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Author Topic: Not a very good dad  (Read 2338 times)

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Offline dad1216

  • Member
  • Posts: 135
Not a very good dad
« on: December 24, 2008, 07:58:39 PM »
This has to be the hardest holiday seasons that I have ever gone through…my oldest son left home in a rage about 3 weeks ago…when I came home all of his things were gone…everything….a note on the counter with his key saying “what the fuck”…

Many voicemails….texts later….I get one reply….”what happened last night”

So one of the guys that has been around here, for years, became a constant the last 9 months…I have been feeling the waters for a least the last 6 months…and from every signal that I got it was a go…and I mean I tested the waters thoroughly….when you mainly date “str8 men”(lol)…. you have to be careful who you hit on…he left his wife…2 kids…filed bankruptcy…and half way moved in here the first of November…he and the oldest become close…as he really is my youngest son’s friend....and decided they would get their CDL license….hit the road as a team truck drivers…

Now this guy hasn’t held a job forever….the oldest got him a job with him….he lasted a month…my son is footing the school bill for him…quitting his job…and going forward with the plans….

So that night…I fell asleep at one end of the sectional about 10….and was woke up at 2 by being nudged….next to me was his feet…I see his jeans folded up laying next to me…I look over at him….all tightly wrapped in a throw...hard as a rock…well I have been in this situation many times…it’s a go….so a couple of touches…and not getting a better go signal…I rolled over and left him alone…period

About 4 in the morning he got up and left…

He tells my son…and the 2 of them pack up…and are living together about 30 miles away…

I think I hit on his boyfriend….

So I am devastated…he won’t talk to anyone in the family…just gone…won’t hear my side…just guilty…and sentenced…I am at my lowest point…I had another heart attack 2 weeks ago…can’t have the bypass because of my numbers…to risky…off meds again for the same old shit as before….damn….damn…damn

So here it is Christmas Eve….the first one in 24 years without my kids…the youngest is at his girlfriends….which is cool…but this with the oldest is killing me….

I can’t get through the holiday’s quick enough….which is sad as I always “over do” Christmas…guess I’m getting what I deserve….

I'll make it through this mess...

Bob
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 9,626
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2008, 05:07:38 AM »
So, from what I gather, the "man" was your youngest son's best friend, but your oldest son got him a job and was paying for his school bill.  And they think you hit on him?   Geesh.

I don't like it when a member of one's own family won't give a chance for explaining.  There's got to be more going on with your older son than what he's saying.  It just doesn't seem right that he's not even talking to you. 

But whatever, I'd give him a couple weeks to cool down and then try again.  If it doesn't work out next time, just wait and let him contact you.  I'm sorry this happened on Christmas, but squabbles know no days I guess. 

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.  Do something today just for you, something that might make you happy.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,921
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2008, 07:08:10 AM »
I'm a bit confused. You've been testing the waters with this guy for six months to see if it was a go with him? Is he your son's age? Is your son gay? Like I said, the story is a bit confusing.

Maybe you interpreted the signals wrong. Like I said very confusing.

Offline dad1216

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  • Posts: 135
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2008, 10:55:19 AM »
Yes it is all so confusing...testing the water included, point blank conversations of us happening...which was always left  at " a possibility"...the whole, I got family that's gay...gay friends...so many comments about being curious...numerous text messages that were explicit (I still have)...and those many casual "rub up against"...

He is my son's age...but his age fits right in...like I said I date the str8 guys...and all these guys are around the house all the time...8 years with one that is 28 now...5 years now 24...4 years now 27...one of them is a friend with my son...and it has never been an issue before when he and I would be gone on many overnights...he refers to the 28 year old as my boyfriend...it doesn't take long to add 2 and 2 together when you are around my house...

From what I gather the guy told my son that he can't be around me because I'm gay and I touched him....can't be around to do the trucking because of me...enough to enrage my son...

Is my son gay...not to my knowledge...opinion is if not...then this is one hell of a man crush....

I think the guy has played me...
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,565
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2008, 11:04:44 AM »
If you're dating "str8 guys" I hate to tell you, but they're not actually "str8".  Shocking, I'm sure.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline sharkdiver

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2008, 11:17:58 AM »
 I'm sorry but your story is really hard to follow.

    If you are "dating/screwing/whatever" young men that are str8/closeted/confused whatever that are 1/2 your age... It sounds like there are a lot of boundaries being broken. I realize you are adults,  but It doesn't sound like a healthy environment for any of you.

Offline dad1216

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  • Posts: 135
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2008, 11:59:53 AM »
If you're dating "str8 guys" I hate to tell you, but they're not actually "str8".  Shocking, I'm sure.

well duh....lol  :D

so funny how they still refer to themselves as straight also.... :D

but It doesn't sound like a healthy environment for any of you.

and I have given this a lot of thought...over and over again...and with all this that has happened this environment will change...

it's not a fuckfest...the age thing...I know bothers some...but the guys I see have no issues with it...flatters the hell out of me...but yes often it does bother me also....
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline denb45

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  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2008, 01:18:45 PM »


I think the guy has played me...


I think that guy is playing both you and your oldest son, for whatever reason, he also seems to have his  own agenda ( maybe for personal gain) him, being married with kids, I wouldn't give the SOB the time of day, ( I've been there and done that) and I can tell you, there's NO FUTURE IN IT, ( with a guy like that) I'd be real careful with that guy? as for testing the waters ("don't go chasing water falls, stick to the rivers and streams that you know") you don't want to end up on the 10 o'clock local news
reporting a very tragic Top Story...........be safe and be well  ???
« Last Edit: December 26, 2008, 01:28:04 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline AndyArrow

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  • Posts: 1,196
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2008, 10:01:36 PM »
I'm sorry you are being put through this at the holidays when you really want your family around you. 

It seems odd that it took him TWO hours to be offended.   Let's just assume he's slow to be offended and it did take him that long to realize what happened.  He moved out ... why can't he still be a truck driver with your son.  Doesn't make sense since he has no trouble living with your son.

I gotta think you got played and feel sorry for what he's gonna end up doing to your son.  Sounds like you've got a real scam artist in your midst.

Good luck,
AA
It is not the arrival that matters.  It is the journey along the way. -- Michel Montaigne

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,921
Re: Not a very good dad
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2008, 06:49:11 AM »
You said it yourself, "you have to be careful who you hit on" and you weren't careful. Seems to me there was some games being played by both sides. A wife and a couple of kids might be an obvious warning sign, throw in down on your luck, and it has all the makings for some trouble. Obviously it was was. No matter who  got played, you got burned when you decided to play footsies and now you suffer the consequences.

Hopefully in time your son will get over it and forgive you. Next time err on the side of caution and leave his friends alone, unless you discuss it with your son beforehand.

We don't usually get burned without sticking our hand in a fire.

Good luck with your son.

 


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