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Author Topic: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do  (Read 3401 times)

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Offline Gs87s

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  • Posts: 9
Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« on: January 06, 2009, 03:18:44 PM »
I tested Positive nov 17th and i finally mustered up the courage to call this guy i had previous sexual contact with....I dont know who got who infected, and honestly to me the deed is done and its no use pointing the finger of blame...  He is younger than i am..and i would hate if he became infected too...he prob is considering what went down...  UGHHH  Was it this hard for others to contact their previous partners and tell them what went down...i still have one more friend i need to contact but he isnt answering his phone. 

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2009, 04:57:50 PM »
Well it is very delicate situation, isn't it. 

You neglect to state clearly if this person you contacted said he was HIV+ or HIV-.  Doesn't that change the contents of the discussion, considerably. I assume by your wording that he confirmed he was positive also. And then, did you discuss when he knew, and when you knew? Does someone's seroconversion clearly predate the other's?  NOT THAT any of this would prove who infected who and you don't seem to be too concerned about that and if that works for you then OK.

I have a list of a few people who I slept with in March and April. My ID says my May seroconversion must have been a contact in that time period. I never really identified the risk act. Its all shrouded in mystery and "what ifs" hypotheticals.

I told one right away, because we have (had) a "lover" type relation. He freaked, since he was cheating SECRETLY on his bf.  We were both naughty boys, in that choice! He said he would test, but it took him a few months and he was negative.  And we never see each other anymore. He said he was scared back into respecting his relation but I still see him on the gay chats sometimes so who knows..

I told two casual lovers after I was done seroconverting. It was hard to do, because telling them, I was outing myself as HIV+ and also losing them as "fuck buddies".

The last one I need to tell is avoiding me (...like the plague) and even cancelled two appointments for coffee, one time at the last minute, right at date time.  I never told him why I wanted to see him, so he can think it is for sex, or chat, or whatever. But all the evasion.   Also last summer he started telling people he was HIV+, treated, and nontransmissable. In April he told me he was negative.

So all that evasion and his strange story makes me wonder what's up with him and me. You said one is not answering his phone?  Hmmmm. 

As to it being very hard, I understand where you are coming from. But in retrospect everyone was adult about it and I think it was better to have done the right thing since I did know who to inform, and you never know. Since you know you are HIV, you can protect others. But someone who gave you HIV may not know, so informing is a way to possibly prevent new infections...
« Last Edit: January 06, 2009, 05:01:38 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline melloyellow

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  • Posts: 18
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2009, 08:45:06 PM »
I tested Positive nov 17th and i finally mustered up the courage to call this guy i had previous sexual contact with....I dont know who got who infected, and honestly to me the deed is done and its no use pointing the finger of blame...  He is younger than i am..and i would hate if he became infected too...he prob is considering what went down...  UGHHH  Was it this hard for others to contact their previous partners and tell them what went down...i still have one more friend i need to contact but he isnt answering his phone. 


Gs87s, I total understand how you feel. I tested poz in Nov 08. I contacted the 2 guys that I had
been with. The first one started out sexually and then we became friends and would have sex only once
in a while. I told him and he stopped talking to me, he said that he needed time. He said that he was going to be tested and that he would let me know.

The other guy, he don't seem concern about it. That is the one that I think infected me. Becasue we
started to have sex more often I got flew like signs and didn't have to flew. I hadn't had sex with my friends for months. I am not trying to point the finger it is what it is and I am poz, can't change that.

The other guy just seems to puzzle me, maybe he knew and didn't tell me. He still want to have sex with me. That blows my mind.

Offline nmchico

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  • Posts: 1
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2009, 11:52:45 PM »

I am not trying to point the finger it is what it is and I am poz, can't change that.


It would be nice if more people had this attitude, instead of all the litigiousness that happens when some people get infected.  We're all responsible for our own bodies and our own actions, and anyone who is literate or watches TV has been given at least some info on how to prevent it.

I'm in the same boat, though.  I "think" I know who it was, but I have no way to prove.  And it ultimately doesn't matter, anyway.  What matters for me is taking care of my health and not spreading this sh*t to others.

Offline ARMANDO

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Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2009, 09:40:01 AM »
as far as i'm concerned,i can't even begin to blame someone for giving me this disease.I had unprotected sex ,i GAVE IT TO MYSELF!!!

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2009, 06:13:10 PM »
It would be nice if more people had this attitude, instead of all the litigiousness that happens when some people get infected.  We're all responsible for our own bodies and our own actions, and anyone who is literate or watches TV has been given at least some info on how to prevent it.

I'm in the same boat, though.  I "think" I know who it was, but I have no way to prove.  And it ultimately doesn't matter, anyway.  What matters for me is taking care of my health and not spreading this sh*t to others.

Litigiousness has its roles, sometimes, if for example lying is involved, or intentional misdeeds.

We are all responsible for our own bodies - check.
Anyone who is literate or watches TV know how to prevent HIV - check.

But sometimes we trust - that is humain - and many times we don't pay a price for trusting - in fact we are rewarded. 

So many HIV+ people make a big deal about it being our responsibility not to infect others. I agree. So why are we so willing to excuse the lying HIV+ people?  There is something contradictory.

Just asking. This tangent could further hijack this thread, not my intention.

Since I seem to think there are much harder things to do in life than tell people I was HIV+ and didn't know it for a few weeks, but now know it.  I don't always understand the people who might say it is human to lie about HIV.  Especially if someone asks you point blank, and you know.

Doesn't change your HIV status knowing who infected you - check.

But there is such a thing as accountability in this world.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Gs87s

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2009, 10:07:00 PM »
thanks for your input guys.  No  none of my partners previously knew they were HIV+ as far as thye know they are NEG...well i guess until now that their all trying to truly find out their status since i just test POZ...

I called an old ex of mine mainly,  for moral support, that could have but i highly doubt did give it to me, based on how long ago our relationship was and neg hiv test during it, just to let him know to get tested and surpisingly he was reALLY okay with it and it seems like we might rekindle an old flame.....  Anyways

The young man i told i have been talking to and he is kinda depressed but still taking it very well....i have told him how sorry i am.  I know were both two consenting adults and ultimately its your own responisblity...but none the less it take 'two to tango' , the hard part and the sense of resposiblity kinda lies on the 'bearer of bad news'  the 1st person to actually find out and have to break the news to others.  They become the center of which others map it out if you will.

He doesnt hold me responsible at all..and in the same light who every gave it to me i dont hold responsibly..  i knew i didnt use protection and now i know why i should have.

Offline Gs87s

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2009, 10:09:17 PM »


So many HIV+ people make a big deal about it being our responsibility not to infect others. I agree. So why are we so willing to excuse the lying HIV+ people?  There is something contradictory.

Just asking. This tangent could further hijack this thread, not my intention.

OOOooOooooO  this would make another great conversational piece...you should post that same question somewhere else and let me knpw where so i can see what people have to say

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Hardest Thing I've ever had to do
« Reply #8 on: January 09, 2009, 07:16:00 AM »
Sounds like you have a healthy attitude to go forward in life and love. Bravo
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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