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Author Topic: a need to speak with others my age  (Read 2579 times)

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Offline fireheart89

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
a need to speak with others my age
« on: December 07, 2008, 07:02:39 PM »
hey guys.

ive been hiv+ for a year. I have had the hardest time getting to know others going through the same experience, adding them on some chat app, and getting to know them.

I really hope admins won't take this post off. I know I haven't seen many threads that just function as a personal ad, but this is more than an ad. I would really, really like to meet other teens - mid 20's guys who just wanna talk about their experiences, and make good friendships, even if online.

I'm 19 myself. Always try to look my best and working towards a beautiful dream I want to fulfill someday. If you have only these two qualities as well, by all means don't hesitate to introduce yourselves here.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2009, 08:03:41 AM by Tim Horn »

Offline hotpuppy

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  • Posts: 555
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2008, 07:15:23 PM »
I think we all want peers to talk to about HIV.  No harm in your post that I can see.

I would suggest that you also consider what you can learn from people who are older than you.  Most of us have, at one point in time or another, been there and done that.  I suspect there are many who have been to college, paid their student loans, held professional jobs, and done the things you are doing and contemplating.

While your challenges will be unique, we may be able to shine the light of experience on the dark road ahead of you.

If your interest lies in dating..... I've had the best luck on manhunt, poz.com personals, and .... hehemmmm... at the baths.  lol.... hehe I know you aren't supposed to meet people there... but ... well... it just is.

If on the other hand you are dealing with the same headaches I am.  Fire away.  My opinion, like my socks, may not fit your situation.  You won't know if you don't try.  I too have poz for a year now.

Oh, one other tidbit.  You need to post 2 more times.  Reply to this and one other thread.  That will give you 3 posts, and as I understand it, allow you to receive PMs.  Nearly anyone who is going to respond with contact info will not do it in the thread.

Lastly, you and I are very lucky to be poz today, vs. 20 years ago.  There are alot of people around here who, frankly, have paved the road for you and I.  They fought for treatment, funding, and put up with therapies that seem like they belong in the Spanish inquisition.  My headache is their chipped nail, and for that I'm very greatful.  I learn an awful lot from what they choose to share, and I recommend you look to their sage advice for strategies on HIV and life in general.  HIV, as you know, doesn't just strike drag queens with bad outfits and poofy hair.  It strikes people from all walks of life, and there is much to be learned from others.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline Ithaca_Nights

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  • Posts: 47
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2008, 12:56:49 AM »
Hi,
I am from Ithaca and now live in CT.   The Southern Tier Aids Program has a lot of groups / help etc.  http://www.stapinc.org/index.html
Also Arnot Ogden Clinic has a men's group that meets once a month as well.
http://www.arnothealth.org/index.asp?pageId=44
I am a bit older that you (45) but would be more then happy to correspond with you.  Not sure weather or not you are going to Cornell or Ithaca collage, but I do know that they have at least a GLBT group that may be of help to you.
I myself sero converted in 84 and tested in 88.
I hope this helps,  there are also some guys listed on POZ.com from Ithaca in the personals.
Yours, Dan

Offline fireheart89

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2008, 03:14:54 AM »
thanks guys, for giving me some basic tools to worth with. Im distrustful of manhunt though, because it feels like the site doesn't emphasize privacy. As an hiv+ person, i feel like i would want to know how much info the viewer has when accessing my profile..

but anyway, hopefully ill see u guys around the forums some time.

ps. Ithaca-Nights id rather not disclose the college im attending ;)

Offline tag_man08

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  • Posts: 118
  • Keep Dreaming!!!
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2008, 03:37:06 AM »
welcome....i'm been positive for almost 1.5 years....and even at 37yrs old....and in the medical profession...its a scary shock to get your diagnosis....i can tell you that having supportive friends have helped me the most (only 4 friends that i have told so far)....i have also spent a lot of time on these forums reading other posts and getting support from strangers that i have never met from this website....manhunt websites are just for sex....i think you are looking for more at this time....friends are much more important than sex at this time...you should make sure you are comfortable with yourself now and your new diagnosis before you explore sex with someone else....learning about your disease and getting comfortable talking about it....will help you more in the long run....if you need someone to talk to...i will be here for you (even over the phone) if you need an ear....just let me know... 
remember that having supportive friends at this time will be best for you...if you do not have that...a counselor can be helpful....i did go myself a few times....but found it hard for someone who is hiv- giving me advise....it did not feel genuine...but i can tell you that one of my bestfriends (who is hiv+ for 20years) gave me the best advise...he's 10years older than me...and has been a great influence in my life....i hope you can find someone like him....

again..good luck...and continue to find support here in the forums....there are some good guys here...
08/30/07:  The HIV diagnosis...
09/07/07:  CD4 299 (21%)  VL 160K
01/07/08:  CD4 396 (26%)  VL 125K
04/21/08:  CD4 478 (25%)  VL 92K
09/03/08:  CD4 313 (23%)  VL 10K
11/03/08:  CD4 338 (23%)  VL 30K
11/21/08:  Isentress & Truvada
12/05/08:  CD4 485 (29%)  VL  undetectable in two weeks
03/13/09:  CD4 575 (30%)  VL  undetectable

Offline Mouse

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,463
  • Om nom nom.
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2008, 08:16:07 AM »
Hey!

I'm 18 and unfortunately I'm going to college right now in the middle of nowhere western Pennsylvania, but I've been dying to find other people my age on this site for a LONG time now.

So. Hi. =D

If you want to talk on AIM or something you can PM me and I'll give you my name, or pretty much any other instant message provider of your choice. I have most of them. xD

Offline Steinway

  • Member
  • Posts: 60
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2008, 02:37:39 PM »
I think that it is great that you are reaching out to other people.  I can completely understand the need to find people your age to talk to.  My close friends that are positive are in their mid 20's.  We seem to be on very different pages when it comes to dealing with life, and living our lives.  We are still close and loving, but I sometimes long for someone my own age.   I think it's so much easier to relate to someone that is closer in age.  I work with a guy that will be 20 next week.  He isn't positive that I am aware of.   He has wanted more than a working relationship from me.  I've just removed myself from any uncomfortable situations.  I really would have liked to be his big older gay brother, but I think his hormones are just getting in the way.

   As far as meeting other guys in your age range that are positive or maybe guys that you just want to talk to, have you considered posting an ad on the poz personal sites?  I've only recently done this myself.  I've had maybe 8 guys write to me or flirt with me.  So far I haven't made any real connection, but I just think it's too soon.  You can put on those sites that you are just looking for friendship, or guys your own age.  I put an age range on mine.  I'm 40, and even though I have friends that range from very young to very old, I just feel that for dating or more that I connect with guys closer to the magic number 40.  Good times.  It's scary being a middle aged man believe me, but it's also a good thing too. 

   I wish you all of the luck.  At least look at the sites and do some searches of your own.  You will most likely see people without photo's of themselves, that simply means they aren't ready to broadcast to the world that they are either gay or positive.  It's a slow process and patience and understanding are very much needed, so I would say to at least read all of the profiles that might be a guy that you could connect with on a friendship basis or more.  You never know,  he may be the right fit for you.

   Again, best wishes to you, Steinway
It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct. You must always have faith in people, and most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.
~E. Woods

Offline fireheart89

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2008, 08:12:43 PM »
Hey Steinway

thanks for the post. That's definitely what I've been working on, cos I sure as hell am not ready to post a pic of myself. Another guy from college (whom I recognize) posted his pic on the personals, so I simply can't post mine for fear of him knowing. I'm just not ready to have random people know, unfortunately, even on an all-poz site. A little sad.

I think something a little crazier I'm doing right now is assume I'm hiv+ from noticeable symptoms (for a year) and lots of reflections on my past sexual activity. But I'm not ready to be diagnosed by a doctor, have it mentally 'cemented' into my mind that I'm 'sick' (from their perspective), and even more, I'm not ready to take medication because something inside of me tells me that's not the way I wanna go (just yet).

does this make any sense?

Online Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2008, 08:15:59 PM »


I think something a little crazier I'm doing right now is assume I'm hiv+ from noticeable symptoms (for a year) and lots of reflections on my past sexual activity. But I'm not ready to be diagnosed by a doctor

Uh, wait a minute.  Are you saying that you're not even sure that you're HIV+?  In your first post yesterday you'd said you were positive since last year.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2008, 08:17:27 PM »
Fire,

Hang on a minute here. Unless you've been diagnosed with an hiv antibody test, you need to stop thinking you're hiv positive. Symptoms mean nothing. NOTHING. Most people with undiagnosed hiv have no idea until they're in hospital with PCP pneumonia.

Get tested. Until you do so and test positive, sorry, but you can't post here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline fireheart89

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #10 on: December 09, 2008, 08:35:58 PM »
The fact that they're called 'symptoms' means that by definition they indicate something.
And Miss Philicia, I'm saying I'm more sure than not that I'm Hiv+.

But sure, I'll stop posting. No prob.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #11 on: December 09, 2008, 08:41:00 PM »
Fire,

GO GET TESTED.  It's the ONLY way to know your hiv status. The ONLY way.

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,874
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2008, 08:43:20 PM »
HIV is NOT diagnosed with symptoms.  What you're seeing could be lots of other things, fireheart.

I recommend you start a new thread in "Am I Infected" since you've not been tested for HIV and discuss you concern there.  My comment and Ann's were merely reflective of what you stated in your first post -- when a poster's first sentence on this board is "ive been hiv+ for a year." everyone here is going to assume that you tested positive for HIV.  That's logical for us, don't you think?

We're not trying to scare you away from posting on the board.  Just trying to make sure you post in the appropriate location.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2008, 10:59:07 PM »
I think something a little crazier I'm doing right now is assume I'm hiv+ from noticeable symptoms (for a year) and lots of reflections on my past sexual activity. But I'm not ready to be diagnosed by a doctor, have it mentally 'cemented' into my mind that I'm 'sick' (from their perspective), and even more, I'm not ready to take medication because something inside of me tells me that's not the way I wanna go (just yet).

does this make any sense?


   No it does not make any sense what so ever.  You are doing yourself more harm than good by assuming.  I know for a fact I am HIV + along with CMV, if I went based on symptoms,initially,I would have never  tested.   When it comes to symptoms there was nothing there for me to determine I had HIV.   This is why a lot of people here will tell you having symptoms or lack of means absolutely nothing.

  If you are feeling sick you need to see a doctor.  It could be something much more serious like cancer making you feel ill, in which case you would/should need treatment soon.  You are cheating yourself by assuming what is wrong with you.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline tag_man08

  • Member
  • Posts: 118
  • Keep Dreaming!!!
Re: a need to speak with others my age
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2008, 01:47:42 AM »
yes Fireheart...get your western blot test to confirm...i know its hard to see a doctor....and hear the words...."HIV+"....but we have all been there....its like a boxing punch to the face....but honestly....knowing for sure is the best thing....you should have a doctor follow your lab work and see the trends of your numbers(cd4 and viral loads).....i watched my numbers for over a year until i knew it was time....i'm glad i had a year to get ready versus taking the first pills a doctor would have prescribed....i got to read about my disease and look into the drugs available.....

find  a good doctor....i have been seeing one in NYC myself until i found my new doctor in DC...
my doctor in NYC is good....he's been treating hiv+ patients for 20 years....if you want to get in touch with him..just let me know...his nurse is great too...

be in control of your disease...you only have one life...and taking pills once or twice a day is nothing knowing that you are going to live a better longer life by doing so...keep dreaming....and stay focused on your goals in life...
« Last Edit: December 10, 2008, 01:49:27 AM by tag_man08 »
08/30/07:  The HIV diagnosis...
09/07/07:  CD4 299 (21%)  VL 160K
01/07/08:  CD4 396 (26%)  VL 125K
04/21/08:  CD4 478 (25%)  VL 92K
09/03/08:  CD4 313 (23%)  VL 10K
11/03/08:  CD4 338 (23%)  VL 30K
11/21/08:  Isentress & Truvada
12/05/08:  CD4 485 (29%)  VL  undetectable in two weeks
03/13/09:  CD4 575 (30%)  VL  undetectable

 


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