids service organization)? they should have a listing of groups in your area. if you can't find a straight one go to a coed group or a men's group. at the men's group there will be a lot of homos but they are still good people. at my group we have two straight guys (or 3). they are kinda considered the studs of our group and contribute greatly to our lil community.

hope you find what you are looking for.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,394
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2009, 11:20:45 AM »
Hey Mpositive,

Even though I'm not straight, feel free to bend my ear  - or the rest of our ears - whenever you wish.

We have quite a few hetero people here, men and women, so trust me when I say, you aren't alone.

It is always bittersweet to welcome people here, because it means another person is living with the bug.

Just remember we are all in this together and you aren't alone.

HUGS,

Mark

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline SASA39

  • Member
  • Posts: 690
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2009, 05:02:52 PM »
I have tried more than dozen HS groups and sites , but only in this one I have found a true support ...........and yes there are some of us here too  ;)
You should try another one , it is younger site than this , and it is good too
www.patientslikeme.com
Feel free  to drop a note.......
Al
Oct.     `06.  CD4=58  ?    %       VL not perform. ?!?
25.Dec.`06.         203       14        VL= 0
29.May.`07.    broken device        VL=1363
20.June`07     broken device        VL=0
25.Dec `07  CD4=582                  VL=70
14.May `08  CD4=448
29.July `08                                  VL=0
26.Nov `08  CD4=674                    VL=179
16.Mar `09  CD4=554                    VL=0
19.Jan`10 CD4=715               
03.Mar`10                                    VL=0
24.Aug`10 CD4=524                     VL=0
04.Dec`10 CD4=626                     VL=0
15.Sep`11                                   VL=93
17.Nov`11                                   VL=0
05/26 .Jul`12 CD4=713                 VL=0
28.Nov`12 CD4=916                     VL=0
09.May`13                                 VL=0

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2009, 06:23:26 PM »
Wow, you all are not kidding.  You ladies and gents really are great.  Thanks for the great response and support.
I will take all of your advice and make it happen.  As I am a self starter in "real life", I need to be the same here and now.  So, I really should start up something.   

Tomorrow I go see my ID doctor, this is my "big" visit in a way.  I guess he will take a blood test and I will visit him again in a couple of weeks, then we will see where I stand. 
Once again, thank you all for jumping in and offering up your support, it really is a good feeling.
Be well....
M

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2009, 06:53:04 PM »
I knew a gay guy complain that the supports groups on New York's Long Island are mostly striaght.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2009, 07:30:30 PM »
Really?  I would love to hear more about them.

Offline red_Dragon888

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  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2009, 10:33:43 PM »
I just heard that there were hiv support groups in Long Island.  That's all I know.  Try this...
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/support/aids.htm
« Last Edit: February 11, 2009, 07:31:32 AM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline randym431

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,119
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2009, 06:50:54 AM »
I cant add info on support groups. This site is a great source of support.
Here in the midwest its even hard to find gay support groups.

But I wanted to chime in on your numbers.
I know you and your id doc know best, but that vl looks
pretty high, and your good stats are still looking good,
but with a vl that high the good numbers can dive rather fast.

I'd feel the doc out on starting meds asap.
And watch those good numbers improve,
while the vl does the diving to <50.
Just wishing you the best and taking action against that vl.

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2009, 07:14:17 AM »
Thanks for your input on that.  However, based on my research so far, during an Acute Infection, it seems very common for the numbers to be high.  However, I am going to my doctor today, probably going to take one more test and see where I land. 

Date   CD4   CD4%     VL    

1/6/2009   553   0.2245    206,000    
1/20/2009   464   0.2464    459,000    Hemolyzed
1/29/2009   584   0.2521   Pending

\Crossing my fingers......  :)

Offline veritas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,410
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2009, 08:58:35 AM »

mpositive,

Your absolutely right about vl being high during acute infection. What I like about your numbers is the cd4% is going in the right direction. It seems like your immune system is kicking in. It will be interesting to see your pending vl figures.
One observation  though, you have had quite a few tests in the month of January. Your Doc sure is keeping a close track.

veritas

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2009, 10:22:37 PM »
Hi Veritas,

Actually, good observation.  Those tests are from the Rockefeller Institute.  I enrolled in an observational study for those recently infected with an Acute Infection.  I was at my ID Doc yesterday and he did not want to take blood.  He actually said that the tests I already have are very close together.  Basically, he keeps telling me to live my life and not get too nuts about every test.  I think he is trying to keep me level headed during this entire process....especially now in the beginning.  He too was actually very satisfied with the results so far, especially because I left the Acute symptoms behind and feel real good right now. 
So, I should have the second part of the VL results by Friday.  Then I will be taking more blood on Feb 19th.   He wants me to "relax" and we will see it then.
I really do feel fine physically, but mentally I am having such a bad time.  Today at the office so many people were talking about the ball player that got Aids.  Well, the comments they made were hurtful, but I could not say too much, lest I give up my status.  So, it was a tough day for me at the office. 
My biggest hurdle right now still seems to me that I feel like an outsider in the HIV community....strange?  I do though.  So few hetero males that I feel even more isolated.
I was never very sexually active at all, then I got this from an ex-girlfriend which is boggling my mind even to this very minute.  Sorry to lay it out, but I am not in a good way tonight so I am rambling. 
Anyhow....g-d bless all.....good night.
:)
M

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2009, 07:28:39 AM »
Hi M, welcome to the forums.

There are likely many more hiv positive straight guys than you think. Thing is, they tend to be amongst the most closeted in the hiv community so finding them can be a challenge. For all you know, one of your other office co-workers could have been listening to that same conversation about the ball player and thinking the same things you were. How would you know? You kept your mouth shut and so did he. Don't think it's possible? Believe me, it is.

You are going to hear many more conversations like that in the years to come. It's up to you to decide how to deal with it when it happens. You can either not say anything and let it fester, or you can speak up. You don't have to out yourself as positive to speak up either. You can say something like - "would you be so harsh in your attitude towards this person if they had heart disease after smoking/poor diet/no exercise during their lifetime?" That's just one example - I'm sure you can think of others. Believe me, it's a liberating experience to challenge negative thinking about positive people.

Of course I'm not saying you did wrong by not saying anything and I want to make that clear. You're newly diagnosed and still very much in the adjustment period.

But I would like to leave you with a thought...

The more we hide, the more we have to hide. When we hide our status, we reinforce the idea that hiv is something shameful, something to be talked about around the office water-cooler in disparaging tones. It's not, it's just a virus, one that ANYONE could have.

You've got nothing to be ashamed about, M. Don't let the backward, ignorant attitudes of others colour your perception of yourself. You've got a virus and for all they know, they could have it too if they've ever had unprotected intercourse - which, let's face it, is most people. So many think "not me" and never test until it's too late.

Hang in there.

Ann
« Last Edit: February 12, 2009, 07:38:24 AM by Ann »
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Offline red_Dragon888

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  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2009, 07:30:52 AM »
...I really do feel fine physically, but mentally I am having such a bad time.  Today at the office so many people were talking about the ball player that got Aids.  Well, the comments they made were hurtful, but I could not say too much, lest I give up my status.  So, it was a tough day for me at the office. 
My biggest hurdle right now still seems to me that I feel like an outsider in the HIV community....strange?  I do though.  So few hetero males that I feel even more isolated.
I was never very sexually active at all, then I got this from an ex-girlfriend which is boggling my mind even to this very minute.  Sorry to lay it out, but I am not in a good way tonight so I am rambling. 
Anyhow....g-d bless all.....good night.
:)
M
Ahh.. it's not easy being green, I mean gay with HIV either.   ;)  It can feel isolating and lonely being out there with no one to talk to but you could go on yahoo and see if there is any straight hiv poz groups. And from there, they can advise you where you can go to local groups in your area. In addition, Callen-Lorde on 19th street may have resources that may help. There site is www.callen-lorde.com, number  212 271 7200. One more thing that you might try is the gay center on 13th street, at www.gaycenter.com, number 212 620 7310 and see if they know any straight groups. If nothing else, start one of your on on yahoo.com or in your community. See ya,  and good luck.

The Few, The Strong, The Proud, Poz.com
« Last Edit: February 12, 2009, 07:34:15 AM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline veritas

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  • Posts: 1,410
Re: Hetero Positive.....no support groups?
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2009, 09:12:49 AM »

mpositive,

Your certainly in good hands at the Rockefeller Institute. That is where Dr. David Ho is located. I'm sure you know that he is testing various vaccine designs in conjunction with both CHAVI (committee for hiv and aids vaccine initiative) out of Duke university and also the IAVI group (International aids vaccine initiative). His work with broadly neutralizing antibodies shows much promise. He has received grants for these studies from The Gates Foundation. You have made the right first move by finding good medical care with docs who are experienced.

I understand your mental anguish, we all went through it when we were first diagnosed. But something tells me you will be fine because you took the first steps necessary to coping with this disease--- you reached out. Remember ,Hiv isn't gay or straight ,its a disease.

Glad you came to the forums ,

veritas

 


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