Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 02, 2014, 01:50:43 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640733
  • Total Topics: 48671
  • Online Today: 200
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: punishing myself - healing myself  (Read 1567 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline danniel

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
punishing myself - healing myself
« on: August 03, 2006, 12:57:43 PM »
Hi - first of all let me say that I think you are doing a great job - I have learned a lot reading the threads and your replies. One of the biggest helps is as usual to see that I am not alone with my paranoia.

I almost hesitate to write it because it seems to mirror so many other cases that you have replied to but as others I am seeking reassurance and some advice.

OK here we go - 5 weeks ago I had insertive oral sex with two guys (on two different days) in a cruising area - the first sucked my dick shortly and then took some poppers which i do not like  - I left him and saw that he had swollen lymphnodes behind the ears. I just jerked off on my own (with some guys watching me). The second one sucked my dick longer and then i jerked off and came outside his mouth.

3 days later i noticed some discomfort when urinating and there was some discharge - I went to see a doctor and they analysed the urine and found imflammation signs but (in the urine culture) no specific bacteria. I took antibiotics (oroflaxin) for 10 days and the symptoms went away. About one week later (after a week of hard work - no sleeping - social contact with many people) - I got a slight fever which lasted about 3 days.

Then i started being worried (and to make assumptions) - thinking about the first person with the lymph nodes swollen surely being positive and my dick being for some reason hypersensitive to hiv...etc. etc. etc. in my mind there was only one connection possible - I had my dick sucked - I got a fever 10 days later - I got hiv...I started reading on the net - feeling like thrown into hot and cold water - going up and down depending on what I read. Touching my lymphnodes - looking for rashes - looking for herpes - looking for warts....you name it - i felt I got it.

Not an uncommon reaction for me - I overreact always when i think i have something - be it cancer or hiv or whatever - a hypochondriac if you wish. Additionally I am in a relationship and hadnt sleept around before - it was the first time - it happened - I dont kow why - I was a bit drunk, horny, lonely it was a nice night out...so additionally to the hypochondria - i feel I am punishing myself because I have overstepped my own rules but i can analyse myself for hours and it doesnt help me.

The panic has me in its grip and life seems finished. OK - I know what you will say - the risk i had was as small as being hit my a meteorite (still that happens) - and I am not afraid of meteorites - the minute chance of being hit by one does not make my life miserable but somehow I apply a reverse logic here: for some reason - because I had a fever I see it as certain that i was hit by a meteorite...so to speak.

Now what do i do? Test in a few months - yes probably. But even if i test negative I should learn something from this episode or if i test positive i should take the time to prepare myself for this because it is not the end and i need to have tools not to punish myself then by thinking - oh it is your own fault - now you can never be happy again.

I think I need therapy to work on myself to manage these panics about my health better. Do you have any advice on this - what kind of counselling has proven to work well with these fears? This whole affair could be a blessing if I use it correctly because if I could learn how to manage my long term fears then my life would improve and I could be able face the challenges that it will bring anyway - with or without hiv.

I am having a 'good moment' this is why i am writing so sober - when I have bad moments I am paralysed and either do nothing or cry.

Thanks for being there

Danniel

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: punishing myself - healing myself
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2006, 01:13:48 PM »
Dan,

It doesn't matter one little bit whether or not the man who sucked you was positive or not. Getting a blowjob is absolutely not a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected from getting sucked and you will NOT be the first.

Forget the symptoms, they mean nothing in terms of hiv infection. Go see your doctor because it has nothing to do with hiv. You did not become infected from getting a blowjob. No way, no how.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline danniel

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: punishing myself - healing myself
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2006, 04:02:09 AM »
Thanks very much Ann for your reply!

Even though i expected it (from what i read on this site) - it feels good to read it. I think my panic is calming a bit and i also understand that I have to be responsible in the future even using condoms for oral just to avoid other STDs. I will also get checked next week on other STDs. I will also start therapyfor my panic attacks - I'd still appreciate if anyone has any experience with therapy for that especially related to fear of diseases.

So that should be ok. What worries me in a way is that there is this great divide on the Internet about oral sex and many people are worrying a lot because they can read so many different opinions. Once you have a clear mind and know who to trust it is fine - but when you are already panicking then any rubbish you read can fuel your panic.

I guess that is just something we have to live with on the internet - it is free for anyone to post what they want so we get the good and the bad.

Not much more to say for the moment - just that this is a great site.

Take care

Dan


Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: punishing myself - healing myself
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2006, 05:11:00 AM »
Dan,

I believe a therapy called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) has a good success rate when dealing with these kinds of anxieties. A course of CBT can last between six and twelve weeks, depending on how quickly the client picks up on the techniques. CBT teaches you how to stop repeating the thoughts that increase your anxiety. (that's a basic "in a nutshell" definintion of CBT) You'll have to get in touch with a local mental health care provider to see what sort of therapies are on offer.

Good luck and remember, getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline danniel

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: punishing myself - healing myself
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2006, 07:51:05 PM »
Thanks Ann, I will look out for that kind of therapy. Again I would like to say thanks for all the patience you have with people like me because reading through the answers you gave to other blow job worriers certainly helped me to look at my panic a bit more realistically. I will keep you posted on how the therapy works on me and maybe that can help others as well.
Take care
Dan

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.