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One year in...

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otherplaces:

To be honest I wondered if I should even make this post.  I guess to most it's probably not that big of a deal now, but it has been said the first year is the hardest.  I know some are still venturing towards the one year mark, so maybe my thoughts on this may be helpful.

I do suppose even though part of me feels a bit flippant about this day, another part of me really can't deny it's a pretty significant day in my life.  So anyway, I was infected with HIV one year ago today.

It definitely wasn't a good day, but that fact really has nothing to do with HIV.  It was the hottest day of the year.  Maybe the hottest day I've ever had in Chicago.  I scrambled around trying to get rent money (a long story).  I sat at a bus stop sweating like crazy for 40 mins.  The bus never came.  I finally just went to a movie theater to cool down for a few hours.  My point is that six months ago this type of shitty day really would've destroyed me.  It would've been too much to handle with everything else.  But today it was just another crappy day.  I still think about HIV alot, but I imagine today I equally contemplated how great it'd be for the sun to go away.  I even sat in a coffee shop reading a book about Japan.  I stopped for a second and realized I haven't read any books outside of the subject of HIV in the past year.  Wow.  What a relief it is to think about something else!!

Of course, worst of all...it's been one year since I had sex.  So sad.  Hopefully it won't turn into two.

So that's my anniversary.

much love,
brian

Robert:
Brian.

YOu wrote a magnificant post one day last week how one day can make all the difference. 

I guess one year can too.  And yes, you're absolutely right in commerating (maybe not the right word) this "anniversary".  It is a big deal.  TO me and the others on here who are going to try to help you in anyway we can.

By the way, don't give up on the sex thing quite yet.  Have you been reading Skeeboi69?  He first joined up last fall as "SadTom" and was ready to just throw everything to the wind.  Well, he has since met Rasheen here at AIDSMEDS and my gawd he's on cloud 9.  If it happened once, for sure it will happen again.

robert

(who is just not whistling Dixie.  In spite of it being a long, hot summer and the weird moods everyone has been in, good things do happen here.)

jkinatl2:
hey wait till ya get to TEN YEARS. Time's fun when you're having flies :)

Congrats on sticking around.

cubbybear:
Hey Brian,

Happy anniversary if those are the right words.  You know what I'm trying to say anyway.

xx
Matt

otherplaces:

Thanks everyone.

I'm sure ten years is quite a mark.  I'd say 'I can't imagine', but I think I can.  It'll be great!

And I have not lost hope for love.  And the AM community's accounts of finding love is a big reason for my continued hope. 

I see my doc tomorrow.  I guess we'll see how my virus feels about being one year old.  I'm hoping it feels horrible :P we will see.

love,
brian

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