Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 21, 2014, 11:04:46 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23515
  • Latest: Sevans
Stats
  • Total Posts: 639721
  • Total Topics: 48559
  • Online Today: 210
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 169
Total: 174

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.  (Read 2691 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
:'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« on: October 20, 2008, 11:25:39 AM »
Hi: Just wanted to share this with you.  Itīs kinda pathetic, but hey, I guess I can vent here.

Well, over the weekend, I decided to go out to a pub. It was a nice place, and I met a guy there. I mean, for me it is sooo very difficult to meet people, and approach others. Anyway. We began talking, and all of a sudden, we were kissing.

Things were getting "warmer" (You know what I mean). So I told him that before doing anything else, there was something he had to know. So I told him I am HIV+. And well, I guess he panicked. I wanted to be honest. To do the fraking damn right thing for once in my life. To try to do it right this time.

I just hate this f*cking thing. F*cking mess.

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2008, 12:04:26 PM »
Hi: Just wanted to share this with you.  Itīs kinda pathetic, but hey, I guess I can vent here.

Well, over the weekend, I decided to go out to a pub. It was a nice place, and I met a guy there. I mean, for me it is sooo very difficult to meet people, and approach others. Anyway. We began talking, and all of a sudden, we were kissing.

Things were getting "warmer" (You know what I mean). So I told him that before doing anything else, there was something he had to know. So I told him I am HIV+. And well, I guess he panicked. I wanted to be honest. To do the fraking damn right thing for once in my life. To try to do it right this time.

I just hate this f*cking thing. F*cking mess.

Alex
Alex,
You did do it right.  The bad thing is that you have no control over his actions / reactions.  Just don't let other's bad behavior have any control over your good behavior.  The only good thing I can see from it is that you found out early on that he couldn't handle it (not that that makes it any easier).  I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2008, 12:11:39 PM »
Alex, if he left, good riddence.  He was probably not worth the effort, because it takes a real man to face HIV, and there are so few out there. 

Moving on....  Next time one will say "so what?", then you know you have a man of spirit.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2008, 12:31:58 PM »
Hi: Just wanted to share this with you.  Itīs kinda pathetic, but hey, I guess I can vent here.

Well, over the weekend, I decided to go out to a pub. It was a nice place, and I met a guy there. I mean, for me it is sooo very difficult to meet people, and approach others. Anyway. We began talking, and all of a sudden, we were kissing.

Things were getting "warmer" (You know what I mean). So I told him that before doing anything else, there was something he had to know. So I told him I am HIV+. And well, I guess he panicked. I wanted to be honest. To do the fraking damn right thing for once in my life. To try to do it right this time.

I just hate this f*cking thing. F*cking mess.

Alex


Well hunnie, if he took the high-road when he found out about your HIV+ status, then he really wasn't for you, I admire your honesty, and don't worry, you'll find someone else, I find it VERY INTERESTING that after 23.2 yrs. of AIDS, that people are still very ignorant about how you can get HIV and AIDS, and that it can be prevented ??? guess he just wasn't interested in SAFE SEX, or he may not know what that even is, I do hope he gets EDUCATED about all of this before it's too late.............he may already have HIV and STD's and may not even know this  ::)
« Last Edit: October 20, 2008, 12:41:14 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2008, 03:15:44 PM »
Alex,

although I agree with all the above , i admit "it sucks"....

jesus..... why can't they just follow their heart....

hug and love to you Alex

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Texan38

  • Member
  • Posts: 686
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2008, 03:51:33 PM »
Alex,

You're an honest man and you did do the right thing by being up front with him. It's his loss and not worth your time thinking about it. I know it's easier said than done and no one likes to go through reactions like that but keep your chin up buddy. Smile.
Pleasant surprises are always just around the corner!  ;)
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2008, 05:00:23 PM »
thank you guys. I had to work only half time today, so I went to lunch and went to have a drink on y own. It is just that the feeling of abroken toy so so strong. And I ean, he was cute.and it was nice while it lasted. you know? I gave him my phone number, after I told him, just in case. even though in that momentbi knew he will never call.

yes. I am a little bit drunken. just a little bit. even when it is early here. whatever, who cares.

I just arrived to my tini place. I just wanna sleep. and cry. but even the tears reuse to com out .

alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,177
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2008, 05:03:33 PM »
Alex, there are many rejections in life over many subjects  this one hit a really sensitive nerve..you did the right thing..he wasn't the one for you.. 

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2008, 05:28:15 PM »
Dear Alex

I can't really add anymore to what the guys have already sais except to say it's definately his loss.

{{{hugs}}}
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline madbrain

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,208
  • No longer an active member
    • My personal site
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2008, 06:17:11 PM »
Hi,

Hi: Just wanted to share this with you.  Itīs kinda pathetic, but hey, I guess I can vent here.

Well, over the weekend, I decided to go out to a pub. It was a nice place, and I met a guy there. I mean, for me it is sooo very difficult to meet people, and approach others. Anyway. We began talking, and all of a sudden, we were kissing.

Things were getting "warmer" (You know what I mean). So I told him that before doing anything else, there was something he had to know. So I told him I am HIV+. And well, I guess he panicked. I wanted to be honest. To do the fraking damn right thing for once in my life. To try to do it right this time.

I just hate this f*cking thing. F*cking mess.

Alex


I'm sorry you had this reaction. But as others have said, this guy wasn't worth your time. There are better people out there for you. Way better !

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2008, 10:38:08 PM »
Alex,

I'm sorry this guy wasn't able to handle it.  After I decided to go back out after my diagnosis, I told two guys I ran into ( that I had dated before) that I was now HIV pos, and they both reacted the same way. "So, I've dated pos guys before" . I was stunned by the responses. The third guy I told I ended up dating for a year. His reaction was different than the first two as he wasn't sure how to react, but knew he liked me enough to try and deal with it.  The difference between that scenario and yours, is that we dated for a month WITHOUT sex before I told him. I let him get to knew ME first, before my medical history.

I've become leary of disclosing again, to the point of finding other excuses to stop seeing a guy because I don't think I'll continue to run into guys who are ok with it, and I don't think I'm going to like how it will feel.

Go ahead and let those tears out today, but no more drinking in self pity, ok ??

I hope that you can take this from this experience and learn from it- YOU DID PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE AND MET A GUY! He could have told you he doesn't date a Pisces man ( or whatever sign you may be~)! Get out there and do it again, but let the guy get to know you first before sex.

Be well,
Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2008, 11:08:29 PM »
Alex,

 I disclosed to my current partner immediately after my diagnosis and long before we became sexually or emotionally involved. Hell we weren't really much more than correspondents on the net! We've now been together for three years and I couldn't be happier! Conversely, after I disclosed and also well before I and my partner became involved, I disclosed to someone else under the same circumstances and he rejected me.

 Bottom line, don't let this incident mislead your perception of what is important. The chance of a piece of ass isn't. Creating trust and building something worthwhile is!

 Don't get discouraged and don't lower your morals.
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2008, 08:16:20 AM »
Alex,

I know, I know!  No matter how well we intellectualize it or explain it as another's loss - it does hurt to be rejected over our status.

Allow yourself to be hurt (and angry too if that helps) but then move on from this expereience. 

I'm proud that you did disclose, and I am hopeful that you will meet someone who will be attracted to your honesty and character.





Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2008, 10:46:35 AM »
Thank you all guys and gals on your replies. They are really valuable to me.

Nothing that time, work, and a facial peeling cannot solve. It will hurt for sometime, but as everything else, this also shall pass.

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline dgr20002

  • Member
  • Posts: 288
Re: :'( I disclosed and he dissappeared.
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2008, 03:44:01 PM »
Thanks for sharing Alex.  I think we have all been through this and you definitely did the right thing so I am proud of you.  When you do it each time it even gets easier and gets rid of the bad apples right away.

The Best of Everything to You Alex.

David

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.