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Author Topic: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend  (Read 8613 times)

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Offline JeanClaude

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Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« on: November 26, 2008, 09:00:18 PM »
Dear All,
       I asked part of this question on Medhelp.com, so before R.R. AKA Teak calls me out, here is my concern,
  I tested negative at 45 days post exposure via Oral Orasure. The exposures were multiple X's with known HIV + female ( learned after). I also had an ESR performed which was a 1. My physician stated that based on my negative and the low ESR that he was very confident I was negative. What weight do my results really hold considering the risk ? I will restest soon as I am now in my eight month post. I am terrified and keep stalling on retest, my doc is a bit frustrated with me (obviously). If it weren't for my symptoms, I would test immediately. I know I can't judge by symptoms, but this is real to me. Can you offer some reassurance and honesty ? Thanks Guys! ;D

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2008, 09:13:59 PM »
A conclusive negative test for any test is 3 months post exposure.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2008, 09:49:18 PM »
Jean Claude, the average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All of the symptoms are irrelevant and tell you nothing conclusive or reliable. Nor will other sorts of non-HIV specific tests be helpful. All but the very smallest % of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4- 6 weeks after an exposure.

You know you're going to get tested. You don't have to feel brave. Go in terrified and get it done. At this point you can get a conclusive answer. With that negative you already have I expect you to continue to test negative.

You also need to learn from your experiences. You can have intercourse with anyone regardless of their HIV status. BUT, you need to do it the safer way which means always, without exception, using a condom for vaginal and anal intercourse.

Good luck with your test and keep us posted.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2008, 07:50:17 AM »
Jean,

You aren't very specific as to what you consider an "exposure". Unless is was unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, then you weren't at risk. Regardless, I don't expect your results to change. Go get your confirmatory test done and get it over with.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2008, 12:47:07 PM »
Ann,
        Unfortunately, my exposures were vaginal sex. I found out after exposures, she knew and didn't tell me. In fact she said she was recently tested six weeks post her last relationship(lied). I later found out by asking her to be tested, she repeatedly refused and I confronted her She showed me her HIV Dr's. appointment card. She's had known for a while. How indicative do you feel a six week Orasure is in this circumstance ? Some counselors I have spoken too say it is not as reassuring as a blood test would be.
Thank You!!
« Last Edit: November 28, 2008, 12:49:18 PM by JeanClaude »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2008, 01:18:51 PM »
You were told that a conclusive negative test is 3 months post exposure doesn't matter what test is used.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2008, 04:09:59 PM »
I've already told you -- are you that all but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure. Your negative at 45 days is very unlikely to change when you re-test at 13 weeks.

Leave the woman alone whom you are with. You are responsbile for your own health. I expect you to come out of this ok. But you do need to learn from this experience. You can intercourse with anyone you care to regardless of their HIV status. Just always wear a condom and you'll be well protected.

Good luck with your test and in the meantime while waiting get productively busy with other things. It will really help the waiting time to pass much more easily.
Andy Velez

Offline JeanClaude

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Test Reliability
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2008, 05:47:58 PM »
Dear Andy/Others.,
                I recently spoke with a "reliable"source whom when asked, stated " A six week negative test result (especially Orasure) is not a reliable predictor of one's HIV status and tester's ,counselors etc.
only tell testees this to decrease their fears and encourage them to return for a conclusive result at three months."
                I've also seen/heard from various sources ( Medhelp.com, Healingwell.com, AAC etc.) that a six week negative (including Orasure) is conclusive. I am quite confused and even frightened at these revelations. I would appreciate clarification from experts on this site as I view as the most credible.
               
                I realize that the Official Window Period is 3 months/12 Weeks, but how many people truly infected and who know their last exposure or exact infection date, would concur that (with modern testing including Orasure) seroconversion is usually detected by or before 6 weeks ?

Thank You, JC
               

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2008, 07:31:29 PM »
Your questions will not be answered until you return to your Original Post.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2008, 07:40:48 PM »
JeanClaude, if you keep searching around for things to feed your fears you are absolutely going to find them.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the very smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure to the HIV virus. So yes, a negative at 6 weeks is a very good indication that someone will likely continue to test negative when they re-test at 13 weeks.
Andy Velez

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2008, 08:05:54 PM »
Andy/All ,
         I apologize for starting a new thread. Concerning this latest question, I was simply discussing my situation with a medical professional who happens to be one of my professors. He stated what I wrote. I have confidence in my six week result, tests don't lie. That said, I'm still terrified to retest. I know most symptoms are not an indicator, but the one's I have are fairly specific to HIV. Additionally, considering I had multiple sexual exposures to known HIV + woman,I feel I have reason to be terrified. I simply had major concerns with the motivation behind such a response from an HIV tester. I have obviously come to trust the experienced members and Moderators here and found the need to shoot straight with this question.

TYVM, Andy/All
JC

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2008, 09:12:56 PM »
Well Jean Claude, all of the symptoms you are so certain are HIV-related notwithstanding, it would still be most unusual for you to test positive after a negative at 6 weeks. I'm not saying it can't happen. I just don't think it will. I do appreciate the obvious reasons for your concern, but my expectation is that you're going to have a happy ending to this particular concern.

During the remainder of the waiting time I urge you to get productively busy with other things to help the time pass more easily. And for future reference, keep those latex condoms handy and use one everytime you have intercourse so you don't have to live this torturous scenario again.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2008, 06:57:36 AM »
Jean,

You stated in your first post that this unprotected intercourse happened more than eight months ago. Go get your confirmatory test and get it over with.

And no, we do not expect your six week negative to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2008, 10:27:11 PM »
Andy/Ann/Anybody,
 
    OK , the time is nearly here. After 8 months of terror and procrastination, I have a Dr's appt. on Dec 26.  I will be having my conclusive HIV test. Negative/Positive, right now , I honestly don't know. I did have a negative 45 -day Oraquick Advance ( Oral)  test. I know you all say this highly reliable and I believe this. I realize symptoms can never be used to diagnose HIV, however I've had blocked/full ears bi-laterally since 2 weeks after my exposure in addition to other symptoms. Guys, I know I should be confident with that negative, but I'm convinced it's wrong. I've got too much to lose here. If the test is neg, I'll never worry again, if it's Pos, I'm all done. I should tell you that I'm a mental health counselor and , Can you believe it acting this way, with all that behind me, I'm in hell right now. I should have never been here in the first place. I know all the HIV rules, and I broke the cardinal one, unprotected sex. I found out after, that the girl I was with was confirmed HIV +. Here in my state the window is 3 months, my DR. said he didn't suspect HIV after my 1st exam and Neg result. I swear he's wrong. What do guys feel ? I have dedicated my adult life to the helping others, now I need the help. I really don't want to be infected. I am scared because there are an estimated 60,000 new HIV cases in the US annually. If the ELISA (Oraquick) catches 95 % by six weeks, that still leaves 3,000 that aren't. They can't all be chemo. patients or drug injectors.
 
I am a young man who was given everything by GOD. I threw it all in his face and risked my family, career, and life for some lust. I had multiple exposures with this woman.
 
Do you guys think there is any way that 45 day test was wrong? Did I not Seroconvert on time ?, were the antibodies not high enough ? I truly need the truth here, as I know you'll provide. I have been shaking with fear for 8 months and will never do this again. I truly want my life back. If I didn't have these symptoms, I would never question my test. It just seems to fit so perfectly. Please help me, my Peers and friends, I really need it. The day of truth is DEC 26. I will not make a WW, or display HIV phobia by carrying -on any further after this post. I would just like a little reassurance one more time before I put this to rest.
 
Thank You All,
JC
 

Offline Ann

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #14 on: December 23, 2008, 10:33:42 PM »
JC,

Your 45 day negative result is unlikely to change, as you've been told.

As for this "god" person, well, whatever. Hiv isn't a curse nor gift from "god", so forget that line of thinking. Your life isn't a gift from "god" either. Your life is what YOU make of it and it's NOTHING to do with some invisible entity in the sky. Remember that and you just might make it in this life.

We deal in SCIENCE here, not invisible sky-beings.

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2008, 07:40:58 PM »
Ann,
    I'm sorry you were offended by me mentioning GOD. I respect your body of knowledge and incredible work you've done here. I'm not attempting to be a WW or display HIV-Phobia. I do however, require just a bit more convincing that my Negative won't change and reassurance from the knowlegeable resources here. I can't help but think my 45 -Day Negative Result was wrong. If it weren't for my ears and throat, I wouldn't be here now. These seem so HIV specific to me, especially at eight months duration. That said, I do believe the test was accurate at the time, but that I may have taken longer to seroconvert. I am quite rational in this thought. I have also read in the "Living With"( bad idea, I know) forum of people who had numerous Negatives and still came up Positive. I also have read that long-lasting ear problems(enlarged Adenoids)and sore throats are common with HIV. As I said, I will be testing on Dec 26. I would just like to hear from others, just one more time, that I am most -likely OK. Please just indulge me one more time before I retest for good. My respect and appreciation to all of you. Happy Holidays!

- JC-

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2008, 07:55:06 PM »
Jean-Claude, I'm sure Ann would agree that you're absolutely entitled to whatever your personal  beliefs are. 

Here we are just dealing with the facts as given of a situation and relating that to HIV-science as we know it and our experience. So you can worry and fret as much as you choose to. We know that it is very likely you are going to continue to test negative, no matter how you continue to (mis)interpret about your ears and throat, neither of which are in anyway HIV-specific and certainly not at this late date after your possible exposure.

You've got only a very short time to wait it out now so we're just treading water here with this conversation. Enjoy the holiday tomorrow and we'll be expecting good news from you when you get your test result.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #17 on: December 24, 2008, 08:12:45 PM »
Andy,
     Thank You very much for your reassurance. As you certainly understand , this is a time of extreme emotions for me and I may have misused this venue to vent. Happy Holidays to you. I will definitely report my results. Thank You.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Test Reliability
« Reply #18 on: December 25, 2008, 08:43:51 AM »
You're welcome. We'll be expecting to hear from you soon with good news.
Andy Velez

Offline JeanClaude

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Lymphnodes
« Reply #19 on: December 25, 2008, 05:07:01 PM »
What is the prevalence of PGL or shoddy nodes in treatment naive newly infected individuals?

-JC-

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Lymphnodes
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2008, 06:19:13 PM »
Your questions will not be answered until your return to your orginal post.

Offline Ann

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Re: Lymphnodes
« Reply #21 on: December 25, 2008, 07:12:20 PM »
Jean,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

You've already been told that we do not expect your result will change.

Some people have symptoms, others do not. Symptoms, or even the lack of symptoms, will NEVER tell you a single thing about your hiv status. ONLY testing will. Going by your test results so far, whatever is going on with you symptoms wise has NOTHING to do with hiv. You are very, very unlikely to be hiv positive.

If you keep coming back with symptom-based questions before your conclusive test, you will be given a time out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Lymphnodes
« Reply #22 on: December 26, 2008, 01:20:18 PM »
Andy/Ann,
         After 9 tortuous months, I finally found the courage to go for my conclusive Oraquick Advance test today. I got a big "NEGATIVE"., just as you guys stated. I was 110 % convinced I was positive. My case is absolutely a testament to the fact that "Symptoms don't matter" where HIV is concerned. I had multipleunprotected vaginal/anal exposures with a confirmed HIV + woman, had what I thought was ARS and still have many of the "sterotyped" HIV symptoms. To all you WW's out there, never go by symptoms and if you had a legitimate risk, JUST GET TESTED!!!!!  Thank you for all the "Tough Love" from Andy and Ann. I don't need a 'TIME OUT" (lol).

-JC-


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Lymphnodes
« Reply #23 on: December 26, 2008, 04:12:00 PM »
Well a negative result is a happy thing, even when we knew it was going to be a slam dunk.

Get on with your life now and make sure you always use condoms for intercourse.

Cheers. 
Andy Velez

Offline JeanClaude

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Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #24 on: July 13, 2012, 02:41:53 AM »
Hi Guys,
Despite my education on the issue, my fears have gotten the best of me. Of course I come to you for reassurance. I have a new "Girlfriend" with the description above. We always have protected anal sex. We do however give each other oral sex and I perform analingus on her. She is taking her Atripla regularly and I believe her to be UD (undetectable) I know that could vary. I love her very much and can see a future for us. In reality what is my risk of contracting HIV from her? I don't see a real risk do you?
Thanks
JC
« Last Edit: July 13, 2012, 03:04:17 AM by JeanClaude »

Offline Ann

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Re: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #25 on: July 13, 2012, 03:36:21 AM »
Jean,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread.

It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





I don't see a risk either. You're good to go. Just keep using condoms for anal intercourse and you'll be fine. Make sure you read the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. A correctly used (and lubed!) condom rarely breaks.

Good luck with the relationship. :)

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #26 on: July 13, 2012, 04:00:24 AM »
Hi Ann,
Thanks for the quick reply and site use refresher. We always use condoms correctly with water based lube for anal sex. Much thanks for the reassurance.
-Jean-

Offline JeanClaude

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Re: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #27 on: September 02, 2012, 04:17:16 PM »
Hi Guys,
I've had an awesome relationship with my new Girlfriend(TS) but also a terrifying and bizarrre time as well. Since I have been using Magnum(Larger) Condoms over the past 10 years, I've only experienced 1 failure in heterosexual relationships. In the past six weeks, I have had 2 failures with my TS girl. I understand why one happened(lack of lube) my fault. Fear and caution got the best of me and I elected a course of PEP. I was on day 25 (of 30) with the PEP when I had a second condom failure. It is this episode that has me scared. I was in her for less than a minute and orgasmed inside her. I then pulled out to find the hoola hoop around my penis. I would assume in this situation the PEP becomes PREP and should offer some level of protection. Additionally, I finished the last 5 days of my PEP/PREP (Truvada). It should be noted that she had her bloodwork done a week before the second incident and was again UD(undetectable) thankfully. My question is in light of these facts what is my realistic risk of infection? I just had a Negative Elisa at 10 days post second exposure(35 days post first exposure with PEP). Please help me get through this guys. I know the what the science says but I really need to hear the truth from you. And yes, I will use my condoms and lube properly every time.  ;D
Thanks Again,
JC

Offline Ann

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Re: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #28 on: September 03, 2012, 04:38:14 AM »
JC,

Yes, the PEP would have acted as PrEP and it will have protected you the second time. You're worrying needlessly about the second time.

With you being the insertive partner and her having an undetectable viral load, you were never likely to end up positive over these brief incidents anyway. By the way, it doesn't matter if you came or not. That's not a problem.

I fully expect you to continue to test negative.

When having protected anal intercourse, along with using plenty water-based lube, it's very important that you make sure there is no air-bubble in the tip.

When putting a condom on, you need to pinch the tip between the finger and thumb of one hand, while rolling it down with the other.

Once it's on, give it a firm stroke from tip to base while watching the tip. If there is air in the tip, you'll see it. If there IS air in the tip, roll it back up and try again.

If it's dark and you can't see the tip well, when you do (what I call) the "stroke test", when you get to the bottom of the stroke, keep a firm grip of the condom and penis at the base and touch the tip with your other hand.

If there IS air present, you'll feel the bubble making the tip stand up and away from the head of the penis. If there IS NO air, the tip will be sucked up tight against the head of the penis. Practice getting to know what air in the tip feels like when it happens when you can see it.

Once you're sure there is no air bubble in the tip, apply plenty of water-based lube and go for it. You can never have too much water-based lube!

Another consideration where your breaking condoms is concerned is how you are storing them. Make sure they're not being subjected to too much heat - or cold, for that matter. Don't leave them in direct sunlight, on or near a heat source, or in your car. If you carry one in your wallet, swap it out for a new one regularly so your body heat isn't affecting it. Also make sure the condoms are within their sell-by or use-by date. Latex condoms will degrade with time and they will also degrade with extremes in temperature, particularly heat.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JeanClaude

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Oral Sex and Analingus with my HIV + Transexual Girlfriend
« Reply #29 on: September 03, 2012, 09:51:38 AM »
Ann,
Thank You once again for your calming and factual words. I have been sitting here waiting for the proverbial fever to begin as I am just over 2 weeks post exposure. I know this is not healthy behavior at all especially considering the situation and statistics. As you know, in times like these rationale is out the window. If the statistics hold, I should be OK. I am very happy with my "Girlfriend" and our relationship is very fulfilling I just do NOT want to become POSITIVE. I am being as careful as possible I believe. I find the information on Serodiscordant relationships where Undetectables are concerned mixed. The MSM data is certainly lacking as far as I see. There was one study I read where MSM transmissions were decreased by 90%+ when undetect. or when PEP was used I forget. I hope this is true. This is the huge debate now. I will err on the side of caution and continue to use condoms. With the PEP/PREP that should certainly put me out of harms way.
Regards,
JC
« Last Edit: September 03, 2012, 09:54:12 AM by JeanClaude »

 


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