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Author Topic: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...  (Read 2664 times)

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Offline robbieee

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Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« on: November 17, 2008, 12:09:47 PM »
Hello people,

I must admit that some of your topics on ‘I just tested poz’ - JUST scared my GF ad me! But, please do not take me for some (or another) uninformed, seek hiv-sites surfer who is suffering from hiv-phobia, because long ago I overcome my fears from any kind of life situation since my girlfriend is POZ in any meaning of the word. And I almost forgot, I apologize for my English.

I am 27, male, have a good job, interesting life, good salary, doing sports etc.. Since the hiv-therapy is free of charge for any infected person in my country, we, as a couple can afford everything we need in our lives. I am -, she is +, just to be clear. Love is magnetism, in my opinion – so, we perfectly fit, aren’t we?

A year ago condom broke, I didn’t mention, so we continued making love (not having an intercourse). I decided to wait a year! – not 3 months, not 6, but year – that is how I told her – I really love you – It is not that I do not care – (we are also planning some kids in the future), but simply – we have done everything we could, we tried to protect ourselves – so – whatever will be – will be!
I tested negative. I have read some of your posters that said that after more than 6 months or even a 2 years they tested positive, not having any other exposures. My GF thinks it is too much 2 pluses in one house, and beside that she was suffering a huge amount of anxiety because of putting me at risk. I tested 4 times ELISA negative in last 2 months.  Also, after reading some of posts, we started to think – what if those results were not correct, hence there were some people stating that labs probably 4 times made a mistake…

Our question is: what is possibility to make a mistake performing an ELISA test – is it really that easy to make a mistake 4 times? Is that antibody-antigen test that complicated to perform? Please explain us. And another one – we almost never use condoms during oral sex… that is another way to be as much close to each other as we can… BUT, since my love and I read some of your posts, she decided to avoid that. I was not complaining, but I still cannot imagine someone get infected by this manner and we want you to explain us a little bit – if we were doing the right thing or not? Last we had possible risky contact (cunnilingus) was 4 months before my last Ab-Ag test. Maybe we don’t sound as very concerned couple, but believe us, we really are after reading some of posts in ‘I just tested POZ’ forum…

So one year after unprotected vag. Sex, and 4 months after our last oral sex  both ways . Please, give us some advice, because doctors here really cannot say anything how to improve our lives.. we just do not want to ruin everything we achieved together so far.  We will appreciate any advice from you people experiencing the same situation or know something about that.. Thank you all…
« Last Edit: November 17, 2008, 12:44:53 PM by robbieee »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: It is interesting to be scared... PLEASE...
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2008, 12:17:59 PM »
Not sure what to tell you, except two things:

Three months remains the gold standard for HIV testing globally.

Patient report in the JUST TESTED forum is, to put it very kindly, unreliable.

You decide what to believe. Science and epidemiology spanning almost three decades, or the written statement of an individual or individuals who might be suffering from denial, alcohol or drug abuse and related loss of memory, or who might not even be positive to begin with, and might just be yanking the forum's chains.

It's your call.

BTW, I assume you and your GF have been tested and are monogamous? If so, I scarcely see how this is an issue for you.


For the record, an ELISA test, particularly the oral swab, are among the EASIEST tests to run. They do, however, provide a level of false POSITIVES (not false negatives) which A) I find disconcerting and B) keeps them from being made into an over the counter product. Followed by the more intensive (but still routine) western blot test, a true diagnosis a made.

Seriously, using a forum populated by people in the very middle of their worst possible crazy to further your paranoia is, well, your own worst possible crazy.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2008, 02:10:42 PM »
Yes, we are monogamous and I tested negative 4 times during the last 2 months... it was one year after condom broke and 4 months after our last hmmmm... oral - both ways  ;D

Thanks man, for very quick response, I would really appreciate the meaning of other posters here.. I read that Ann has a nice discordant relationship, I would really appreciate her opinion in our situation.. Also Rapid Rod's and others, just to evaluate our 'way of living' or possible risks or maybe some possibility of being so careless to get infected..
In the meantime, I continue to work and to look at the bright side of the life. I know I mean a lot to my second half and I am going to do everything for her and for us. And I will do my best just to think of her health, I really do not need to take so much care about my own, so I MUST stay negative :)

Thanx a lot

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2008, 03:35:16 PM »
And just to make it clear - she was positive since I met her... so that is something that we both know from the very beginning of our relationship... her numbers are fine, she's doing great..

Online RapidRod

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2008, 03:40:50 PM »
You stated that you didn't have intercourse, so what was your risk?

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2008, 03:46:20 PM »
Obviously I am not so good in english.. I wanted to say that we were making love - it sounds nicer... it was an loooong lasting hmm event (intercourse) and a good opportunity to make a baby, but we missed the chance..

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2008, 04:31:15 PM »
Some things you may already know:

If her viral load is low then transmission is less likely to happen.

Transmission from a woman to a man is much more difficult to accomplish than from man to woman. So that fact is in your favor. Of course, low risk is not the same as no risk.

Given that you seem to be having unprotected intercourse on a regular basis, it would be a good idea for you to get tested regularly just to monitor your status. I don't agree with something you said about not caring so much about your own health. If you think of it only in terms of staying healthy because you love her, that should be some incentive.

It's not clear to me if you two have made a choice to not use condoms altogether or just while she is trying to get pregnant. Also, there has been a great deal of progress made in making it possible for someone who's HIV+ to have an HIV negative baby. Make sure you look into that thoroughly.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2008, 03:10:24 AM »
Thanks Andy and thanks to everyone,

of course that I know a lot about everything - that means that we always use condom, noe even and during the oral. I just continue to write on this forum because I am so curious   - whether my results are ok or not - so:

1. one year after condom failed with my poz GF I tested elisa negative (4 tests at three different well known labs)
2. four months after our last (both way oral) elisa also was negative

Am I infected or not? There are lot of people stating that even after 2 years negative results they became positive?!?! Also, a lot of them stated that after oral sex they got the infection. So, can I consider myself negative?

Thank you people, you are doing really good job here!
God bless you.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2008, 04:13:49 AM »
Not.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #9 on: November 19, 2008, 08:13:52 AM »
Not - as you think that I am not infected, regarding my exposure, or Not - as I can not consider myself negative? Please, I need your opinion. Thanx... 

Offline Ann

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2008, 08:38:55 AM »
Rob,

He means NOT as in you do NOT have hiv. You tested conclusively negative for your only risk - when the condom broke. Getting a blowjob from a positive person is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Going down on a positive woman is NOT a risk for hiv infection.

Keep using those condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will continue to avoid hiv infection. I'm positive and was in a relationship with a negative man for eight years. The ONLY precaution we took was condoms for intercourse. There was no need for any barriers during oral either way. He's still hiv negative.

Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can avoid having one break in future. A correctly used condom RARELY breaks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2008, 11:18:13 AM »
Dear Ann and others...

many thanks to you, you are doing such a good thing answering all those people's questions here. Why I really appreciate your point of view - is because no doctor in the world cannot be more involved in such a everyday-life research than someone who is playing the main role in all this stuff about hiv.

So, Ann, you don't think that all of my 4 results were incorrect (so at least one test should be proceeded correctly) - since all of them were taken more than a year after the situation - all of them were ELISA antibody tests with a blood samples from the vein. Once again, thank you Ann, you put me and my GF rest. By the way, we are now reading your 'tips and tricks' about condoms ... 

Offline robbieee

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2008, 12:15:19 PM »
I have a very serious problem/question:

After all this time - and a definite exposure and 4 negative elisa tests, I just cannot explain to myself - why do I still feel the same horrible fear of collecting my hiv-test results?!?!?! I just went today to do another one - just to be sure - while my GF was doing another 'numbers' test - and I choose to wait 2 days to get results (not an express procedure as I always used to do beacuse it costs double) - even if I know that the last exposure was cunilingus 4,5 months later, and even if I know that the result must be negative - why do I feel like the very first time?!?!

Can someone please explain me this?! I always think to myself - what if... what if the laboratory technician made a mistake - what if I am one of slow seroconverters... too many what ifs... Can someone please explain me - what happened to me... I was never so worried before... To be honest, I didn't pay too much attention to all of this stuff until I read some treads in some other forums on this site... I cannot even talk to my GF about that.. once again I am scared. So, please help me if you can..

hugs

Offline Ann

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2008, 12:38:40 PM »
Rob,

Maybe you should stay out of the other forum. A lot of what you might read there isn't grounded in hiv science - it's often pure conjecture from people who don't know the actual facts of hiv transmission and testing.

If you continue having problems with regular, routine testing, maybe you should seek counseling. I'm afraid we can't help you with that here.

You were already conclusively hiv negative before you got your recent test done. There's no reason to think it's going to be anything other than negative. The only people who might  sometimes have a delayed seroconversion are those who are on chemotherapy for cancer, anti-rejection drugs following organ transplant, or people who have been injecting street drugs, every day, for years.  I doubt you fall into any of those categories.

You ARE hiv negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline robbieee

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2008, 01:10:12 PM »
Thank you Ann,
 
maybe you are right, maybe I should look for some psychiatric help, because I started to denial my negative status since I prepare myself to be poz. I have so much troubles to accept my negative status... all this started to have such a bad influence to my mental health even thou I have never feel so frightened of the 'bug'.

So sorry that you cannot help me in this way. Maybe I just need a hug or something... Thank you anyway.

Rob.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #15 on: November 22, 2008, 06:40:05 PM »
Hugs can be very comforting so I wouldn't say no to them. However, the kind of sorting things out which Ann is talking about requires some real emotional housecleaning. In my experience that is best done with a professional in a safe and private setting.

Cheers. 
Andy Velez

Offline robbieee

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #16 on: November 29, 2008, 04:22:16 AM »
Thank you people, you are so nice...
I guess, I can move this thread to 'Someone I Care About/Someone I Really Love Has HIV', because, I think I need some support to do the best I can for the one I love.

- So, the question for all NEG in magnetic +- (serodiscordant sound so  ???) relationship: have you ever need some support at some point in your life together with your partners? Have you ever think about that your lab results were wrong, false NEG even after 3, or 6 months... 

- Also a question for all POZ in magnetic relationship: what is your advice - can some oral sex without protection bring more good than bad things in your intimate life with your partner? My girlfriend and I used to do that without condoms on me, and without protection when I am going down on her (she is POZ I am NEG), but at some point in our beautiful living together, we started to protect ourselves a hundred % (we were ALWAYS protecting ourselves during the intercourse, and now started to use protection even for oral kind of sort of stuff.. things.. :)). I must admit that made me emotionally not so close to her as I used to be... I don't want her to feel that I am trying so hard to overcome that fear with myself because I really love her, and I came here for YOUR advice...

p.s. excuse me for my English. I promise that I will improve it. As I always be a kind of stubborn, I learned English in less than 6 months, now I am leading a huge project all alone in my company dealing with our American partners, and doing our best to nail down the financial crisis!!  ;) That is my 4th language, but is going to become 2nd, at least.  :)

Best wishes to all of you.
R





Offline Ann

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Re: Scared... Situation... PLEASE...
« Reply #17 on: November 29, 2008, 06:44:46 AM »
Rob,

You can get blowjobs from her without fear of hiv infection - yes, without condoms. Getting a blowjob is not a risk for hiv infection.

You can also go down on her, without a barrier. Going down on a woman is not a risk for hiv infection.

I was in a serodiscordant relationship just like yours for eight years. I'm positive and he is negative. We did both activities above and he remained hiv negative. He's hiv negative to this day. We used condoms for intercourse and that's it. It's all  you need.

If you want to post in the Someone I Care About forum about your relationship, feel free to do so.

ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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