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Author Topic: Just tested POZ 2 months ago  (Read 3539 times)

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Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« on: November 19, 2008, 12:10:38 PM »
Hi everyone:

I tested + in September and man what a rollercoaster ride the last 2 months have been. I have been in a LTR with my partner for almost 12 years now. We have had an open relationship. I found out I was POZ over the phone from my Doctor the very same day my partner was on a plane to be gone for a week. That entire week waiting for him to get home was HELL. Then I had to wait almost a month and a 1/2 to see my ID DR. I was sooooo apprehensive to go to the ID Dr. Fortunately my regular Dr is up on HIV as well and tested me for everything under the roof before I went to my ID Dr. I found out that my CD4 count was 558 and my VL was 11000. My ID Dr has chosen to wait to put me on meds. I have had SO much anxiety and stress dealing with this that I ended up with Shingles. Also, since I was diagnosed, I have had very little sex drive and have not had any sex with my partner. I am afraid of infecting someone. I have had contact with one person since and he was also HIV+ (and yes I told him I was also +). SO, when I finally went in to see the ID Dr, whom I LIKE very much, she told me about aidsmed.com and here I am. I wish I had know about this site back in September. I know I would have not gone through as much anxiety. I have found so much info on here and found out that one of my close friends is also HIV+. SO, for the first time last night, I told someone other than my partner. It was VERY emotional, he started crying and so did I. I am glad I have someone now that I can talk to. I still have so many questions, and all I can think about is what will be next? I can't stop thinking about HIV and what I am going to deal with in coming years.  Does it get any easier?
Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline peregrine

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  • Posts: 21
  • I live in the fire & I extinguish it!
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2008, 02:09:53 PM »
Hi LB,
I just read your post and would like to tell you my story.  I, too, recently tested positive, cd4 469, v/l 12649.  However, prior to my results I was pretty certain that I was infected because my partner was hospitilized with an OI and subsequently given an AIDS diagnosis.  Was it rough?  Yea, you bet.  I have only been with him about one and a half years and he was unaware of his status and previously healthy.  Anyway, since this diagnosis I have done a lot of research and spoke to a lot of other people in the same boat.  My summation of this is that given the high cd4 count you have and the low v/l, you should not have any significant problems as long as you maintain regular health visits.  As far as the loss of sex drive, I too have encountered that problem.  I certainly do not want to infect any one else.  And even though my partner is also poz, it's important to still use protection to prevent superinfection.  Nevertheless, I am gradually resuming my ability to enjoy sex and I expect that to continue.  Of course, I believe having a supportive partner is an important factor.
I accompany my partner on his appointments and it is amazing how his health has seemed to rebound.  His initial count was a cd4 of 29!  He recently started Atripla and his energy has really increased.  He will be returning shortly for his second labs and I expect good results.
Please try to relax as much as possible, continue reading and posting on these forums.  See your doctor and try to maintain as healthy a lifestyle as possible.  With the current medications, I believe that if you are otherwise healthy you will be able to survive and even thrive.  Get into a support group, if you need it and ...the rest will come to you.
You will see.
Love and prayers to you.
Peregrine
« Last Edit: November 19, 2008, 02:11:41 PM by peregrine »

Offline BT65

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  • Member
  • Posts: 9,979
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2008, 02:26:44 PM »
LB,

Welcome to the forums.  You've started out on the right foot....getting a good dr., getting labs, tests etc. 

One of the things I would encourage you to do is to contact your nearest ASO (Aids Service Organization).  They have people there who are trained specifically in HIV and will listen to you, could direct you to a good therapist should need ever be, and get you in touch with a good support group, where you can meet others in the same boat (it's always best to realize you're not alone).  Your ID doctor should have the information on how to get ahold of one.  Also, should it ever arise that you need government assistance, the people at the ASO can walk you through that. 

It does get easier to deal with.  I've been diagnosed positive since 1989.  There have been ups and downs, don't get me wrong.  Of course, most of these occurred before the dawn of all the new medications.  With today's meds and knowledge, there's no reason you can't have a long, full life. 

Take care and please continue to post.  We're here for ya.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2008, 03:14:31 PM »
Hey Guys:

Thanks for the replies. It is nice to get positive feedback from people.  :)  I forgot to mention that my partner is hiv- which has added to my stress. I very much don't want to infect him. As much as I want to have sexual activity with him, I am SOOO scared. So for now I am limiting sexual contact to other HIV+ persons. But that so far has only been one person since like I said before I have not felt very sexual lately which is REALLY big for me because I am the type that really likes it often. (I am a scorpio afterall)

We have a very big gay community center in Long Beach but I have been hesitant to go down there for help. I am not in a position yet to make my HIV status known. Allthough Long beach is a very large city, the gay community is very close and seems like everyone knows everyone if you know what I mean.

Does anyone know anything about Dr. Mortara here in Long Beach? I have been to see her once so far. I got a really good vibe from her and think she was very thorough. She asked me if I had questions and dummy me, I hadn't done any research at that point and was unprepared. She told me about this site and now I have many questions for my next visit.

I think I was infected Nov of 2007. I had a condom break and was playing with a hiv+ person. I tested in Feb, that came back neg. I tested again in May, it came back neg. Then tested for my annual physical like I do every year and that is when I got the big news. I didn't think that it takes that long for a positive test to come back? Anyone care to shed some light on that?
Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2008, 03:29:44 PM »
LB,

If you were infected in November, your February test would have been poz if it was at the three month point and most certainly you would have tested poz in May. You could have been infected somewhere from six weeks before your last negative test to six weeks before your positive test. You've obviously played with someone who was positive and either didn't know it, or lied about their status.

Welcome to the forum, by the way.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2008, 04:01:26 PM »
Thanks Ann. I know it sounds like I am dwelling on this issue, but to be perfectly honest, I don't really care at this point as to who or when. The first month after my + result, I wenrt into a pretty deep depression. I didn't want to go out of the house, I didn't want to socialize with any of my friends, and I ended up loosing about 15lbs. I had thoughts of suicide, but never acted on it because insurance doesn't pay on suicide LOL (I can laugh now but it really went through my mind at first) The stress got to me so much I ended up with shingles. Thank god it was very mild and caught it very early. I went on Aciclivir (sp) and it cleared up. I still have scabs that are healing but was lucky in that I never had any pain.

I just need someone to talk to, someone I can share my feelings with. I have my partner, but it is really not the same. I need to talk to someone that is going or has gone through what I am going through.
Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline mikey62

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2008, 04:34:03 PM »
Hi LB,
You've come to the right place!  I'm sure as you can see, there is a wealth of knowledge, help and support here.  And yes, it does and will get easier.  What you're going through now is perfectly normal.  Well, except for the suicide part.  Some people do go through that, but it's not worth it.  Besides, you would probably piss a LOT of people off by giving up like that.  And, it's against the law.  :)

With great numbers like yours, not only are you on the right track, but you're going to be around a lot longer than you think.  With today's technology and medications, being HIV+ is no longer the death sentence it once was.  People are living MUCH longer now than before.  Like you said earlier, Long Beach's gay community seems to be very close.  Which is good and bad.  But there are more HIV+ people out there than you think, including some of your close friends.  And not only in the GLBT community, but straight people as well.

So you're definitely not alone in this.  I know I thought the same thing.  But finding this site has help me tremendously.  And also, for those select friends whom I have told, they have given nothing but a huge amount of love and support.  The one common thing they have all said to me was, "thank you for telling me".  That has probably been the most overwhelming part of my whole process in dealing with this.  I am usually the one who is always there for support and never expected anything in return.  And now it is coming back full circle.  So to all of you, I say, thank YOU!

If there is one thing that I have learned from this venue, it is something I read from another's post:
"when I found out I was HIV+, I woke up and started living".
It has truly made a difference in my life. 

So LB, be strong and stay positive (not just HIV+).  You have more friends and support than you realize.
And anytime you want or need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me.   8)
Oct '07 - seroconverted (didn't know what it was at the time)
8/21/08 - tested HIV+
9/18/08 - CD4:329  21%  VL:7000
11/13/08 - CD4:415  19%  VL:5470
1/30/09 - CD4:109  18%  VL:5000 (bad lab count) THAT was scarey!
2/12/09 - CD4:389  19%  VL:5500 (re-tested)
4/15/09 - CD4:365  19%  VL:18,320  (due to slight infection)
5/30/09 - CD4:279  20%  VL:285K  time for meds (Atripla)
6/23/09 - CD4:264  20%  VL:683
9/25/09 - CD4:318  21%  VL:325
11/20/09 - CD4:330  24%  VL:123.  I'm gettin there...
1/15/10- CD4:337  24%  VL:118
2/26/10 - CD4:389  28%  VL:ud
6/25/10 - CD4:395  25%  VL:ud
8/24/10 - CD4:407  28%  VL:ud
1/14/11 - CD4:512  26%  VL:ud
6/09/11 - CD4:535  29%  VL:ud
4/02/13 - CD4:605  32%  VL:ud
6/14/13 - CD4:470  29%  VL:ud

Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2008, 05:53:21 PM »
Mikey:

Thanks for such a warm and positive post. You know I love you with all my heart. (to the rest of you here, Mikey is a friend of mine and was the first person I told other than my partner) I am Thankful that I have you as a friend and that I can lean on you in times of need. I told Mikey last night and feel a bit relieved that I have someone that I am able to talk to now.

Mikey, I love you, and thanks for your support. You know that I will be there for you as well any time you need it 24/7

« Last Edit: November 19, 2008, 09:31:12 PM by LBpozguy »
Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline jayjax

  • Member
  • Posts: 83
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2008, 07:16:19 PM »
Hey LB,

Welcome to the forum.  I was also recently tested HIV + and on an emotional rollercoaster (I lost weight, couldn't sleep) and sometimes just didn't want to wake up if I went to sleep.

This site was recommended to me and I decided to access it.  I have found nothing but support from a bunch of dynamic people, all willing to share their experiences of HIV and providing all the support I need.  There is a wealth of information that can be accessed from these posts, everyone sharing together and providing the support we all need.

Hang in there.  We're all with you in our thoughts and prayers !

08 Oct 08:  Diagnosed
18 Oct 08:  1st Lab Work: CD4 - 268, VL 7,000
18 Nov 08:  Started Atripla
28 Jan 09:   CD4 - 195, VL 70
05 May 09:  CD4 - 201, VL = Undetectable
16 Aug 09: CD4 - 235, VL = Undetectable
30 Nov 09 CD4 - 300, VL = Undetectable
30 Mar 10 CD4 - 305, VL = Undetectable
27 Jul 10 CD4 -  301, VL = 100
13 Aug 10 -- Switched to Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
30 Sep 10 --  CD4 598, VL = Undetectable

Offline auspoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 158
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2008, 06:18:35 AM »
Hi LB,

I'm really sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Welcome to the forums.

I know several other have already said this, but believe me when I say, you are not alone. You certainly came to the right place to speak to other people who are going through the same thing. I'm sure you'll find this place both a great comfort and a source of information in the weeks ahead.

And I too was where you were. Actually, I was admitted to hospital for suicide watch, so I hear where you're coming from. It was really anxiety, like I'd never felt before. I found out in January, and thankfullly, I'm very well. Actually now I think about it, I'm healthier than I've been in years. I know that when I need help in that area, there are excellent drugs to do the job. So, after nearly a year, I am back, with a whole new focus on living well. It has taken time and patience, but never having dealt with personal trauma like that, it took a while to figure out how to 'be'.

I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. This is an amazing network, and on the other side of the world, there's someone saying to you- hang in there, I know you can do it.

Auspoz.

Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2008, 09:12:38 PM »
Hi Aus and Jay:

Thank you both for a really nice reply.  I have good days and bad days when it comes to my mental health. There are days when I make it though with no problems. Then there are days when all I want to do is stay in bed and can't seem to stop crying.  But the good days are now out numbering the bad days so that is a good thing. I feel so lucky to have found this web site. I just wish I had found it sooner.

Thanks again guys :-)

Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline jayjax

  • Member
  • Posts: 83
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2008, 10:15:45 PM »
Hey LB,
Hang in there.  You always have a place for support.  Take each day one at a time for right now and keep a positive attitude.  Everyone of us has experienced the same feelings initially (and sometimes still do) which you still experience. I was diagnosed on 8 Oct and it was a total blow.  I mean total blow and scared as hell.  I still am, but I've found some great people here that give me the support and answer the questions I have.

As long as you have a good support network, we can all live for many years to come.  This is not a death sentence anymore.  Stay healthy and keep focused!!

Later -- keep in touch
Jayjax

08 Oct 08:  Diagnosed
18 Oct 08:  1st Lab Work: CD4 - 268, VL 7,000
18 Nov 08:  Started Atripla
28 Jan 09:   CD4 - 195, VL 70
05 May 09:  CD4 - 201, VL = Undetectable
16 Aug 09: CD4 - 235, VL = Undetectable
30 Nov 09 CD4 - 300, VL = Undetectable
30 Mar 10 CD4 - 305, VL = Undetectable
27 Jul 10 CD4 -  301, VL = 100
13 Aug 10 -- Switched to Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
30 Sep 10 --  CD4 598, VL = Undetectable

Offline LBpozguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2008, 02:55:56 PM »
Hey Guys:

Thanks again for all the support. This weekend was hard. My partner and I went to San Diego for the weekend and we ended up getting in a fight on the drive home. Mostly because of me I guess. I am having such a hard time with this. I am really feeling like crap right now. (not physically but emotionally) I have never been diagnosed with depression however, I know I have been depressed for years. In some respects I feel lucky that my partner has stayed with me and put up with all of my ups and downs. But I also feel sometimes that maybe he would be better off leaving me and moving ahead with his life. I am such an emotional wreck right now. I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be at home either. The hard part is, my partner and I own our business together, so we work and live together. I need some space right now and can't have it. But I feel like if I don't get it soon, I may regret doing something to sabotage my relationship. So far, he has been nothing but supportive of my diagnosis. But I fear that may change. (Sorry guys, I just feel like venting right now) OMG I just want to scream!!!
Feb 08 neg
Sept 08 - First poz test
Sept 08 CD4 558 (% unk) VL 11000
Dec 08 CD4 480 (29%) VL less than 700
Mar 09 CD4 370  VL 25000
June 09 CD4 425 VL 68000
Aug 09 Started Atripla
Sept 09 CD4 639 VL 100
Nov 09  CD4 716 (35%) VL Undet!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 10 CD4 685 VL UND

Offline jayjax

  • Member
  • Posts: 83
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2008, 08:15:52 PM »
LB,

Everyone has good days and bad days, which is a part of life.  Please try to stay focused on the positive and trust those that are close to you!.  You can't go wrong. 

Hang in there  and keep the faith one day at a time !

Jayjax
08 Oct 08:  Diagnosed
18 Oct 08:  1st Lab Work: CD4 - 268, VL 7,000
18 Nov 08:  Started Atripla
28 Jan 09:   CD4 - 195, VL 70
05 May 09:  CD4 - 201, VL = Undetectable
16 Aug 09: CD4 - 235, VL = Undetectable
30 Nov 09 CD4 - 300, VL = Undetectable
30 Mar 10 CD4 - 305, VL = Undetectable
27 Jul 10 CD4 -  301, VL = 100
13 Aug 10 -- Switched to Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
30 Sep 10 --  CD4 598, VL = Undetectable

Offline hotpuppy

  • Member
  • Posts: 555
Re: Just tested POZ 2 months ago
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2008, 11:44:38 PM »
LB,
  My best advice .... SCREAM.  Get it out of your system and you will feel much better.  I know what it is like to have your own business and find out you are poz.  It simply adds to the thrill of wondering how things will be.

 You can have sex with your partner, but you need to play safe.  I also think you need to be talking to him... perhaps counseling.  This is not a small thing.  However, there are many poz/neg couples out there, so if they can do it, you can do it too!

 The crying and frustration are normal.  I came to a point where I decided that being angry just wasn't going to get me anywhere.  I'm stubborn anyhow, and decided I was not about to let HIV run my life.  I see HIV as a sort of "pet".  Once you adopt it, you can't give it back, you can't get rid of it, and you can't walk away.  It chews the furniture, craps on the floor, and in general makes a mess.  You can however decide to take charge.  Lock it in it's crate with meds so to speak and you can have a pretty normal life.

  The most important thing to know is that treatment can give you a pretty normal life. 

One of my pesonal mantras is fitting and might inspire you "That which does not destroy me only makes me stronger."  Like I said, I'm stubborn and don't give up/in easily.  I refuse to let HIV run my life any more than absolutely necessary.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

 


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