Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 23, 2014, 08:32:22 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23525
  • Latest: Dman
Stats
  • Total Posts: 639844
  • Total Topics: 48573
  • Online Today: 204
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 154
Total: 159

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I'm Scared  (Read 2286 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Diamond

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
I'm Scared
« on: January 10, 2009, 04:36:23 PM »
If anyone can help me please HELP ME. I am positive and my boyfriend is negative. We usually are really good at being safe when we have sex but a couple of times the condom broke and we were having sex without it. I'm on Atripla and have been for a little over a year and I'm undetectable, less than 48 copies, and my T Cell is 850, so what are the chances that he can get infected? I been really really scared for him.
Thanks, Diamond :-[

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2009, 04:42:12 PM »
His capability of getting infected is really a crap shoot.  However, if he is uncircumsized, it is much easier.  IF not, then not so much.

Also, this happened in the past, so you can't change anything by beating yourself up.  Remember, we are all human, and we have all made mistakes.  That is just a fact of life.

The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Online BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,947
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2009, 05:35:30 PM »
Diamond,

Moffie is right about not beating yourself up.  It is much harder for female-to-male transmission than the other way around.  However, to be on the safe side, he should probably be tested.  This would ease your mind, I'm sure.  Good luck.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline U1195

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2009, 07:04:22 PM »
hi diamond
there is a possibility he can be infected and that will be a problem if that happends.
So stopping and changing condoms is better as doing to the end.
i wish ur bf is not infected!

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2009, 09:59:51 PM »
double up the condoms.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2009, 10:08:20 PM »
Diamond. I feel for you and I understand the fear that is so overwhelming for you now.  Been there hon and it is so scary.

As BT65 said it is not as easy to infect via a female to male; however, it is still possible.  Sounds like he accepted the consequences since he agreed to continue having sexual relations with you knowing you were HIV+.  As long as there was no blood present as in menstrual (pre or post) chances are much better in not infecting your partner.  

All you two can do now is wait.  He needs to be tested and if all turns out please remember to always
use 100% latex condoms and never use oil base lubricants (including chocolate, coolwhip, etc.) so that the condoms do not break.  
 
Condoms are not 100% safe but they are much safer than no condom for sure.

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline kajnjewel

  • Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Living Life with a Passion!
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2009, 10:10:30 PM »
Someone said to double up the condoms - since I do a lot of HIV/AIDS 101 education, I was taught that doing so is NOT a good idea since the friction can cause them to burst much faster.  So please be safe and do NOT use sheepskin, etc.
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced; live your life in such a manner that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice!

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2009, 09:34:07 AM »
maybe the condom is on too tight and he may need a larger one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Online Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,709
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2009, 09:57:07 AM »
Absolutely DO NOT DOUBLE UP CONDOMS! Rather than giving additional security doing that can cause the condoms to break. One fresh latex condom properly worn will do the job very effectively as long as it doesn't break. Even when it breaks it will have provided protection until the breakage happens and thusly reduced the level of risk. And make sure they fit properly and are within date limit for use.

Not being circumcised presents greater risk for the insertive partner than the receptive one. Don't know to which partner this applies in your case, if it applies at all.

Even when there isn't breakage we generally recommend that in sero-discordant relationships the sero-negative partner ought to regularly get tested. Hopefully he's going to test negative and that ought to be reassuring for both of you that condoms are doing the job well.

Also, knowing HIV status accurately is the best position for maintaining good health. I suggest your partner get tested. Hopefully he'll test negative but either way, it would be good for you guys to know. You maybe worrying needlessly but either way you need to know.   

« Last Edit: January 11, 2009, 09:59:22 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,398
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2009, 10:24:22 AM »
Hey Diamond,

First, Tim (Moffie) hit it on the head. Don't beat yourself up.

And what Andy said about doubling up. That is a definite no-no.

Have you tried the female condoms? They sometimes call these universal condoms, but they were designed for women and then "adopted" by some gay men.

They are durable, relatively easy to use, can be used with any type of lubricant and I have never, ever heard of one breaking.

Just thought I would toss out a suggestion.

HUGS,

Mark

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2009, 07:23:28 AM »
Diamond,

Please read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line. It's rare for a correctly used condom to break.

I've been answering questions in the Am I Infected forum for years now, and I've yet to see a man end up positive when he was the one who was wearing the condom when it broke. However, you say that sometimes you don't use condoms at all - and that is a whole lot more risky than having one break on you.

The fact that your viral load is undetectable is firmly in his favour - but please don't push your luck. Make sure you're using condoms and using them correctly.

Your boyfriend should be tested regularly - at least once a year, but more often if you continue to have condoms break or if you continue to not use them. I was with an hiv negative man for over eight years. We didn't know I was positive for the first year and a half, but when we found out, we always used condoms. (Yes, that's right, 18 months of unprotected intercourse and he never became infected despite the fact that I always had a detectable viral load.) He's hiv negative to this day. He got tested at least once a year, and our confidence in condoms grew with each negative result he got.

I would expect him to be ok, but the ONLY way to find out is to have him get tested. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LordBerners

  • Member
  • Posts: 415
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2009, 12:55:15 PM »
While I don't think it is accepted practice upon this forum for unqualified persons, such as myself, to make any claims regarding risk, I think it might be acceptable for me to say that if I were you I would not be worried.

I can also share my own anecdote - I had sex with my most recent girlfriend for over a year without condoms before we discovered that I was positive, and she never acquired the virus.  After being tested I was also informed that my viral load was rather high (100,000).  I must admit that we practiced coitus interruptus (the withdrawal of penis upon ejaculation) about 90% of the time, so that may have had some bearing.

Good luck, Diamond!  I think the likelihood is he will be negative.
Please, just call me Berners.. or Baron.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2009, 09:47:39 AM »
Here is alot of great advice but you should really speak face to face with a health-care professional who can really help you with this problem cause in the end she or he would know best while holding your hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Seadickrun

  • Guest
Re: I'm Scared
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2009, 06:39:32 PM »
At coffee the other day a buddy was telling the story of a young man he knew who was HIV+.  The kid was terrified he was going to die of AIDS and that was all he could think about.  Over and over again he expressed his fear of dying of AIDS. 

Two weeks ago he died - in a head-on car collision. 

There are far scarier things in life than HIV and while no one wants to get the damn virus, this website (and countless others) are proof that you can live a beautiful life infected.  But you already know that:))

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.