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Author Topic: Kate (penguin)  (Read 8980 times)

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Offline minismom

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Re: Kate (penguin)
« Reply #50 on: January 30, 2009, 06:17:09 AM »
Matthew, will you talk to us about Kate?  We all knew pieces of her, but you knew her best of all.  I'd love to hear of your stories growing up.  What was Kate like as a kid?  Was she messy? adventurous? a good student?  What was her favorite movie? color? style of music? 

You are a music teacher, yes?  Did you ever try to teach her to play?  Was she the next virtuouso or did she make the dogs howl and the neighbors complain?

Anything that you'd like to share, I'd love to hear.  I'd love to know Kate the way you know Kate.  And I promise not to make you any sugar-free Rice Krispie Treats. ;)

Mum
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Online Dachshund

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Re: Kate (penguin)
« Reply #51 on: January 30, 2009, 12:02:14 PM »
Thank you everyone who has written since I last posted. Delby and Keyite I'm glad Kate helped you that would have made her happy.

I can't believe its been 2 weeks now. It's like I'm not really here. I'm not coping with things well I'm so angry. I'm angry at her for leaving me and then I get angry at myself beacause it wasn't her fault any of this. I'm angry at a lot of her friends and people who knew her who don't want to talk about it as if that makes it not real like she never existed. I want to talk about her and I don't care right now if it makes them uncomfortable. Jirre but I'm angry at all the stupid things people say and how they keep bringing me flowers and food. What is it with food when people die. I don't want to eat it I don't want flowers the only thing I want to do is talk to her and see her again and have a hug from her. My brain keeps playing this trick on me whenever I see someone about her height or same hair or something it's like for a second it's her. Then I realise it's not and it all hurts even more. I'm angry that nobody can say why is she gone and why couldn't we make her better.
When I'm not angry I'm just really lonely and hurting. Hard to speak or do anything. It's there if I manage to fall asleep and it all hits me again when I wake up and then I just start crying.





 Matthew, I lost a sister and still I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I think of and miss Katie everyday. When Sam curls up to sleep on the blanket Kate sent him I think of Katie. I imagine how much she would have liked to tuck him in. It hurts to see her name in print, but it helps to know she cared for me. We never spoke without her mentioning her Matthew. She truly defies description.

I know Katie was a very private person and I don't know if she would cringe or laugh (probably a bit of both) at any discussion of her personal life. I suspect that she'd prefer to remain a bit of a mystery.

I  just can't find the words.

Offline leatherman

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Re: Kate (penguin)
« Reply #52 on: January 30, 2009, 01:20:32 PM »
I'm angry at a lot of her friends and people who knew her who don't want to talk about it as if that makes it not real like she never existed. I want to talk about her and I don't care right now if it makes them uncomfortable

What is it with food when people die. I don't want to eat it I don't want flowers the only thing I want to do is talk to her and see her again and have a hug from her.
You may need to explain your need to speak about Kate to your friends/family. Some time after each of my long-term partners passed away, I had to bitch at my friends and family about why no one seemed to ever talk about my partners or hardly even mention their names again. (it's still happening less than a year after my last partner passed away) It seems everyone was so afraid of making ME sad and making ME cry again that they chose to hold things in and not talk about my partners at all. What?!?! Didn't they realize that I was crying nearly every day as it was? Talking about Randy or Jim sure wasn't going to make anything worse. For heaven's sake, the worst (their passing away) had already happened. So it's probably not because they are uncomfortable; but they're actually worried about making you sadder than you already are by bringing up Kate.

The food is brought because your friends realize that all your normal routines are probably shot to hell and back after the past few months. They can't do anything more for Kate; but they can at least try to make sure that you stay alive by bringing food - food that you didn't have to shop for, prepare, or cook. All you have to do is "force" yourself to eat a few bites and get through another day.

and forcing yourself to get through the days is all you can do right now. As Winiroo mentioned, you'll never get over this loss; but you will get used to it. It just takes time - a lot of time to regain your life and purpose and move forward again. Fourteen years later, I still miss Randy; but now when I think of him, I remember all those good times together and very little of his last terrible days being sick. Unfortunately, since Jim only passed away in May, it still doesn't take much to make me miss him and to bring the tears; but my life is slowly getting back on track and I'm finally able to think about our good times together rather than those horrible 60 days in the hospital before he died. (well, until Mar-May comes around and I start thinking back to what happened last year. sigh)

Your life will be forever changed by Kate's passing; but you will continue on. I know it's hard to believe now; but you will eventually move on - life won't let you stand still too long no matter how hurt you are, I've learned.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Kate (penguin)
« Reply #53 on: June 29, 2010, 05:48:56 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

 


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