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Author Topic: Be Careful What You Wish For  (Read 2373 times)

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Offline Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
Be Careful What You Wish For
« on: November 11, 2008, 12:25:20 PM »
Over the years, I have witnessed hundreds of people, ranging from acquaintances to friends to lovers who try to change people from who they are as a person.  I do not mean the little stuff like maybe being tidier or more organized; no, I am talking about changes that go to the very core of your being.  Expecting someone with a callous nature, to become compassionate, or for someone with a moderate education to become a Rhodes Scholar, are both unrealistic expectations.  I often wonder if these people really understand the gamble, they are taking when they try to impose major change in others.

I have been fortunate to know and had relationships with some wonderful people.  While most of them were just average, there were a couple that really stood above the others.  I cannot fully describe the difference, but like pornography, you know it when you see it.  More importantly, these people seemed to be very complex, yet remained simple, not unlike a beautiful tapestry.  When I think of how to describe people, I see a connection, to a tapestry analogy because it seems to encompass both our beauty and complexity, all in one word.

As each of us go through life, the events and people that constitute our life color our world.  Not unlike the thread that is woven into a tapestry.  As we gain experiences, obtain knowledge and mature, our life thread reflects those changes as our tapestry continues weaving itself.  Even as we love and mourn the weaving continues.  Sometimes when catastrophe strikes, portions of us may even come unraveled, yet the tapestry weaves on.  It may change shape, color or even direction, but it does continue.

Woven into that tapestry is all that we are as a person.  Every thought, emotion, all our laughter and tears are somewhere in that tapestry.  Everything that we believe, feel and emote is also there for the entire world to see, if it cares to look closely enough.  However, the thread that weaves the tapestry that is our life remains a blend of all that we are, at any given moment.  The thread is constantly changing, reflecting the reality of our existence.  So in any given segment of thread can be contained either the best or worst of our traits and sometimes they become mixed together.  From that, is where my uneasiness comes from those who would try to alter anyone's tapestry?

Because I believe that each thread in our tapestry is just as important as the next, I am always cautious about trying to change or alter others.  Yes we each possess traits that our friends or loved ones might wish were not there, but you cannot extract a single strand of thread from our tapestry without the threat of it unraveling.  If you attempt to remove a thread, how do you know which thread to remove?  Are you willing to risk losing a wonderful trait, because you sought to remove another less desirable one?  What if you remove the wrong thread and most dreaded, is that once you remove a thread, its contents are lost forever.

This is not to say that you cannot help to alter someone's tapestry, as we all need some "reweaving" at times.  I just encourage you to consider why you think the change would be good for the person and not merely to suit your own wants or needs.  Change for the sake of change is neither always good nor desirable.

Therefore, the next time your friend, family or loved ones begin to grate on your nerves, step back and admire their tapestry.  Remember all that you love and cherish about them and the grating will usually just fade into the background.  Unfortunately, it will not work every time, but it can always work with the important issues.  In dealing with those who are most dear, always remember the law of unexpected consequences and be careful what you wish forÖ

Offline weasel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2008, 02:26:17 PM »
i just consider my three sisters-in-law

 as the witches from Mocking Bird lane  :o

 no need even to try to fiquer any of them out .

 just leave me alone                              LOL


                                           Happy turkey day !

  I am hoping to have Holagrams for dinner  company       LOL

                                           karl
" Live and let Live "

Offline Texan38

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2008, 05:16:21 PM »
When I first read the title to this thread, my first response was "I wish to win the lottery.  I wish to win the lottery.  I wish to win the lottery!"  ;D
But in all seriousness, Joe, I wanted to mention how much I enjoy reading your posts. You write with such eloquence and thoughtfulness, I always feel much calmer after I read your threads.
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2008, 05:28:29 PM »
I have never dated Bartenders, Witches or Warlocks although I have known plenty of all three.  One of my friends was pointing out my options 12 years ago when I became disabled and returning to college for my Masters was one of those options.  As recently as last year, I had some conversation through and with the Community Reconnect program.   I am one of the founding members, the organization was developed for people living with HIV, by people living with HIV.  Our goal was to offer choices so people could become re-employed or get training for new employment or volunteer work.

This morning, I picked up the college catalog for USF because of an interest in my MA in Media Communications.  It is my personal opinion that if we are going to make changes in our lives, we have to be prepared to do our own.  I am 57, have turned in over 400 job applications since 1998 and have never been hired although qualified.  By the time I complete the program, I will have a 14 year gap in employment and be almost 60 years old.  If I make this commitment, it will be for me.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Moffie65

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  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2008, 05:32:47 PM »
So true, so true.

I've seen so many people get into a relationship where one or the other makes every effort in the world to change their partner into their own image.  If they are successful, it always means the end of the relationship, because they change the person they fell in love with into a monster that isn't anything like what they planned on.  

We are a strange breed of mammal aren't we?


Thanks for this Joe.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2008, 09:39:27 PM »
So true, so true.

I've seen so many people get into a relationship where one or the other makes every effort in the world to change their partner into their own image.  If they are successful, it always means the end of the relationship, because they change the person they fell in love with into a monster that isn't anything like what they planned on. 

We are a strange breed of mammal aren't we?


Thanks for this Joe.

I always looked for individuals , I never wanted to change or turn anyone into my own image, the differences is what makes life interesting, if we were all the same drones, to me life really wouldn't be very interesting, I always welcomed the differences people bring to the table, to the home, to the relationship ( so to speak)  ;D moffie, yes were all different, we come in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages  ;D Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death  ;)
« Last Edit: November 11, 2008, 09:44:59 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2008, 01:22:33 PM »

This morning, I picked up the college catalog for USF because of an interest in my MA in Media Communications.  It is my personal opinion that if we are going to make changes in our lives, we have to be prepared to do our own.  I am 57, have turned in over 400 job applications since 1998 and have never been hired although qualified.  By the time I complete the program, I will have a 14 year gap in employment and be almost 60 years old.  If I make this commitment, it will be for me.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael


Pardon me for quoting myself... I wrote that before reading the pages on tuition.  One year of college at USF would cost around $30,000, which is three times my annual income and given current employment prospects, I would be too old upon completion of the program and it is doubtful financial aid would be available.  I can take a few fun classes locally.

In terms of finding someone, twisting them to become someone else is a little more manipulative than I have the powers to complete, much as getting a Masters Degree in Media Communications before I reach retirement age.  I met someone last February, would I even try to change him?  No, he has been everything I hoped for and more, I make him happy, I make him laugh.  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Grasshopper

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2008, 01:42:24 PM »

Pardon me for quoting myself... I wrote that before reading the pages on tuition.  One year of college at USF would cost around $30,000

God....I sooooo much hated that place

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #8 on: November 12, 2008, 02:02:39 PM »
God....I sooooo much hated that place

They wouldn't like me anyway because I always use the lower case "g" in god so not to appear pretentious  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Grasshopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 452
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #9 on: November 12, 2008, 03:17:04 PM »
They wouldn't like me anyway because I always use the lower case "g" in god so not to appear pretentious  ;D  Have the best day
Michael

I doubt father Lo Schavio would have objected

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2008, 03:59:47 PM »
I am unmalleable so this topic doesn't concern me, but I always test my subjects -- if they bend too easily I dump them.  If they resist my efforts in a stealthy manner then the prospects are fairly good for further development.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2008, 04:20:43 PM »
I am unmalleable so this topic doesn't concern me, but I always test my subjects -- if they bend too easily I dump them.  If they resist my efforts in a stealthy manner then the prospects are fairly good for further development.

Yeah, I agree, what good is the further development in the pursuit of a long term relationship if there is no challenge, I usually run away form other who bend to easily, are who wants to look and act like I do, that kinda creeps me out , reminds me of stocking ( I was stocked by some nut-job years ago) ??? I had to get a restraining order to stop this guy, it was kinda scary  :-[
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2008, 08:22:29 AM »
Very nice post.      Cristy

Offline coiyass

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Be Careful What You Wish For
« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2008, 10:13:35 PM »
My ex boyfriend tryed to change me into what he thought I should be. I say if you really love somebody you will except them for who they are flaws and all. If you do not really love someone then you will want to change them into someone you think you could love.

The next relationship I have if I see any warning signs of them wanting to change me I am running out the nearest door.

 


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