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Author Topic: Could you please give me some advice?  (Read 2266 times)

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Offline SoStupid

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Could you please give me some advice?
« on: February 05, 2009, 02:48:53 AM »
Hey,

I am sure you have had many of these incidents before but I would like to ask my question anyway if that is ok with you guys.

About 7 weeks ago I had a series of oral sex encounters with a girl from work... maybe 3 or 4 separate incidents over a few days. The first encounter was the same day the girl just came off her period... well she came off that morning and this was in the evening after she had a shower. Each encounter over those days involved me performing lots of cunnilingus and receiving blowjobs including ejaculating into her mouth.

I can't remember if I had any cuts on my penis or ulcers in my mouth but maybe... one thing I should mention is that my gums do bleed when I brush my teeth sometimes.

Initially this didn't occur to me as being risky BUT... unfortunately I am not a single man and have a Wife who is NOT the person I shared the encounters with above. After these encounters (a few days later) I proceeded to have unprotected sex with my wife.

About two weeks later my wife came down with a dreadful cold, sore throat , night sweats, headache and a bit of throwing up. I didn't make the connection at the time but just yesterday she got more flu like symptoms although not as sever. Still head cold type symptoms blocked ears, nose, headache some sicky feeling as well.

This has started to scare me and I started to look up these symptoms on th net and found some are linked to ARS.

I was wondering have I put her at risk from what I describe above and secondly could ARS appear after 2 weeks, last for 3-4 days and then come back again 4 weeks later?

Please be honest with me... have I done something that has put her at risk?

I am sorry for everything ive done...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2009, 04:42:41 AM »
At no time were you at risk of contracting HIV in the situation you've provided. Make sure you use condoms and waterbase lube for all vaginal and anal sex.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2009, 07:24:13 AM »
Stupid,

Getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you won't be the first.

Going down on a woman is also not a risk for hiv infection.

You have not had a risk.

ARS does not come and go and come back again. Symptoms are meaningless when it comes to hiv anyway - many people never have a single symptom, yet test hiv positive. It's cold and flu season - your wife probably has an ordinary winter illness. If she continues to feel unwell, she should see a doctor. It's nothing to do with hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse outside your marriage, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SoStupid

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2009, 12:27:26 PM »
Hi Guys,

Thanks for the response. Just a few more questions if possible?

1: Are the symptoms associated with ARS contageous... I know that you can't catch ARS as such but lets say you have a sore throat because of it, would that sore throat be something that somebody else could catch?

2: I have read that you say that the saliva is prohibits hiv in a way... well that is well and good but what happens if your mouth drys up? as in whilst perfroming cunnilingus is it likely that your mouth could dry up and not produce more saliva?

I know these sound stupid but I would appreciate your input to help me understand?

Thank you very much

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2009, 02:02:01 PM »
1. No
2. You mouth never totally dries up.

You were never at risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2009, 05:10:54 PM »
OK. I'm just adding my voice to the chorus here. You were not at risk and there's no need for further concern on your part about this incident in relation to HIV. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline SoStupid

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2009, 11:42:38 AM »
Hi Guys,

Thanks for your response...

My mind is sending me insane... I have decided that I should take a test if nothing else just to put my mind at ease... it is quite an expensive clinic and I am going on saturday but I have a question because I dont have the money to waste if I test at the wrong time... I currently have a cold/flu, could this affect the result of the test? as in because my immune system is down could this  yield a false positive or false negative?

Thanks for your help.

Ciao

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2009, 12:51:54 PM »
No, having a cold or flu will neither affect the reliability of your test result including giving a false positive.

As far as I am concerned your getting a negative result is a slam dunk.

Andy Velez

Offline SoStupid

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2009, 12:44:49 PM »
Sorry just a quick quetion regarding tests...

It will be 53 days post exposure so would it be ok to get an instant test which is usually 12 weeks... I mean would it give me a good indication? Or take the DUO?

Thanks

I just want to know which will give me the best indication...

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2009, 01:10:28 PM »
Stupid,

Test whenever you like. You didn't have a risk so any test you take will be conclusive.

NO RISK = NO NEED TO TEST.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SoStupid

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2009, 07:45:22 AM »
Hi Guys and Girls,

Thanks for your input... So you think the test is a waste of time?

Is it possible to tell me how you guys are so sure that Oral is not a risk as far as HIV is concerned?

I read on this forum a few weeks ago a guy talking about the possibility of his test being positive and his only exposure was receiving a blow job? Do you know the one I am talking about? I think the thread was "False-Positive" or something like that...

Thanks people

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2009, 08:54:27 AM »
Stupid,

Just because someone says  they were infected in a particular manner doesn't always make it right/true. Sometimes people cannot bring themselves to admit - even to themselves - to behaviour that is actually risky. Sometimes people forget what they did while under the influence of drink and/or drugs.

However, There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect. 

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples. That's a lot of nookie.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline SoStupid

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2009, 01:37:20 AM »
Hi,

Well I took the insti which apparently is 99% after 6 weeks... I was 8 weeks post. Anyway it came back negative as you all probably knew...

I have to say and maybe others should take comfort from this (although they probably won't and neither will I if the situation arises again), your mind is a very powerful thing, especially if you have guilt there as well. I personally was convinced I would have a positive result, so much so that I nearly through up before the test. I imagined having to tell my wife that I had put her at risk and my two daughters growing up with out their parents all because of me... This was maybe the most traumatic time of my life and something that I will learn from. The point is that even with all of the experts telling me I still needed the negative result to put my mind at ease... and sometimes as oppose to spending months here asking the same questions over and over again it could be in you best interest just to go and have the test to put your mind at ease as I know without that I would still be going mad now.

Also just for everyones information, my doctor who administered the test was reluctant to do so... he said "there is not a cat in hells chance that you would contract HIV via Oral" especially receiving or giving to a lady.

Anyway thanks for everything guys.

Have a great year and in the nicest possible way :-) I hope to not have to speak to you guys again :-)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2009, 08:11:30 AM »
Well that happy result is no surprise.

Unfortunately as we see here all the time, when caught up in HIV fears, reason seems to one of the first things to go out the window.

We're glad you found help here. Just make sure to always use condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse and you will be well protected from HIV as far as sexual risk is concerned.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Could you please give me some advice?
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2009, 09:05:32 AM »
I imagined having to tell my wife that I had put her at risk and my two daughters growing up with out their parents all because of me...

Stupid,

Just for the record, hiv is no longer a death sentence and if you had done something risky (you didn't) and ended up hiv positive, there's no reason to think you would not dance at your daughters' weddings and bounce your grandchildren on your knee. (if your daughters get married and/or have babies that is!)

I'm glad the doctor who administered the test knows his stuff. You didn't have a risk.

It's time for you to dump the guilt and get on with your life.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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