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Author Topic: Opinion on some things please....  (Read 1727 times)

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Offline traveltramp

  • Member
  • Posts: 39
Opinion on some things please....
« on: February 09, 2009, 12:53:03 PM »
Sometimes I feel guilty that my numbers are better than the other posts I read.. Reading about people struggling so much.. Why do I feel guilty?  I don't know.. Somehow I think that I should be worse off than I am and I know I should be happy but I am not... any thoughts on this?

CD4 909 VL 550/ML  Seems like I am getting better not worse as time goes on.. somehow I feel that I want it to get worse so I can not think about it anymore.. even though I do all the time..

I met a boy that I feel love for and he says that he loves me.. and when we have sex he is reserved about touching me and this hurts me ... he does not want to give me oral sex.. or he always "wipes me offf" before he touches me... I hate this feeling.. I feel like I am in a plastic bag.. Anyone else feel this when they have sex? How do you deal with it?  Do you just accept?  I don't want to feel that people are afraid of me..
5/7 SEROCOVERSION
7/7 CD4 669
9/7 CD4 1079 V/L 1200
2/8 CD4 803   V/L 3050
4/8 CD4 805   V/L 2200
9/8 CD4 959   V/L 2418
1/9 CD4 909   V/L 550

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2009, 01:58:34 PM »
Speaking for me, you should not feel bad that your numbers are better than mine.  Consider yourself fortunate that thus far you have had good results.  Now that my numbers have improved and are better than others, I don't feel bad or guilty.  I do empathize with those who have low CD4's or high vl, as I have been there before, not with the worse numbers of anyone, but low enough to have an AIDS diagnosis.  I like many of us start low and see our results improve and can offer encouragement to others.

As for your sex question, since I haven't had sex with anyone I have dated, with the exception of the one guy that I gave a BJ, can't address this issue.  I will say that when I meet someone that says he loves me he damn well better not feel reserved in touching me.

Hang in there,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Online Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,556
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2009, 04:06:12 PM »
Ditch him.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Online mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10,706
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2009, 04:13:00 PM »
Goodness me, enjoy your health. Feel guilty about it? I suggest you get therapist to deal with that. No one begrudges you! Also about the boy - give him a long safesex practices lesson and ask him to discuss his fears and then if he can't get over them and negotiate to a comfort zone of sex that pleases you both, ditch him.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline ARMANDO

  • Member
  • Posts: 243
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2009, 05:03:04 PM »
i agree ,you need to ditch this guy,this will only get worse and eventually he will end up ditching you!!!!

Offline rachel2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2009, 09:48:42 PM »
I third the request to ditch the guy.  You are a human being.  No one has the right to make you feel any less.  If he really loves you he would fully educate himself on how to deal with HIV and AIDS.  More fishies in the sea.

Be proud of the T-cell count.  No guilt ever!!!!


Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
    • http://winiroo.synthasite.com/
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2009, 10:00:41 PM »
Maybe the guilt feeling you have is carrying over into your relationship. Is it possible you feel as if he is reserved about touching you? Could it be that he would be this way with anyone? Is it possible he has a thing about cleanliness or that his cleaning is a form of affection? Is is possible he is not ready to do oral or maybe does not enjoy giving it? Have you asked him about these things that bother you. If not, why? He would be the best person to give you the answers to these questions.

Just some things to think about.

I don't think you should feel guilty. Be proud of your health and enjoy it.  ;D


http://cmd.shutterfly.com/commands/pictures/slideshow?site=winiroo&page=winiroo&album=21
“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.” Margaret Thatcher

Offline YaKaMein

  • Member
  • Posts: 368
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2009, 11:21:41 PM »
Travel,
Start thinking about you and what you have and what you want. It's admirable to feel compassion or empathy for someone's misfortune. Guilt is unacceptable here; you've done nothing wrong. Enjoy your health. Think about getting some help to process your feelings and improve your self-esteem. You're stressing yourself unnecessarily.

If this guy can't meet you halfway and educate himself, then maybe it's curb time. It will be difficult, but better now than more pain along the way.
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline positively_me

  • Member
  • Posts: 87
  • love me...love my monkey
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2009, 11:24:05 PM »
I don't think your should feel guilty either because you have done nothing wrong. We all have the same disease but it affects us in different ways and we have our own crosses to bear with being positive.  Your good numbers are a blessing...never look a gift horse in the mouth!

As for the boyfriend, I kind of understand what you're saying. I'm a straight female that tried to have a relationship with a negative man. He was ok with me being positive until it came to touching me...even just holding hands. It is a horrible feeling when someone rejects you like that. Especially over something that you can not change. Can't give you relationship advice because I don't do so well in them myself. But I do know that no one has the right to make you feel bad for being you.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.  - Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,801
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2009, 11:01:31 PM »
Sometimes I feel guilty that my numbers are better than the other posts I read.. Reading about people struggling so much.. Why do I feel guilty?  I don't know.. Somehow I think that I should be worse off than I am and I know I should be happy but I am not... any thoughts on this?

CD4 909 VL 550/ML  Seems like I am getting better not worse as time goes on.. somehow I feel that I want it to get worse so I can not think about it anymore.. even though I do all the time..

I met a boy that I feel love for and he says that he loves me.. and when we have sex he is reserved about touching me and this hurts me ... he does not want to give me oral sex.. or he always "wipes me offf" before he touches me... I hate this feeling.. I feel like I am in a plastic bag.. Anyone else feel this when they have sex? How do you deal with it?  Do you just accept?  I don't want to feel that people are afraid of me..
Well, you could wear a condom for oral sex and always use a condom for anyother sex.  You should protect him from getting it from you, right? Me and my boyfriend always wore condoms during sex oral and otherwise.  We were still very passionate and the sex was great.  And besides, I had no worries of passing HIV or anything else to him and visa versa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: Opinion on some things please....
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2009, 12:59:32 AM »
Don't feel guilty on my account!

I've been on meds now since the end of 2005 and have only gone from 150 to just over 400 t-cells in that time but I know I'm doing better than a lot of people with higher counts.

Everyone's system works differently with what they have so unless we all start getting paid by the t-cell, I wouldn't feel guilty. Just enjoy your health!

As far as the that guy, I'm with Miss P; Ditch him. The last thing a person should have to endure is an assault on their worth and that's just what he's doing. Find someone out there who loves you for being you and show them you love them by taking care of yourself. Above all, DON'T EVER BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE!



Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

 


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