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Author Topic: I bit my lip, watched Scrubs, and now I'm scared.  (Read 1427 times)

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Offline kissmejohn

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I bit my lip, watched Scrubs, and now I'm scared.
« on: April 06, 2009, 12:27:22 PM »
Hello experts,

sounds silly, I know. But hear me out.

I'm a member of your OCD class of 2004 (sorry couldn't remember my old nickname). Back then, I had my first 3 months of panic over nothing. Since then, I've taken a lot of steps to broaden my OCD comfort zone, and my life has improved considerably. I've become much more comfortable with me and my body. Even though I am quite successful with women now I am still a virgin and I realised that I needed help to get through my issues with physical contact, including my fear of HIV.

So I contacted an agency that has specialised in "sexual healing" - this is perfectly legal where I live. Last week, I went there and explained my case to one of their female escorts. This was mostly about touching for me. So we partly undressed and started caressing each other. We instantly "clicked" - to the extent this is possible in such a professional situation - and I felt as relaxed as I probably could be in this situation. It was a very pleasant experience overall.

The problem that is now making me nervous was that I grabbed a bite to eat about three quarters of an hour prior to our encounter. And I bit my lip - it wasn't a big wound, but I bit through the mucuous tissue. But if there was an open wound (I think there was a tiny dot of blood on the napkin that I directly checked with), it must have closed rapidly, as I checked multiple times with a paper tissue over the next 30 minutes.

So I decided to remember the "lessons" - esp. the lesson that I learned here, that kissing is ok regardless of oral hygiene issues, and that it would be even be ok in practice to have a small cut on a finger and wipe it through infected vaginal juices - and keep my appointment.

We kissed intensely during the touching session and it was pleasurable. I told the woman that I had bit my lip and she laughed it off. And I never tasted blood - so I thought that a) this was ok and b) I could handle it.

Two days later I felt a little sick and started freezing a little in the morning. I don't think I had fever, but of course I started to think about ARS again. These symptoms abated, but the next day, I started to feel light pressure under my armpits, and, later, behind my ears. The light pressure under my armpits lasted for about 10 hours, and has only reoccurred a few times since. The light pain behind my ears still persists, as do occasional light chills. I think I can actually feel the lymphnodes behind my ears but there definitely is something.

Still, my brain still believed the lessons and kept rather quiet until I watched the latest episode of Scrubs in which two people are diagnosed with HIV and are told not to panic... well, seeing this, my brain started to panic for a bit. I calmed myself down since, but now I feel I'd be grateful to get a reaffirmation from you that

- kissing is not a risk, even if there was a tiny open wound in my mouth, since due to the anti-viral effects of saliva for a blood-to-blood infection in the mouth huge amounts of blood would be necessary and that it would be impossible not to taste this.

Please tell me again that kissing is no risk whatsoever as long as both partners did not recently undergo dental surgery and are both bleeding intensely, that HIV is indeed so difficult to transmit that I could wipe a fresh small cut through vaginal juices of an infected woman and not be at risk...

That's still the case, right? I need you to help me tell my brain to stop worrying now. I want to remember this encounter fondly, I want to be able to keep extending my comfort zone, I want to be able to be in a sexual relationship and I am on a good way to get there. I don't want to stop here. I need you, again.

Thanks for your help!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I bit my lip, watched Scrubs, and now I'm scared.
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2009, 12:55:57 PM »
John,

Of course kissing isn't a risk for hiv infection, no matter what sort of spin you can come up with to put on it.

I strongly suggest you deal with your OCD with a professional psychiatric therapist, instead of a professional sex therapist. We cannot and WILL NOT deal with your OCD issues here. Consider yourself warned on that score.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline kissmejohn

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  • Posts: 2
Re: I bit my lip, watched Scrubs, and now I'm scared.
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2009, 05:27:06 PM »
Ann,

Of course kissing isn't a risk for hiv infection, no matter what sort of spin you can come up with to put on it.

thanks! so! much! It's amazing how comforting reiteration from someone who knows can be, even if you "know" yourself.

I strongly suggest you deal with your OCD with a professional psychiatric therapist, instead of a professional sex therapist. We cannot and WILL NOT deal with your OCD issues here. Consider yourself warned on that score.

No worries ;) I've done a bit of therapy and I'm able to deal with my OCD in most instances. If I hadn't thought I'd be able to deal with this I wouldn't have tried. Maybe it was still a bit too much. I hope the symptoms of whatever (or fully imagined/stress induced) will subside before I enter the actual ARS window so I won't have to think about it then.

Partly thanks to your reply, I am hopeful I'll be able to handle it. So thanks again!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I bit my lip, watched Scrubs, and now I'm scared.
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2009, 05:41:33 PM »
You're watching too much television.

And whether your symptoms return or continue they still will have not a thing to do with HIV. Period. So don't come back running back here if and when you "enter the actual ARS window," since there isn't anything more we can tell you. If you remain or get further concerned about this issue it is something for you to work out with your therapist or a like professional.

This is not an HIV situation. Period.
Andy Velez

 


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