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Author Topic: Happy Halloween  (Read 1516 times)

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Offline Joe K

  • Standard
  • Member
  • Posts: 5,820
  • 31 Years Poz
Happy Halloween
« on: October 23, 2008, 05:35:48 PM »
We have started our annual quest, spending hours combing through various stores for just the right costumes.  I have always enjoyed Halloween, but after meeting Stephen it took on a new significance.  He had been a Drag Queen, so he brought a new zeal to dressing up and has elevated it to an art.  We enjoy morphing into something each year and constantly amaze our friends with our zest for the holiday.  But my enjoyment of Halloween has another darker side.

As I get dressed each year and labor intensively over my makeup and wig, I almost become giddy, because I am able to transform into someone or something else, at least for that night.  My makeup and costume serve to shield the world from what I have become.  My costume hides my skinny and vein-bulging legs.  It covers my extended belly that I gained from PIs.  For just one night. it allows me to forget the physical destruction that HIV and the meds have wrought.

My greatest enjoyment is having the makeup cover my sunken cheeks and eyes.  I am not, by nature a vain man.  I have been blessed by genetics in that I enjoy good looks, but HIV has taken a horrible toll.  Over the years I have watched my face and body change, with each change being a little more severe than the last.  Where I once possessed beautiful characteristics, I now see both the ravages of time and of my disease.  I suppose it is fortunate that I am not overly vain, because otherwise I fear this destruction would be insurmountable since there is a world of difference in taking pride in one owns appearance and vanity.  Actually I find vanity rather laughable, because one is taking credit for the luck of the genetic lottery.  However, I do want to maintain the looks that I have been so fortunate to acquire.

Except that it has proven not to be.  I suppose it is because of all the friends that I lost and how I watched HIV ravage them, up to the bitter end.  When I lament my loss of beauty, I need but think of others.  Friends who have had to endure shunts, ports and feeding tubes, just to maintain their health.  Or those who lost their teeth or eyesight to this disease, yet carried on valiantly.  I am reminded of those who dressed to hide their KS lesions.  And the countless others who have suffered the loss of physical attributes, but through it all, they each retained both their dignity and humanity and by doing so, their beauty.

For even as I lament my loss, I take solace in the peace that my body changes have provided.  Which is rather odd, when you consider I am part of the gay community that often values vitality and beauty over substance.  Through the years, as I witnessed the change in others and myself, I began to appreciate the adage that “beauty is only skin deep, it is ugly that is to the bone”.  I became capable of looking beyond the body and seeing the heart or soul of a person.  Where I might have worried about looks, I was now concerned with that person’s health.  When I worried about what others thought, I was now only interested in my friend and how they viewed the world.

I once possessed a rather shallow view on the world, which has changed to seeing the real beauty in life.  To enjoy the sparkle in someone’s eyes, regardless of the state of the body, remembering that the eyes remain as windows to the soul.  Learning what is truly important in life and making friends, not based on how they looked, but based on the caliber of their character.  Understanding that beauty in a person is not what you see, but what they are.  I have been fortunate to know some of the most beautiful people to have ever graced this planet.

Each time I become distraught, regarding my looks, I revisit my past and everything comes back into perspective.  I remember what is truly meaningful in life and bask in the incredible life that I enjoy.  I never need to look any farther than Stephen, to realize how fortunate I am.  Yet, when Halloween comes around, I still get giddy, because for just that night, I get to forget some of my loss and play pretend.  What I enjoy most about Halloween is that I get to morph into this year’s fantasy, without losing, what I know is truly important.

Happy Halloween to you all.

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2008, 07:30:20 PM »
Thank you Joe;  This certainly reminds me of the Celebratory atmosphere there always is on Castro Street in San Franciso, and consequently all around the bay area.  I remember in the Silicon Valley, that Halloween was almost like a national holiday.  There were costume contests at all the biggies, like Apple Computer, Intel, AMD, Kodak, IBM, Texas Instruments, Memmorex and even NASA had a bit of a festive atmosphere that day.  Sweetie and I were talking just yesterday how fun it was there, because many companies had a costume party at headquarters, and then would give everyone a quarter day off to go home and play.

I miss that here in the desert, but oh well, some things are best left to memory for now. 

Have a really fun time and we'd love pictures.  :)
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 29,929
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2008, 07:43:39 PM »
Sounds like a great way to seize the holiday, Joe.

Have fun and like Moffie said, let's see the proof in the pitchas!
Andy Velez

Offline Catman

  • Member
  • Posts: 419
  • Blessed with more than 9 lives! + since 1986
    • Who is the Catman?
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2008, 08:02:37 PM »
Wow, killfoile, your words got me thinking more on the hidden side of people than on halloween disguises and what we see externally. Beauty is skin deep, and I think you have lots of beauty and wit in you to play around for many more Halloweens! Have a fun Halloween!!! :-*

Meow to the birds
Meow to the tree's
Meow to the end
of this dreadful disease...

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2008, 08:25:01 PM »
Oh I LOOOVVE Halloween! The atmosphere is wonderful, people dressed up having fun - I love it!
I posted the first time I dressed in drag for a Halloween party 5 years ago! Sorry, I know the picture isn't that good but I'm still learning how to do these things.
I knew what I had in mind, my mom put it all together! I wanted everything BIG. Big hat, lots of boas, ostrich feathers, diamonds and BIG BOOBS! I had bought some silicone boobs, glued them onto a bra and wore the see thru red blouse over it.  You really can't see them in the picture but let me tell you - they were very popular! Which by the way, I'm doing again this year! Different costume, same boobs and different see thru shirt! Hey, didn't spend money to cover them up..gotta show them puppies off - tastefully of course!  :D So I already have my costume ready, as does my mom, and we're going to the annual Halloween party at a popular gay bar here which they close off the street and make into a block party. IT'S FABULOUS! The only reason why we're going all out again this year is because Halloween lands on a Friday.
We're geared up and ready to go. Gonna walk with my shoulders back and my breasteses out and proud!  ;D

In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,119
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2008, 08:28:07 PM »
Joe, you are singing my song. I love Halloween for all the reasons you mentioned. No matter what body changes you experience for one night none of it matters. More fun than becoming something else for me is seeing other people's creativity. As you see in my avatar I love getting into costume. Everyone at work knows that I take off for Halloween to go to West Hollywood. Last year I was unable to go due to my partner going through chemo so this year I'm doubly excited! My idea for a costume this year was to go as Hell's Angel, which would be leather with a shirt that makes my upper body look like it is covered with tattoos, plus a demon face, wings, etc. However the tattoo shirt I bought didn't look convincing and I didn't want to do body paint this year so I scraped the idea. I ordered a Edwardian looking ghoul costume, which is kind of "ghost of Christmas past" looking. I was attracted to it's white monochromatic look, although my best friend has chastised me for wearing white after Labor Day.

My partner and I have learned that we both enjoy Halloween much more when we are on opposite ends of the country. The L.A. Times estimates there will be 400,000 people in West Hollywood this year and my partner would eat a raw pumpkin then wade through that sea of humanity. I'll post pictures on here when I return. Until then here are some pics from 2006 to get you in the mood.


Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Happy Halloween
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2008, 05:30:16 PM »
Samhain, one of the 7 Sabbats falls on Halloween and is when the Wiccan year begins.  This is the time of death, of honoring and communing with spirits that have passed to the other side.  If a ghost of a loved one shows up, ask him to join the party.  This is a time to leave an offering to the Gods,  the preferred herbs to leave Mars is hemp and tobacco.  I have no hemp but have something close to leave on my offering tray outside.

Salt and Sea, of ill stay Free
Fire and Air, Draw all that is Fair
Round and Round, the Circle is Bound,
Round and Round, the Circle is Bound

 ;D  Have the best day
(who also wonders if Mars would be happy with Marlboro Lights)


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