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Author Topic: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!  (Read 4852 times)

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Offline KosherManc73

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Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« on: January 08, 2009, 11:23:15 AM »
Dear Anne & Andy,

   First of all I'd like to say that you lot seem to really help the scared masses. I hope you can help me as well. I'll pull no punches here--okay? If I say something that is inappropriate please call me on it. This is my first time posting here.

   I am one of those married guys that is obviously a pig and irresponsible. I do love my wife but as all married people we have are share of issues. Mainly, sex. I admit I am a dog(past tense). Hope not to be anymore. Famous last words right? Been married over two and a half years. I haave never had sex with anyone in that time besides my wife. However, whilst feeling sorry for myself as well as horny I went to an asian massage parlor. I was given a handjob and I did some fingering. In the last two months I have gone to these places about five or six times. Each and every time I did the same thing. Oh, I did kisses some breasts. I am feeling anormous guilt as well as being massively scared. You see my wife is preggnant with our first child. Yeah, I know I am a real winner. I suppose my idiotic logic told me I wasn't really cheating. The things we tell ourselves to justify or actions. I'd like to say I am a good husband but then look at what I did. Not very husband like, not to mention not what a friend does to their best friend.

   Before I married my wife we both had HIV tests. I was coming out of a divorce and didn't want to take any chances. In my first marriage I also never cheated nor went to massage parlors. I should mention prior to meeting my second wife I had a rapid test as well as a western blot--both negative. Not sure why I did this. Anyway, it made me feel good since I knew I was healthy...more or less. I have HPV, and herpes. My hpv has been sorted with frozen therapy. My herpes is treated with acyclovir 400mlgs twice a day. I have been taking that for five years. Since the start of this medication I have never had one episode. Thank G-d! My second wife ( current wife ) has hpv as well. Before she got pregnant she had a leap procedure(sp?). All of that was sorted for the time being. When we got pregnant she also had an hiv test. It was negative as expected.

  Over the Hanukkah/xmas holidays I developed a nasty sore throat. It was un-responsive to amoxicilan(sp?). The doctore then put me on biaxin. The original tonsil that was infected and swollen went back to its regular size. However, the other tonsil then became larger. Funny thing is there is no pain like the other one. I take my last biaxin dose today. Hope it has done its job. I never had any fever but aches and pains with a sore neck. I do not think my lymph nodes are very swollen if at all. Well, perhaps in my neck. I did experience an awful fatigue. The doctor did a mono spot because of my past issues with ebv. I have gotten mono at least three times whilst I was at university. He also did a cmv test. Never heard of that before I did all my symptom searching. I guess it can be associated with hiv infection. Luckily, they both were negative. The cmv test said not only was I negative but I have never been exposed to it in the first place. I reckon that makes me a useful blood donor. All of this has me well scared! Especially, the bit about my other tonsil now being swollen without pain. I am not a physician and have no clue to what this means. I do have a wee bit of allergies. My last indescretion was a week before the xmas holiday. My throat really started to bother me on boxing day. Footy was not at all enjoyable that day. But, I digresss.

   Do I need testing? I do not think I had any cuts on my fingers. But, like many on this website that isn't helping my anxiety out at all! In the last five years I have only had sex with two women but I still feel scared by my idiotic trips to the massage parlor. When I was single I didn't even engage in this sort of behavior. I'm scared to death about the hiv as well as my guilt at being such a schmuck!

   I am sorry I wrote a book on all of this but I cannot see how I could have been infected. Obviously, for some reason I am scared to death. I think I read there has never been a documented case of hiv infection from either fingering or hanjobs. Is this truely correct? And, yes I do not wish to be the first case of this! I was looking in other forums yesterday and came across a dialogue I guess I shouldn't have in a topic about people's experiences with seroconversion. One bloke said he may well have gotten hiv from oral sex. I know I was wrong in even looking at this but it scared the hell out of me. Please, excuse my ignorance on all of this. This has taught me a huge lesson. I just hope that I have not learned this too late. In closing--Thank you Anne and Andy for all your advice. You lot are so brave and compassionate. Please share your thoughts. Cheers and Shalom.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2009, 12:12:13 PM »
At no time were you ever at risk of contracting HIV from a handjob or fingering. Take the time to read the lessons on transmission. You can find the link in the "Welcome" thread.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2009, 01:41:10 PM by RapidRod »

Offline KosherManc73

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  • Posts: 5
Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2009, 01:36:53 PM »
Andy could you possibly comment? Anne's opinion too would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2009, 02:22:28 PM »
I appreciate that you're scared and anxious. But your fears have absolutely no basis whatsoever in HIV science. Nothing you did put you at risk for HIV transmission. Period.

What I am getting from what you've written is an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt. Give it up is what I say. So you are dawg like many of us -- dawg is the correct spelling of the kind we're talking about by the way. You did what you did. You can't undo it. It's no sign of a higher level of integrity on your part that you're beating yourself up now. Take a breath and let it go. That's the best thing you can do for yourself, your wife and your expected baby. Guilt is poisonous in a relationship.

You may not be planning to stray again. If you do, just make sure that you use a condom if you have intercourse. Otherwise in general it's a good thing to avoid behaviors which will make you feel badly afterwards.

This time you have no cause for concern about HIV. If you have symptoms that trouble you, discuss them with your doctor. This is absolutely not in anyway an HIV situation. Really.

Cheers. 
Andy Velez

Offline KosherManc73

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Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2009, 05:12:23 PM »
I had a rapid test anyway. I was well on my way to being a nutter! Thank you for all you do for everyone. Please everyone have a safe and healthy new year!

Offline KosherManc73

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Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2009, 07:21:52 PM »
Oh yeah it was negative. Thanks again.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2009, 07:27:49 PM »
That negative was no surprise although they're always happy things to receive.

Just make sure you always use condoms for vaginal or anal intercourse and you'll be well protected sexually from HIV.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline KosherManc73

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Question to Anne & Andy. (Oral sex, fingering, handjobs )
« Reply #7 on: January 09, 2009, 11:25:14 AM »
I do not know the proper adequte as far as follow up questions are concerned. So, in advane many apologies if I am doing this wrong.

Andy--Thanks mate for your words in my other post. As many probably do in this forum I still have some concerns. I did test negative on a rapid test. This was about three and half weeks from my last exposure. The exposure was "fingering & hanjobs" with female sex workers.

Anne-- From what you seem to repeat daily to blokes like myself who are well stressed is fingering and handjobs are not in anyway a risk for hiv. Meaning there is no need for testing. Correct? I did test yesterday and it was negative. I did this based on my one swollen tonsil after antibiotics. I also have neck pain when I turn my head too far to the right or left. Can I believe for sure this has not a thing to do with hiv? As you guys seem to say there has never been one documented case for such low risks. Or, rather I think you say the risk is non-existant. Is this also correct. Like the multitude of us that come to this forum for help none of us want to be that first case. In advance I know you guys are dealing with far more important things that the over anxiety of many freaked out people. Thank you anyway for taking the time to even answer us. As I said in my other post I have never had any sex outside of my marriage only fingering females and getting handjobs from females. As Andy said yes I am a dawg. Was a dawg I should say. My sexual urges are not important enough for me to ruin my marriage or put myself in harms way. If you wouldn't mind can you re-affirm to me what you've said before? Can I be sure I was not infected? I should tell you I went fro my testing to two places. The first basically turned me away because like you told me I had no risk. I sat down with the counselor and she said testing wsn't warrented. I was perplexed as even if it wasn't psychologically it would put my mind at ease. I reckon dealing with nutters isn't their job. So, I found a second clinic where I did the rapid oral test and it was a big negative. I was so scared the whole time. I guess because of my swollen tonsil and neck pain. Can I assume none of this is hiv related? Meaning non-existant risk from fingering vaginas and handjobs from the female sex workers? I have pasted a past comment from you. If you wouldn' mind could you respond? I know you might think me to be nutter I am really doing a brilliant job of going mad!

Tham,

I removed the post (above) you made to a thread in another forum. You are NOT permitted to post anywhere except for here, in your own thread. You'd know this if you'd bothered to read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're SUPPOSED to. Do NOT post anywhere but in your own thread. If you do, you risk being banned. This has been explained to you before now. Get with the program!

You only need to test if you've been having unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You do NOT need to test over fingering or going down on a woman.

Ann

* I had no oral exposures ever but I did do the fingering and recieved the handjobs. Can I assume from your words I have not a thing to be concerned about?

Cheers,
Jacob

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Question to Anne & Andy. (Oral sex, fingering, handjobs )
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2009, 11:33:17 AM »
Keep all your questions in your orginal thread. Please take the time to read the posting guidelines found in the "Welcome" thread.

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Posts: 24,707
Re: Handjob & Fingering...terrified!
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2009, 11:54:34 AM »
I've merged your threads. Please follow our rule and keep all of your entries in this same thread.

You seem to be listening only to your fears and not to what is being said to you here. You had no risk. You are HIV negative. There is no need for further testing. How much more clearly can we say that?

If you can't let go of this unwarranted fear then get yourself to a therapist or other professional and talk about your issues. This is not an HIV situation. And you are very quickly heading towards a time out by clinging to a non-risk situation and wanting us to continue responding.
Andy Velez

 


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