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Author Topic: fingering and oral sex worries  (Read 6473 times)

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Offline worriedstudent

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fingering and oral sex worries
« on: September 07, 2008, 01:15:51 PM »
A new experience + a lack of knowledge = fear and anxiety beyond belief. I need a disinterested third party opinion from people who actually know a thing or two about HIV. Please, I do not mean to belittle anyone's fight against HIV/AIDS with my seemingly trivial worry. To me this worry is worse than anything beyond belief right now. I cannot study or concentrate at work.
I have never had a sexual encounter with another guy in my life. Three weeks ago, I was given a blow job by another guy on two separate occasions. I had no cuts. I saw no blood from his mouth. The thought did not even occur to me that I should put a condom on. I have never done that with a past girlfriend. The blow jobs were pretty intense though; I had my hand behind his head at times. The second time he asked me to finger him; and I did. I guess I felt like I owed it to him for giving me head or something. I don't know. Then it ended with mutual masturbation for a minute or two. I stopped before ejaculation because I didn't feel right about it. Pre-cum may or may not have touched my fingers. The thing is, after all of that I remembered that earlier that day I had gotten a finger prick on my index finger. When the finger prick happened, there was minor bleeding when I squeezed my finger--normal finger prick I guess. I put a band-aid on it, and after being on my finger for five hours it fell off while I was working out at the gym. Five hours after that is when this whole incident occurred. I used that hand and finger, in particular, for both the fingering and masturbation.
So my issues are whether the blow jobs (lasted awhile and were pretty intense) and whether the fingering could have passed on the STD that I am most worried about, HIV. I know that STDs generally can be passed on more easily than the more fragile HIV, so I have an appointment next week to get a full STD test. Is that too early? Also do I need to take an HIV test?
I could truly use some words of wisdom, as I certainly am not in a state of mind to give myself any advice. I cannot trust my mind anymore, because it has taken over and has, I'm sure, caused me to feel my lymph nodes every two hours, and check for rashes every morning in the mirror, and wonder if I'm getting a fever or am just warm from being outside in the sun... It is crazy how our minds take over!
« Last Edit: September 07, 2008, 01:18:41 PM by worriedstudent »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2008, 01:28:23 PM »
nothing you mention has any risk for contracting HIV. Other STDs? Perhaps. But not, absolutely NOT HIV.

I urge you to familiarize yourself with the LESSONS section on this site as it pertains to the real risks for HIV infection (namely unprotected penetrative anal and/or vaginal intercourse). Also, you might want to refresh yourself on STDs in general. There are several decent sites that can help there, though we are a specifically HIV site.

And yeah. It's crazy how our minds can control our bodies, how irrational thoughts can overwhelm logic.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2008, 05:31:10 PM »
jkinati2,

Thank you for your words.
I have looked through the LESSONS section (studied them a couple of times really), and have been reading other people's posts now for almost two weeks. I've been telling myself not to post because I was reading other people's experiences and trying to piece them together to fit my own, determining that I had little to no risk. Even still, there is something to be said with having someone with knowledge on the subject speak truth into my own situation, especially when you hear from others that there is a risk, albeit theoretical. I'd rather live in real life than in theories. To be sure, that does not mean that I won't be more careful in the future, nor that all my anxiety is gone at this point. Thank you again.   

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2008, 06:52:15 PM »
i know you tell people a test is not conclusive until 3 months out, but i needed assurance. i got a rapid test yesterday at 4 weeks out. negative. the guy who tested me told me, with my described "risk", it would be a case worthy of documentation and news articles if my test actually came back positive. that unlikley. i still feel fatigued in my joints and several days ago I started having stomach cramps, diarrhea twice, and now black stool for two days. i'm convinced that, if it's not hiv related somehow, then its stds like hepatitis a,b,or c. was my situation even a possibility for hepatitis? i thought there was no blood in play, but isn't that how hep is passed. i didnt go get a std test like i said i would in my first post, but i actually am going in tomorrow morning before class. i was unable to with class and work but i just found out this week that their recently-changed hours have them opening at 7am now.   

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2008, 07:08:56 PM »
You wouldn't have a dark stool if it were related to Hepatitis. It would be almost white.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2008, 12:56:32 AM »
can you pass on hiv by the following:
have precum on your hands. some time passes (not sure how long; lets say seconds) and then playing with a girl's vagina (around the outside) and anus (not actually penetrating but pushing down on it, rubbing, and perhaps opening it up a bit) ? Sorry for the graphic details. I just don't want to have possibly passed something on in case i did contract hiv from the prior situation. I was real careful. we rubbed on each other through our underwear. i did not let her give me a blow job. please help me.



Offline anniebc

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2008, 01:26:01 AM »
First of all nothing you described in your prior situation put you at risk regarding HIV..as JK has already told, you and the answer to your other question is a definte NO.

Please read the Welcome Thread and follow the lessons on how HIV is and is not transmitted.

Jan
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Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #7 on: September 22, 2008, 01:44:49 AM »
thank you. im just so mad at myself for not waiting until i had my 3 month test before i went off and did stuff with someone.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #8 on: September 22, 2008, 05:15:43 PM »
could someone please tell me why there is definitely no risk of transmission in that instance?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2008, 06:32:33 PM »
It's not complicated. HIV is a fragile virus and one that's not easy to transmit. Sexually it's all about unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse as the means of passing it because those activities provide just the perfect kind of receptive setting for exchanging bodily fluids.

Frottage, mutual masturbation, pre-cum on hands and other body parts, rubbing, touching and whatever else you can come up with simply don't provide that setting. Those are all very common sexual acitivities. The proof is that no one has ever, ever been confirmed to have become infected in that manner.

You are worrying needlessly. If you continue to have troublesome symptoms you should discuss them wiith your doctor. This is not an HIV situation. Period. End of story.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2008, 08:09:39 PM »
  thank you. i'm glad i got a response from you as well as jkinati and rapid. i only hope that whenever any of you are in a time of need in your life, you will know and be with people who are as incredible and encouraging as you have been for me. i mean that.  (ok that sounded pretty sappy).
     i have been reading this forum religiously. andy, i heard the same thing from previous posts but someone i talked to today at an hiv/aids clinic said, "anytime you potentially have sexual fluids, and precum certainly is one (with equal hiv carrying capacity as ejaculate, though precum naturally is a far less amount; and--in this situation--hits air and therefore immediately is "compromised") and a mucous membrane, then you have a transmission risk for HIV, and certainly any other STDs." It did not matter whether there was noticeable penetration or not, "because the anal mucous membrane extends outside the anus." I was told clearly that there was a risk in transmitting in the situation I posted last night. I was then told that the risk is "not that high, something like 20%" Not that high?! (I thought about not posting this % because people reading this would needlessly start worrying; but I decided to post it so a moderator might tell us the real likelihood (zero?), and calm anyone, myself included, who has been given a disconcerting percentage from a counselor) After my jaw dropped, she stated that perhaps that was a bit high. As you might imagine, I flipped.
     After being given this advice at the clinic, I came straight home and posted here in a state of panic, asking someone to explain. I have trusted this person's advice on a previous occasion and have not had reason to doubt her knowledge. She's actually a great counselor. But then again, I don't have reason to doubt your knowledge either. It's just that parts of her advice today actually seemed pretty logical; apart from the %. I wish people would know that guys/girls who go into the clinics are not only seeking an hiv negative test, but also words we can hold onto until we can test again. We grasp ahold of every single word, every single tone of voice; replaying the conversations over and over for weeks. while i might be worrying needlessly, why was i told this?
« Last Edit: September 22, 2008, 08:14:09 PM by worriedstudent »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2008, 09:04:12 AM »
I am not going to get into a discussion about why that person told you something which science and experience tell me is not so. We're here simply to tell you how we evaluate a situation.

It is true that anytime you have sex with anything other than only your own hand there is a potential for risk. But science and long experience in the epidemic have taught that it's unprotected vaginal and anal sex which are the risks sexually. Everything else is in the domain of "could happen theoretically," but it doesn't. And claims otherwise never seem to hold up under careful scientific scrutiny.

If you allow your panic and other feelings to guide you, there will always be places on the web and elsewhere which will feed your fears.  All to no good purpose of course, but that's your choice. Go ahead and test if you must for your peace of mind -- and collect the inevitable and hopefully relieving negative result.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2008, 09:50:07 PM »
i told the girl about my previous situation and she chose to sit in the emergency room and get a prescription for PEP. she told me that when i find out that my status is negative for certain, then she would stop. considering your posts, i think we are both overreacting. she has taken the prescription home with her and has asked me if i think she should fill it; she said it would be real expensive, i don't know how much. i debated on not telling her but i realized that i was doing one of the things that upsets me about my possible exposure, apart from my own stupidity--not letting HER know of her potential exposure (i have the dude's # from my previous exposure but after telling me he is negative and that he'd be willing to test with me, he has not called me back).
should she fill the prescription, if not for her physical health than for her mental health? would it be too hard on her body? she said the doctor gave her no info about the meds he prescribed to her and no info on who to talk to during the time she is taking it.
sex is supposed to be fun, but after all of this, I cannot see how it will be fun for me again.


Offline anniebc

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2008, 10:28:35 PM »
Are you saying the girl went in and just asked for prescription for PEP from a Doctor without him asking why she thought she needed it..he simply just handed it over?..I find that hard to believe.

We have already told you it was a no risk situation ..did you not tell her that?.

PEP is not something you take for a few days and then stop when your partner gets a negative result, and it's not something I would suggest taking unless it is really called for..believe me I have been through it and it's was not a pleasant experience.

I think you are both over reacting to all this..have you read the Lessons here yet? if not then it's time you did.

Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2008, 10:51:42 PM »
no, from what i was told, she went in and told the er doctor that she was possibly digitally penetrated by a male who likely had cum on his hands or fingers; who knows what she said about me, as to my status. she also told me that the doctor, seeing she was upset, said: physically she probably did not need it at all, but emotionally if she thought it would help, he would prescribe it. i find it hard to believe too, but she has the prescriptions. zidovudine & epavir (sp?). that much i know. she obviously has doubts about taking it though; and part of that might be the incompetence of the doctor in not giving her any advice on it whatsoever.
and yeah, i told her what you told me; those were the first words i said; she did not seem to be too ecstatic in listening to what i had to say over the phone. (she is an old friend; we sometimes fool around; but i don't see that happening again) 
 



Offline Ann

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #15 on: September 24, 2008, 06:08:11 AM »
worried,

It looks to me like you and your female friend are both freaking out for no reason other than another guy gave you a blowjob and you fingered him. As neither of these activities are risks for hiv infection, your friend would only be taking PEP because of homophobia. PEP does not cure homophobia.

You didn't have a risk, she didn't have a risk, there's no need for PEP.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2008, 07:23:04 PM »
was the reason the second situation is not an hiv risk situation is because my first encounter was a no risk situation? (anniebc, im referring to your post, but this is for everyone to comment)
could you please tell me if the second situation was a no risk situation in its own right?

time for full disclosure.
im ashamed that i lied to you about the second situation. the "girl" in that context was actually me (i got myself into another risky(?) situation and i felt ashamed to admit that i would be so reckless. my life was so hard for a full month and then i went and did something with another guy... now my second time to fool around with another dude. obviously i have some sexual identity issues that need to be confronted; but i just hope i will be able to confront them without "you-know-what." the part that gets me the most is that i would do this again after all the pain i went through. please do not give me a time out for lying about the exact situation (i dont know if you guys even do that). i don't understand why i would go do something like this, other than i was truly curious and genuinely thought i was being careful.
what really happened was: i masturbated, he masturbated, no ejaculation, but perhaps (and please assume) precum on the guy's hands. would i know? would it need to be in an amount sufficient for me to notice in order to not dry out or rub off? the guy started rubbing on my butt and butthole, in a hard petting front-to-back and side-to-side motion, kind of pulling it open when he pressed the butt cheeks apart; pressing down on the hole but i felt no penetration. he said later that he did not get the finger in. lasted 5-7 seconds before i told him to stop. later i sat on him. me with underwear on, him with underwear on, and my shirt in between. i grinded on him. im worried any precum on my anus might have been "worked" inside my butt. we have talked on the phone since, and though he says he is negative (tested a year ago), i have reason to believe he is positive. 
it was me who went to the er and asked for pep. the whole story about the girl was a lie, a coping mechanism for me at the time i guess. at this point i really need to apologize to you all for my intricate lie i told. I couldnt tell you that i had put myself at risk again. i just couldn't; so i tried to express the situation in a context where i would not be the person at risk. now i have to be honest. i did not fill the pep Rx because i could not face an extra month of torment and now im wondering if i should have. the fact that i had an option and chose not to is destroying me. and here i am.
i'm hurting so much right now. i thought i was careful this time around but the instant he started rubbing me like that i freaked out inside.
please tell me if i actually did protect myself and whether this was a slight risk.
ive read tons of posts. how could dipping be a risk but fingering someone with cum on the fingers is simply no risk? help me please. i have no one to talk to. again, sorry.
« Last Edit: October 01, 2008, 07:28:08 PM by worriedstudent »

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2008, 07:35:12 PM »
btw, i tested negative today (6 weeks 2 days after first event, 1 week 3 days after this second event). obviously this is a good sign as to my first "exposure" and affirms what you told me regarding that event.
but in a way, it has made it worse on me mentally.
if i had not done this, i would be feeling SO good right now, probably out with friends; not holed up in my room alone, on my bed, with my computer. can i go through this crap again?! my body is taking a hit, big time, with all this stress.
i have not gone out with friends in so long. i just want to scream.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2008, 08:55:58 PM »
You didn't have a risk of contracting HIV in the described situation.

Offline Ann

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2008, 06:43:18 AM »
Worried,

Mutual masturbation is not a risk for hiv infection. Fingering is not a risk for hiv infection. We say these things knowing full well that cum gets on people's hands during these activities.

I'm glad you didn't fill the PEP script. You didn't need it. You ARE hiv negative. You're results aren't going to change when/if you test again. You don't need further testing at this time.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple. Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #20 on: October 05, 2008, 11:53:55 AM »
i know you don't talk about symptoms. but it's also the weekend and i don't have anyone else to talk to, and doctors don't seem to know anything about hiv symptoms when i ask anyway. doctors are so frustrating because they seem to know very little about such a serious health issue. at least those i have talked to over the past 6 weeks.
i have had pain in my chest since thursday/friday (today has been 2 weeks to the day of my last "risk" which happened on September 21, Sunday). every now and then i have a pain in my tricep area on my right arm. it's not hard to breath...but what is happening? my body does not ache (apart from my back and shoulder muscles--which I am attributing to my stress, lack of activity in past few weeks, and lying in bed looking at my computer screen), and my nodes are not swollen--from what i can see. no fever. no sore throat. no rash.
in your knowledge, what is this chest thing about? are lymph nodes in that area? what exactly do people mean when they say myalgia as being a symptom of early infection? is that a total body muscle aching type of thing? i'm not asking you to diagnose me; i'm just wanting some idea as to whether chest discomfort is a sign of infection at this point. hopefully you can understand that I want to trust all you have told me, but i can't just ignore my body, as hard as i try.
a doctor prescribed me zanax saturday morning but the discomfort is there still. if its stress-induced, then perhaps this will help.
my two questions are basically: (1) if one has acute infection, will they just know it because all sorts of things are wiping their bodies out? what exactly is acute hiv related myalgia. and (2) for those who don't get acute infection, do they have NO symptoms whatsoever?
i know this will anger you when reading this, but i need comfort with this chest thing. is this what "they" mean by myalgia? i could live in hope and trust your posts if it weren't for this.
my gosh, i know i sound crazy. this will get better as time progresses. its just this whole 1-3 week acute infection window thing thats got me nuts. 
« Last Edit: October 05, 2008, 12:02:35 PM by worriedstudent »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2008, 12:01:36 PM »
Have you read any of the above replies? You were never at risk of contracting HIV and whatever symptoms you are have have nothing to do with HIV.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #22 on: October 08, 2008, 11:42:32 AM »
so this IS a symptom?
i know. i hear you. you cannot begin to understand how i replay your words in my mind throughout the day as i sit in class or try to get through work; just to get me through the day. but i convince myself that i have hiv the second another pain in my chest occurs.
can people please tell me if chest pain/heaviness throughout the day and not being able to sleep one full night during this entire 2+ weeks is possibly my body reacting to the virus. or is this something that occurs, if it does, later on. i just ask this because I assume people with experience with this horrible virus would have second-hand if not personal knowledge of how one may feel 1.5 to 2.5 weeks post exposure, and if chest pain is one of them. if i can't ask you, who CAN i ask?!
As i have no tell-tell symptoms of ARS that websites list...no cough, high fever, rash, nausea, vomiting, extreme malaise etc., do people's bodies nonetheless react to the virus in other ways that do no equate to ARS (and are therefore "asymptomatic"), and if so, is chest pain for 6 days and counting common with either of those groups? i went to the doctor and was prescribed xanax and that sometims helps but the pain has NOT left.
i have tried to surrounded myself with people who offer words of encouragement but noone who has years of experience with how people might feel after exposure. my body is breaking down. i have actually lost hope that i don't have hiv, and that's all that got me through after my first possible exposure.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #23 on: October 08, 2008, 11:44:56 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Ann

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #24 on: October 08, 2008, 02:14:29 PM »
Worried,

Chest pain has nothing to do with hiv, which is no surprise in your case as you had no risk.

Chest pain can be symptomatic of many things, heart disease and anxiety among them. However, we cannot diagnose the cause of your problem. For that you must see a doctor - and chest pain is serious enough to warrant seeing a doctor - but it's nothing to do with hiv.

Keep coming back with this no-risk situation and you WILL be given that time out Rodney warned you about.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #25 on: October 09, 2008, 10:24:52 AM »
i apologize

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #26 on: October 11, 2008, 09:47:05 PM »
What I want to write is hard to put into words; and while it is not exactly related to an exposure, I hope you let it stay posted anyway. consider it my way of dealing with my risk.

     I am getting to a point where i can step back and look at these two events with better perspective. to be sure, this does not come without its difficult bouts of fear and anxiety that naggingly creep in. but such is life. honestly, i'm sure the xanax--and prayer--have helped bring some calm to this storm that still rages. but our mind still is powerful thing.     

     My life these past 7 weeks have consisted of the following: waking up in fear, commuting to school with anxiety, sitting in class in a daze, commuting back to the city where i work with anxiety, sitting in my office in a daze, leaving work as quick as i can so that i might go directly to my room, climb in bed, and read online about anything related to HIV, symptoms, testing, chest pains. etc. I don't respond to phone calls from friends or family members. I have reverted to only texting people back here and there so they at least know that i'm still alive, basically, I actually have to work myself up to call someone because it's so hard to talk with people who seem to have no worry or care in the word. It's been so nice outside these past two months and I can't even muster the desire to be outside and enjoy it..and i used to be the guy at the gym or running or riding my bike whenever i could. 

     Then tonight I realized that this is an inexcusable waste of 7 weeks. Some might disagree and argue that this is excusable because you need to do whatever it takes to manage life and the obstacles you face. Either way, our time on earth is limited. it is finite, no matter how one lives today. The finite just might feel more imminent to some. However, the imminent feeling does not make it necessarily so. That means every person's time is precious. I knew this before, because I had heard it spoken to me numerous times throughout my life. Now, i KNOW this because I'm living in it. And I have selfishly lived this nearly 2 months of my limited life for myself only. Ask me if someone close to me is going through a difficult time? maybe the most difficult time in their life. Ask me if one of my own family members has received bad news from a doctor and is waiting on me to ask them because they are too afraid to say themselves. I would not be able to tell you.

     I've told myself this whole time that things will change if I get through this without HIV; that I will look at things and people differently; that I will finally do those things I've been afraid to do. And that I certainly would be more cognizant of protecting my body from stds. I think it's a natural self-protection mechanism for humans, when we are confronted with our own fragility, to say "oh, if i could just get through this then..." Fact is we are fragile. But ironically we are also very strong. Sometimes surprisingly so. And we can always choose to change things in our lives now, no matter what an HIV test reads. So i am beginning to get the resolve to become the man I was before all of this happened; and not just for my sake.

     So, for the moderators who have heard me whine and moan and cry out and annoy you, accept my apologies. I feel that some way I have belittled your right to be fragile and fight to be strong in the midst of having an HIV diagnosis. You know what it is to feel fragile and strong maybe on a daily basis, and you have had to watch me act as if life is over if I have to feel fragile for one season in my life. I need to choose to be strong, no matter what happens to my body.

     So, there it is. I won't make a habit of letting things off my chest on this forum, because I guess that's not the actual purpose of this particular forum. i just got tired of reading about so much fear when i think there really is a place for hope and strength too.

Offline Ann

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2008, 06:31:24 AM »
Worried,

You need to get a grip and drop the drama. Nothing you did - or had done to you - put you at risk for hiv. Seriously.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Please use this time to seek some one-to-one professional therapy. It seems to me that you have issues with the fact that you had sexual relations with another man. This isn't really about hiv - it's about your sexuality and the misconception that any type of gay sex = hiv.

Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
« Last Edit: October 12, 2008, 06:32:56 AM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2008, 11:27:17 AM »
i have a question, and am on the verge of freaking out. again. i was hanging out with another dude last night and, keeping our underwear on, we began to rub on each other. he is stationed at a military base in my state (wouldn't it be hard to be HIV + and in the military?) i don't actually know him though. at one point his penis was out of his underwear and i saw some precum. he used his underwear to wipe it off. it didn't seem like he ever touched his penis during the entire time, but perhaps he did. what worries me is that he rubbed on, and in, my butthole while my underwear was on. he definitely got his finger up there a bit, but not as far up there as a finger normally would were there not any underwear in between the butt and the hand. i thought i was being "safe!" Then my mind took off once we went our own ways. i looked at my underwear later and the crotch area--which extends back a little--is double layered. So while he was fingering me from the front he was probably doing so through this double layer area. at one point he was rubbing/fingering from the back, so he was probably doing so through the single layer area. My concern is that he had precum on his hand and then that precum got inside of me. i hear on this site that latex condoms are necessary--not lambskin--because there are no holes through which cum can get into. Underwear is certainly more open than lambskin. you have said before on other people's posts that people do not get infected through fingering. how can you realistically say that? In this case, there was even some cotton boxer briefs in between. But, common sense (which maybe i lacked during this episode) tells us that when fingering someone hard through underwear could open up the holes in the cotton easily; and that when someone has precum, there is a chance that during the sexual encounter, some could have come in contact with his hand. if there is a slight chance of transmission i need to know so i can go get PEP today. i mean it.  Please discuss the chances from this, from the time he had precum to the point of me getting fingered. Please don't just say "Risk" or "No Risk." My mind will not listen to that i don't think. Is there a chance that, even had there been precum on his hand, that it was wiped off on the underwear before he fingered me with my underwear still on? if it didn't would there be enough to infect me? was it deep enough to cause tears? i really tried to be safe here. I was so worried during it that I had to cut it off and leave. what gets me is that something was inside of me. is this not basically anal sex? i appreciate your help here. 

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2008, 11:29:30 AM »
let me reiterate that it was definitely fingering. it wasn't just rubbing on my butthole.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #30 on: December 06, 2008, 11:33:02 AM »
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline worriedstudent

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #31 on: December 06, 2008, 11:45:26 AM »
I was given a timeout in the beginning of October. I have not posted anything since then. This is a completely different situation. Why did I get that warning? I'm confused. Please do not time me out.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #32 on: December 06, 2008, 11:53:09 AM »
Because fingering is not a risk...

Offline Ann

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Re: fingering and oral sex worries
« Reply #33 on: December 06, 2008, 12:57:13 PM »
Worried,

If you'd paid attention to anything we said to you in this thread, you would not have needed to return and ask questions about fingering. Go re-read your entire thread.

And yes, if you keep posting about this NO RISK situation, you'll be given a second time out. We're here to educate you, not hold your hand every time you have a sexual encounter. You've already been given the information, now please take the time and effort to LEARN it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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