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Author Topic: my results were pos  (Read 3770 times)

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angel dust

  • Guest
my results were pos
« on: January 21, 2009, 03:45:36 AM »
hello sorry its taken me a while to get back to you all with my results, as been havin a tough time of it so yes my results were positive i confronted my partner with the news and he broke down saying thats why he ended our relationship that the guilt and shame from keeping his status was to much and he didnt know how to tell me as he knew he should of from the start
its been so hard as iv been feeling so  many different emotions but me and my partner have decided to get back together and try to make it work as we were very happy together before this revelation and i hope we can try to be strong for one another he let me down very badly but he has to live with what he has done and think that's pain enough and despite all this i am unable to hate him as i love him very much, he has been pos since late 2006 i know now, i have not told many people about my status but those i have have all had a very negative reaction to the fact that im staying with the man that infected me  but i believe that despite what he has done he dose love me and want to be with me, i was wanting to know is there any other couples that have stayed together after a nondisclosure of one partner?
am i so wrong to want to make it work he is helping me a lot through this as i don't feel i can deal with it alone and hope together it can make us stronger, any advise would be grateful
angel x 

Offline macv

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2009, 12:10:25 PM »
Angel,
 Me and my partner both tested positive last november, He tested poz 1st totally out of the blue with shingles and a low cd4 count, the test wasn't planned, just a recomendation from the doctor, after he got his result, absolute devastation, was so worried about him. I was tested the day he got his results, a week later I was positive too :( my counts are much higher tho and I don't need medication yet were as he had to start pretty much straight away. With us, there has been no blame, no arguing, fighting etc- we just didn't know. If anything this has made us EVEN STRONGER than we were already. It's weird, its sort of like our secret, I am there for him and he is there for me. each day that goes by things really really are getting easier, In fact, except for visits to the hospital, which are pretty frequent at the moment, everything is just normal. We both appreciate that little bit more now what we have got relationship wise, and after all the heart break, fear questions etc we are doing great together.We both decided to just look forward and not dwell on the past, I couldn't imagine my life without my boyfriend in it full stop, So please take heart and know that if you love each other nothing will get in the way. that has been proved to me. If I was in your shoes I'd draw a line to what is in the past and look forward to a beutiful, caring strong relationship with your partner, as neither of us knew that either one of us could be positive, this is a bit different to your situation, ie your partner knew, but I am sure you can work through it, It's good to talk. wishing you lots of love luck and happiness together xx

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,156
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2009, 06:47:11 PM »
I am sorry to hear about your positive result.
Take it slow. Get support. Get a good specialist doctor.

You ask a lot of questions about your relationship with your partner.  You don't really give a good timeline of the details about when he knew he was infected and what he did with you after that.  Your friends are judging your decision to stay with him, but do they know something that we in this forum do not know? Just be clear about it.

Finally I think HIV has NO MORAL value its just a stupid virus with a will to destroy. Its what people who host it do. Perhaps your bf is a lovely person and you should be together.  However, if what is unspoken is this:  he know he was positive, and didn't tell you, and put you at risk, and you got the virus from him.  Well, that is forgiveable but you MAY need a professional to work with you alone or together to really clear up some pretty heavy issues and questions.  Also, you are very vulnerable right now, so that may be contributing to your immediate decision to get back together. He might be the best support you have for the moment but you'll have to analyze the way he truly acts with you, his beloved, to see if it is for the long run.

Best of luck
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

angel dust

  • Guest
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2009, 03:51:53 AM »
my partner has been poz since late 2006 he didnt tell me his status he broke up with me late november and it was out the blue as we had been so happy i was then made aware that he may be poz by third party i went for test confronted him he admitted all and broke down saying the shame and guilt had been to much and he was scared of hurting me as he loved me so much and thought pushing me away would stop me being infected, he says he never intended to infect me as he never came inside me so we believe i must of been infected with pre cum , as to my friends they are protective tho they understand that we were b4 revelation a very happy couple,
my partner says he didnt know how to tell me as he knew he should of b4 any contact and as time went on his fear got worse and he had never really admitted to himself what he had was in denial
in march 07 his previous partner had died of meningitis at the time the doctors said it was coz he was Italian and had not had vaccinations as a child we now wounder if that was brought on by seroconvertion  as his ex tested pos during his time in hospital but we will never know really
we are a young couple both 28 and yes this is all hitting me very hard but i feel without his support id just give up cant fight this battle alone, and he says he knows he has been so stupid and that he dose not blame me if i go to the police and that he would still want to be with me f i did but what would that achieve as we would then both be alone with this and i worried that he has lived alone with this for 2 years with no one to confide in and no support i hope together we can be strong and educated one another       

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,081
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2009, 09:38:14 AM »
Angel, I highly recommend that you get into some type of counseling.  You have problems that need to be dealt with by a professional. 

As for going to the police, you were a willing recipient in the sex, correct?  He didn't rape you.  Therefore, I wouldn't even think about going to the law.  We're responsible for our own behavior.

Good luck.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,156
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2009, 10:39:10 AM »
he says he never intended to infect me as he never came inside me so we believe i must of been infected with pre cum
Oh my, now that is clear!  Your partner has good emotional and pyschological "explanations" for his behaviour but the bottom line is that he should never have been in you unprotected, with or without ejaculation, it was high risk. So either he is very ignorant and uninformed, or his trauma about being HIV really destroyed both his judgement and his respect for you.

All the other details make my heart go out to you two both, so i think there is a lot of communication to continue for both of you and hope that you get a neutral third party to sort it all out. Friends may be great but might not be a clear headed and cool as a counselor or therapist.

Good luck! Sad story. Courage to you both.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline lusopt

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2009, 03:05:59 PM »
I was infected by my partner, we are together for about 3 years, and always had protected sex, untill the day that a condomm broked, till now, im not very sure if he already suspected of his status, he dont want to talk of this disease, its like a forbidden conversation. In November 2008 I made some tests, i dont know why, but after a year, that broken condomm was still in my mind, and there, I was poz. I told him, he made his tests and he was poz with lower numbers than myne.

Well im still trying to deal with this, but im not having good results, our relation is getting bad, and i know its my fault,when i see him, i see a person who infected me, who gave me a disease for life, i always played safe and for what, one accident was enough for me.

Hope your relation gets stronger, if you like each other, then you should be together, it will be more easy for both of you. It doesnt matter what other say or think, it does matter, what you feel.

Take care
« Last Edit: January 27, 2009, 03:08:08 PM by lusopt »
15/11/06: HIV-
28/10/08: HIV +
- No Meds -
18/11/08: CD4 -650 (.......)  / -17.500 VL
01/03/09: CD4- 540 (19,6%) / - 2090 VL
17/07/09: CD4 -603 (20,1%) / - 5040 VL
27/10/09: CD4 -627 (21,5%) / - 10.896 VL
25/03/10: CD4 -609 (23,9%) / -11.602 VL
12/09/10: CD4 -555 (........) / - 55.500 VL
21/04/11: CD4 -466 (17%)   / - 50.339 VL
01/10/11: CD4 -375 (19%)   / - 73.058 VL

Started, Epzicom and Sustiva
01/02/12: CD4 -298 (23%)   / - undetectable

Offline Catman

  • Member
  • Posts: 419
  • Blessed with more than 9 lives! + since 1986
    • Who is the Catman?
Re: my results were pos
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2009, 01:23:09 PM »
One mistake or accident is enough for anybody to get infected. It doesn't always mean the positive side is doing it maliciously. Wearing condoms does not make sex 100% safe anyways because they do break sometimes. If a positive person is having sex with a condom he is being carefull but that doesn't guarantee 100% safeness for the receiving side. I do think if you suspect or know you are positive to tell your companion as soon as possible. The decision to have sex should rely on the receiving side mostly. I personally was infected by a person who knew he was positive and didn't tell beforehand. If he would have been honest, I probably would have had sex anyways, but on a safer side.
 And about partners infecting the other person by accident, If he didn't know he was positive or never suspected it, I would value the love and interest he may have in being my longtime companion for the years to come. Dealing with hiv/aids is hard enough and more so if you have no one to care for you in times of need. I'd rather be with the man who unknowingly or accidentaly infected me than breaking up the relationship and staying alone. I probally would be mad for some time, but that will go away eventually. Even though, I would survive alone, but having a good someone just makes it easier when help is needed and you can't rely on family or friends who do not know you are positive. That's just my opinion...
Catman

Meow to the birds
Meow to the tree's
Meow to the end
of this dreadful disease...

 


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